Life through my eyes......

So last night I'm talking to the BFF (we'll call her T). She and I have been BFF's since kindergarten and she has two beautiful children to which I am the godmother (Olivia who is 3 going on 33 and Gavin who is 5 months). We dont talk everyday but when we get to talking and hanging out it's like no time has passed at all.

We were both in awe that in a few days I'll be 26....she will be 27 in Feb and how we were both so anxious to grow up when we were younger. Now that its here we're like dang where did the time go. I can recall being in HS saying by the time I'm 25 I want to be married with a kid....ummm yea LOL can I see myself being that way right now yes I would love to be married with a kid but the reality is that in order to have done that I probably would have had to keep putting up with trash and trash stinks so I discard it and move on....hence the place I'm at right now.

She talked about some guy that she had dated who is older wanting to marry her (he has 3 kids) and she was like Honey I dont even wanna get married no more at least not right now. I mean I'm almost finished school (she goes to NSU and will be a teacher when she is done) and I wanna move to NC and buy a house by myself for me and my kids. I'm like well homie do what you do, you've always been strong make it happen I'm behind you all the way....when the time comes I'll take some time off and help you get adjusted...she's like the big sister/twin I've always had lol.

We began talking about me and my dating scene. I told her about G...nice guy but he just turned 23 and he's in the Navy so any real relationship with him would take lots of communication which isn't a problem but its brand new and if we progressed then the Navy would then become my life. On top of that sometimes when we talk his opinions make me wanna hang up on him lol...is that bad. I mean I listen but yesterday for example this fool said one of his ex girls got raped by her ex...he goes I wonder what she did...I'm like what are you serious fool.....sometimes you dont have to do anything.....he was like well I dont believe a guy is gonna try to have sex with a chic unless he thinks he has a chance....I'm like are you punking me right now....is Ashton about to jump out of the back of this spanish delivery truck on route 1 as I'm pulling out the walmart...I mean seriously. I was sooo glad when he was like I gotta call you back. Before that he went on to say that men are always plotting which is why gay men and straight men cant' hang out...I'm like WHAT?! He was like yea..I said so you think that every gay man is plotting on you to take your booty...you are kidding me fool, you probably aint even their type.....I was getting agitated lol

Then there is R. My honey bunny, my ace, my homie. Been around for 4 years. When I first met him he didnt try to suger coat anything, told me I was pretty wanted to spend time with me and I've been hooked ever since. He has a son, and now instead of me living in VA 30-40 min away from him I live in MD in a spot that is about 8 min from him. So you can only imagine how diff this is for both of us. I am pretty much at his house every night and I leave from there to go to work, sometimes I make dinner for him and bring it over since he works at night...sometimes I stay at home till he gets off work, or I'll go over his house and sleep till he gets off. Roomie says next year is the year when he'll finally say something....i dont think so, cause we've already discussed that he might not go into the whole wanna be boos phase he might just pop up with a ring lol. But everyonce in a while I see him looking at me and I wonder what is this man thinking. He calls me his sunshine which makes me smile ALLLL the time lol and when we're joking around and he sings to me I blush. I honestly can't see myself right now without having him to talk to or hang out with.

Sometimes I'm just like what the piss do I wanna do. I love the attention G gives me but we're not together and sometimes I wonder if his over affection would annoy me if that makes sense lol. Then I wonder if R will ever acknowledge what we're doing, then again he does tell me he loves me and for all sense and purposes others view us as couple....when I show up his friends say what's up sunshine or if he's with me he says I'm with sunshine and they know who I am....I guess sometimes you want the security of a title....why is that lol

Why do i feel that I have to label something that I sorta already know what it is but for the benefit of others I think I gotta call it something...maybe it's already called something......my brain hurts....

10:26am