Life through my eyes......
Monday, April 23, 2007
I don't know why that song popped into my head possibly because it's so beautiful outside...possibly because I have a skirt on and that's so not me..possibly because I finally feel and am FREEEEE.
I know you're like free from what. Free from someone who I thought had let go but really hadn't and last night that moment came when I finally got IT. You know that moment where you're like dang why am I still holding on, why haven't I let go before and then BAMN something they do or something they say just turns that switch off in you and you finally honestly LET GO.
I feel so much better. I pray that he heals because I have and it took a second for me to admit it to myself but I guess I was lying to myself to even think that we could be friends. He has issues and I do not need to be involved in that. As you've noticed I have my own issues to deal with LOL.
I have a man that makes me smile, calls me his apple face and puts up with my loud talking :)
So why should I care that we are no longer friends. Truth be told you don't ever need friends who treat you like your being a bother cause they will usally tell you that you are being a bother, you'll tell them to shut up and continue to bother them LOL.
He was in town last night and stopped over....something inside of me said no, something inside of me said ohhh he's just a friend now it won't matter, you'll always be friends. I should have known by the run around I was getting that he wasn't the same individual that I had once called my friend. So he popped over, didn't come up (and after it all went down I was glad) and proceeded to tell me to hurry cause he has things to do...like what I said..go pick up something from my man..he has to work in the morning...alrighty....so he tells me he'll see me on Tuesday and I say no..he says he knows I don't have anything to do...how can you assume that..you want me to change what I have to do to see you on tuesday..no thanks. I open the door to get out, my mind is made up..it's over..no more friends...no more phone calls..no more emails.....he asks where I'm going, why am I doing this....I tell him I'm not mad, close the door and walk up to my house....he sits for a second then drives off...no getting out the car to follow me, no phone call to ask me what I'm doing....nothing....I'm just an afterthought to him. That's when it hit me for the second time that night....I'm wasting my time, giving my friendship to someone who doesn't deserve it and I won't do that ANYMORE.
As I walked up the steps I erased his number from my phone...erased it from my call log so I wouldn't even be tempted to dial it and ask him anything...and in the process I erased him from my heart. I can't fully committ to Hun if I'm clinging on to something that isn't anymore. It isn't a relationship and it isn't a friendship and it's not even healthy.
It takes me time to get to that moment when I can honestly admit to myself and others around me that I'm done...I can say it out my mouth and still feel it in my heart and it's like my phone is an extension of me sometimes cause I can say I'm done but if you're still in my phone I'm really not. Last night I let go, I wanted to cry as I walked back in the house...but why. I'm happy and my tears would have been for him and he's not worth it. I dont' buy into the sayin that says the person who you love will never make you cry..not true but sometimes you have to realize that the person who they've become or are now might not be worth crying over.
This weekend was nice and chill, just how I like it since I didn't make it to the Bean. (HEYYY MISSYYYYYY!!!) Friday I cooked dinner and me, the roomie and hun watched some tv till we were all knocked out LOL. It was quite funny me on the couch, her on the chair and hun had gone upstairs..I went up there and found him buried under the covers like a lil kid.
Saturday we got up and I went with him the DMV where he proceeds to complain cause the city forgot to take his hold off for his taxes so he was shouting about calling there and kirking out LOL...he's funny. After that since it was SOOO nice outside I wanted to go to DC. He was such a trooper which makes me love him even more. He doesn't like doing the whole museum thing but he hopped on the metro with me (he hasn't rode it since he was a kid) and we walked and talked and ate some lunch in DC. There were so many people out and the weather was so nice. I told him thank you about a billion times for doing that cause you know how they are when they do something they don't normally do so I wanted him to know how much I appreciated him going. It's little things like that...ya know...I tell ya makes me smile just thinking about it LOL..ok moving along.
As times passes and we spend more time together I find it funny how there are things about us that annoy one another. Yesterday he brought it to my attention that he hates when I ask him what is he gonna do all day...harrass his keyboard (lol)..he was like I hate when you do that and I was like what that's what you say I just repeat you and he was like but it's the way you say it and I was like you are misinterpreting what I say...when I say that it just means are you gonna work on music all day...meaning just that..nothing more nothing less...apparently he took me askin that as wondering if he was gonna come over or something...boo do what you wanna do LOL..I don't have to see you everyday....so we cleared that right on up...I said you don't have to read between the lines with me..if I want to see you and spend time with you I'll let it be known...if we ever move in together we'll be together most of time..so get your me time in while you can LOL.
MY PASSPORT FINALLY CAME!!!! IT'S OFFICIAL IM LEGIT AND COME THURSDAY MY TRIP WILL BE PAID FOR (yes I'm really screaming that loud on the inside lol) I leave in a month (I'm going to the Dominican Republic) and I'm TOOOO excited. This weekend I'm going to pick up a diff color suitcase cause I'm tired of black and picking up someone else's and I will be looking for a cute one piece since I have a rack of two pieces...I only have those cause my belly won't be so big come end of may I'm working on that as we speak LOL. I actually want a white one piece we'll see if I can find a cute one.
I downloaded some movies to my mp3 player and I have to buy a camera, I'm doing that next month probably a week before I leave and a charger for my mp3 player so I won't have to take my laptop. I'll miss the hun but he's going to CA in July so boo to him LOL.
It's beautiful outside and I'm sure you all are looking rather jazzy today (i don't know what to say to you brothers but umm I would assume you're looking rather GQish lol) enjoy today and this beautiful weather