Life through my eyes......
Monday, October 16, 2006
Monday Mumbo Jumbo
I'm in a state of confusion right now...Constant has been emailing me, begging me, apologizing, asking for some time to meet and talk...he'll be back in 7 weeks..help me get through this Lord.
I can't be with someone I dont' trust and right now I dont' trust him as far as I can see him and I cant see into the Middle Sea so yea you get my point.
Young one was here this weekend. Got here Thursday night, left Sunday morning..we chilled the whole weekend except Sat...my fam came in town and he was with his boys. We laughed, talked, did movies, bowling, had a blast. I see him again next weekend when I got to SC. We're both trying not to rush things but I'm wondering if things are moving fast. Don't want to over think things cause that's when you mess things up.
The ex from TX (Kappa Man also known as Red) thinks I'm coming to TX to chill with him. Why this fool talking about a threesome....I mean dang can I just come to chill....he calls and leaves a message (I have erased his number and don't know it by heart) talking about this song made me think of you and he plays Sex by Jamie Foxx...umm boo that ain't sexy...freakin idiot.
My mommie and daddie came in town last night..my mom is on her way to Houston with some of my other fam members for a convention of some sort...so I got to play with my nephew last night and he kept me up from crying and playing imaginary football LOL
I need to start working on my grad school essay...time is quickly passing...what to do, what to do.
The First (meaning my first lol) called me last week..we talk off and on...asked me what did I think about us ever moving in together..umm boo I don't even spend time with you like that..I ain't even entertaining that thought...
Green Eyes (he's the cop I use to chill with) asked me did I miss him..what is up with people asking that...I said no not really....asked me when were me and him gonna chill I said probably never being that you don't call, and I don't call you LOL
Roomie says I can be mean sometimes...yea sometimes but it's the times that I'm not mean when I need to be that worries me.
Me and R got into it because his phone was ringing off the hook when we were hangin out...it was 2am...I told him he could get it he kept saying no....didn't bother me that his phone was ringing but that he just didn't put it on vibrate or something..so I left..he keeps calling to make sure we good...yea I guess...perhaps I'm just in my feelings...
It's Monday my bday is Friday and I'm not even as excited as I was last year...what's wrong with me LOL
All I'm looking forward to is sleeping in late on Friday....and seeing young one next weekend of course cause I have that Friday off as well.
I saw these boots as DSW I want...they are $79...might have to cop them next week. Boots are soo hard for me to find since I have big calfs and can't wear boots with a zipper on them...great...I can thank my womb donor for that..along with the hips and bricks LOL
I'm getting the I want a boo itch...I'm trying to ignore it, by remember how Constant lied and decieved me
I'm trying to use all those thoughts to keep my heart from remembering that I love him and I'm not in love with him
I'm trying to keep from thinking about the pain I feel....the tears I cry
Hopefully all that will block out remembering how I use to feel so safe in his arms....
...wishing that I could just erase him and forget he was ever in my life....but then I would not have known what it was like to love again and that's always a nice thing...I guess
It's cold in the office..my bosses are out till Tuesday which means I will have nothing to do..except read my book...I'm reading The Color Purple...yea I've read it I just like the book..sue me LOL....
I am constanly praying that God gives me patience and strength and a clear mind...sometimes I think I'm listening to him and I find out that I was only listening to myself...I don't want to do that
This weekend was crazy...roomie has a shot of Petrom (spell check lol) and we were in the drive thru line at McDonalds (late night) and I asked for a plain double cheeseburger they were like we only have the late night menu..so she asked for a number 3..a bacon egg and cheese biscuit...the dude was like no only 1-10..she yells that is number one through ten..she then says we're going to wendys...me and my godsisters were cracking up..I was crying in the passenger seat LOL
I love good times.....sad that I missed the blogger meet and greet but umm I was kinda knocked out LOL
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others