Life through my eyes......
Thursday, February 22, 2007
I mean why are you so concerned about me being happy, you weren't before. And on top of that if I wasn't happy do you think I'd be with him...ERRR your are annoying me quickly. Don't try to entice me with asking how my fam is doing, you don't know a dang on thing about them you're only doing it so I think that you've paid attention when I use to talk about them..then again I never talked about them to you so this is just your way of trying to get in where you don't fit in.
Stop sending me your number over and over...I'm not gonna use it. I'm not even gonna attempt to act like I'd use it. Cause you have a child right now and no that doesn't mean that I don't date men with kids but ummm you lied for a second about having a girl so you might want to handle that and focus on your kid.
And you...yea you buddy...Mr. Buffalo Solider. You decided we were not talking anymore. You had a hissy fit cause I didn't involve you in my business only after you TOLD me how I felt about you. So now I guess that you've given yourself time to cool down and realize that I'm pretty darn fabulous you want to see if I'll talk to you or give you a lil action. You didn't get action from me when we were talking and you're not getting any now....I mean I'm glad you're well and everything is wonderful over there in Iraq and that you want to see me when you come home for 2 weeks but ummm why should I even entertain that.....why should I care...I was really into you....and then you got insane with telling me that you thought I was playing with your emotions and I really didn't care about you or your daughter...I dont' have time for that....so when you took it upon yourself to tell me that I didn't care...I proceeded not to.
Funny how you want to tell me that I wont be happy. That I'll want to chill and hang out with you....ehhhhhh nuh. How about you have me confused with a woman who doesn't know a good thing and right now I'm good. Why would I want to demote myself and deal with your nonsense again. I tell ya, talking about that's why we need to be together....why...so you can feel good about the fact that you're not with a chicken head, you're with someone who upgrades you....boo I shouldn't have to upgrade you. If you aint' already on my level then we have nothing to converse about.
Hmmm I don't even know how to tell you this right now, but I wish I didn't have to or need to. Funny how someone has just popped up and taken all my focus off of you and what I thought we were going to have. I realized last week that I might occupy a little space in your world but I want more than a little space I want a whole room....matter fact a few rooms. I know that ignoring you will only make it worse so I'll have to tell you that we can only be friends now and I don't mean friends with benefits I mean just friends.....I really honestly do care for you...I have cared for you for the past 3 years...so this is soooo hard right now.....you aren't ready to be with me and you probably will never be so I stopped waiting. I guess you noticed my focus being drawn away and I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner.....
For someone that I've named Constant you sure don't live up to your name and now you wanna pop up with all these words and promises....well this time I'm done. I'm not entertaining them, I'm not soaking them up.... I'm not even gonna care (it's gonna be hard but it has to be done). I met you at a time when I didn't even think I could love someone again and that all changed and I although we are where we are in this thing I care about you and your well being cause that's who I am and I won't ever stop loving you, but I won't subject myself to being in love with someone who only tells me they love me when they are in the middle of the ocean. I'm not a priority to you and perhaps I will be later but I'm not putting my life on hold just cause you wnt to decide if I'm the one for you. It's sooo hard letting you go but I told you that one day you were gonna come around and I wasn't gonna be down and today is that day.
This just isn't to one person it's to a handful, random thoughts I've put together these last few months that I've spent getting to know HIM. Funny how I kept denying what was occuring and now when I'm finally recognizing it folks come out the wood works professing love and all that junk. I don't know the future and to be honest I don't want to know what's gonna occur..I like living in this moment right here, right now. It's also funny to me how I've known him the shortest but he's the one who has taken it upon himself to spend most of his time with me. These last 3 months have seemed like 6 months...it didn't take him forever to realize that he wanted to be with me so why does it take others so long to come around...after I've found happiness in someone other than them......ah well