Life through my eyes......

Monday, June 11, 2007

I could care less

That's kinda how I feel this morning. I care but I dont care at the same time. You ever feel that way about something or someone. You feel so bad cause you think you should care either way but you just dont.

That's where I'm at with Huns moodiness. I didn't see him all weekend and he called me but I've long stopped trying to hunt him down or try to spend time with him when clearly his mind is on other things, like working as if he's a Jamaican. I totally feel him cause once we move in together he wants to be at a place where the mortgage can be paid and all that I understand his reasoning but the downside to that is I no longer see him everyother day it's more like maybe once a week and when I did bring it up he was like well you saw me tuesday you act like it's been a while. So I left it alone, didn't say another word about it. Dont hunt me down just cause you have nothing to do that day. On top of that he never really comes out and says that he wants to hang out it's always what are you doing, are you at home..oh aight well call me later or I'll say I'll call you when I get home.

This weekend I hung out in MD. Friday night I went to DC to a place called Jin on U Street. Apparently I should have learned about this spot a while ago. It's free all night and they have pretty good drinks. It was nice seeing some folks that we went to college with that we haven't seen in a while. I also so saw one of my other friends who got engaged a couple of months ago. Me and the roomie we discussing afterwards how extra she is. I said how come we never noticed that and she brought it to my attention that we never really hung around with her like that in college so tonight was like BAMN LOL in your face. She went on and on about how she was losing weight (which she has done a good job, I pray she doesn't go overboard), then on to how she has money in the bank now and can afford to get her hair done regularly (this is what she said when someone complemented her hair) and then on to how her fiancee has changed so much since she started dating him (he's younger than her), I tend to ignore folks alot when I could care less what they are talking about so you can only imagine how bored I was while roomie acted like she cared LOL. Sometimes I just wonder about folks, I mean dang you have a comment about everything....leave it be please. Went home and passed out.

Got up the next day since it was sooo pretty and rode out to MD to hang out. Went to the gun range but it was closed, then went to grab some food at Jaspers. I've never been there so it was a nice lil change of the eating experience. After that I was going to ride a motorcycle but it was getting dark and I was getting tired so after talking to Hun for all of 10 min. I went to watch the fight. Not much excitement there LOL...poor Zab. Couldn't go to sleep so I burned a couple cd's and went to sleep.

Bummed around on Sunday and since I had nothing to do I decided to take my time on heading back to VA. Hun calls askes where I am I inform him that I'm about to eat some Boston Market and watch Training Day. He asks what time I'm going to be home, I say I dont' know since I have nothing to do when I get home, I'm in no rush to stare at my four walls....great. I tell him that I'll call him when I get home...great. Needlesstosay he calls around 1030 or so and my phone was on vibrate and I didn't hear it, saw he called this morning as I'm driving back to VA lol..yea I didn't get home till this morning. I would have come home if he had acted like there was a reason for me to come home...talking about you took forever in coming it's not that serious....I mean if you had something in mind for me to do when I got home then say so..i cant read your mind.

So I'm talking to him as I'm walking down the street from the metro and I was like I didn't get in till this morning which is why I didn't call you. I ask him if he got alot done this weekend and he says he kinda did but the internet at his house wasn't working so he couldnt' email stuff that he needed to email....I didnt' feel bad cause he made it seem like on Sat that he had a rack of stuff to do with is why I made it a point to entertain myself...I mean does he really think I sit around and do nothing when he clearly has stuff to do. Grant it sometimes I have nothing to do and I want to do nothing with him, but at some point and time you have to have your own life without your sificant other....So I'm like I guess I'll see you later this week since he has to work tonight at midnight and he's like I dont' know.....ummm great I say....just call me later. Once again I'm not gonna chase you what you want. Dont be mad when I'm not there when you're in my life but you're not my life. So I can either roll with it or get rolled on and as you can clearly see I'm rolling with it. It doesn't phase me...if you want to spend time with me now you're gonna have to say something, I hate to be that way but clearly this relationship is different from what I thought it was. I am not going to whine about him working all the time I'll just do my own thing.

Hopefully I'm not at work too late tonight I have lots to do, hope your weekends went well....have a great day!

posted by Ms.Honey at 5:18 AM


i know how you feel...

well what i can say is, YES you need to keep living your life and doing what you got to do...i understand because HE is a big corporate guy so he works and travels and we don't see each other that much, not at all during the week, and maybe ONE day out of the weekend...its like long distance relationship and we are only 40 minutes away from each other but our schedules are just that hectic....

what i will say is TALK honey...TALK to him and let him know how you are feeling and your frustrations, let him know how you are feeling...openly communicate that you understand his working, but that you would like for him to work a little harder at your relationship, offer up some suggestions to being creative to seeing each other more, like a lunch or something like that...

maybe you have already done this and this is why you are frustrated, but if not, try it out...tell him everything you said in your blog and just let him know...respectfully as his woman let him know...

i was having these same isses, but once i let him know ok, this isn't working, i feel like you could put forth more effort and we started openly communicating to each other, things have started to smooth out...we still have issues, we all do, but at the same time, we are working through it...

every relationship will have its highs and its lows, its just a matter of if you can hang in there in the lows in order to see the highs again...

all else fails, pray on it!

June 11, 2007  

I understand how you feel too. Make sure you keep living your life, but at the same time, don't expect him to read your mind and know what's bothering you. The easiest way to get things back in a good place is to have a long talk about EVERYTHING and get it all out in the open. Do you think he he may be feeling a little off about the trip you took with R? Just a thought.

June 11, 2007  

TC...I guess my frustration comes in because when I questioned him about seeing him he made it seem as if I was being clingly so that's when I stopped...I could probably mention it again but I dont want to start repeating myself. But prayer is def key lol

Tasha...You're right but when you talk and talk you get tired of it..especially me cause I love to talk but we'll give it another go. We talked about the trip with R and he said he was fine..I can't read his mind I think it's the house thing..cause he keeps sayin he's fine with the trip thing

June 11, 2007  

I guess a realtionship takes a lot of work. It just depends on how much you are willing to put into it.

June 11, 2007  

i don't know honey...that trip with R on top of the house is probably what's bothering him...9 times out of 10 its bothering him...i could be totally wrong, but i think so...
and its OK to repeat yourself, not to the tone of a broken record, but just "mentioning" it may not be the key, you two may need a serious face to face discussion about it all...and you can say, i think we need to talk and put some things on the table and set a date to do sounds, to me, like a heart to heart is needed...
but again i totally understand your frustration

June 11, 2007  

MrsTJ...yea lots and I'm learning lots about me so I guess we'll see

TC...I totally feel ya and I told him if it's bothering him we can talk about but he says keeps saying he's fine and I cant make something up or make believe that something is wrong...on top of that I tend to be more emotional than him so I could be over reacting...I guess we'll just have to see after we have this talk.

June 11, 2007  

i feel you. but just communicate. talk to him and if you can be up front and forward now then living with him will be no better. i should follow my own advise. so i can understand if you just rather complain here on ur blog and put a smile on when u see him because you don't want him to mis-interupt you and it cause more issues. but he isn't a mind reader and we are gettin older not younger. we as independent black women need to say what we want and need when dealing with a man worth our time. cause in a relationship there are good days and bad ones. it how we deal with it.

June 11, 2007  

OOOHHH... wow, that's something else. I totally hear what you're saying, but at the same time I feel like...there's a drift and someone's gotta stop the seperation, but who...hum!

June 11, 2007  


I cant add to much cause everyone has said a mouth full. But I am glad you had a great weekend.

June 11, 2007  

i agree with the previous comments if i try to say much of anything else, i'd be redundant.

just do you without being offensive and speak your mind.

June 11, 2007  

I really hate men's nonchalant attitude at times.

June 11, 2007  

He can't read your mind and vice versa.

I loved the line about your in my life, not my life.

Maybe the extra girl has been down and out so now that she is back up she wants to share with everyone *Shrug*

June 12, 2007  

yeah, do you. all that 'reading mind' bullshit is for the birds. if he can't tell you what he wants, then you do you until he does or you bounce.

then again, maybe he got some issues he's dealing with at the time and he needs someone to talk to.

either way, hope it works out.

June 12, 2007  

I agree....and yes I definitely feel that way sometimes...but if you speak your mind, all else will be ok

June 12, 2007  

"You ever feel so bad cause you think you should care either way but you just dont."

I relate to that line completely. *That Dude* is the same way. Hell he took a job in Japan.. I understand goals and accomplishments but I understand what you are saying too--it does get hard. Hang in there.

And Listen to "Victory is Mine," excellent comment!

June 12, 2007  

Keep on keeping on and I pray that things work out... and hey I think you should care...

June 12, 2007  

i understand what u mean.. and when u have that nonchalant attitude.. that's when he comes around.. gtl gets into those funks sometimes.. so i have to entertain myself! hopefully the hun cares enough to get his act together!!!

June 12, 2007  

I'm definitely with everybody else on the whole "do you" thing because of course, you and your happiness has to come before anyone else's.

I can only speculate here but it sounds like the two of you need to communicate more though.

Hell--I'm no relationship expert (or else I'd have my own in order) but I do know that communication is key.

GREAT BLOG BTW! If you don't mind, I'd like to add you to my list of "daily reads"

June 12, 2007  

THink about this long and hard...when you move in with a man it doesnt get better it gets worse...thats when you see the real HIM the moodiness doubles and you have no real retreat cause all areas are fair game. Make sure you both are ready for this kind of's a huge one not to be taken lightly. Might I suggest that you guys sit down and map out EVERYTHING, how you will handle bills, chores, lay out basic household rules, try to identify private areas for each of you to go for space when all this now. Communication prior to moving in will save you a lot of heartache after. But still you will have days when you hate each other so make sure you guys are really in this for the long haul...not meaning to bring you down further but trust me....take it from one who has been where you are going. Life under the same roof with the man you love isnt going to always be's hard work and most times we fail miserably at it if we dont plan properly in advance.

Good luck momma and enjoy your freedom while you have it LOL!

June 12, 2007  

Honey, I hate to hear you and your man are in turmoil but this means one thing for you...moving in with him is not to be taken lightly and you should really consider not making this move.

Now, I'm not one to tell people what to do but I can make suggestions and I'm suggesting that going down this road will probably not make you happy. Cohabitation hurts most relationships from everything I've read and those relationships have a high rate of failure and unhappiness. I'd hate to see you living that reality.


June 12, 2007  

I love the fact that youre doing ur own thing and not mope-ing around. Good job.

Observation: it seems this could cause a slight "rift" in the relationship...have you ever thought about discussing with "Hun" about him letting you know things rather than assuming? **I'm referring to the fact that he doesn't say he wants to see you, but rather plays the "I'm not doing anything, what are you doing" game**

June 13, 2007  

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