Life through my eyes......
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Stop and Think
I love him dearly but this is killing me
What if I have to walk away...am I ready for this alll over again
What the hell did I do wrong
Perhaps it wasn't me...maybe it was him...maybe it was US
I could say something but is it really that serious
Somone else might think that it's not
Maybe if I stop thinking about it....it wont seem that serious
I could let it go, but I know it will eat at me
Why do things do that eat at you till you either recognize them or kill yourself mentally
How come things are going in the opposite direction with him and the other person seems to be coming out the wood works
I need to do something......SOON
I can't go on with all this confusion. It's getting to me, consuming me. It shouldn't be this hard.
I dont' really want to ask others opinions of the situation but I mean I dont' think I'm over reacting.
Then again I did ask and it seems that I'm not overreacting. So why the hell can't he see that what he says does sound stupid.
Listening to to Chrisette Michele's cd isn't helping LOL although it's rather good.
This is probably a sign. We'll see after this weekend
I can't go like this much longer, it seems that I'm living a lie. Perhaps it was all wrong from the beginning and I only noticed the good stuff, then again there was no bad stuff.
I can pray and pray about this but I'm still at the point where I'm trying to decipher between me and God's voice..sad I know. Then again when you just know..you know.
I really can see myself with him, maybe this is a test. A test that we are made for one another or that I'm made for someone else.
I wanna go home, I can't work and think about this at the same time...guess I just need to stop thinking about it.
I just dont know what to do. You love someone and you have to walk away from them and live your life without them when you thought you were creating a life together. Why does it always seem that what you think is love (and what in fact just might be) seems to be all confusion.
One day I love him and how he affects me and the next day I am confused about what's coming out of his mouth and I'm ready to let it all go. What does that say about me...is that bad or good. Perhaps that says that I'm a bit finicky and need help lol..great just great
I can't think about this anymore I just might bust out crying, or slap him when I see him.
I'm going to have to sit and talk to God about this....and I mean really listen to him this time, cause he's the only one that can clear my confusion.
Why is I'm Emotional playin on the radio..great just great LOL
EDIT: Ok so I'm not gonna go into detail about what has gone down if you've talked to me offline then you know. All I can say is that I've been thinking it over thoroughout the day and this whole issue makes me think that he doesn't trust me and I can't be with someone that doesn't trust me and what I do. I keep him aware of everything I do. I dont like when folks play games with me...either your with me or not...that's how it's gonna be. So I'm gonna give this about a week or so to work itself out (meaning me thinking and then talking to him and thinking some more) and then I'm making a decision after I take into account everything. And this other person believe you me isn't making what he's doing bigger than what he's doing. What he's doing is what he's doing. His words are saying that he isn't sure about me and I can't live with someone who think that this early on when we're suppose be about to live together.
P.S. If I dont post for a few days..dont worry I'm fine. Shoot me an email I might respond to that...I just need time to get it together...love you guys (and thanks in advance)!