Life through my eyes......

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Growing Pains

So last night I'm talking to the BFF (we'll call her T). She and I have been BFF's since kindergarten and she has two beautiful children to which I am the godmother (Olivia who is 3 going on 33 and Gavin who is 5 months). We dont talk everyday but when we get to talking and hanging out it's like no time has passed at all.

We were both in awe that in a few days I'll be 26....she will be 27 in Feb and how we were both so anxious to grow up when we were younger. Now that its here we're like dang where did the time go. I can recall being in HS saying by the time I'm 25 I want to be married with a kid....ummm yea LOL can I see myself being that way right now yes I would love to be married with a kid but the reality is that in order to have done that I probably would have had to keep putting up with trash and trash stinks so I discard it and move on....hence the place I'm at right now.

She talked about some guy that she had dated who is older wanting to marry her (he has 3 kids) and she was like Honey I dont even wanna get married no more at least not right now. I mean I'm almost finished school (she goes to NSU and will be a teacher when she is done) and I wanna move to NC and buy a house by myself for me and my kids. I'm like well homie do what you do, you've always been strong make it happen I'm behind you all the way....when the time comes I'll take some time off and help you get adjusted...she's like the big sister/twin I've always had lol.

We began talking about me and my dating scene. I told her about G...nice guy but he just turned 23 and he's in the Navy so any real relationship with him would take lots of communication which isn't a problem but its brand new and if we progressed then the Navy would then become my life. On top of that sometimes when we talk his opinions make me wanna hang up on him that bad. I mean I listen but yesterday for example this fool said one of his ex girls got raped by her ex...he goes I wonder what she did...I'm like what are you serious fool.....sometimes you dont have to do anything.....he was like well I dont believe a guy is gonna try to have sex with a chic unless he thinks he has a chance....I'm like are you punking me right Ashton about to jump out of the back of this spanish delivery truck on route 1 as I'm pulling out the walmart...I mean seriously. I was sooo glad when he was like I gotta call you back. Before that he went on to say that men are always plotting which is why gay men and straight men cant' hang out...I'm like WHAT?! He was like yea..I said so you think that every gay man is plotting on you to take your are kidding me fool, you probably aint even their type.....I was getting agitated lol

Then there is R. My honey bunny, my ace, my homie. Been around for 4 years. When I first met him he didnt try to suger coat anything, told me I was pretty wanted to spend time with me and I've been hooked ever since. He has a son, and now instead of me living in VA 30-40 min away from him I live in MD in a spot that is about 8 min from him. So you can only imagine how diff this is for both of us. I am pretty much at his house every night and I leave from there to go to work, sometimes I make dinner for him and bring it over since he works at night...sometimes I stay at home till he gets off work, or I'll go over his house and sleep till he gets off. Roomie says next year is the year when he'll finally say something....i dont think so, cause we've already discussed that he might not go into the whole wanna be boos phase he might just pop up with a ring lol. But everyonce in a while I see him looking at me and I wonder what is this man thinking. He calls me his sunshine which makes me smile ALLLL the time lol and when we're joking around and he sings to me I blush. I honestly can't see myself right now without having him to talk to or hang out with.

Sometimes I'm just like what the piss do I wanna do. I love the attention G gives me but we're not together and sometimes I wonder if his over affection would annoy me if that makes sense lol. Then I wonder if R will ever acknowledge what we're doing, then again he does tell me he loves me and for all sense and purposes others view us as couple....when I show up his friends say what's up sunshine or if he's with me he says I'm with sunshine and they know who I am....I guess sometimes you want the security of a title....why is that lol

Why do i feel that I have to label something that I sorta already know what it is but for the benefit of others I think I gotta call it something...maybe it's already called brain hurts....

posted by Ms.Honey at 7:11 AM


I don't know why we were all in such a rush to grow up. I would love to be back in high school having the time of my life the way I did then. those were the times.

Don't feel you have to lable something unless YOU'RE ready. Society puts so much emphasis on "traditional families and relationships" and the reality of that is just that - reality. It ain't always peaches and cream. If you want to be married, then claim it and hold out for that one. Lawd knows I said I was going to be married by 26 and I'm knocking on 28's door (damn I'm getting old). If that man wants to wife you, you just do you until he does but certainly don't wait on him. U might pass something good up.

October 15, 2008  

Ain't it funny how when you look back you are doing nothing at all the way you expected too as a child? I swore I would be married with kids living inna instead i'm shakin up with my boo, wishing my rag would come! lol

October 15, 2008  

I had my child's name picked out (Jayda) and i was going to have her before my 30th birthday...I had it all planned out!

Yeah...right...didn't happen. lol

that R situation sounds intense...proceed with caution!

October 15, 2008  

it's hard not to place a label on things. it's human nature. we like for things and ppl to sit in nice and neat categories.

i'd say proceed w/ caution w/ G. i just get nervous when guys say too many things that make me want to hang the phone up.

at any rate, enjoy things as they are!

October 15, 2008  

I'm with the ladies who say proceed with caution with R...yeah we like to move things along but even I'm learning patience with a certain guy...

I still haven't grown up and I keep thinking I'll be married by 30...I'm gonna plan my wedding and send out cards like a sweepstakes telling one guy he is the lucky winner to wed me and take care of me for the rest of his (I wish it were that easy)

October 15, 2008  

Monique....You're very right which is why I'm kind proceeding with caution and hanging out with G but we'll see

Sha...I know right..umm rag huh lol great just great

OD...Aww I love that name I know so many cuties named Jayda..

BlkB...Its so hard but I'm like why do I feel like I gotta label it when I already call it something myself does it matter what others think ah well

Brwn...I hear you ladies and I will def proceed with my third eye open HAHAHAHAH about that sweepstakes like its a lottery hahha

October 16, 2008  

Agree with everyone else...proceed with caution concerning R.

Girl bye talking about being 26. Wait till you hit 30. Then we can talk. LOL

October 16, 2008  

i am totally not where i "thought" i would be when i was younger, not even where i "thought" i would be 5 years ago...lesson learned...DONT plan it, just live it...

sometimes we get so caught up in "what if" that we don't enjoy what actually IS...

G honestly sounds like a homeboy of mines...sweet guy, good guy, but OFF...i mean like he says stuff that makes me look at him four sideways to sunday...and that's not someone i can honestly see myself with..

in all that you do, guard your heart and definitely LISTEN TO YOURSELF...

you don't have to rush to label things, but labels do indeed protect you...

October 20, 2008  

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