Life through my eyes......
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Well my goddaughters first birthday has come and gone. I can't believe she is already 1, she is having a bday party on the first weekend in March so I'll be getting her a gift then. Of course she get a toy or something, but I had a epiphany this morning. I want her to know that I love her and want the best for her in everything she sets out to do...so I've decided to write her a letter for her 1st bday. I know she can't read it but hopefully her mom will save them and then when she turns 16 or whenever her moms feels it's the right time she can pull out all the letters I've written to her. By reading them I hope she will come to know that I'm always in her corner and am here to support her throughout the years.
Green Eyes (the crazy, deranged police officer) that I use to date, sleep with or mess around with whatever you might want to call it. Sent me an email yesterday saying that I partied too much which is why he had to walk away from me....umm NOT. So I politely sent him an email telling him the exact dates of when I went out and asking if that was partying alot..coincedentaly yea I spelled that wrong but the brain is already on weekend mode....those times were the exact times that he was out with his boys...so who parties alot..me or you buddy. On top of that if you are serious about spending time with someone it would help if you told them..they can't read your mind..which is what I told him. Then again I don't miss the drama that he brought to my life....subconsciencly sometimes I do..sad I know lol but if gave me something to talk about. Anyway I also informed him that I figured dealing with an older man..he will be 30 this year would be different..yea right....I mean tell me what you want to occur or dont' want to occur I don't read minds for a living. And when you do tell me what you think don't berate or belittle me yelling into the phone like I'm some lil kid..needlesstosay I don't want him back (did I really have him to begin with lol..probably not) I just wanted him to understood where I was coming from...I ain't some lil girl. If you have a problem with me..say it to my face.
I haven't talked to my constant since Sunday..which is of course a problem for me..cause he is forever emailing me when he's out to sea. Half of the reason being is that he's not a phone person..I think the longest conversation we've had on the phone might have been about 30 min if that. I don't mind although I do like to talk on the phone..he makes up for it in person. I was worried about him because he got into a car accident but still went to work..men I tell ya. I am proud of him for pressing on but dang dont' get hurt worse after already being hurt. I'm still dealing with issues about our whole situation....especially us not seeing each other like I would like us to. But hey until he either moves back here after the navy (he gets out in 3 years) or I move back near there or we get married (weird I had a dream about that last night) I'm gonna have to deal with him being away and make the most of our visits when one of us has time to visit the other. He calls me his girl but he has a weird way of treating his girl so I say we are just chilling for the time being until something concrete has been established or am I really running away...hmm too much to think about.
Do dreams mean anything? Cause last night or maybe I should say this morning (it was stil fresh in my head when I woke up which is why I say morning) I had a dream that me and constant got married. Only it wasn't my dream wedding. First he was late, then we got married in my church vestibule instead of the sanctuary and the audience was sitting in the fellowship hall looking into the vestibule. On top of that none of my girls were there except my best friend and even she wasn't dressed like she should have been...all in all it was just plain weird. I mean ok we were getting married, but when I woke up I was like dang this is kinda how our relationship is. He was very affectionate at the wedding which causes me to think that ok he does have feelings lol and he does show them he just does it when he wants to or in his own way and yes I'm dealing with that and coming to accept it..it's just taking a lil longer than I thought it would. But as many females understand once you come to care about someone it's hard to just walk away...you stay and try to work things out..not saying that I would let him walk all over me, cause he hasn't and that doesn't occur...trust me Honey knows better. But I'm so lovey, dovey all that dang on time and he's like that about 50% of the time and it's the 50% that comes up when I least expect it which is the funny part too cause just when I think I'm ready to kirk out he'll do something and he gets me geeking all over again.
I'm going to see my new cousin this weekend. I know he is a cutie....but of course i'm gonna have to deal with the crying of a newborn, the not sleeping all through the night and trying to entertain his brothers..should be boat loads of fun.
I have a date later tonight..yea a date. Me and constant clearly haven't established something..although I have cut a few people lose so I can understand how I feel about him....love,care....etc whatever you want to call it. So me and this guy we'll call KK (I think I've talked about him before) are doing dinner and watching Saw II, I bought it the other day and haven't watched it yet. I'm trying to make an effort to not cut people just because something minut is wrong with them i.e. they have small lips...even though I have a fetish for some big juicy lips, or the fact that they may eat funny.....all of this yes pertains to him lol...so we'll see what occurs. What I do know is that we have great conversation together, although I'm not feeling the urge to be physically attracted to him....he makes me laugh, and that's cool for right now.
I've been reading posts lately where people have been telling the people who read their posts to ask them questions so that they can respond..I thought this was a good idea....so for all you people who have wanted to ask me something or want to know something about me...ask away..I'll do my best to answer all your questions as long as I don't incriminate myself LOL sike I'm playing but for real you can have as many questions as you want and the next post on monday will be a response to your questions..so think long and hard, tell your friends, your friends friends, your momma, daddy sister or brother sike not all them..but you feel me....have fun thinking up the questions..let's hope I have fun answering them...
Have a great weekend.....and I'm OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not literally but I won't be posting tomorrow cause I need a break from thinking (lame huh lol)