Life through my eyes......

..who I am...umm not really. If you've been reading my blog for a lil bit then you should now who or at least somewhat who I am (lol). Of course I'm too deep (smile) to be explained in the blog world but you get my drift...so if ya don't know...I'll give you a second to read a couple of my beginning posts.


SILENCE............................

SILENCE...........................

Aight now back to our reguarly scheduled program. Today is Wednesday and what do I have to show for it. A new hair color...copper red (no it's not that bright lol) it's actually like a brown red, more brown than red and I'm loving it. I was so scared to dye my locs because I heard that they dry your hair out and what not. But I mean hey I figured I would dye them before they became too mature and then it would really make sense not to dye them since it's so hard to get dye out of the center of a mature loc..anywho...to each his own and if my hair falls out I guess I'll just be starting over. So last night I dyed the hair and then got the roomie (who is my own personal stylist, lol gotta love that) to put some rod rollers in so this morning when I took them out it looks like I have lil bantu knots all over...it's too cute(if I don't think so then neither will other people lol). It really shows off my face..I'll have to come back and post a pic when I take one later tonight or before I take them down, or they stretch out lol which ever comes out.

So as you can see last night was chill. The Constant (the nicname of my suga) is in the Atlantic Ocean but he did send me an email letting me know that he hoped I had a wonderful day and that we would celebrate when he came home (which hopefully will be this weekend). It's funny cause after the disaster I like to call Z(who I just knew would be my husband) I never figured that I would care about someone like I care about my Constant. He's taught me about myself and he forever surprises me....even if it's just with the whole singing jodeci and play fighting or letting me know that he's going back to school so he can have a great job after he is done with the navy. But anywho I wrote about him already so I can't do it again...this could get a lil mushy lol....so as you can assume I miss him and care about him...could actually see us having a cute lil baby together but anywhooo....I digress (why does he always get extra mushy when he's out to sea?)

On to other news, someone that I use to deal with called on Monday after me not really seeing or talking to him since New Years. I did call him on his bday which was Feb 4th to tell him Happy Birthday and what not but that's about it (he was in New Orleans to celebrate). So he calls and let's me know he got back safely in town and that he would like to see me sometime this week, mind you at one point in time I could see myself starting something with him and we've always had a no drama policy when it comes to how we are with one another (if you call you dont, we chill it isn't about sex, we converse and what not) which I love. He has a lil boy who he loves spending time with but due to his son's mother he can't really spend alot of time with him. Now there's no real drama, like her calling me or showing up when we are hanging out but there is emotional drama. Because since she has taken him to court and somewhat bad mouthed him, he's been depressed and what not. So he decided to shut himself off from the world and do him, which is fine with me cause no one else can look out for you but you. So I let him be..I told him that I did care about him and wouldn't pressure him to talk about the issues that were bothering him but he knew that I was there for him when and if he wanted to talk..but I did call to check on him and make sure he didn't need anything all along letting him know that I didn't expect him to return my call...just wanted him to know that I was thinking of him and what not(pretty much being a friend). Now the headache in all this comes is that now that I've decided to cut all the nonsense off and focus on my Constant...how do I let HR know this without sounding like I'm trying to get him to hurry and make some moves or sounding like I don't care about my Constant therefore spending more time with HR and leading him on. As stated before it's not about sex with us, we genuinly have a great time with one another.....he's older and more focused so when we talk it can go from then news, to sex to kids to just jokin on things that have happened to us. We also are very open about if we date other people and trade stories about all that...so I know he wouldn't really be mad, it's just that before I decided to focus on Constant i was actually contemplating moving forward in something with him. But stopped because I respected his decision to focus on making his situation more stable....kudos to him. Anywho guess I'll just have to talk to him and see where his head is at and let him know that we are friends and can longer dabble in the sexual aspect of it (lol)....he is my older equivalent..I think its' somewhat true that some women mature faster than men..cause I'm only 23 and he's 33 and believe me I can talk to him all day about anything and so far unlike many of his male counterparts he's managed to stick around for a year and not work my nerves lol.....we do have our "discussion" moments but it's just that a discussion.......it's not so transparent that a decision can be made in under 10 minutes so this is something I'm gonna have to meditate on.

My Ex..Z called and wished me a Happy Valentines Day....now if you read my New years post you know how dirty he did me..so I wasn't in too much of a mood to talk to him, so I called him back when I knew he was sleep lol and left a message. Then again he might not have been sleep he might have been out with him new girl or whatever..I could care less. What he did was a slap in the face and I would have thought he was better than that. But you dont' know everything about someone even if you do think you are made for one another. People always surprise you. It's just funny that he hasn't seen what occured or that it took him this long to talk to me and the only reason that he called me was cause I called him to say hey and see how he was since I hadn't talked to him since I got back in town after my trip down there. Sad, but I try to let people know I'm thinking of them even if they do treat me like crap..lesson learned from this and I've moved on to bigger and better things. Anyway I guess it was my you dont' have to return my call part that made him call me..boo please you didn't really have to, I said it and I meant it. He's all talk and a whole mess of I'm scared to be me person and I have no time for that.

I'm looking forward to this weekend..I get to go home. Hang with the fam, take lots of new pics of my Ja-Ja (my nephew) and Olivia (OJ-my goddaughter). She will be one next weekend and of course I have to be at her first bday party even if it is next weekend and I'll have to drive down from MD cause I'm spending the night at my cousin who is having a lil boy and wanted me to help her. So yep, I'll be down two weekends in a row....great. But I can't miss it and won't miss it for the world. Time has passed so fast, and I seem to only notice it when I see them or look at people who are younger than me lol.

On to other news...what the heck is goin on with the world if the Vice President is galavanting through the woods shooting people (not literally but you know what I mean)...dang who knows what would happen if he was let loose in the hood lol....

I just finished reading this book called a Woman's Worth by Tracy Thompson...it was pretty good about a woman who grew up in Africa and because of FGM (female genital mutiliation) she becomes sexually permiscuous (i spelled that wrong but oh well) and suffers from low self esteem.....then she falls in love with an American, they marry and have a lil girl who he then runs away with so she will not have to deal with the same thing her mother did (the mother knows about it and commits suicide so she doesn't have to face living without her child and her love..not out of anger cause he kidnapped her). Of course there was more to the story but it was great and I would recommed it as a good read....it starts off a lil slow, but it was good. I would love to find out what happened to the lil girl after she came to America.

ah well I think that's all the jumble running around in my head for now...Hope everyone had an enjoyable Valentines Day....

posted@12:13pm