Life through my eyes......
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Stop and Think
I'm so tired of all this
I love him dearly but this is killing me
What if I have to walk away...am I ready for this alll over again
What the hell did I do wrong
Perhaps it wasn't me...maybe it was him...maybe it was US
I could say something but is it really that serious
Somone else might think that it's not
Maybe if I stop thinking about it....it wont seem that serious
I could let it go, but I know it will eat at me
Why do things do that eat at you till you either recognize them or kill yourself mentally
How come things are going in the opposite direction with him and the other person seems to be coming out the wood works
I need to do something......SOON
I can't go on with all this confusion. It's getting to me, consuming me. It shouldn't be this hard.
I dont' really want to ask others opinions of the situation but I mean I dont' think I'm over reacting.
Then again I did ask and it seems that I'm not overreacting. So why the hell can't he see that what he says does sound stupid.
Listening to to Chrisette Michele's cd isn't helping LOL although it's rather good.
This is probably a sign. We'll see after this weekend
I can't go like this much longer, it seems that I'm living a lie. Perhaps it was all wrong from the beginning and I only noticed the good stuff, then again there was no bad stuff.
I can pray and pray about this but I'm still at the point where I'm trying to decipher between me and God's voice..sad I know. Then again when you just know..you know.
I really can see myself with him, maybe this is a test. A test that we are made for one another or that I'm made for someone else.
ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
I wanna go home, I can't work and think about this at the same time...guess I just need to stop thinking about it.
I just dont know what to do. You love someone and you have to walk away from them and live your life without them when you thought you were creating a life together. Why does it always seem that what you think is love (and what in fact just might be) seems to be all confusion.
One day I love him and how he affects me and the next day I am confused about what's coming out of his mouth and I'm ready to let it all go. What does that say about me...is that bad or good. Perhaps that says that I'm a bit finicky and need help lol..great just great
I can't think about this anymore I just might bust out crying, or slap him when I see him.
I'm going to have to sit and talk to God about this....and I mean really listen to him this time, cause he's the only one that can clear my confusion.
Why is I'm Emotional playin on the radio..great just great LOL
EDIT: Ok so I'm not gonna go into detail about what has gone down if you've talked to me offline then you know. All I can say is that I've been thinking it over thoroughout the day and this whole issue makes me think that he doesn't trust me and I can't be with someone that doesn't trust me and what I do. I keep him aware of everything I do. I dont like when folks play games with me...either your with me or not...that's how it's gonna be. So I'm gonna give this about a week or so to work itself out (meaning me thinking and then talking to him and thinking some more) and then I'm making a decision after I take into account everything. And this other person believe you me isn't making what he's doing bigger than what he's doing. What he's doing is what he's doing. His words are saying that he isn't sure about me and I can't live with someone who think that this early on when we're suppose be about to live together.
P.S. If I dont post for a few days..dont worry I'm fine. Shoot me an email I might respond to that...I just need time to get it together...love you guys (and thanks in advance)!
posted@10:07am
I love him dearly but this is killing me
What if I have to walk away...am I ready for this alll over again
What the hell did I do wrong
Perhaps it wasn't me...maybe it was him...maybe it was US
I could say something but is it really that serious
Somone else might think that it's not
Maybe if I stop thinking about it....it wont seem that serious
I could let it go, but I know it will eat at me
Why do things do that eat at you till you either recognize them or kill yourself mentally
How come things are going in the opposite direction with him and the other person seems to be coming out the wood works
I need to do something......SOON
I can't go on with all this confusion. It's getting to me, consuming me. It shouldn't be this hard.
I dont' really want to ask others opinions of the situation but I mean I dont' think I'm over reacting.
Then again I did ask and it seems that I'm not overreacting. So why the hell can't he see that what he says does sound stupid.
Listening to to Chrisette Michele's cd isn't helping LOL although it's rather good.
This is probably a sign. We'll see after this weekend
I can't go like this much longer, it seems that I'm living a lie. Perhaps it was all wrong from the beginning and I only noticed the good stuff, then again there was no bad stuff.
I can pray and pray about this but I'm still at the point where I'm trying to decipher between me and God's voice..sad I know. Then again when you just know..you know.
I really can see myself with him, maybe this is a test. A test that we are made for one another or that I'm made for someone else.
ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
I wanna go home, I can't work and think about this at the same time...guess I just need to stop thinking about it.
I just dont know what to do. You love someone and you have to walk away from them and live your life without them when you thought you were creating a life together. Why does it always seem that what you think is love (and what in fact just might be) seems to be all confusion.
One day I love him and how he affects me and the next day I am confused about what's coming out of his mouth and I'm ready to let it all go. What does that say about me...is that bad or good. Perhaps that says that I'm a bit finicky and need help lol..great just great
I can't think about this anymore I just might bust out crying, or slap him when I see him.
I'm going to have to sit and talk to God about this....and I mean really listen to him this time, cause he's the only one that can clear my confusion.
Why is I'm Emotional playin on the radio..great just great LOL
EDIT: Ok so I'm not gonna go into detail about what has gone down if you've talked to me offline then you know. All I can say is that I've been thinking it over thoroughout the day and this whole issue makes me think that he doesn't trust me and I can't be with someone that doesn't trust me and what I do. I keep him aware of everything I do. I dont like when folks play games with me...either your with me or not...that's how it's gonna be. So I'm gonna give this about a week or so to work itself out (meaning me thinking and then talking to him and thinking some more) and then I'm making a decision after I take into account everything. And this other person believe you me isn't making what he's doing bigger than what he's doing. What he's doing is what he's doing. His words are saying that he isn't sure about me and I can't live with someone who think that this early on when we're suppose be about to live together.
P.S. If I dont post for a few days..dont worry I'm fine. Shoot me an email I might respond to that...I just need time to get it together...love you guys (and thanks in advance)!
posted@10:07am
posted by Ms.Honey at 7:03 AM
19 Comments:
I hope you two work it out. I have no advice to give. You need to make the decisions here. Best of luck.
MizzJJ...I know ah well..we shall see
GIRL... TALK TO GOD... and that's it. I know you're probably hurting and all worked up and confused, but I'm real sure you know that God is really the only one who'll give you the peace you need.
I'm sure you're not overreacting, but in either case it doesn't change the way you feel. I remember when me and my ex were on the verge of breaking up...he really wasn't talking to me...was always busy and just kinda distant. I searched my mind in-out-over-under looking for the spot where I/We went wrong and I just drove myself crazy. I'd be at work and just have to go in the bathroom and cry and BEG God to take the pain away...to just make things right between us...then it hit me...did God ever say He wanted their to be an US, so I changed my prayer to Not my will, but thy will be done and Lord while You're working, give me peace...prepare my heart to receive Your decree.
That's it...He never fails...I was standing at the bus stop a couple of days later and felt a literal weight lifted and God whispered 'It's ok'...I was filled with joy and two days later we broke up. He's now married to what was probably the reason we broke up, but like my post yesterday...It's Not ALL right, but it's Ok! Be blessed lady!!
well sounds like you are wondering bout some things.. don't mind that one coming out the woodworks.. thats da devil :)
anyway.. if you need to dump you can holla at me ;)
JustME...I know and that's what I'm going to do. Thanks so much, its amazing what we already know and then someone else comes and tells us it just makes it all concrete.
BK...Yes lots of things...I mean but what if coming out the woodworks is what I'm suppose to focus on and this is a sign. LOL..and you know I'll dump on ya if I get overloaded.
Sounds a lot like you and I are sharing the same boat. It's a bumpy ride girl... (trust me I know) but the chips have to fall as they may.
I agree that you should put it and leave it god's hands. It is he who knows best.
I have no clue what to comment. Not at all. *sign*
What I can say is that relationships are work, hard work and some bad comes with all that good. Also, people always come out the woodwork when your on cloud nine to test you.
Sad to say but some people just want to know if they can still get in your head and possibly have you if they wanted to despite you being with someone else. It's a control and ego thing *sigh*
If you need an ear or something hit me up.
I've been here, too many times. I think you should bring up everything on your heart, if you don’t you will regret that you never said anything later. If you are feeling the way you do, then it is not over reacting. If he can’t hash it out with you, is that really what you want in the long run? Yes, you love him, but you should LOVE YOURSELF MORE! So, make sure you are comfortable in the situation & you are being fulfilled in the relationship.
*hugs*
i will pray for you. holla!
Hmmmmm - ok so right at the pivtol point in me and Caun's relationship - I get an email saying "Hey I have gotten my stuff together and I want to buy a ticket to come see you and see where we could go" I sat and looked at that email for the longest - here I had this 'memory' that had been finely crafted of at the time what I perceived to be the grestest love of my life and here I had this newness and this unknown.
Well after ruining something else because of that finely crafted memory - I put my fingers to the board and said "you know - all of this sounds wonderful, but it's a playback in the movie that is going on in my life. I want to move to the next scene - so I think I'll past."
And Caun and I lived happily ever after.
Yea - I have wondered what direction my life would have gone in if I had of said, sure come on - but when I figured out that the memory had flaws in it - I decided to make new ones.
Don't let people rent space in your head giving you no room to think.
Whatever he has done - it's amplified cause you got that spotlight of that other in your eyes - put some shades on and move forward.
i'm gonna keep the hopes up that you two work it out. i know it can be tough going, but hang in there, luv.
I'm sure whatever you are going through, it will get better. Trust!
lookahere. dont make me come and get you and bring you to Georgia so you can think.
Just pray and think and think and think. I cant really offer advice. So just really seek, seek, seek.
If you need to talk or vent or anything just hit me up. We can even go virtual shoe shopping together.
I hope it works out for you. Whatever "it" is.
I've been in a similar situation...
My advice (I know you didn't ask...)lol :
If you want it sis...fight for it. And this too shall pass...
Stay Up!
Jcroft
I typically don't leave advice. I really don't plan to change that. Rather I will say-I'm here anytime you need to chat, of if you just need to vent. Here's a (((Hug))) take time reflect, and I know you will make the right decision.
C.I
PS
The eye is watching.
my opinion..
is similar to consistently's... if u want it, fight for it.. but even at the end of the week when u come to ur decision.. if it is that u & the hun will work it out, i THINK that u 2 may wanna push the move-in date back a bit...
but it's up to u.. do u honey.. ur a libra, so you'll be fine either way :-)
HOPE EVERYTHING WORKS OUT "FINE" FOR YOU. EVERYONE DESERVES THE BEST!!!! =)
whatever you do, don't live with someone who is unsure about what you have. stay strong sis, stay strong!!
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