Life through my eyes......
Friday, December 09, 2005
To begin with he's a police officer who is on leave due to the fact that he was involved in a shooting and on top of that he is sueing the police department for racial issues. Aght so knowing all that and the fact that we converse about this issue since I do work at a law firm he told me that his lawyer was gonna go forward with the case.
One converstion we had he asked me to borrow a certain amount of money and to see if I can take out a loan. Being the person that I am I said aight I'll see what I can do....since i"m a caring individual and what not. Knowing that I had been in a bad relationship before and saying everything that I wanted to hear and acting how he felt he should act....I felt like I could at least see if there was something I could do no matter how minimal it might be.
Needlesstosay I beat around the bush and finally told him that I couldn't get it for some other reason or another. He said aight and I even asked him if he had thought of other ways to get the money he said no but he would think of something and that he would be fine. I thought it was dropped and we would move on. Well I was wrong (as I often am) So after he found out that I couldn't get it I noticed he started acting weird...not talking to me as much on IM and then noticing that he was being short.
I asked him if he had something to say and he said no, but I kept noticing that things were getting kind of funny. So finally he gives me a call at 3am and was like I got your message what's up...I was like nothing it's 3am I'm in the bed. He was like aight I was just out and I said oh ok you were drinking, he said yea I've been spending time with people who look out for me. I said that's good you should do that, you should never spend time with people who aren't down for you and trying to look out for your best interest. Then I was thinking hmmm this is going somewhere....so I said so is that why I haven't seen you. He was like yea you didn't look out for me but it's all good my lawyer is paid and I'm good. I said well I tried he said dont' even worry about it, I was like umm ok.
Then he says just know that when I get back into the force and I know how you like to party (party this is Honey Libra I don't party anymore especially to the extent where the police have to be called wow who you think this chic is) and if you see me rolling up in the parking lot don't be asking me for help cause there is bad blood between us. I'm thinking bad blood cause I tried to help you out or bad blood because I couldn't give you money and you are use to people doing what you want. So he said what he had to say, I said what I had to say he hung up and I'm in shock. Now if you know me, you know how my personality is and how caring and giving I am. So I'm blown right now that this negro would even hint to the fact that I left him stranded when as a man he should not have put me in that position anyway. He hasn't even known me for 6 months but you asking me for money...I mean dang who you think I am. You don't know my financial stuggles you just know I have a nice car and I live nice..but how I'm suffering doesn't matter to you.
So I'm frustrated as hell, which makes me not be able to sleep and also causes me to cry. Why the hell do I keep getting the losers. So I called my main squeeze when I got to work and he told me that I should let him go cause he is emotionally abusive. As a man he shouldn't have asked me to borrow money and since he did that shows that he was raised different and probably use to people giving him money. Needlesstosay he made me feel better then my mom called, and she usually calls when I need to pay a bill or when something is wrong in the fam or with someone I know. But she just called to see how I was and to talk to me, that made me break down at work. I shouldn't cry at work the last time I cried at work was in Feb when I found out my grandfather had passed away.
I realized that this whole issues was just the straw that broke there camels back..there are so many other things going on in my life this is gonna make me finally confront my demons. So I might be taking a half day to handle some things.....rent some movies or go get some drinks. It's snowing here in DC so might not be able to hit the club tonight but this weekend will be the beginning of a new thing.....this has made me realize that I really need to take time for Honey...no one else is gonna do it. I'm tired of the losers and the gold diggin men (yea they are out there)...things bout to get real ugly around here.
posted @ 10:32 am