Life through my eyes......
Monday, January 09, 2006
To be or not to be....REJECTED
Aight so this weekend I was hanging with Young & Wise. We were at Tysons so he could get some "thug" gear LOL trust me I will never understand why it's labeled thug gear then again we females have "hoochie" gear when we go to the club so oh well. After hanging out with him and my roomie at Tysons we went back to his house so that we could decide what hot spot we were gonna be at later on that night. Needlesstosay we went no where but stayed there till about 1am having a pow-wow.
Random conversation about do you know what happened to so and so did you hear that so and so is married and all that jazz. Amongst the updating we hit on a very intersting topic...REJECTION. Young & Wise tried to say that I'm not shy and technically I'm not when I've had a few drinks in me but there is a scared little girl inside this bubbly shell who is very much afraid of stepping outside of herself and asking a guy for his number. I see nothing wrong with approaching someone who I find attractive and letting them know it. However, it takes me a while then again it takes some liquor (lol). Then my roommate chimes in talking about I've asked guys for their number I said only after I told them they weren't getting mine or if I had once again been drinking.
So what is driving this fear of rejection? To be honest I have no clue....other than the fact that as little girls we are raised to believe that we should never chase a man or approach him for fear of being seen as too fast. So old habits die hard. I've come to be more apporachable and I've approached more men that I use to but I'm still a lil shy. That's something that perhaps I can work on in the New Year.
Another topic that we discussed was this whole view of women not being sexual creatures. Now I know as far as Honey is concerned.....I'm very sexual and romantic and whatever that entails. However I've found that most men are afraid of admitting what they really want. For example...when dating a man you can tell when things are kinda getting old and they want it to be over..the calls come few and far between....and if you do get together you don't really do anything other than activities that involve the bed. So how come he can't just come out and say " I'm not really feeling this and instead of me wasting your time and mine I'm just gonna end this now" or say "Ya know we have great sex (not in those words) but I don't feel a vibe in other ways what do you think we should do". I would much more appreciate it if he would be honest and let me know if sex is our focus or not instead of wasting my dang on time. I mean I like great sex as much as the next woman but I'll be dang on if I'm thinking it's going somewhere and it's not. I could use that extra energy on spending time with someone else and let you be my sex buddy lol (I know I can be so unshy sometimes)
So let's just say in this new year I will be much more upfront with people about not leading me on and I will do the best not to lead them on as well. I don't have time to waste and I'm sure they don't as well. But I will also understand that I can't just count someone out cause they might not appeal 100% to me for example I might like someone who is 6 feet tall but a guy askes me for my number and he's only 5'10 (lol) i know it's not that serious but some women are like that. I have come to see that some of the qualities and things that occured in one of my best relationships were things that I didn't even come to recognize until afterward. So my eyes and ears are open and my mind is clear.
We'll see how it goes.
posted @ 12:07pm
Random conversation about do you know what happened to so and so did you hear that so and so is married and all that jazz. Amongst the updating we hit on a very intersting topic...REJECTION. Young & Wise tried to say that I'm not shy and technically I'm not when I've had a few drinks in me but there is a scared little girl inside this bubbly shell who is very much afraid of stepping outside of herself and asking a guy for his number. I see nothing wrong with approaching someone who I find attractive and letting them know it. However, it takes me a while then again it takes some liquor (lol). Then my roommate chimes in talking about I've asked guys for their number I said only after I told them they weren't getting mine or if I had once again been drinking.
So what is driving this fear of rejection? To be honest I have no clue....other than the fact that as little girls we are raised to believe that we should never chase a man or approach him for fear of being seen as too fast. So old habits die hard. I've come to be more apporachable and I've approached more men that I use to but I'm still a lil shy. That's something that perhaps I can work on in the New Year.
Another topic that we discussed was this whole view of women not being sexual creatures. Now I know as far as Honey is concerned.....I'm very sexual and romantic and whatever that entails. However I've found that most men are afraid of admitting what they really want. For example...when dating a man you can tell when things are kinda getting old and they want it to be over..the calls come few and far between....and if you do get together you don't really do anything other than activities that involve the bed. So how come he can't just come out and say " I'm not really feeling this and instead of me wasting your time and mine I'm just gonna end this now" or say "Ya know we have great sex (not in those words) but I don't feel a vibe in other ways what do you think we should do". I would much more appreciate it if he would be honest and let me know if sex is our focus or not instead of wasting my dang on time. I mean I like great sex as much as the next woman but I'll be dang on if I'm thinking it's going somewhere and it's not. I could use that extra energy on spending time with someone else and let you be my sex buddy lol (I know I can be so unshy sometimes)
So let's just say in this new year I will be much more upfront with people about not leading me on and I will do the best not to lead them on as well. I don't have time to waste and I'm sure they don't as well. But I will also understand that I can't just count someone out cause they might not appeal 100% to me for example I might like someone who is 6 feet tall but a guy askes me for my number and he's only 5'10 (lol) i know it's not that serious but some women are like that. I have come to see that some of the qualities and things that occured in one of my best relationships were things that I didn't even come to recognize until afterward. So my eyes and ears are open and my mind is clear.
We'll see how it goes.
posted @ 12:07pm
posted by Ms.Honey at 8:52 AM
4 Comments:
"then again it takes some liquor" ain't that the truth!
I don't approach men really. I fear rejection. I don't like anyone telling me no. Even if they say, oh I have a girlfriend. I would rather spark up conversation and see if he feels me. If he does, I would hope he asks me out. If not..well, I guess it wasn't ment to be.
you know what you have to offer. if some one is "sleeping on your skills" and rejects you...they don't deserve you. their loss. get some sauce in your system and have some fun. happy hunting!
@peach.....I feel ya I guess we'll have to see if I can be out of the box more.
@jazz, you are correct they are sleeping and if they don't want to wake up then that's their fault. I can't force it on them
I think with approaching men, a lot of guys don't like overly agressive women and they like the game of giving chase. So out of old habit women just sit back and wait for the men, meanwhile the men are too scared. So no hook ups are ever made.
Holla!
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