Life through my eyes......
Friday, August 11, 2006
So you've noticed that I haven't written here in a week and between all that let's just say that if I were a weaker person I would either have been in some serious depression or somewhere at someone's bar drinking myself into a stupor.
I've always made it a point to be honest on my blog because what I write or say might in some weird way help someone else so with that being said...people make sure you pay your bills!!!! I was at work late on Thursday night and called my roomie to let her know that I might be home in an hour or so and that she could come pick me up at the metro....why this chic was like where is your car. I was like huh, it's in the front of the house, what you mean where is it at. So I'm in shock and of course the first person I call aint' the police it's mommie LOL...she was like well call the cops and find out what's going on. So I'm at work in DC, I call the cops and my boss decides that she is going to give me a ride home. Now all of this is taking place at almost 11pm, I was tired and sooo ready to go to sleep that I didn't know what to do. I get home, call the police again and find out that........I have been REPOED!!!! LOL LOL Now I'm laughing. Man I was soo embarassed. I was behind in my car note and them fools came and got my car while I was at work. I told my friend if I had known that I would have driven to work LOL. Dodged them for a while. So of course that would have been the first part of me breaking down, throwing myself into the traffic on 395. But I listened to Moms who told me to pray about it and there were only two things that could be done. I get it back or I don't get it back. I of course was praying for the first of the two. So I'm wondering how I'm gonna pay rent and get money to get my car out of the claws of repossession hahaha. Needlesstosay after trying to sell the laptop (my mom told me not to and plus the people were only gonna give me $200 for it) and cleaning out my bank account. I got the money with help from the parents, my sister and my boss (yep, I've been blessed to have a wonderful one). Friends offered even though they knew that I would never take money from them (my friend says I'm too prideful). The fact that they even offered meant the world to me. My roomie let me use her car when I had errands to run and she even took me 1 hour and 1/2 away to pick my car up. Don't ask me why they took it that far away to some woodstock, va. I didn't even know there was a such place, but now I know. So I have the blueberry back and I will never, ever let her face that type of embarassment again. R was like you could be cryin about your car being gone and you up here making jokes. I was like who gets their car reposssed....who does that...I guess I do LOL. Had to keep makin jokes so that I wouldn't begin to cry.
Amongst all of that I still wasn't shaken. I was just husting trying to get money to my car back. I was on facebook one day and noticed someone who I thought I knew. So I sent her a note and was like where do I know you from you look familiar. Come to find out we went to the same elementary school. So we add each other as friends and catch up...she looks through my pic album up there and in it is a pic of Constant. She asks me who he is, I tell her. She says the email back and forth. I'm like ok, cool he has female friends I don't mind. But OH NO that ain't the killa....come to find out that this nigga and yes I said that word and I mean it in every negative form, has been emailing her on some I love you type stuff. Now when she first told me this I was like yea aight not my Constant. I've known him for almost 4 years he would never do anything like that..this chic is trippin so I asked her for the emails. When she didn't send them I was like see...there's always on lil hater. In between all this I'm tellin the girls what's going on and they like yea she probably jealous and what not, cause Constant is one the realest dudes you have ever talked to he would never do that.
Ya'll I read the emails. She sent me almost 60 of them. I'm sure there were more but she started with the most recent ones from June of this year when he first went out to sea. Some of them were innocent like lil updates of where he was and what not. Others were telling her how he loved her and wanted to be with her and make love to her. SILENCE!!!! STARING AT THE SCREEN WITH MOUTH WIDE OPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To say that I was shocked couldn't even amount to half of what I felt. I was too stunned to even cry. I told my old roomie I know now why chics key cars and flatten tires cause if his ASS was in the states that's just what I would have done. I'm at work, reading email after email (it's like a train wreck that's so horrible but you can't pull yourself to look away) wanting to scream my brains out and charter a jet just so I can beat his ass down. Here I've been thinking that he's being chill, working and what not and come to find out he got some chic down in Hpt. I mean what the HELL!! This shit came out of nowhere and he played me oh so good, that I'll give him credit for. I mean how you claim to be oh so real, say that I've never played games and here you are playing the biggest game of all. Now that still aint' the cake topper. I'm reading and comparing emails...that story that I sent him...why he sent it to her no less than 24 hours after I sent it to him....who the fuck does that. Not only did he send her my story he also sent her the story that he sent me.....I mean dang can you be more creative, change the font or wording...nope he did none of that. Only in my story he deleted the introduction. I mean he had me cursing up a storm, yelling a mile a minute. I still haven't cried and what the hell for. He's in the middle of the ocean living the good life, probably got a listserve of women that he send emails to. He just sits and forwards and copies and pastes the emails to each of us. I mean ya'll some of the emails were the exact same. I was in SHOCK!! Total and utter shock I mean for one of the few times in my life I was speechless.
My good friend Sunshine (her nickname) said I told you I didn't like him. He wasn't good for you. Ok, so he wasn't but I had to find out on my own (I don't need to hear I told you so) I'm cutting dudes off trying to be good and do what I gotta do to hold you down and you do this shit. 4 years in the making, well you could have kept this lame ass love or whatever the fuck he was calling it. He tried to catch himself before I found out everything this is what he said about how things went down with her:
Hey. I have been on some chill stuff. I a have been standing long watches so I have been doing that and going straight to sleep. I have been just doing my thing. I have something to tell you though. I know that you went to school with a girl named Stefanie. I use to talk to her before me and you made anything officail. We still email each other and we are cool folks. I wanted to tell ou that because she told me yall was together talking and she saw a pic of me but I don’t know if she said anything to you
This is the second email that he sent after I told him to tell me what happened between the two of them.
I am sory for what has happen. Honey has been cool folk for a long time now and it was just about to be what it is between us. I am sorry that you had to her it the way that you heard it but I really didn’t mean to hurt you. I mealt everyhting that I said and it wasn’t a game. I do love you and would love to have a future with you but I know that before I get things together with you anybody else I have to get my stuff together so I am sorry that I put you through this ands I hope that we can be friends.
So yea, that's my drama, or should I say was my drama. Cause I'm done with it all now. Me and home girl cool. We ain't got no beef cause she didn't know, in face we haven't even spoken to one another since elementary school. All I know is I wish I could beat him down like Madea beats people down...I'm gonna be waiting for him at three o'clock. LOL One of my home girls was like when I beat him down she wants to tape it and we can put it on Cheaters or You Tube LOL..now that would be funny. Oh boy am I plotting it might be vindictive but I gotta do what I wanna do LOL....hook a sista up with some tips LOL....sometimes childish times call for even more childish measures. Constant is a lame ass nigga and I'm done!!!!!!!!! That's my word. This goes beyond anything I could ever imagine him doing....so I have a right to cut him off without even allowing him to explain himself. Apparently 4 years of being friends meant nothing to him so why should I care if he even has a reasonable excuse as to why the hell he did what he did...and for the record there is no excuse.....so FUCK HIM!!! I'm doing me and that's what it's gonna be like.....from now on I'm gonna have to revert back to the old Honey who didn't take crap and who called you on your shit the first time you dared put it in my face to make me smell it and in the words of my roomies momma "Cancel my subscription, cause I'm over your issues, I don't subscribe to you anymore"
Can't nobody take my pride can't nobody hold me down...I gotta keep on moving......Going to get a drink............