Life through my eyes......
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Time to move....
Thursday, October 16, 2008
D, please stop acting like the phone only works one way. Or that you're trying to figure out if I like you or whatever....you're starting to slowly annoy me and the only reason I called you last night was cause I was bored lol sad I know but oh well. Once the debate came on I was no longer bored..talk to you later. And why did you send me a pic via text...a pic that I've already seen of you....boo that aint cute.
Man on the train with the locs you are one fly brotha em em em. I just wanted to walk up to you and run my hand over your locs. Ask what you put in them, ask could I sit you down between my legs and oil them for you.....ahhhhh lol
SOB's at work and yea it stands for what you think lol.....I'm outta here snitches. I aint coming back till Tuesday.....wait I cant leave yet it aint even lunch time...darn
Boo why are you taping so hard on your luggage. I mean whatever you cranking I wanna listen to it too, then again I was listening to Bad Girl by Ursher so I'm good :)
Your kids are sooo cute. Wait you got three of em, how old are you. WOW......cute kids :)
Hmmm I dont even think I could handle 3 kids right now....I mean when I have the JSquad yea but that's not too often that I have all three of em since Toot lives in Richmond so at the most I have 2 unless I get my goddaughter even then they tire me out. Once they hit the sack I'm out as well
I think I wanna name my son Harrison lol. Very distinguished and how many other kids would have his name......yea he might be 3 with a 40 year old name but hey when he grows up it will fit him lol
I started my WW point counting again. I was slacking but I've lost 14 pds since I went to the dr two months ago and when I got back in Dec for my gardasil shot I want to have lost at least 10 to get where I wanna be by new years
I'm gonna take pics of the apt once I get the bathroom like I want it and post it for you guys
Well the celebration for my bday starts as soon as I get off work. Wont be too much tonight though, go home make dinner, wait for Greys and ER...head over to hang with R, drink and stay up late....maybe go to breakfast tomorrow then hang out with the roomie.
If you're in the area on Sunday around 11am email me and I'll tell ya where to come so we can hang out :)
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
We were both in awe that in a few days I'll be 26....she will be 27 in Feb and how we were both so anxious to grow up when we were younger. Now that its here we're like dang where did the time go. I can recall being in HS saying by the time I'm 25 I want to be married with a kid....ummm yea LOL can I see myself being that way right now yes I would love to be married with a kid but the reality is that in order to have done that I probably would have had to keep putting up with trash and trash stinks so I discard it and move on....hence the place I'm at right now.
She talked about some guy that she had dated who is older wanting to marry her (he has 3 kids) and she was like Honey I dont even wanna get married no more at least not right now. I mean I'm almost finished school (she goes to NSU and will be a teacher when she is done) and I wanna move to NC and buy a house by myself for me and my kids. I'm like well homie do what you do, you've always been strong make it happen I'm behind you all the way....when the time comes I'll take some time off and help you get adjusted...she's like the big sister/twin I've always had lol.
We began talking about me and my dating scene. I told her about G...nice guy but he just turned 23 and he's in the Navy so any real relationship with him would take lots of communication which isn't a problem but its brand new and if we progressed then the Navy would then become my life. On top of that sometimes when we talk his opinions make me wanna hang up on him lol...is that bad. I mean I listen but yesterday for example this fool said one of his ex girls got raped by her ex...he goes I wonder what she did...I'm like what are you serious fool.....sometimes you dont have to do anything.....he was like well I dont believe a guy is gonna try to have sex with a chic unless he thinks he has a chance....I'm like are you punking me right now....is Ashton about to jump out of the back of this spanish delivery truck on route 1 as I'm pulling out the walmart...I mean seriously. I was sooo glad when he was like I gotta call you back. Before that he went on to say that men are always plotting which is why gay men and straight men cant' hang out...I'm like WHAT?! He was like yea..I said so you think that every gay man is plotting on you to take your booty...you are kidding me fool, you probably aint even their type.....I was getting agitated lol
Then there is R. My honey bunny, my ace, my homie. Been around for 4 years. When I first met him he didnt try to suger coat anything, told me I was pretty wanted to spend time with me and I've been hooked ever since. He has a son, and now instead of me living in VA 30-40 min away from him I live in MD in a spot that is about 8 min from him. So you can only imagine how diff this is for both of us. I am pretty much at his house every night and I leave from there to go to work, sometimes I make dinner for him and bring it over since he works at night...sometimes I stay at home till he gets off work, or I'll go over his house and sleep till he gets off. Roomie says next year is the year when he'll finally say something....i dont think so, cause we've already discussed that he might not go into the whole wanna be boos phase he might just pop up with a ring lol. But everyonce in a while I see him looking at me and I wonder what is this man thinking. He calls me his sunshine which makes me smile ALLLL the time lol and when we're joking around and he sings to me I blush. I honestly can't see myself right now without having him to talk to or hang out with.
Sometimes I'm just like what the piss do I wanna do. I love the attention G gives me but we're not together and sometimes I wonder if his over affection would annoy me if that makes sense lol. Then I wonder if R will ever acknowledge what we're doing, then again he does tell me he loves me and for all sense and purposes others view us as couple....when I show up his friends say what's up sunshine or if he's with me he says I'm with sunshine and they know who I am....I guess sometimes you want the security of a title....why is that lol
Why do i feel that I have to label something that I sorta already know what it is but for the benefit of others I think I gotta call it something...maybe it's already called something......my brain hurts....
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Its Monday....I mean Tuesday
The weekend was aight. I had to get four new tires so that pretty much sucked leaving funds a lil low and me trying to decide if I'm gonna go the distance of getting my hair done for my bday or do it myself and I might just do it myself and save myself $40.....great.
Friday I woke up pretty late in the morning and was flying around to get the tires put on my car. The plan was to only get two..well once I got to the tire place he informed me that one of my tires had a crack in it and could blow out later on....great....$100 now turns into $200. After that I went to my doctors appointment. Everything is cool just a 6 month check up.....nothing special. But I am down 14pds since I was there 2 months ago so I'm excited about that. Called Hun (hard not to call him that) to see if I could stop by and pick up my mail and what not but he was busy at work and by the time we spoke I was already back in MD. In between all that I got a wonderful comforter set from Linens and Things http://www.lnt.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2894554&cp=1331605.2623890&view=all&parentPage=family
I'm going back in a couple of weeks to get the bathroom set that I liked. I could get lost in that store I tell ya. I had a coupon so i was really excited to have found my comforter set...I love those color together have even contemplated having those as my wedding colors....we'll see of course I have to have the input of the groom but he aint around yet so for now it's whatever I want it to be lol.
So Saturday I couldn't sleep late had a chapter meeting and I couldnt miss it cause I had to present a report on our Spring Luncheon to which I am the chair..well there is another chair but I had to present the report since my big sister couldn't be there. So anyway went to the meeting was suppose to stay for our domestic violence seminar but being that I have gotten NO SLEEP lately I took myself home and laid out on the couch and woke up around 5pm to the sound of my phone ringing and folks trying to talk to me. Now unless I like you I dont do the wake me up in the middle of my sleep to talk to me, I will tell you I will call you back....if you dont get a call back then oh well dont call me back lol.
Some dude that I think is trying to talk to me called and I told him I was watching a movie and I was...I was watching Iron Man. I told him I was gonna call him back and have I...no sorry. He annoys me, talking about he can tell getting to know me is gonna be a slow process...ok and. Calling me babe and all that jazz..boo you dont know me that well thanks...I'm not mean its just that when I'm not into you like that I dont let anything slide if you annoy me....I will not go out of my way to talk to you.
So anywho I finally get my wits about me take another shower and G comes over so that we can double date with his lil brother. We go to Capitol Blvd to the movies and to this Wing place that's nearby......the movie wasn't all that good...Quarintine....kinda stupid but oh well. Went back home and oh boy decided that he wanted to take a bath. I'm like are you kidding me LOL. Trying to spoil me I tell ya. So we took a bath....with some candles and then I got oiled down and I was out like a light LOL.......woke up and made some breakfast. Laid around a lil bit till he had to leave around 6 to get ready to go see the What Band and someone else play at Fur.....the man is seriously trying to spoil me. I've told him that I wanna enjoy being single for right now and if he can't handle that then he might wanna go on and roll...dont wanna lead homie on. I'm sure my parents would love him though hahha....
Sunday night made some food then hung out with R watching the games and what not and decided I needed to do laundry. So I took my laundry over his house and did it while watching Joy Ride 2 which was heck a gory ewwwwww. He surprises me cause just when I think I have him all figured out..BOOM he does something and I'm like wow dude lol.....just the fact that he calls me his sunshine makes me smile. He hinted at taking Monday off....I will believe it when I see it cause like any hard working man this fool dont take days off lol...my dad is the same way. We're watching tv and he leans over and rubs my face and Im like what and he's like oh nothing just looking at my sunshine.....roomie says I'm wearing him down hahaha...she has us engaged next year lol great..which leads me to another story...one of my girls told me she got engaged her boo is in the military so he'll do the real on the knee when he comes home in Dec but she then proceeded to tell me how much the ring cost....umm WHY...I'd just be happy that God blessed me with a man you do not need to know how much the ring cost...great...some folks I tell ya
I had Monday off so I pretty much slept the whole day which was rather nice and will probably occur next monday at least until time for my bday dinner lol
So I had a pretty nice weekend....came back to some crap on my desk...I hate when folks need to look for something on my desk and they leave stuff behind or mess it up. I'm bout to send an email around when I'm gone. If you need to locate something on my desk please leave it like you found it. Thanks
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Approaching birthdays always have you reflecting on life and what you've made of it so far.
I was reading a blog the other day (I forgot her name..went back and found out it was Blk Butterfly...hey girl!!) and she said that for once in her life she was really happy and it didn't revolve around a man. I couldn't stop cheesing because that's me right now. Yes finances haven't changed too much, I didn't hit the lotto, I didn't get married over night, but I'm happy. I wake up each morning wondering what the day will bring, excited that I've stepped into this new phase of my life and how I've embraced it even though at first I was a tad bit scared.
I mean yes I hang out with R...so much now that it's normal for me to no longer sleep at home but at his house. It's funny how time and space work themselves out and you just fall into "something" with someone. I say something because one of my friends asked me what was going on with that and I was like umm I have no idea hard to put a title on something when you have no idea what to call it other than a deeper friendship that is sorta like a relationship but we're not yet wanting to call it that hahaha
Anywho so I'm thinking about how I was even 10 years ago and I'm like man I was in such a hurry to grow up and move away from momma and if it weren't for that dang on gas then I would be there every other weekend lol. I call home about 2 times a week even if it's just to hear my nephews gabber on the phone. Fat Fat is no longer a fatty he's slimming down rather nicely but he'll always be aunties fat fat. Toot is getting so big that everytime I see him I wanna bust out crying. I honestly wish he were mine...that's how much I love him, and want to see him have everything he needs to make his mark on the world. However, he loves his daddy and is doing well there....maybe I'll call him this weekend and see if I can get him one weekend this month take him to the zoo or something. JayDee or Jailyn is sooo cute, looking like my sister when she was a baby and on a diet LOL...Doc says he is eating too much poor lil thing haha. 2 months old and on a diet.
I'm thinking about getting a new bed....maybe for an early Christmas present to myself. Upgrade to a queen..yes I'm sleeping in a full...it's nice and cozy when you got someone else in there hahah. But I def need to step the bed game up so I'm gonna start looking into those. I think I found one I like though at Value City so we'll see.
Gotta get new tires this weekend..that should be a boat load of fun....errrr. But I can't complain, God has blessed me with having a wonderful car that didn't fall apart after I hit the 50,000 mark hahaha.
I mean I can't help it if I wanted to watch Noah's Arc and not talk to you, I'm sorry.
YAHHH Brunch with some of the blog homies that have been become real friends and not just computer friends....if you live in MD and wanna come email me so I can give you the details we dont want no strangers showing up lol :)
I can't believe you said she might be a stripper lol just cause she changed her clothes before she went home....lol you're funny
Ummmm a weekend getaway sounds rather nice.....when can we leave :)
Hey TC!!! I see ya girl, we'll have to arrange lunch now that we have bumped into each other accidently.....I must know where you got that coat from. I was knocked out on the train or I would have talked your head off hahah
Monday, October 06, 2008
I'm not the greatest.....
For some odd reason I saw this quote and its been my week favorite. Anywho...on to some randomness
Nikki you crack me up why this week I was wondering if you had gone on any dates that I could laugh at. I seriously need to come to ATL..when you guys get some gas of course so we can reek havoc on some men HAHHAHAHA
I made 3 hats this weekend (for my locs and one for roomie) and I'm working on the third...I learned to crochet last winter so now the time has come to make more hats for gifts lol.
I had to get new tires and front brakes...I can't complain I've only bought one tire since I've had my car so that is what I'll be doing this weekend.
I'm glad we had that talk last night, it put somethings into perspective. Point well taken and the information you provided will be noted
My bday is 14 days AWAY!!!!!!!!
I am soooo excited. Each day I've been doing something that makes me smile even if its not huge. But as my bday draws near I will admit that I hope some of the bigger things I wanna do go off without a hitch.
I've learned that Musiq is gonna be in Alexandria so R has suggested that we do that either on Sun or Monday night. I'm looking forward to it. I'm doing dinner with the girls one of the days during that week which is always nice...so all in all I'm looking forward to the rest of this month....
I'm glad you finally came to visit...
The similarities in the three of us might be a sign that you can love again...
I love Jazmine Sullivans CD....I've been playing it all week...along with Joe (I am partial to Back by any means I think that's number 2 or 3)
Why can't you just be happy....its like you look for a reason to hate life....I'm sorry you feel that way
I aint callin you no more...one sided phone calls are not cool lol
On top of that why are you callin me your boo, I aint your boo.....we aint even chilled yet, I dont know if you chew with your mouth open....if you talk during a movie or if you just plain annoy me..until then call me by my name...thanks
I'm not mean....I'm just me
Stop INVITING yourself over, if I want you to come over then I'll invite you. Talking you know I'm trying to get with you....boo you got a girl...leave me the piss alone DUDE! On top of that stop asking when can you meet me at the metro station.....that would mean you wanna come over and you're not so no meeting at the metro station lol
You know why we stopped talking dont play stupid.....I can't change a Gay Man lol just cause you aint ready to admit you're gay is not my problem.
SNL is seriously TOOOOO hilarious
Why do I feel like just cause I'm the neo that I'm gonna be doing all the work....lol great. I guess its to be expected but I mean dang dont leave me in the cold.
You looked rather comfortable on my couch....I could get use to you :) - not being on my couch but just being over lol
Thursday, October 02, 2008
Pen touching paper
Anyone that knows me knows that I love to write as well as read. Ever since I can remember I've loved going to the library, writing poetry and writing in my journal. I even wrote a lil book when i was in elementary school and it was taken onto a city wide competition...I need to find that book, I'm sure it's marred beyond recognition now haha.
In school English was easily my favorite subject. I could be given an assignment and crank it out A status the night before it was due, this of course made all my college friends jealous...how could Honey do that and I got recruited in helping others write their papers, which didnt matter to me since I loved anything that had to do with writing. I've heard that I'm creative and have a wild imagination. I thought about writing a book perhaps one day....maybe something to read to my children when they enter this crazy world but for right now I'll write in my journal :)
So last night I took out my journal....it's light blue covered in suede. Purchased from Barnes and Nobles in 2001 it's seen some rough time, and I didnt even write in it everyday..I did at first then I slacked off...I noticed that last night that sometimes months passed and even years between my posts.
Ya know what else I noticed last night...I'm in love with love. I mean I know I've been hurt but I just love how loving someone makes you feel. The joy you get when you see them, the pain you feel when their gone, the butterflies when you know you're going to see them, the realization that you love them but its just not meant to be and yes you're sad but you're just happy that you got to experience that lil bit of peace for ever how long it lasted.
I also noticed that once I say I've left you alone...you might dangle along but I've left you alone...you just haven't gotten the hint just yet hahaha. I laughed as I read how one ex was getting on my nerves and how much non stress I was feeling since I was no longer his girl. I talked about how my heart was broken once I realized it was over with Z and how he was all that I could even think to dream of in a guy. How my HS sweetheart claimed I was the one that got away and how I realized that we aint meant to be together but we make the best of friends.
How R is cool and how I feel about it was vaguely mentioned and I read it to him (I told him he's the first I've ever done that with) and he smiled. Since I've moved closer to him I will admit that we've been spending a lil bit more time together...so much in fact that I can count on one hand how many nights I've actually slept at my apt LOL.....I know I know but we aren't bunned up so that's why I live where I live and not with him (which will not be occuring unless we get married lol)
I also noticed that after each entry I thank God for whatever it is that he's blessed me with. No matter how sad I am I always take the time to say thank you.
All of this got me to thinking about what is going on in my life right now...trying to finish this paralegal program so I can advance and possibly move out of this area and make some serious changes....R and how I really feel about him and if I think we have a chance to make this something deeper. G who has come out of nowhere and appears to be every womans dream, by that I mean someone one who runs your bath water, lotions you down and holds you all night, etc. I dont know how to take him just yet..I mean he could be insane...tellin me he likes me this early or he could actually have some direct insight from God telling him I'm suppose to be his wife LOL...I like to think that he's just cool for right now and until God informs me of this master plan it will stay that way...but I love glimpsing into what it would be like to come home (not literally) to that every day (would I get sick of it) lol
Last night as I was reading about past happiness, past hurt and just over all joy I realized that writing heals me. I need to keep at it or I'll fall apart. Even if no one else understands me, my penned words always help me get my thoughts across. No one understands me more than me, so as I countdown to my 26th birthday I vow to take more time to put pen to paper and help myself grow.
I was informed that I won the Honesty Award......WOOHOOOO aight I digress. I'll post about that tomorrow :) I know Nikki but what can I say I wanted to write about this today :)