Life through my eyes......

Friday, August 11, 2006

Too Strong

DISCLAIMER:For the record and those who love reading short posts this one will be a long one..that's just a warning.

So you've noticed that I haven't written here in a week and between all that let's just say that if I were a weaker person I would either have been in some serious depression or somewhere at someone's bar drinking myself into a stupor.

I've always made it a point to be honest on my blog because what I write or say might in some weird way help someone else so with that being said...people make sure you pay your bills!!!! I was at work late on Thursday night and called my roomie to let her know that I might be home in an hour or so and that she could come pick me up at the metro....why this chic was like where is your car. I was like huh, it's in the front of the house, what you mean where is it at. So I'm in shock and of course the first person I call aint' the police it's mommie LOL...she was like well call the cops and find out what's going on. So I'm at work in DC, I call the cops and my boss decides that she is going to give me a ride home. Now all of this is taking place at almost 11pm, I was tired and sooo ready to go to sleep that I didn't know what to do. I get home, call the police again and find out that........I have been REPOED!!!! LOL LOL Now I'm laughing. Man I was soo embarassed. I was behind in my car note and them fools came and got my car while I was at work. I told my friend if I had known that I would have driven to work LOL. Dodged them for a while. So of course that would have been the first part of me breaking down, throwing myself into the traffic on 395. But I listened to Moms who told me to pray about it and there were only two things that could be done. I get it back or I don't get it back. I of course was praying for the first of the two. So I'm wondering how I'm gonna pay rent and get money to get my car out of the claws of repossession hahaha. Needlesstosay after trying to sell the laptop (my mom told me not to and plus the people were only gonna give me $200 for it) and cleaning out my bank account. I got the money with help from the parents, my sister and my boss (yep, I've been blessed to have a wonderful one). Friends offered even though they knew that I would never take money from them (my friend says I'm too prideful). The fact that they even offered meant the world to me. My roomie let me use her car when I had errands to run and she even took me 1 hour and 1/2 away to pick my car up. Don't ask me why they took it that far away to some woodstock, va. I didn't even know there was a such place, but now I know. So I have the blueberry back and I will never, ever let her face that type of embarassment again. R was like you could be cryin about your car being gone and you up here making jokes. I was like who gets their car reposssed....who does that...I guess I do LOL. Had to keep makin jokes so that I wouldn't begin to cry.

Amongst all of that I still wasn't shaken. I was just husting trying to get money to my car back. I was on facebook one day and noticed someone who I thought I knew. So I sent her a note and was like where do I know you from you look familiar. Come to find out we went to the same elementary school. So we add each other as friends and catch up...she looks through my pic album up there and in it is a pic of Constant. She asks me who he is, I tell her. She says the email back and forth. I'm like ok, cool he has female friends I don't mind. But OH NO that ain't the killa....come to find out that this nigga and yes I said that word and I mean it in every negative form, has been emailing her on some I love you type stuff. Now when she first told me this I was like yea aight not my Constant. I've known him for almost 4 years he would never do anything like that..this chic is trippin so I asked her for the emails. When she didn't send them I was like see...there's always on lil hater. In between all this I'm tellin the girls what's going on and they like yea she probably jealous and what not, cause Constant is one the realest dudes you have ever talked to he would never do that.

LIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ya'll I read the emails. She sent me almost 60 of them. I'm sure there were more but she started with the most recent ones from June of this year when he first went out to sea. Some of them were innocent like lil updates of where he was and what not. Others were telling her how he loved her and wanted to be with her and make love to her. SILENCE!!!! STARING AT THE SCREEN WITH MOUTH WIDE OPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To say that I was shocked couldn't even amount to half of what I felt. I was too stunned to even cry. I told my old roomie I know now why chics key cars and flatten tires cause if his ASS was in the states that's just what I would have done. I'm at work, reading email after email (it's like a train wreck that's so horrible but you can't pull yourself to look away) wanting to scream my brains out and charter a jet just so I can beat his ass down. Here I've been thinking that he's being chill, working and what not and come to find out he got some chic down in Hpt. I mean what the HELL!! This shit came out of nowhere and he played me oh so good, that I'll give him credit for. I mean how you claim to be oh so real, say that I've never played games and here you are playing the biggest game of all. Now that still aint' the cake topper. I'm reading and comparing emails...that story that I sent him...why he sent it to her no less than 24 hours after I sent it to him....who the fuck does that. Not only did he send her my story he also sent her the story that he sent me.....I mean dang can you be more creative, change the font or wording...nope he did none of that. Only in my story he deleted the introduction. I mean he had me cursing up a storm, yelling a mile a minute. I still haven't cried and what the hell for. He's in the middle of the ocean living the good life, probably got a listserve of women that he send emails to. He just sits and forwards and copies and pastes the emails to each of us. I mean ya'll some of the emails were the exact same. I was in SHOCK!! Total and utter shock I mean for one of the few times in my life I was speechless.

My good friend Sunshine (her nickname) said I told you I didn't like him. He wasn't good for you. Ok, so he wasn't but I had to find out on my own (I don't need to hear I told you so) I'm cutting dudes off trying to be good and do what I gotta do to hold you down and you do this shit. 4 years in the making, well you could have kept this lame ass love or whatever the fuck he was calling it. He tried to catch himself before I found out everything this is what he said about how things went down with her:

Hey. I have been on some chill stuff. I a have been standing long watches so I have been doing that and going straight to sleep. I have been just doing my thing. I have something to tell you though. I know that you went to school with a girl named Stefanie. I use to talk to her before me and you made anything officail. We still email each other and we are cool folks. I wanted to tell ou that because she told me yall was together talking and she saw a pic of me but I don’t know if she said anything to you

This is the second email that he sent after I told him to tell me what happened between the two of them.
I am going to tell you what happen. We are just friends but there was a timw where we could have been more than friends but nothing was made out of it. It was at a timw where we didn’t know what direction we was taking and I went to the club in VA. I was walking in the parking lot going to the car and I just felt a pair of eyes on me. So I looked around and she was staring at me and I just went over there to say hi and I got her number. We started to talk then we was just on some chill stuff. One day I picked her up from her house and we just chilled then one thing laid to another and we had sex. It only happen that once and I don’t even remember the time frame of that happening. Every since then we kept in touch but we stop talking to each other then all of a sudden we started talking again but as good friends and yeah we will tell each other that we love each other but it is out of a different spirit. I didn’t know that this would put some doubts in our relationship but I am sorry that this happen. That is what happen and she said she doesn’t want to talk to me no more because I told her the truth to so if you want to do the same then I understand. I might just be better off lonely. I love you in the great way.
So I replied to his email. But what he doesn't know is that me and the girl have been exchanging emails back and forth and that she sent me his message to her explaining to her what happened:

I am sory for what has happen. Honey has been cool folk for a long time now and it was just about to be what it is between us. I am sorry that you had to her it the way that you heard it but I really didn’t mean to hurt you. I mealt everyhting that I said and it wasn’t a game. I do love you and would love to have a future with you but I know that before I get things together with you anybody else I have to get my stuff together so I am sorry that I put you through this ands I hope that we can be friends.
What the heck does cool folks mean and how what was goin on between them is what was about to happen to me and him? I'm confused. I'm so confused that I'm being to think I done drunk something in my sleep cause he must think I'm stupid. I mean do you really think that she wouldn't tell me what he said or that he was really gonna run game for this long. Apparently he thought so cause he trying to be slick. I mean what kind of spirit are you talking about when you say that you want to make love to someone and all that jazz.
So this is what she said to me about how things went down:
OK EXCUSE MY FRENCH, BUT WHAT THE FUCK!!! I'm sorryI had to take it there, I mean I tried to be at peace with this situation, say my piece and let it go... but, oh no...he wants to make it seem like I'm some stalker type chick. O h hell no...I got something for his ass when he gets back. Now, tell me...you being a woman, how do you tell someone that you love them, but its of a different spirit? He is full of shit, yes I said it. I'l tell you how it went down, yes we met at a club, we dated for a couple of months before we ever had sex. (He trying to portray me as if I'm a jumpoff) that he picked me up...oh no. We kept in contact , but nothing else ever materialised from the situation because he kept going MIA...we would talk, make plans, and he would never come through, so thats why we stopped talking. if its one thing I can't stand its a liar, and he's a big ass liar. Coincidentally, we had made plans this one particular night, and I called him to make sure that everything was still copestetic, he didnt answer the phone...so, I'm thinking ok...well this is nothing new. Do you know a female called me back....? (what the FUCK, I told her that won't me) And said ohhh, he'll call you right back, almost snoody like. Till this day, he refuses to talk about that situation with me...but of course, i dug all up in his ass for that. But silly me...I have a forgiving spirit...I'm just blown away by this whole thing...I'm done...just know Danielle that I had no idea, and that this has my mind blown just as much as yours...and while this situation is funny, it's also sad, because he was really out there livin it up...no regets, and the joke was on us....or was it????LOLOLOL

So yea, that's my drama, or should I say was my drama. Cause I'm done with it all now. Me and home girl cool. We ain't got no beef cause she didn't know, in face we haven't even spoken to one another since elementary school. All I know is I wish I could beat him down like Madea beats people down...I'm gonna be waiting for him at three o'clock. LOL One of my home girls was like when I beat him down she wants to tape it and we can put it on Cheaters or You Tube LOL..now that would be funny. Oh boy am I plotting it might be vindictive but I gotta do what I wanna do LOL....hook a sista up with some tips LOL....sometimes childish times call for even more childish measures. Constant is a lame ass nigga and I'm done!!!!!!!!! That's my word. This goes beyond anything I could ever imagine him doing....so I have a right to cut him off without even allowing him to explain himself. Apparently 4 years of being friends meant nothing to him so why should I care if he even has a reasonable excuse as to why the hell he did what he did...and for the record there is no excuse.....so FUCK HIM!!! I'm doing me and that's what it's gonna be like.....from now on I'm gonna have to revert back to the old Honey who didn't take crap and who called you on your shit the first time you dared put it in my face to make me smell it and in the words of my roomies momma "Cancel my subscription, cause I'm over your issues, I don't subscribe to you anymore"

Can't nobody take my pride can't nobody hold me down...I gotta keep on moving......Going to get a drink............


posted @3:46pm
posted by Ms.Honey at 12:11 PM

24 Comments:

You have had it rough.I have had it rough. I am soooooooooo sorry for what has happened. I hope it all gets better. I am gonna pray for you. You also better pray too

August 11, 2006  

***hug***

You have had it rough. Girl you are a rock, a lesser woman would have cried. Constant? Oh FUCK his ass, girl I have the can goods and the ingredients to bake a nice ass cake...We can decorate his car real nice...

I'm stunned right along with you, had me patting myself down with e-towels...fuck that nigga.

**hug and kiss**

August 12, 2006  

Ain't that some shit!?!?! I don't have any other words for his behavior. That's so messed up, I;m sorry it went down like that.

August 13, 2006  

Sorry you had to deal with that..that some slick stuff he was pulling. You ain't lose nothing.....

August 13, 2006  

damn..."they got a player" Money Mike in Friday after next...don't feel too bad...it's happened to everybody...drink one for you boy...

August 14, 2006  

Ohhhh sweetie, I am sorry it went down the way it did. Like you said a weaker woman would have been severely depressed. At least this came to light early on and you and you are okay!

I am mad that he used your story and gave it to ole girl, ain't no telling where the story he sent you came from...

August 14, 2006  

Oh yeah YAYYYY for getting your car back!

August 14, 2006  

You have been going through some things...Girl, you need a cyber hug!

Constant...I can't even begin to comment on that s***! I'm happy you found out, while you were still on top. It's good that you really hadn't invested anything into the relationship except time(even though it was a LONG time), because it would have been a lot harder for you to walk away.

Glad you got your car back...

August 14, 2006  

i didnt mind this post being long :-) damn honey! glad you got ur car back... but constant?? hmmm, hmmm, hmmm. WTF? I dont even know what to say... glad you're not depressed about it...

August 14, 2006  

Tell Constant to go kick rocks! That's fucked up!

August 14, 2006  

He's an ASSHOLE and your better of with out him!!!

August 14, 2006  

At least you didn't find out about his secret life or lives after you were married or pregnant with his kid. He's a scum bag asshole.

You just got done praying for some good to happen and you got your car back. Don't mess that up by doing something nasty and mean-spirited. Okay let me stop before I end up with more people telling me I'm not mean.

I'm sorry you went through that and he treated you so poorly.

Bizarro Freaky

August 14, 2006  

Thanks everyone :) I'm good, which might mean that I'm bout to crash in a day or two LOL...but till then I'm fine. He has sent me an email apologizing for how things went down and of course I'm not swayed....I love him but I ain't crazy LOL...I mean dang who does that....talking about he was lookin out for himself since he ws hurt so much in the past....so in order to look out for yourself you hurt others...hmm not smart...but I probably won't be vindictive..that's not the right spirit..he'll get his eventually and I'll be right there with my camcorder LOL..sike I'm jokin

August 14, 2006  

Word on the street is that Diggz knows a guy who knows a guy who knows a.....

This conversation never happened.

August 14, 2006  

Tilting my crown a little - SCREW any grown a** man who can't be REAL and take one relationship at a time. A man who can't resist sticking and promising to stick every woman that crosses his path deserves an incurable disease that turns his penis to LEAD then to dust. Sorry, but they do. I have NO tolerance for that. And ditto for those who want to label every sex partner a FRIEND. Selling dreams in emails, Yahoo chat and AIM is so 90s. GROW UP! I'm linking your post Honey. I'm pissed off for you.

August 14, 2006  

((((Hugs))))

You've been through a lot sistah, but I can feel your stregnth through your writing. I bet he thought you'd never find out the way you did.

August 14, 2006  

ok, so i was screaming and hollering in my apartment like this happened to me! b4 you said it, something told me he'd recycled your stories. i went through some sorry dude drama recently, and i guess you can my bullshit radar is hyper sensitive. i'm so sorry this happened to you. i know that you wanna do something that makes him hurt as much as he hurt you, but you can't do something childish. you're bigger and better than that. i guarantee that the biggest thing that'll hurt him is if you walk out of his life.

August 14, 2006  

OMG, no he didn't...i'm dumbfounded...Men are so muthafucking stoopid, never no what they want, just want to play the game....but everything in the dark eventually comes to light


ps glad you got the car back...


I gotta use this one: "Cancel my subscription, cause I'm over your issues, I don't subscribe to you anymore"

August 15, 2006  

dejamuthafuckinvu!!!! dem navy mofos are the ones that will try to live a life of many.. ok anyway

Hugs.. big ones.. fawk dat fool.. and don't even waste ya energy givin him a madea beat down.. his ass will hurt more with you not saying a word to him.. cause TRUST he will try to contact you AGAIN..

Wow.. I won't say nothing bout the car LOL my momma told me long ago.. pay ya rent, car note and electric. u can live without phone and cable. but not without a roof, transportation and lights LOL

Can't wait to see you for real on saturday now.. ;) we'll hug and laugh and sweat it out!

August 15, 2006  

I've been there. Almost every woman has been where you are right now. Man, the feelings are intense. He may have lied to you, but you don't have to stoop to his level. Don't let him drag you down to his level. He's not worth that much effort. At least you know the truth now and it didn't drag on for another 6 months or a year. I never cease to be amazed by how many women get hurt by men who do this shit. Take care!

August 15, 2006  

that is without doubt the most foul shit i've seen happen to a person in a hot minute.

lesson learned. and i'm with tenacious...you are a ROCK.

you're also courageous, cuz something like that would have taken me out of the running for finding someone to love for a while. a LONG while.

and you're not alone. folk find themselves in this kind of situation all the time. people either ain't honest cuz they're trying to play you or they're not completely honest cuz they don't want to hurt your feelings or get involved in conflict. either way, now you're armed with knowledge and have learned to be more leery of cats who come at you like that.

FUCK that dude. i wish i could kick him in the fucking NUTS right now.

August 15, 2006  

(((HUGS)))

I'm sorry this happened toy you...

Keep your head up mami.

August 15, 2006  

dayum. the only tips you need is to cut him, all the way. That's the best way to "get back" at someone. NO matter how bad it made you feel what you did. Act like you don't even know them. Obviously he's on some typical whore-man type shit and like you said, there are no excuses. So be done.

And pay your bills woman.

August 16, 2006  

Hey Sis, found my way over from Princess Dom's spot. Girl - I've been in that situation (he wasn't military though). I called girlie up & we had an adult conversation. After all, like you said, my beef wasn't with her. She was bent - emotionally cause she'd been thru something painful before he came along & he preyed on that. SCUM! Yeah, a couple of years ago, I woulda put you on some serious "soap opera diva" revenge but trust, he'll get his. Keep moving Sis!

August 20, 2006  

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