Life through my eyes......

Monday, April 23, 2007

On a...........

clear day......Rise and look around you And you'll see who you are On a clear day...How it will astound you that the glow of your being outshines every star you’ll feel part of every mountain sea and shore you can hear from far and near a word you’ve never, never heard before...And on a clear day...On a clear day...You can see forever...And ever...And ever...And ever more. . .

I don't know why that song popped into my head possibly because it's so beautiful outside...possibly because I have a skirt on and that's so not me..possibly because I finally feel and am FREEEEE.

I know you're like free from what. Free from someone who I thought had let go but really hadn't and last night that moment came when I finally got IT. You know that moment where you're like dang why am I still holding on, why haven't I let go before and then BAMN something they do or something they say just turns that switch off in you and you finally honestly LET GO.

I feel so much better. I pray that he heals because I have and it took a second for me to admit it to myself but I guess I was lying to myself to even think that we could be friends. He has issues and I do not need to be involved in that. As you've noticed I have my own issues to deal with LOL.

I have a man that makes me smile, calls me his apple face and puts up with my loud talking :)
So why should I care that we are no longer friends. Truth be told you don't ever need friends who treat you like your being a bother cause they will usally tell you that you are being a bother, you'll tell them to shut up and continue to bother them LOL.

He was in town last night and stopped over....something inside of me said no, something inside of me said ohhh he's just a friend now it won't matter, you'll always be friends. I should have known by the run around I was getting that he wasn't the same individual that I had once called my friend. So he popped over, didn't come up (and after it all went down I was glad) and proceeded to tell me to hurry cause he has things to what I said..go pick up something from my man..he has to work in the he tells me he'll see me on Tuesday and I say no..he says he knows I don't have anything to can you assume want me to change what I have to do to see you on thanks. I open the door to get out, my mind is made's more more phone more emails.....he asks where I'm going, why am I doing this....I tell him I'm not mad, close the door and walk up to my house....he sits for a second then drives getting out the car to follow me, no phone call to ask me what I'm doing....nothing....I'm just an afterthought to him. That's when it hit me for the second time that night....I'm wasting my time, giving my friendship to someone who doesn't deserve it and I won't do that ANYMORE.

As I walked up the steps I erased his number from my phone...erased it from my call log so I wouldn't even be tempted to dial it and ask him anything...and in the process I erased him from my heart. I can't fully committ to Hun if I'm clinging on to something that isn't anymore. It isn't a relationship and it isn't a friendship and it's not even healthy.

It takes me time to get to that moment when I can honestly admit to myself and others around me that I'm done...I can say it out my mouth and still feel it in my heart and it's like my phone is an extension of me sometimes cause I can say I'm done but if you're still in my phone I'm really not. Last night I let go, I wanted to cry as I walked back in the house...but why. I'm happy and my tears would have been for him and he's not worth it. I dont' buy into the sayin that says the person who you love will never make you cry..not true but sometimes you have to realize that the person who they've become or are now might not be worth crying over.

This weekend was nice and chill, just how I like it since I didn't make it to the Bean. (HEYYY MISSYYYYYY!!!) Friday I cooked dinner and me, the roomie and hun watched some tv till we were all knocked out LOL. It was quite funny me on the couch, her on the chair and hun had gone upstairs..I went up there and found him buried under the covers like a lil kid.

Saturday we got up and I went with him the DMV where he proceeds to complain cause the city forgot to take his hold off for his taxes so he was shouting about calling there and kirking out LOL...he's funny. After that since it was SOOO nice outside I wanted to go to DC. He was such a trooper which makes me love him even more. He doesn't like doing the whole museum thing but he hopped on the metro with me (he hasn't rode it since he was a kid) and we walked and talked and ate some lunch in DC. There were so many people out and the weather was so nice. I told him thank you about a billion times for doing that cause you know how they are when they do something they don't normally do so I wanted him to know how much I appreciated him going. It's little things like that...ya know...I tell ya makes me smile just thinking about it LOL..ok moving along.

As times passes and we spend more time together I find it funny how there are things about us that annoy one another. Yesterday he brought it to my attention that he hates when I ask him what is he gonna do all day...harrass his keyboard (lol)..he was like I hate when you do that and I was like what that's what you say I just repeat you and he was like but it's the way you say it and I was like you are misinterpreting what I say...when I say that it just means are you gonna work on music all day...meaning just that..nothing more nothing less...apparently he took me askin that as wondering if he was gonna come over or do what you wanna do LOL..I don't have to see you we cleared that right on up...I said you don't have to read between the lines with me..if I want to see you and spend time with you I'll let it be known...if we ever move in together we'll be together most of get your me time in while you can LOL.

MY PASSPORT FINALLY CAME!!!! IT'S OFFICIAL IM LEGIT AND COME THURSDAY MY TRIP WILL BE PAID FOR (yes I'm really screaming that loud on the inside lol) I leave in a month (I'm going to the Dominican Republic) and I'm TOOOO excited. This weekend I'm going to pick up a diff color suitcase cause I'm tired of black and picking up someone else's and I will be looking for a cute one piece since I have a rack of two pieces...I only have those cause my belly won't be so big come end of may I'm working on that as we speak LOL. I actually want a white one piece we'll see if I can find a cute one.

I downloaded some movies to my mp3 player and I have to buy a camera, I'm doing that next month probably a week before I leave and a charger for my mp3 player so I won't have to take my laptop. I'll miss the hun but he's going to CA in July so boo to him LOL.

It's beautiful outside and I'm sure you all are looking rather jazzy today (i don't know what to say to you brothers but umm I would assume you're looking rather GQish lol) enjoy today and this beautiful weather


posted by Ms.Honey at 5:53 AM


*hugs* for finally letting go totally!!!!

and I feel you!!! girl holla at Marshall's or TJ Maxx I got 5 designer bathing suits for less than $100 and 2 terry cloth coverups!!!! Holla~!!

uMM WHERE YOU GOING? I can't wait to leave either.. oh by the way totally random and off topic but email coming LOL

April 23, 2007  

BK...I feel so much better and I'm smiling just because. I'm gonna have to holla at them...and I'm going to the Dominican beans going to check now LOL

April 23, 2007  

Ok, can I stow away in your luggage?

I am happy that you let go. I am happy that you got that release. I needed to read this post more than you will ever know.

Enjoy the your week.

April 23, 2007 don't know how happy I am to finally LET GO for real this time LOL..glad I could help and have a wonderful week!!!

April 23, 2007  

Yippy for you! Girl doesn't it feel good when you get rid of something that weights you down?

I have been singing about the weather all weekend. I am loving it.

Without a doubt the sunshine makes me smile.

Have a good day!

April 23, 2007  

it's something in the air, cause i made a similar decision about some folk. letting go is a good thing as it makes room for things that NEED to be in your life. Good for you girlie! So, where you off to with your new passport? I'm scheming on how/when i can go back to Jamaica. *lol*

Hope you continue to have a beautiful day and stay blessed.

April 23, 2007  

Tantrum...I feel so wonderful it's getting cheesy LOL and it's so nice outside but cold in my office I tell ya I'm gonna be sick LOL..have a wonderful day!!

BJ..umm I'll have to think of another nickname...I'll call ya Blu like I always been doing LOL or Blu J..I like that LOL..ok anyway..I'm off to the Dominican Republic and I'm just beginning my scheming LOL..have a blessed day!!

April 23, 2007  

Thumbs up for letting go.

I thought you was going to Puerto Rico for some reason! LOL Most Domincans are pretty people so yeah Imma need you to buy that camera!

It's nice outside when your looking at if from the inside of a a/c blowing building, but that's about it! LOL It's HAAAAAWT! IMO! LOL

April 23, 2007  

Good for u!!!!!! And u missed it..a good time was had by all..but if u was gonna text/talk to HUN all day long then yeah u shoulda s tayed your love stricken ass at home :)

April 23, 2007  

Yay, for letting good. What a feeling..

April 23, 2007  

Been meaning to get over here for quite sometime. Girl do you know you are on everybody and they mama's blogroll...LMAO

Passport huh? Nice...Dominican Republic.....Niiiiiiiiiiiiice. The Dominican men are so beautiful...hmmmm hmmm hmmmmmmmmmmm
Have fun over there

April 23, 2007  

Sorry I have disappeared for a while. College is working me like a slave.

We all need to let go. I am glad you are finaly able.

Dominican Republic ehh?? Dont mess around and get married down there. Lol

April 23, 2007  

Lady...thank you thank you LOL..I'm very proud of myself..I'll take your word for the heat outside

Negro..nah I wouldn't have been on the phone with him boo please he got friends LOL..I'm gonna have to plan a weekend to come up there to make up for this time

TSG..It feels so grand lol

Yaz..I that makes me feel special LOL...I can't wait to see those beautiful men everyone keeps talking about lol

Epsilonicus...I've been wondering where you's ok though I understand...get married to who lol the Hun's not coming and I know he would be mad if I did that without him LOL

April 23, 2007  

congratulations on your passport. Enjoy your trip.
I love how you spell "bamn" like "damn".

April 23, 2007  

I wish I could get my damn passport! I wanna get out of town too!

April 23, 2007  

i know all too well about letting go of someone you thought you could at least be friends with. it takes two very immature ppl to do that. clearly dude wasn't mature enough.

it throws me off when i meet ppl w/ whom i don't have to read btw. the lines. it's refreshing on one hand, but on the other, it's like, so, that's it?

DR, huh? look at you! i need a vacation badly! i hope you have a great time.

April 23, 2007  

I havent wore a skirt in so a child I never was allowed to wear pants/jeans so I guess that 's why I shy away from skirts wore enough for a life fun on your trip ..........relax.

April 23, 2007  

heyyyyy honey!!! :D

i'm so happy for you for finally letting go of a situation that was neither productive or reciprocal for you! i've had to do the same thing myself in the last few days and you're right, there's something TOTALLY freeing about the entire experience!! i too felt like cryin' for a brief moment, and then i said to myself: "what dha fuck for? he ain't sittin' at home cryin'! TRUST!" (lol)

anyhoo... g'on on wit yo jazzy self!! ;)

have a GLORIOUS week, ladybug!!

peace, BIG love and even BIGGER hugs!!

April 23, 2007  

honey honey honey...i am SO happy that you let go...when you finally let go its like you just take a deep breathe and a ton of weight is off your shoulders and you just have a sense of peace that is the MOST wonderful feeling...its a spiritual thing...and you are right you can't do that until you have fully healed so you GO!

glad he went with you downtown...i think I wanna do that this weekend

April 23, 2007  

I love that moment. There's nothing like it.

But seriously though, what's up with this stowing away in your luggage plan? Lol

April 24, 2007  

I wanna go! lol. Pack lite....

April 26, 2007  

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