Life through my eyes......
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Since tomorrow is Friday I need all the happiness I can get since that means one more day in the work week and the weekend will hopefully be more exciting than last (I can't take no more cops) so today I decided to right about my ja-ja (my nephew whose name is jai).
He will soon be two (June) and he is the cutest thing I have witness grow and change..other than my god daughter. He is one of the reasons why I know that I want children when the time comes. His mother (my lil sister who will be 20 on Tuesday) is of course your standard I love my baby daddy and he ain't cheating on me type girl. I love her dearly cause she's my sister but I promise I forgot how old the girl was gonna be cause she still acts like she is 16. She doesn't have a job....held one down for like 3 months but that's when she found out she was pregnant with a second child....well at least that's what she said. She is still holding on to that lie...hoping that we will believe her (LOL) I mean how long can you go on, really saying that you are pregnant before people are like "Girl, we know you lying". She has been saying she was pregnant since last summer saying that she was due in oct, then it was nov then it was jan and now who the heck knows when it will be. Me, my sis and my best friend have a running joke that the baby is gonna come out and be like 5..talking bout I been waiting to come see ya'll. Let me stop.
When she was pregnant with my nephew I made sure she didn't look like a bum at her baby shower and before that would even buy her clothes that fit. I would talk to her belly telling him that he would come out looking like me and ya know what lo and behold he did lol. There have been many a time when he was with me and her or just me and people would think that he's my son. I think he looks like her though and lord knows he acts like her lol. But that's my sweetie so I let people that he's my nephew but I love him and care for him like he's my own, which is how it should be.
Anyway of course I never thought that I would be an auntie before I got the chance to have my own kids cause I'm the oldest and that's just not how I imagined things lol but hey that's life. I try to talk to my lil sis and help her to understand that she needs to stop focusing on her baby daddy and using my toot(yet another nickname for my nephew) as a way to try to get people to do what she wants. For example if she is mad at my parents she will keep my nephew in her room and not let him come out...she doesnt' realize that it's not hurting my parents (to an extent) but it will have a lasting affect on my nephew who will never really get to interact with the other children who spend the day at my house (my mom has a daycare).....she gets a laugh out of teaching him how to ahhh haaa when someone gets in trouble and what not...she thinks it's cute. Of course it's not but you can't tell her that, cause she proceeds to roll her eyes and then say to herself (but really to anyone who is listening) I'm gonna take you in my room and we can call your other grandma and she can keep you (she has a habit of talking to herself outloud..seeing who will react or act as if they are listening to her, of course we aren't)
I love my nephew as if he were my own son and even told my sister that if she didn't want to live at home when she had him she could come live with me. But she couldn't get over the fact that she wouldn't be close to her baby daddy (who said he would marry her over and over, but we have since found out that he isn't even divorced from his first wife). I even told her that I would take care of him if she couldn't and you know Honey-Libra love the single life but that lil man made me want to turn it all down just to make sure that he got everything that he needed in life. Don't get me wrong she loves him dearly and will cut you if you even act like you are about to harm him, but she doesn't have the drive that many single mothers have to provide for their children. She is going to school to get her GED and I even offered her some incentives (buying her some clothes, getting her hair done) if she finished it like she was suppose to. I have yet to find out how she is going. I talk to her and try to encourage her but you can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped. That's one gene my sisters and I have in common..we are all stubborn to a certain extent.
I would love to say that out of my siblings I don't have a favorite..but I would be lying. Although I love them both equally, I of course gravitate to my middle sister who just turned 22 (yea we are really close in age a year and 2 months apart, plus i have a brother who is 24 will be 25 in feb). When I need her she's there..when she was working more than me and I needed a lil extra money she was the first person to put money in my account. Now that I'm getting back on my feet, I hook her up cause she's never let me down. We have our moments when she acts like I'm her momma probably since I'm the oldest, and I think all that comes from me taking care of her when we were little and were adopted. I was all she knew as a mother so when we got adopted she had to get use to having a real mother.
I still tell her to this day "Girl I ain't your momma go ask Ma". I love her to death though and the fact that she is now growing up and taller than me (yea why is that the oldest tends to be the shortest) and has a boyfriend who treats her great...I can say I'm proud of her. She has dislexia which means she is not retarded but her mind reads things slower and backwards so it takes her longer to process information. But you would never know it because my parents and I have never made her feel anyless of a person because of it. Plus homegirl is better at math than me and even when the HS that she went to tried to give her a certificate my parents fought tooth and nail to make sure she got a real diploma and she did....I think I was screaming the loudest on that day. She is a wonderful young woman and i'm proud to call her my sister.
Her and my younger sister on the other hand have never, ever gotten along. They fight like cats and dogs...my lil sis has even pulled a knife out on her. Yea I know I told ya oh girl was gangsta. The police have even been called to my house cause my lil sis was trying to fight with my dad while she was pregnant no less......yea girl be on some other stuff. She has calmed down a lil..notice I said a lil, cause she is still a bit on the crazy side. Remember how when you use to take your siblings things but it all stopped once you got older..nah not her when I go home I don't take anything that I can't stand to lose cause home girl will confiscate it with what Georgia Peach calls a matrix move and then on top of that if it's a cd she will either destory it or put her name on it and then get mad if you take it back. Screaming about people stealing her stuff LOL, not taking into consideration that she steals from us (my family) every chance she gets. It's bad when you say you ain't got money one day and then the next you have $20 and everyone is checking their wallets to make sure their money isn't missing......
I know everyone is like why dont' your parents kick her out. Well they told her to get out. Even told her that she could leave my JD (yes another nickname) with them till she got herself together. So they ask her you would want your child to live on the street with you and her crazy tail says yea if I'm there he gonna be with me. Now what mother in her right mind would want to sleep on concrete with her child when she knows there is a better way for him or her to live. So being that they are religious, they pray and understand that God knows the outcome to this test and trial. I on the other hand tell them to kick her out everytime I go home..I know I know I'm horrible. But I can't stand how she talks to my parents and I told her if she talks to my mother one more time like she did one time when I was there I told her I would pop her in her mouth so hard she might lose some teeth. And if my momma hadn't gotten so upset I would have done it before (that girl upset me so much that once when I came to visit for the weekend I left early cause she annoyed that s*** out of me) So she knows she better go in her room when she wants to bad mouth my parents if I'm home.
In the meantime I talk to my fam on a weekly basis and I get to talk to my jai and let him know his auntie loves him. I'm always here for him and I want him to know that once he can grasp that. Not only do I provide for him materialistically but when I'm home I play with, talk to and read to him. He's at the point now where he is talking and yesterday I heard him say Auntie for the first time..even though my mom says he says it all the time lol....since I'm up here in NOVA I miss so much. I was there when he was born and I plan to be there when he leaves for his first day of kindergarten....he's made me understand just how the love of a child can change someone and I am so looking forward to having my own children.