Life through my eyes......

Monday, October 16, 2006

Monday Mumbo Jumbo

I'm using my plane ticket the first weekend in Nov..me and the roomie are going to Ft. Lauderdale...if she doesn't go I might go to TX...we'll see.

I'm in a state of confusion right now...Constant has been emailing me, begging me, apologizing, asking for some time to meet and talk...he'll be back in 7 weeks..help me get through this Lord.

I can't be with someone I dont' trust and right now I dont' trust him as far as I can see him and I cant see into the Middle Sea so yea you get my point.

Young one was here this weekend. Got here Thursday night, left Sunday morning..we chilled the whole weekend except Sat...my fam came in town and he was with his boys. We laughed, talked, did movies, bowling, had a blast. I see him again next weekend when I got to SC. We're both trying not to rush things but I'm wondering if things are moving fast. Don't want to over think things cause that's when you mess things up.

The ex from TX (Kappa Man also known as Red) thinks I'm coming to TX to chill with him. Why this fool talking about a threesome....I mean dang can I just come to chill....he calls and leaves a message (I have erased his number and don't know it by heart) talking about this song made me think of you and he plays Sex by Jamie Foxx...umm boo that ain't sexy...freakin idiot.

My mommie and daddie came in town last night..my mom is on her way to Houston with some of my other fam members for a convention of some sort...so I got to play with my nephew last night and he kept me up from crying and playing imaginary football LOL

I need to start working on my grad school essay...time is quickly passing...what to do, what to do.

The First (meaning my first lol) called me last week..we talk off and on...asked me what did I think about us ever moving in together..umm boo I don't even spend time with you like that..I ain't even entertaining that thought...

Green Eyes (he's the cop I use to chill with) asked me did I miss him..what is up with people asking that...I said no not really....asked me when were me and him gonna chill I said probably never being that you don't call, and I don't call you LOL

Roomie says I can be mean sometimes...yea sometimes but it's the times that I'm not mean when I need to be that worries me.

Me and R got into it because his phone was ringing off the hook when we were hangin out...it was 2am...I told him he could get it he kept saying no....didn't bother me that his phone was ringing but that he just didn't put it on vibrate or something..so I left..he keeps calling to make sure we good...yea I guess...perhaps I'm just in my feelings...

It's Monday my bday is Friday and I'm not even as excited as I was last year...what's wrong with me LOL

All I'm looking forward to is sleeping in late on Friday....and seeing young one next weekend of course cause I have that Friday off as well.

I saw these boots as DSW I want...they are $79...might have to cop them next week. Boots are soo hard for me to find since I have big calfs and can't wear boots with a zipper on them...great...I can thank my womb donor for that..along with the hips and bricks LOL

I'm getting the I want a boo itch...I'm trying to ignore it, by remember how Constant lied and decieved me

I'm trying to use all those thoughts to keep my heart from remembering that I love him and I'm not in love with him

I'm trying to keep from thinking about the pain I feel....the tears I cry

Hopefully all that will block out remembering how I use to feel so safe in his arms....

...wishing that I could just erase him and forget he was ever in my life....but then I would not have known what it was like to love again and that's always a nice thing...I guess

It's cold in the office..my bosses are out till Tuesday which means I will have nothing to do..except read my book...I'm reading The Color Purple...yea I've read it I just like the book..sue me LOL....

I am constanly praying that God gives me patience and strength and a clear mind...sometimes I think I'm listening to him and I find out that I was only listening to myself...I don't want to do that

This weekend was crazy...roomie has a shot of Petrom (spell check lol) and we were in the drive thru line at McDonalds (late night) and I asked for a plain double cheeseburger they were like we only have the late night menu..so she asked for a number 3..a bacon egg and cheese biscuit...the dude was like no only 1-10..she yells that is number one through ten..she then says we're going to wendys...me and my godsisters were cracking up..I was crying in the passenger seat LOL

I love good times.....sad that I missed the blogger meet and greet but umm I was kinda knocked out LOL

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others
posted by Ms.Honey at 6:24 AM

20 Comments:

The ex's are calling like clockwork...

Be stong girl!

The "I want a Boo itch" tends to creep up on you this time of year...

October 16, 2006  

You know the real deal about Constant. You know every low down thing he did. You posted it on your blog. When you feel weak just re-read your own posts, which were full of pain and hurt. You deserve much, much better!

October 16, 2006  

missed ya this weekend :) but I hope u had fun

October 16, 2006  

Constant constant constant...boy, bye! Just remember all the things you went through with him. After getting caught up, he was still lying. Stay strong.

The exs are on your jock! LOL

October 16, 2006  

ROFL! I can't get passed the Mickey D's episode! hahahahahahaha

October 16, 2006  

PS, your ex'es miss cuddling up w/dem calves, hips, and bricks right bout now! It's cold outside and skin and bones won't cut it! hahahahaha

October 16, 2006  

You musta put something on these exes that keeps them coming back!! Hahaha.

I am feeling you on that " I want a boo" itch. I feel rise up inside me sometimes.

October 16, 2006  

What's up with everyone wanting a piece of you? It total opposite for me everyone cursing me out getting the hell away from me. Hopefully my wanting a boo itch season come up. Some advice you probably heard time and time again is and ex is an ex for a reason.

October 16, 2006  

Ladynay u are so silly!!! lol

October 16, 2006  

loll @ McD's story. sorry you couldn't make it this weekend.

October 16, 2006  

WE had a ball girlie :=) i had a few jello shots for ya

October 16, 2006  

I love that greatest fear poem. I use it a lot.

I hope you get pumped about your birthday.

If you make it out on Saturday, I promise I'll sing HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you.

October 16, 2006  

re: Constant. i co-sign w/ whomever said to re-read your posts. when i think of the one who did me wrong and start to miss his trifling ass, i look at my old posts, and they stop me dead in my tracks.

i feel you on the grad school apps. i need to do a few myself and i don't feel like it all. maybe that's a sign i don't need to do them! :-) ok, maybe not.

i'm getting that boo itch too. hopefully it'll go away soon.

October 16, 2006  

damn exes just popping out the woodwork this weekend huh?

Have fun on ur trip..be safe.

I missed seeing Missy :-( My weekend was too crazy :-) Isnt there a blogger meet and greet in B-More this weekend?

October 16, 2006  

DAMN girl, that last paragraph had me nodding my head and shaking it at the same time cuz it touched me and moved me. i might have to print that one and put it on my wall.

what da hell is up with the exes calling? you know, your life right now SOOOO reminds me of mine when i had just left FAMU. men everywhere and all of it was worthless. i felt kinda like used tissue paper.

stay strong, luv. do NOT let that negro back in. he's gonna be a constant pain in your ass until you get rid of him. you won't be able to move on to bigger and better if he's still around confusing you and making you believe he's sincere. think about it...what dude wouldn't want a girl who would put up with his bullshit no matter what he did? what dude wouldn't want a girl who took him back even AFTER he got caught in his shit?

i know you have the strength...use it girl, use it.

October 17, 2006  

If you let Constant back in, I'm gonna come find you and hit you with a shoe or something. You got too much going for yourself to subject yourself to a dude that don't treat you right. That's my word.

October 17, 2006  

I got that "i want a boo" itch too...I done scratched it so much i don't have any "skin" left..

October 17, 2006  

Everybody wants a blanket this time of the year. You certainly don't have a shortage of suitors! Enjoy your trip.

October 17, 2006  

im MAD that you missed the blogger meet & greet, but you better be there this weekend dammit!!!

and you better stay away from constant... be strong girl, be strong!!

October 17, 2006  

That man just don't give up does he?

October 17, 2006  

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