Life through my eyes......

We meaning me, myself and I. Since I don't write in my journal at home to often this blog tends to be my outlet for the good, the bad and the horrible. These last few days have been aight, between work and hitting the gym I don't feel as tired as I usually do but I just want to sleep. I just want to lay down and not have to get up, so I look forward to the weekends but my weekends until the second week in march will pretty much be full. This weekend there is nothing to do, unless something pops up...I think I want to go to the movies, next weekend is homecoming at Mason so I'll be there, the weekend after I'll be at home for my god daughters second bday (I have to order her charm next week), the weekend after that I'll be back at home again cause my middle sister is moving out finally (she's moving in with the bestest) and then nothing to do till Music's bday weekend.

I'm planning on taking him to dinner probably at the Cheesecake Factory (I don't think he's ever been there), plus it's not on the level of Ruby Tuesday (I LOVE their salad bar), or Applebees..I'm trying to take it up a lil bit LOL but it's not too expensive like McCormick and Schmit (yea I spelled it wrong but oh well)....getting him an ice cream cake and probably a shirt or something. Which brings me to another point....yesterday I sent a message to one of his roommates on myspace. He's never met me before but since I'm inviting my roomie and her friend to his dinner I figured I've invite some people that he deals with on a daily basis (plus it'd be a good time for us all to hang out, I think) so I was like this is Honey, I'm the reason he disappers during the week and on the weekends (his roomies words not mine lol) and I wanted to know if you had anything planned for his bday next month, if not I'm taking him to dinner and I wanted to know if you and your gf would like to come. He responds back sure if time permits just let me know the details. Great, so later when Music is on his way to work (he's working some nights on his other job now..which means that I haven't seen him since sunday) he calls me and places me on hold while he takes a call. I was on hold too long and hung up...he calls back a bit later and was like I just heard some news about you....I'm like oh LORD, what. He was like you hit someone's page up...I was like who..what did they say. He was like what you mean who...then he proceeds to tell me that his roomie (while Music was half sleep) was like man he can't even tell us when he has a girl and all this other stuff but he wasn't paying attention cause he was half sleep. So when he gets up his roomie was like yea some chic hit me on myspace and was like blah blah blah (what I said in the message)...I didn't know who she was talking about at first cause no one calls him what I call him (they call him by his music nickname or some other form of his first name) so he went to my page saw that I said I was in a relationship and was like awww he got a girl LOL....GREAT!

So I'm like are you mad...he was like nah, I said great now the surprise is ruined....nah he says he didn't tell me what you wanted to do, plus I already knew that you wanted to do something for my bday (I told him)....I was like you know just cause it says I'm in a relationship on my page doesn't mean I'm in one (lol) he was like I know and I don't really care about all that....then he says he told his roomie that yes he was talking to someone and if he did have a gf why is it any of his business LOL....great (I sorta feel the same way but of course we females are more open about who we are with and who we aren't with)....then he was like his room mates were like dang so that's why your not here all the time and all this and all that. But that all brings me to my recent thoughts of what in the world is going on with us.

I mean we are together 2 to 3 days out the week (unless other stuff is going on) and if he doesn't have to work we are together Sat and Sun mornings (sometimes the whole weekend depending) yet I can't help but have this lil Honey in the back of my brain screaming at me is he your boo or not. I know, I know....big Honey is like girl you are not in HS anymore, you know what you all are doing, you know it's more than just a 5 min affair, why you trippin and most of the time I listen to her..cause I'm grown I dont' have time to wonder and worry about titles...but that dang on lil Honey always pops up when I don't need her to begging for attention begging for confirmation when big Honey knows that you just evolve into what you are.....meaning we are what we are.....we know that we spend time together, we know that the other thinks of the other one during the day....him more so than me cause I send him messages saying such (I'm such a geek lol) We both want to take our time and make sure that things are right before taking that step into relationshipville, just because we're older and don't believe in dating just to date....so big Honey gets it...why can't little Honey just shut the heck up.

On top of that the dreaded Love Day is coming up and Big Honey is like well I got him a card and maybe I'll pick him up a shirt or some love coupons (you know cash in for a kiss and all that corny stuff) and lil honey is like will he get me something...should I ask him if we're doing something...if I don't ask maybe he won't do anything cause he thinks I wont' want to do anything....while Big Honey is telling her to shut up and just don't say nothing at all....getting him a gift is just that getting him a gift cause he's special to her...point blank PERIOD....but ohhh no Lil Honey won't leave it alone....well if you get him a gift he's gonna think that your always gonna get him something and you never expect anything....he's gonna use you....

So yea you see what's going on in my head and believe you me most of the time Big Honey is winning out and telling lil Honey to stop acting like a lil girl and grow up but gosh darn it how come they both can't just shut up LOL....and no TTD I'm not answering myself....they answer each other lol. I'm trying to just be but I tell ya as my auntie would say the Devil is ever busy. I'm content, why can't I just be that....why do things have to get complicated...I mean just when I'm fine...BAMN...I get confused again. I can't quiet the voices and believe you me I'm trying. Having someone who is consistent, attentive (when he's around and when he's not around), on top of being attractive and making me laugh is so hard to find so why am I subconciously expecting something to go wrong?

Who knows? All I know is each day I realize that I don't have to worry about him calling back when he says he's gonna call back, I don't have to worry about whether or not I will end up paying for everything (I've paid for something twice and once was breakfast) I don't have to worry about who he's talking to when he's at my house...most of the time his phone is so loud or he puts it on speaker that I can hear it lol...I don't have to wonder if he only wants to spend his night time thoughts with me (got that from Their Eyes were watching God)...cause when the night passes and the sun creeps up....he's right there with his arm around me..telling me that my breathe stinks LOL..sike I'm jokin about the breath....but seriously he doesn't creep out of bed to leave.....he always gives me kisses when he's on his way home...he puts his arm around me as we walk through a store (he's funny about hand holding lol) and I'm content in that.

So as I pray for peace and patience.....peace to the voices that are causing confusion and patience to not want to rush something is sooo good right now. The slower it goes the more precious it can become and prayerfully the longer it will last.....I ask God to keep me content in the simple things in life.

Oh yea guess what I'm also getting him for his bday....tickets to a Wizards game...they play the Sixers the Wednesday after his bday so I figured it'd be a nice outing for the both of us.....what do you guys think...not too over the top? Being that we just are (LOL) what we are do you think it's too much.....I think he'll like it though...but getting him to wear something other than a white tee to his bday dinner is gonna take me a whole month LOL....

I found out the other day that my male best friend (I have two of them) got free tickets to go on a cruise to Puerto Rico for a week in June and guess who he thought of.........MEEEEE!!!!! WHOOOHOOOO. So he was like if your not in a serious relationship then you wanna go. Do I wanna go tan on the deck of a cruise ship...do I want to not have to bring any money other than spending money.....do I want to be in the fun and sun for a whole week for pretty much next to nothing.....HECK YEA!!!! The only thing is do I tell Music......what will he say (of course I don't know that just thinking out loud).....will be offended that I want to go on a cruise with guy...who is by the way just a friend...we've never kissed....we've never dated....we've never nothing LOL...he's been my best friend since soph year in college and yes he liked me one time before but it's nothing more than that and we both know that. He's talked to various girls and told them about me a few even tried to make him choose me or them and of course he picked me LOL....I mean dang he told me one chic busted out crying and was mad that we went to Kings Dominion together (before he met her)...I mean why be insecure....I'm not trying to take him and if I did then apparently he didn't want you anyway....I would think him having a close female friend would show that you can trust him and that he's good with women..but oh well that's another time another place....so yea I'm going to the Dominican Republic in May and maybe PR in June...I will be tanned OUT!!!!

In other News: Constant sent me an email telling me he was out to sea..this only after I called him about a week ago and his voicemail said that he was out to sea....so once again it's a one sided friendship. His email stated that he was in a new state of mind because of the new year..he wants to do things diff with me and that he knows his actions haven't showed it but that will change....ummm yea sure if that was the case then being my friend (and not someone trying to date me) you would have informed me that you were leaving the area to go out to sea and not let me find out on my own and I wouldn't have had to send you an email asking how things were going.....I tell ya, I'm gonna start not being a good friend and see where that goes.

Aight I'm done.................


posted@9:53am