Life through my eyes......
Friday, December 15, 2006
It's Friday and if you've read my blog on any given Friday you know that's my favorite day of the week
If you didn't know...then now you know :)
I want to thank you guys so much for all you've said in regards to what I wrote yesterday...so many times I forget that it's my blog and I can say what the piss I want which means that I deal with things a lil longer than need be....but I got it all out and I'm glad I did....
He'll probably never know that I wrote that and maybe I'll share it later but it was just a way for me to vent and admit to myself how I was really feeling....no lies just feelings..and it felt good
He came home last night instead of tonight and wanted to come over.....however Music was suppose to come over and since me and Music have recently gotten a lil closer I decided to make him stick to spending some talking time with me on Friday as we had already planned.
I think he was taken a bit back by that because usually I'm like sure come over and this time I was like well you should just go home, I have to finish studying so I'll see you tomorrow after I get off work.
I could tell by the sound of his voice that he didn't expect me to do that..but hey it is what it is and I'm not gonna put others on the back burner because you decide to come home earlier..plus I really like Music..which also means that I won't be attempting to have Constant back in my life as my BOO anytime soo....
We can be friends but what he did is still mind boggling and it wouldn't be fair to him or me to just jump back in to where I'm not comfortable...I would forever be thinking about what he did and if he's doing it again
He told me that the other night he went out and he saw one of the girls that he was emailing..asked me if I had talked to her..I told him no and that I wasn't trying to make a support group out of the chics he emailed..I could care less..I mean she cool folks, we know some of the same people from growing up in the same neighborhood but I don't know her like that LOL
And if I had talked to her what business of his would it be...on top of that he told me that there are some emails I didn't get from other chic where he told her that they weren't together and all that jazz...oh well what's done is done and what you said is what you said...I don't believe that someone who you let check your email wrote emails for you..and even when you saw what they wrote you choose to say nothing..that doesn't make sense...if I saw someone doing that, when I just told them to read my emails and let me know if there were emergencies or what not...I would have been like hey i have someone checkin my emails if you get anything funny it ain't from me...and on top of that..why have someone check your emails..if you can't respond personally....
Music smiled when he saw I got him a toothbrush said where should i put it..I said in the toothbrush holder beside mine LOL..he's funny...man his tail popped up this morning so fast when the alarm went off that he hit me in the lip LOL..he was like I hope it doesn't swell (it didn't) he kissed it and rubbed my face LOL
So I'm gonna meet him (constant) after I get home from work...I'm gonna get him to get me dinner so great LOL...hmm I'm thinking Macaroni Grill or Maggianos..I love me some pasta....plus if we're in public I'll remember that my momma taught me manners
I got a raise!!! Man when my boss and office manager told me they wanted to talk to me I felt like I was going to the principals office...but I was happy and I've been praying for God to help me learn to budget better...my goal for 2007 is to save more and spend less...I hate spending money and later be like what the heck did I get..plus I wanna buy a house after school and not be struggling while I'm in school to pay bills...God always knows just what I need when I need it....
So all in all I'm good. It's friday and next week I'm going home to visit the fam, my nephew has called me this morning to tell me he loves Unte lol....and that he was watching Barney.....
Have a great weekend....stay safe :) Dont' do nothing I wouldn't do..which of course leaves you with lots of room to play hahahaha
One of my favorite poems (It can be heard on the movie ATL):
pleasure turns to the pain
lessons learned from the strain
questions burned in my brain..
about whether love is humane
in its touch.
these thoughts are like salmon swimming upstream
in the tears of your deceit.
fighting the current hurt that kills more than is created by the chaos
of our intertwined emotions.
chaotic because the anchor of Erros' arrow has been plucked
from the vessel of my undying infatuation
separation not as simple as the distance between us
my mind no longer possessed by demons
that have been the overseers of my enslavement to your lies
the seeds of these lies rooted so deeply
they have cracked the foundation of what we once shared
allowing the faith in us i had sealed inside
to gush out like a river
ripping the image of our future together from my thoughts
as violently and as brutally as if it were a child
being taken from its mothers arms
im left surrounded in darkness
but i refuse to be swallowed by it
my lonliness like the night air
invisible to the eye
obvious to the touch
it is cold uncomfortableness
yet if i could do it all over again
id do it in the same skin im in
to lay down and let love die
just stay down and let love lie?
no, no..not i
id stay around and let love fly
even though i have seen its darkest form
nothing else could taste this warm
or feel this sweet...