Life through my eyes......
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Enjoy cause I did...I probably read this about once a week LOL..it makes me smile and think of him. I pray that he is safe over there while saving the many Americans who are trying to get out of Lebenon and the surrounding war zones.
Getting off the elevator you can faintly hear Usher singing words of love and lust. It causes you to pause and think. As you walk down the hall to the room, you think about how long its been since we've seen each other. Your mind wonders back to the last time we were together. You think about how long its been since our lips touched, how much you have missed all of this. You finally reach the room and you notice that the door is slightly open. You knock, but there is no answer so you walk in. When you enter the room you are surrounded by the smell of vanilla and black love. You pause in the middle of the floor as you see the all the candles burning around the room and the rose petals on the floor. You are so caught up in the moment that you don't hear me walk up behind you. "Hey there stranger" I say with a grin on my face. You try to turn around but I wrap my hands around you so that you can't move. I want to savior this moment, the moment I got my woman back. I take in everything about you. I'm not sure of the scent you're wearing but it intoxicates my senses and for a brief moment I can't move. Damn, I missed my baby I think to myself.
I take my hands from around you and you slowly turn around. Our eyes meet and it's as if all the air has been sucked out of the room and time has frozen. We can't take our eyes off our each other, we're like two people meeting for the very first time. You look at me as if I'm a familiar stranger. You try to talk but I put my finger over your lips to stop you. I don't want to ruin this moment with words that can wait to be said. For now we will let our bodies do the talking!
I lean forward to kiss you b/c Lord knows I've missed those lips. You try to kiss me but I lean back, I'm running the show right now. I run my hand over your hair and trace the back of your neck with my fingernail. I think you like it b/c you give a small smile. Leaning back in I tease your lips with mine, not wanting to miss any part of you and savor every moment of this. I lick your lips and suck one. Damn how I love to do that! Usher is flowing around the room asking "can you handle it if I go there baby with you?" I'm asking you the same question with my eyes. You give me this look that says you can handle any and everything I wanna do and give to you. I knew that you could.
You slowly run your hands over my chest, feeling the way my body has changed. I know full well that you wanna feel and see everything that's underneath my shirt. Be patient, all in due time. I reach down and pull your shirt up over your head. If you could see what I see. Your body is just glowing off the candlelight. The sight of it sends chills up my spine and makes me want to unwrap the rest of you like a present, but I'm gonna take my time tonight. I wrap my arms around your neck, you put your arms around my waist and we together get lost in our own world and in our own time. It's as if the music has wrapped itself around us and is keeping the beat in our bodies. You feel so good up against my skin. You lay your head on my chest, and I wish that life could be like this every moment of the day. Your hands slowly move from my waist to my hips and down further to my butt. I guess you like what you feel b/c you don't seem to be in a rush to move your hands.
In one swift motion, My hand is lifting off whatever you have left on up top, I don't wanna stall anymore, I want to see what my baby has in store for me. I keep my eyes locked on yours as I reach to undo your bottom. They fall to the floor, you step out of them and kick them to the side. You are standing before me with almost nothing on. I put my hands at your side and slide your panties off. Even though it's killing me not to, I don't look down at your good stuff yet. It's calling my name, but for now I refuse to answer. I turn you around and push you down on the bed. I climb on top of you and begin to kiss you with all the life I have in me. I have waited oh so long for this. I take my time kissing down your body, never missing a spot. I nuzzle my nose in the crook of your neck, smelling your womanly smell again. I continue kissing down your neck, to your chest, making sure to give your nipples a little extra love too! I make my way down your chest until I get to your belly button. I kiss from one end of your waist line to the other. I know you're anxious to feel my mouth on you, but you've waited this long, what is a few more seconds or minutes?
I introduce my hand your good stuff, taking my time to get acquainted. I look at it, feel every thing you have to offer. Lord, how I've missed all this!!!! I don't take my eyes off you as my head wanders down south to taste your goodness. I almost lose my breath trying to make you come too fast. I compose myself and prepare for the task at hand. Your good stuff has a sweet taste to it. I smile, knowing that you are getting a kick out of this. I loose myself in a trance as I'm in a zone getting my rhythm going. I can tell you are enjoying what I'm doing b/c you stroke the back of my head. As I continue to please you with all my might your toes begin to curl and I hear them crack.Your legs begin to shake and your calf muscles tighten and I know you're about to erupt. I pull away from you b/c I'm not ready for you to cum just yet. I make my way back up to you and kiss you.
You turn me over on my back and stare into my eyes. You start to make the journey over my body. You are like a hunter trying to find the best and most precious treasure in the world. As you kiss me all over my face and neck your hands make their way to my secret hiding place. Your fingers play in the hairs of my place. You tease me not wanting to move too fast. My back arches as you finally find my spot. You don't move your hand as you continue to make your way down. Then you come back up and stare at me again. The moans that are seeping out of my throat are like none I have ever heard before. Thats b/c I have never truly made love to anyone that I truly loved with all my heart, mind, body and soul.
You find the trail you left behind and continue to follow it. You kiss from my chest to my bellybutton, not missing a spot. I can feel you staring at my secret place, wanting to go there but not sure if I'm ready. I look at you and smile, giving you the green light to make it happen. And you do. You take your time making love to my body with your mouth. Again my back arches as you find my spot, not letting it go. Your tounge is like velvet on my skin and I can no longer contain myself. I lock my knees and my body begins to shake and take on a life of it's own. And even though I'm giving you my self you still wont let go.
I can't take it anymore! As good as this feels I have to have me inside you. As though you understood exactly what I wanted you come back up and kiss me. We continue to kiss as I enter you. Once again, I forget how good you are, how you fee and have to brace myself for you. It doesn't take long for our bodies to realign themselves with each other. It's amazing how it seems like my dick was made to fit you. For the next few hours we make up for lost time, losing ourselves in each other. We both cum again and again and again, not wanting to let go or for this to be over.
Finally, we both need a break. I move to pull out of you, but you stop me. I don't ever want you to go away again. The candles burned out hours ago, so we lay in the dark holding each other. You kiss my forehead and I listen as your heartbeat and realize that my heart is beating the same pace. Thats when I truly know that I love you and that this was meant to be.
I miss you baby!!!
See why I miss him so...just when I get ready to slap his tail he does somethin like this..he keeps me on my toes :)
Monday, July 24, 2006
Busta Rhymes came on around 11 and didn't get off the stage till almost 1. When I say that man was hype I mean he was hype. He was callin people out cause they didn't know the words to the songs LOL and pouring yak in people's glasses. It was too funny. All I know is his boy splif star ain't that his name..looks way better on TV. But they were killin em with the ice. So people were jumpin and screaming and i had my shoes off it was sooo live in there, it was well worth the money (however I didn't pay so LOL you know how that goes) If you get there early instead of buying tickets you would feel the same, then again folks can't get to the club when it opens LOL...I can hahah. And be holding the door open for the workers and askin them to pour me a drink.
So me and Killa partied till we couldn't party no more on account of our feet hurting we limped on home LOL and passed out. My heels were burning and my shoes weren't even that high..some gold wedge sandals that I thought would allow me to cut a rug..apparently all they did was cut the circulation off in my toes LOL.
I work up on Saturday supposedly spending the day with nurse dude and wouldn't you know this negro or should I say nigga didn't even show up (I told him not to come over after 4 and he tells me that since he was out late he'll be over after 4). I didn't hear from this dumb ass till how about sunday at around 5pm. So I'm returning his shirts that I bought him for his bday and I told him don't bother to call me no more. I told ya I was gonna get rid of him I just had to do it on my own time. People do what you allow them to do to you, I let him dig a hole and I tried to help him out of it but he did some crap this weekend that will never be forgotten...so I kicked him to the curb :)
Ok the sex will be missed LOL (I might even go through withdrawals, plus the man was from GA so you know what's that's about if you don't then you betta ask someone LOL...hint most men from down south do this well LOL), but I can be a good girl till December when Constant comes back...right (I could keep Nurse dude on reserve and use him for when I need him LOL) :/ Speaking of him (constant), he was on the news I didn't see him but he said his mom emailed him and told him that he was up there. He is a part of the whole evacuation of people from the war that is going on. I just hope he comes home safe. Man it's funny cause the more nonsense that nurse dude dealt out the more I was confirmed in understanding that Constant is my suga :) (Come to think of it his is pretty darn good too, I can see myself doin that everyday LOL sike let stop)
I miss him, but I'm gonna be a good girl. I can do it......I'll have to occupy myself so I won't think about being bad LOL. Now what does bad necessarily include LOL. I'll be exploring those definitons LOL
My parents and nephew are coming this weekend and I told my mom I would take him to the zoo I can't wait. He is the cutest kid I have ever seen..well not ever then again I'm partial to him cause we're related LOL. Besides I dont' have any kids of my own so I can spoil him and my god daughter until I do. Me and Constant have talked about what our kids would look like LOL...pretty thick hair, dark features and nice juicy lips and our daughter would probably have a booty LOL...we'll be beating the boys off with trash cans.
So my weekend was chill, had an alumni meeting for the Black Alumni Association and these bammas talking bout charging $15 for a cookout. Ok it's a networking event but dang. Then again we have to realize that since we aren't students anymore we have to contribute more....I'll have to talk more people into understanding that.
Need to wash the head this mess is itching
I'll post busta pics when I get a chance..ok so I lied blogger won't let me post em but if you want a blurry pic and a sort better one let me know and I'll email it to ya LOL
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Sometimes men have to know that you aren't taking the games, the BS and if need be you put it on them to make them remember who you are when they aren't around.
Let's just say that Nurse Dude (D in other posts) was callin out for me and I made sure he know what the deal was. LOL..perhaps that's TMI but this is my damn blog and I do what I want LOL
He came over after work, probably cause as some of you stated he's feeling himself slippin out the pic and he might be trying to remain secure. So he comes over, he ate, we watched tv..then came time for the dreaded talk.
I was like so what's up with you not callin when you say you're going to or coming through when you say you are. He paused look at me (I can't resist sexy lips so I had to look away) and proceeded to apologize because he's been working overtime to pay off some bills and get some stuf for himself for his bday. I was like ok, but how come you couldn't tell me this. You got me thinking that 1st there is some other chic (he informed me that no it wasn't, do I believe him...the jury is still out on that one) or 2 he really is working himself into an early grave.
I told him that I wanted to do this whole thing for his bday weekend and he was really inconsiderate when he said that he wanted to do something else but hey it's his bday he can do what he wants. He said he had no excuse for what he's done and that he knows he messed up. Do I buy it? Partially LOL. Maybe I was partially blinded by how he was looking at me (he has a way of lookin through his eye lids) it drives me insane....or perhaps it was the fact that when we women get close to the time for our "you know who" to come we get extra, extra horny so dang on horny that we will do you morning, noon and night and then tell you to shut up and get back to work LOL...or is that just me. Ah well.
After we got interrupted...I can't remember whether I caused that interruption or if he did LOL. But anyway we continued this lil talk. He's on this whole I'm turning 25 thing and I need to make some changes and I was like yea that's true. Then he says he wants to settle down and what not....silence. I'm thinkin I hope this negro ain't about to ask me to marry him....LOL LOL LOL...nah he didn't cause I would have been like boo what the hell I haven't even known you for a year. I aint' that pressed to get married...you can find some other chic for that.....and when I do get engaged aint' gonna be no we dont' have no date...we having a date..and I ain't eloping. I want to many gift to be running and getting married in Vegas LOL
So I was like well what do you want from me.....and he said I want you. I want you to forgive me for how I've been acting and I want you to know that I do care about you and you're beautiful, intelligent and caring. I need that in my life..I need you. Ummm I turned around at that point cause I didn't know what to say and I was still kinda pissed cause he didnt' deserve to get none LOL I told him that I ain't with the games and he needs to start talking to me more about what's going on. I'm still trying to figure him out....so the elimination process has slowed down..I've added a couple more days to his life line LOL...maybe it's the fact that I'm still trying to figure out if I love Constant because he's in my comfort zone and because he's always been there and I know he finally loves me back and the moment has passed....ah well. What's a girl to do...get a dang on drink that's what I need to do.
I know ya'll like this chic is insane, she goes from one dude to the other but oh well.....leave if you dont like what I got to say LOL..then again can I really tell if you leave or not..NO so what do I care LOL. No one has a ring on Honey's finger and this whole as the honey pot fills or whatever you wanna call it does make for good blogging doesn't it LOL...plus I'll definately have something to tell the kids about how I met their dad and all that jazz. Me and Killa be crackin up at dudes, tryin to run game and only running themselves away from the game.
I ate me a poptart (just one...Cinnamon Bun flavor umm so good), drank some V8 and was passed out. Got up this morning and of course he wanted to get some more..but I had to be to work..I love am penis but oh well LOL...wow did I just say penis lol..Honey needs to stop reading Stilt's Blog...I'm starting to sound like her.
I put a new pic on my profile and took the one off my blog page so go to my profile look at the new pic and let me know what you think :) thanks a bunch
Sista was walking funny this morning LOL....
and I'm off to get some more
sike I can't get none at work
then again can I?
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Mid Week Madness
Why this lady at work interrupted my convo yesterday to say that she once had purple hair.....boo I don't give a flying monkey's tail....as my momma use to tell me and my sisters dont' interrupt me or you'll get spit in your face
I got off work at 8:45 pm last night....talk about overtime (a sister trying to get her new bedroom furniture out of layaway)
I sent a letter to Constant today (I made him a mixed CD last week).....
I've read his letter like once a day since I've gotten it (sad I know lol)
I miss him so much
He's in the middle of a war and I want him to come home safe
Me and Killa (my roomie, who by the way laughed when I said I gave her that nickname) got the 2 bedroom townhouse..we start moving on Aug 25th
She just called me to tell me about some bad Karma...her sister (who was my other roomie that I called Insane) called to tell her that her car's battery died....she needs to go to Va beach to renew her registration and some other stuff...she asked to use Killa's car and Killa thinks she was gonna ask to use mine.....NOT...ask your boo for his car...OOPS!! he ain't got one LOL
She had to buy a whole new battery and on top of that her sister (killa) pointed out to her that her boo didn't ask to use the car this morning he knew her battery was dying..ummm hmmm, see it's already begun...you can notice when stuff is wrong with your car (I can).
She moved out on Sunday...why you still got stuff at our house....cause ya still got to pay rent LOL..well that ain't my issue (on another note why would you move out of one place and know you still have to pay rent some where else) I've done it before and I was struggling...I mean broke, broke....struggling...not a good look at ALL....he ain't worth that much and he ain't offering to pay your rent at the other place....madness I tell ya (see how I get carried away when someone shows me signs of stupidity)
Giz was on the porch this morning and ripped a hole in the garbage bag...he whimpered when he saw me cause he knew he was gettin in trouble.
How come I dont think in one sentences, I have complete paragraph thinking LOL
No Drama called me last night to say that he appreciated me coming over and looking out for him
Why can I tell when someone calls me for the first time if they are going to annoy me
I'm excited about moving....or maybe it's the fact that we really dont' have to move again if we dont' want to lol
Ummm how about I need to look at that GRE book again haha
I talked to my ex all day yesterday on myspace....he is hilarious (I dont' like calling him an ex cause he's always been my friend and we didnt' break up on bad terms)
I had a dream I was pregnant (not a good sign)....cause we know's whose it would be and ok the baby would be pretty but I aint' tryin to have his kid (nurse dude)
I still can't believe he had the gall balls to ask to meet my parents...if I want you to meet them I'll ask you better yet you wouldn't have to even bring it up....wow the nerve
I feel like I'm losing weight some more but when I get on the scale it's up and down, up and down I feel like throwing that thing out the window...or getting one that says "Get it Girl" LOL
I love me...don't get me wrong. A sista has some wonderful curves but I'm gonna need the butt to go down just a tad....like an inch LOL
If I don't go home this weekend what am I going to do......
How do you know your speedometer is broken..I got a ticket and I dont' think I was going that fast.....was I?
I had chinese food and let's just say that me and chinese food ain't been around one another in a minute so I guess my body rejected it LOL
Why dudes be thinking they slick......
I only allow you to think you can play me...for your benefit..but trust me when I pull your card you're gonna understand that "until you do right by me everything you think about is gonna crumble" LOL
Red (an ex from TX) called and wants to come here in Sept....umm how about not lol he be done come here and tried to get me to have a threesome......NOT!!!!
He misses me, wishes he hadn't done me wrong...I'm a wonderful, intelligent, beautiful woman who deserved better....I know boo LOL
I'm slackin on my pimpin'...then again I dont' pimp so it's more than slackin lol
Everyone and their momma has a myspace page...WOW
Bush is gonna talk to the NAACP...I hope he doesn't scream out WHITE POWER (Dave Chappell voice) hahaha
The moment has passed
Monday, July 17, 2006
Life as I know it....
SIKE let me stop Just wanted to scare you a bit.
My weekend was really quite chill. After I got off work on Friday I went home, put my I'm a bum clothes on (you the holey shirt and baggy sweats) and me and my Giz had a very relaxing evening. Nurse Dude (formally known as D) was suppose to come over..key word suppose to...and he's beginning to irk the F*&^ out of me. Earlier that week I knew his phone would be off so he calls me from work earlier that Fri afternoon asking when is the next time I'm going home. I was like well I was going to go next weekend just to chill a lil bit but I remembered that we were going to Bmore for your bday. He was like well I wanted to go see my brother, get fitted for a grill (why the heck does he want one of those) and meet your parents.
MOUSE PISSIN ON COTTON
You there.....yea I'm here.......
I mean what the heck would possess him to say such a thing to me. I mean I've def been acting wayyy different than I was when we first started kicking it. Meaning I haven't been all up in his face cause he pisses me off with his I'm gonna call and doesn't.....boo just don't say you're gonna call leave it open ended. I'm not sitting by the phone but dang! So anyway I was like ummm I informed my mommie that the next person that met them if they hadn't already met them would be my future husband...it's not like that between us. He was like yes it is......since when I said. He was like you know...no I don't. So I informed him that just because he wanted a ride and perhaps was afraid of what I might say he didn't have to throw in meeting my parents. I mean you can ride with me as long as you shell up some gas money I could care less as long as you ready to roll when I'm ready to roll cause Honey will straight leave you in Hampton, and then call you to make sure you found a way home after I have already gotten back to NOVA. LOL I know horrible but you on my time baby. In trying to discourage him without being too mean I was like well my mom is a reverand and my dad is a deacon...which is all very true so you can't be acting all ghetto and gangsta if you met them. He was like parents love me and all this other crap...yea yea but I don't LOL.
My girl was laughin at me yesterday cause she said I'm acting like a dude. Man he tryin to play me for a fool. Talking about he can't have a dog at his apt and can his dog sometimes stay at my place.....little does he know we ain't gonna be talkin to much longer LOL.....so he gonna be short when I stop answering his calls. He keeps hinting to oh in a couple of months or next year....boo you ain't even gonna be around that long.....so back to my weekend wrap up lol..see how off track I get...darn those gummibears....
So he wants to ride to Hampton with me...I told him that he didn't have to ask to meet my parents he could still ride with me. Anywho....Saturday comes and I get up, and decide to go to the bookstore to get some GRE books. I love the bookstore. I could go in there and spend $100 and not even care. But I don't LOL....I could buy shoes with that anyway. I bought a Kaplan book, a GRE work book and a law dictionary.....I'm trying to learn one or two new words a day...we'll see how that goes. So if you see me trying to use big words on these next few posts you'll know why LOL.....I then proceeded to go to CVS and do school shopping...I love that too...I got some highlighters and index cards, a box to hold my index cards and some cute pens...I get carried away with school supplies LOL..that's why I never hated school I have a thing for the supplies and such.
Got home, chatted with the roomie and Nurse dude called.....asking what I was doing and all that nonsense. Saying he was going to come over. I was like what happened last night "oh I got drunk and was passed out"....yea aight whatever....so he says I'm going to see you later I was like well call me and let me know cause I might not be at home (I didn't know if I was or wasn't just didn't want him thinking I was waiting on him, which I wasn't). Perused the GRE book and did a couple of the practice word things got a call from one of my favorite ALPHA's and found out it was his bday so me and the roomie went to Reston (why did we have to $1.25 both ways for tolls darn Dulles Toll Road) and we took him to Macaroni Grill....he sang to himself and the rest of the people (Happy Birthday)..he is too funny. I miss him sooo much and told him we should hang out more often. After that we drove home, I hopped in the C-Rolla (corny I know LOL) and went to go visit No Drama (a guy that I use to date, sleep with and all that other stuff....but we are friends before all that lol) who recently got into a horrible motorcycle accident. He hurt his leg, skinned his knees and arms and might have to have surgery. He wanted to get out of the house so we went to see You, Me and Dupree (with Owen Wilson). It was good, but not as funny as I thought it was going to be....I probably wouldn't get it on DVD but would go see it if it was playing at the Dollar Movie LOL.....Drove back to his house and watched 16 blocks....I always sleep so much better at his house...and no nothing happened that's the joy of being friends (even though we have slept together and sometimes do embark on that road every now and again LOL) I can go over there and sleep and not get "poked". I made sure he was aight (brought him some extra movies and popcorn) and went back home.
Took a short nap, scrolled the web..looked at the GRE book some more...I'm gonna really start hitting it hard on the weekends...no more extra hard partying cause I have to be ready to take it in Oct....So while all this is going on the roomie is moving her stuff out and into the apt that she got with her boo.....yuck please dont' make me url. The sad part is I can't believe she really did it. Everyone was telling her not to do it..and I'm not saying listen to other but dang if everyone ...including your momma and your daddy who are no longer married are telling you not to...to your face and in letters and cards and you still do it...I think you have an issue.....ok some parents are just pains but if my parents said that to me...knowing that they have never, ever, ever steered me wrong I would liste. But that's just me and we are all different. I'm not living with a dude I need my own dang on space LOL. I might be at your house all the time but I will have my own just in case you irk the hell out of me and I or you can leave and go back home. So she's moving out and I didn't hear or see Giz..so I'm like Giz and I get up and he's outside wrestling with Nurse dude's dog...Dollar. Yep, instead of this man calling before he came he pops up...I was like umm I'm glad I was here and that no one else was here cause he might have got his feelings hurt....great. I was like ummm hey and he didn't stay that long (no nothing happened LOL....I ain't that crazy). While he was there I made mention to the roomie that people be trying to run game and he was like boo I ain't running game and then we were talking about moving and he was like well if necessary you can put your stuff in storage and moe in with me....umm NOT!!! LOL..who does he think I am..I ain't my roomie. LOL in case you haven't caught on I have two roomies LOL...Killa (she is funny) I just made that nicname up for her and Insane....I always call the other one that so that's nothing new. So me and Killa are gettin a two bedroom townhouse....have to make sure oh dude is gonna hold it for us. The landlords we have now are horrible and are tryin to run game. At first they said we had to be out by Aug 1st cause they were gonna move in...and they would give us some money back...now they are changing their minds...saying we can stay till Sept 1st. That's fine with me but Insane had already signed her lease and stuff..so chica will be payin two rents....she be trying to act like her boo is gonna be paying for more stuff...but he ain't got no money and if you always payin when ya'll go out on dates...then it's more than likely that you will be paying for the bills that you all have when you live together. Poor lil things she lies and can't even keep up with em. Talkin about they couldn't get the Uhaul any other day....umm yea you could that's not the only Uhaul in the world. But I'm gonna pay my half of the light bill and transfer it all into her name when we move out and she can deal with it from there. I woke up this morning and chic had taken the microwave....for the record we have two....one is built in and the other was given to me by Red (my ex from TX who is a Kappa...plus he's lightskin....lol so many reasons why they call him that) anyway she was like I hope you don't mind and I emailed her this morning and told her I did mind and that I would appreciate it if she asked first and she was like it was late and she thought that it was hers and her sisters...I was like umm no boo that's mine now bring it back lol....of course I didn't say it like that but you get my drift hahah. She was like I'm sorry...yea whatever....I don't care if I have 5 microwaves laying around....ask before you take something. CVS is open all night you can go there and get one. Great.
In between all that I have expanded my Grad school listings LOL....from 5 to about 8....not too many more cause I ain't got funds to be applying everywhere LOL....so the others that I included are Georgia State (I went there to visit in HS and loved it and got accepted there for undergrad), North Carolina Central (was kinda feeling what I read...might go do a campus tour before the year is out), and VCU (I figured i should include one school in VA)....of course Georgia State and VCU aren't HBCU's but hey it is what it is.
I'm going to read what your weekend's were like.......
In closing has anyone seen Dave Chappell's lost episodes...man that one where he told the lady to divoirce her husband cause he loved her and to meet him at the airport was too funny (she shows up, says the divorce is final and he pulls his wife and son out the car and they are all laughin at her and what she got on..sayin she had on a squirrel jacket and that squirrels had to die so you can be fly LOL...he gets in and rolls away screaming I'm rich B*&$#...man I was cracking up)...I also watched Monique's FAT Chance....those girls were working it.....Monique has a wonderful personality. During the breaks of the show she was saying jokes about airline seats and how they dig into a big womans side she said don't get mad when I ring the bell...ding, ding......ding ding LOL.....that woman is crazy
......and I'm gone!!!!!!!!!!!!
In case you're wondering who the blogger is that I was referring to in my last post...her name is Luvin Me (http://time2luvme.blogspot.com). Check her out if you haven't already...she always makes me think...even on a Monday......HEY GURL!!!!!!! LOL (that was suppose to sound ghetto)
Thursday, July 13, 2006
The Mid 20's Itch
I've heard that once you get to like 23-25 you start to feel like you're not doing anything with your life and you're a loser. Well I've been getting that itch since I graduated from college and didn't go straight to grad school but started to work. I've gone through deciding to go to paralegal school, to going to law school to finally going to grad school. I know I'll probably become a lawyer one day but I want to be concrete in that decision so that I won't regret the time and money that it's going to take to get there.
You see so many people your age who are making moves and you feel like you're a bum, even though you have a great job, you don't rely on your parents and your making it. But you feel like you're missing something. Don't ya just hate that....some people our age (20-25) are billionaires or are married with children...I mean dang did I miss the memo at my HS that I was suppose to be married with at least one child by the time I was 23, and if I didn't have kids then I should be married or if I wasn't married then I should have had a kid by now....I can barely take care of me LOL...or Gizmo for that matter I know he be like if this chic don't stop talkin to me like I'm her kid I'm gonna bite her tail....LOL LOL
Well, within the last month I've decided that Im going to grad school. Well actually I made that decision right after I saw how much law school was going to be LOL. But a homie of mine (who says that anymore LOL) is going to be starting grad school in the fall. Well with her being my motivation I decided that I needed to do something with all this talk that I've been doing. So the rest of this summer will be spent studying for and taking the GRE's. I have decided to go to grad school next fall. Full Time. I can't do half stepping even if I have to work full time I need to do this. I can't keep talking and saying I'm gonna do something and then get comfortable with this 9-5. Cause truth be told I'm not meant to be someone's assistant for the rest of my life. Some people are made for it...not Honey. Sometimes my boss will ask me to do stuff and I be on the verge of sayin do it your own dang on self then I remember it's what I get paid to do LOL.....
I know I want to go to an HBCU (I went to a diverse undergrad university figured I'd try the whole I'm black experience lol sike let me stop) so that narrows down my choices and the fact that I already know what I want my major to be narrows it down even more. I got a BA in Criminology so I'm going to get my masters in Criminal Justice. So last night I pulled out my grad school book and ran down the list of what school has my majors then checked those against the HBCU list. I've narrowed it down to the following: University of MD Eastern Shore (my mommie went there figured it'd be nice to go to her alma mater), Howard University, Coppin State, Clark Atlanta and Florida A & M. So as you can see the first three are probably my top choices just because they are in the area and it won't take that much upheavel to change from working to going to school..but I'm going to apply to all of them and whoever gives me the best deal is where I'm headed LOL....clark atlanta is probably my last choice though..I have nothing against the school in fact i applied there for undergrad and got accepted, it's just last on my list.
I feel so much better having made a decision. I feel great knowing that I'm about to make a life altering decision which will affect me for the rest of my life. If I dont do it now, I won't do it so it's time to make things happen. Don't just talk about it, be about it.....whoooo hooooo. So come next fall I'll either be working and going to school full time or going to school full time.....my mom asked me what I would do with my things I said well depending on if I can find something I'll work and just get a lil apt...if not I'll bring my stuff home and put it in the shed..she busted out laughing informing me that there is no room in the shed...so that means I'm gonna have to save and be on the hunt for a job just in case I have to get an apt...I can't move on campus with an apt load of furniture LOL
On another note I hate blogger I can't even post pics ERRRRRR
I'm bout to get like one of my favorite bloggers and leave you with a question (I wonder if you know her)....
What's a decision that you've made but haven't stuck to and what's stopping you from following through?
I've stopped scratching......
Monday, July 10, 2006
On Friday I went to dinner with one of the girls at the Cheesecake Factory which by the way has the BEST cheesecake I have ever tasted. If you've never been there then you need to make your way there quick, fast and in a hurry. I had some buffalo wings with fries cause I didn't want too much and then I had some caramel apple streutsel....it was sooooo good. It's always nice to go to go to dinner with friends and catch up over a nice meal. We chatted about work and what not. Then we waited for the roomie to show up so we could hang out with the two guys that we chilled with on the 4th. So it was the three of us and we met up with them and had a couple of drinks then went back to the crib to play some Uno. So the cutie that I exchanged numbers with was there and he grilled me about not being interested a couple of nights ago. I told him that I wasn't going to throw myself on him the first night that I met him I mean who does that. So we chilled and to make a long story short we didn't get home till like 4am. The other girl that went with me and the roomie has a boyfriend so her and the dude were just conversing. My roomie hooked up the dude that was talking to her to another friend of ours. We'll just call her Jazzy lol...it might get confusing in a second. My friend we'll call Shy girl.
Sat I slept late, got up and ran some errands and bummed around the house. I was going to a cookout with the roomies (yes the infamous one made an appearance). So through conversation with roomie we find out that Jazzy, Shy girl, D (the dude that was hooked up with Jazzy) and Cutie (the dude that I exchanged numbers with) had gone to the movies and dinner and were then on their way to DC for drinks. I was like dang we introudced all ya'll can't we get an invite. So I call shy girl and was like so what's up and she was like what's up with what...and I'm thinkin boo don't be actin stupid. So I was like what ya'll doing later and she was like oh we'll they wanna go to blah,blah,blah. And then she's like well I thought you were going to the cookout, I was thinking you could still ask you knew I was tryin to talk to oh dude..I mean dang....so I was a bit salty for a second. But I got over it...I mean hey she's always talking about her boyfriend and all that jazz so whatever. But yea I was in my feelings for a second I mean ya'll go on a lil foursome date....great...now what would your boo that you talk about all the time think about that....great. So they come pick me up, and we went to this spot in Arlington, get some drinks then head to this spot called 1223. Now I haven't been there since I was like a freshmen or sophmore in college so I was kinda weary about going there. But we got there, had some drinks danced with the white people lol...who seem to always sway when they dance what is up with that. So I got home around 3 or a lil thereafter.
Sunday...got up sorta late, hung around the house and nurse dude came over (yea you see he's not D anymore) he brought his dog over and him and giz were playing. It was soo funny to watch them play fight..of course Giz is bigger now but once Dollar get big (he's a pit) then Giz will be whimpering lol. Went out and brought some shoes, cooked dinner and that's about it.
So not too much excitment other than various email from you know how lol. He's trying boy I tell ya....even going so far as to send poetry and what not....great. Keep on doing what you do and we'll see if it lasts.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Just for the record....
Now I'm good.
He's gonna have to SHOW AND PROVE!!!!!! Honey aint' got time for games cause Talk is cheap...ok enough with the analogies......
Now back to "As the Honey Turns"
Thanks blog fam for all your virtual hug, love and advice....I'm feeling the vibes...have a WONDERFUL WEEKEND!!!!!!
What to do what to do
What you know so far is that Constant has been in my life since I was a junior in college, which means I've known him for almost 4 years (4 in Oct). We began as friends and he just recently acknowledged that he loves me....although he's known for a while that I cared about him.
What you don't know is that we are suppose to be together right now. If you recall correctly I wrote a post talking about him and all that jazz. This was before he got on my nerves....more so than he's ever done before.
Things went down hill because just when I cut others off to see if things were going to work with him he started acting up.....not calling when he said he was, supposedly coming to visit me and getting stopped by the police and not letting me know till the next morning. In spite of all this he would still pop up and visit me (surprising me). I liked that, the fact that he thought enough of me to leave the 757 area of VA and drive up to see me (3.5 hours) after a long day of being at work....I took that as a sign that things would change. Little changes were made but nothing too serious.
Well flash forward through a bunch of other stuff to last month when he told me he was leaving for 6 months. He's in the navy and this is the longest that he's ever been gone...next to the 3 months deployment last year and boot camp training. Which means that he won't be back until December....just in time for Christmas. Now during the three months that he was gone last year...he informed me that he cared about me, but he's not use to showing emotion. His last girlfriend did him wrong and he is just getting over that. Ok that's understandable we all have our own way of dealing with things. I was patient, I listened, I never pressured which was why when he finally said he did have feelings for me I was ready to drop everyone else like a lil kid who drops what their doing when their parent walks in the room..cause they know they aren't suppose to be doing what their doing. It was gonna be me and him....that's how I'd wanted and I was finally getting what I wanted.
There's been drama and I know actions speak louder than words and for a time period his actions were saying I dont' appreciate you and his words were saying the opposite. So when he informed me that he was leaving....I was upset but I felt like it was a chance for us to really see if we were interested in being with one another. So I hung out with the girls, went on some dates and started dealing with other guys (not alot of course just 2 lol)....not telling him this. He's been sending letters and emails saying how much he loves me and wants to be with me and for some odd reason he is anxious that I recieve a certain letter from him. The roomie says that hes gonna ask me to marry him or entertain that thought. Truth be told I've already entertained that thought...before I began messing with other guys. I'd even said that if he has asked me to marry him last year I would have done it and moved back the 757 area of VA and found a job....but that never happened, he's there and I'm here.
Over the years I can see how his attachment to me has changed but of course things aren't how they should be (then again who says they should be a certain way). I use to want him to treat me like my first love did....that was so unfair to him. Demanding that he show affection when he wasn't prepared to. Now he shows affection, when we're together he wants me near him, he holds me...massages my back, plays in my hair. He's seen me in so many different ways that I know it's not about sex with him. I mean I've gained weight, I've lost weight. I've cut my hair, I've had braids, and now it's loced and he's seen it all when it comes to me. I have to stop thinking that things with him should be a certain way. He has his own way of showing that he cares and I have mine....he's begun to change and I know that he's making a compromise because the last time he was here I laid it out on the table...either work on that or we're done. Now it's time for me to put up or shut up and stop complaining. Things are never perfect and they wont' be perfect. I have to recognize that.
Well he sent me an email yesterday. In the email was a story....to be honest I thought he got it out of a book, but as I read it over and over I noticed that they were his words. The story talked about him us being together after he got back and what would occur. Needlesstosay I was short of breath and I almost cried when I read it. The tone of his emails between the last time he was out to sea and this time have changed...he is more I love you, I miss you and less I do what I have to do. He talks more about we and asks more about what's going on in my life. He tells me that he will always talk to me about what's going on in his life and that I should never have to worry about him not being here for me.
Confusion.....isn't even half of what I feel right now. It pains me to think that I could even do this to someone I've never been an unsure person in a relationship. I'm not unsure about how he makes me feel I'm unsure about what the hell I'm doing. Why talk to others when I've wanted him to say those words to me for so long and when he finally does I can't seem to cut everyone else off.....my stomach hurts just thinking about it. I admit that I talk a good game and can most of the time follow through but when it comes to love I'll admit that I'm just a scared little girl on the inside who wants someone to love her. I know it will come, it just pains me to have to go through the trials and tribulations that love brings. And yes I know that sometimes pain and frustration come with love and that it's all worth it in the end but a girl can dream can't she.
I mean what if I do give him another chance.....how do I tell someone who I just slept with last week that BAMN! I have a man now. How do I deal with the fact that I'm too scared right now to give him another chance for fear that it could turn out wrong?
The fact remains that when he came into my life my view of love changed. I had just gotten over my first real serious breakup and didn't think that I would ever be ok. He came as a surprise and he still continues to surprise me. Just when I think I have him figured out he does something like he did yesterday.....takes my breath away. So I have to be honest with myself and admit that yes I love him, but love is never unsure. If I can't stop talking to these other guys and walk away from them and give myself to him completly there's no point in saying I love him.......
Sometimes when I'm with another guy I realize just how much they annoy me. Sometimes it's just little things like how they talk or eat their food or how they look in their clothes. It might even be so simple as the look on his face LOL...or if I talk to a guy then stop talkin to them then they pop back up I realize just how annoyed they make me...but Constant is different. He annoys me yes, but I've never once stopped talking to him because of it. We've had discussions but he's never made me not want to talk to him after it's all said and done. Ok I might go a couple of days without talking to him but it never fails that I call him or he calls me and things are back to normal...whatever that may be.
Ok, there's no ring on my finger and I can do what I want. But if being in a committed healthy relationship is what I seek why would I continue to play around. He's what I want, despite the bad the good and the ugly he's been a Constant in my life for almost 4 years now (hence the nickname). I've talked to other guys, and he's still around. We've fussed and argued and he's still here. I dislike him at times but he's still here and that says alot. I cut people off when they annoy me...the times that I've changed my number he's been on of the first that I've given it to. When I lay down at night, he's in my dreams. When I think of my future children I think of him as their father. Each time I see a wedding I picture he and I becoming one in front of those that we love.
Recognizing that love isn't perfect is understood but also recognizing that the person that you love isn't going to be perfect is important as well. So as everyone from my last post said Actions speak louder than words. He's gone right now and yes I see a little change but being face to face is totally different than being millions of billions of miles away. I'll let him say what he has to say...keep him talking, keep him thinking and in the meantime I'll minimize who I deal with. When he gets home we'll talk and if things have truly changed we'll move past this but till then.....
So that's that. I've been filling time and space with guys who I knew weren't right for me because I had been hurt and that's not fair. I've been acting like a guy.....and one of the types that I despise. Telling them that they are the only one I want to chill with and then still chilling with another one. I need to stop, I have to stop, I want to stop.
It's time to grow the Fuck UP!!
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Constant has been sending letters and emails, stating his case.
Is this time different..should I even think this time is different. What if it is different and I'm the one now playing games.
He doensn't know I talk to other dudes....
I'm a horrible person
Why the hell am I sooo confused
I do love him
what's love got to do with it
He is constantly surprising me
He's going to be gone for 5 more months....can I deal with that
D and all those other guys are space and time fillers I know and so do you (even if you don't say it to my face)
He is finally showing me how he feels......
what should I do?
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Burgers, Cuties and Drinks
That's all I can say about my 5 day weekend. It was so refreshing not to have to think about work or even have to come in to work for 5 whole days....can that please happen again haha. Hope your holiday was all that you wanted it to be and more...I know mine was.
Friday: I got off work about 5 min early cause D (who is slowly moving back to being called nurse dude) used my car for the day and he brought it to my job (which was nice of him but still). Of course I hate Fridays before a holiday cause the day passes soooo slowly. I wonder why that is, probably cause they know I didn't want to be here to begin with. Well we had a lil tiff cause when he brought my car to me I ddn't know there were two 17th streets where I work in downtown DC...so I'm telling him all the things that are near me and he's just not getting it....he gets annoyed...so do I. I mean it's dang on 1000 degrees outside, I think I burned like 10 pds walking all over 17th street. Finally we found one another and we had it "out" he called me silly and in a tone that said "this heifer don't know where she work at", I told him to shove it then I got over it. I thought it was over and done with..I find out on Tuesday that this negro is ticked off..boo it's dang on Tuesday and that happened on Friday if you're still mad you need to tell me then not 3 days later....I mean dang how childish is that. He was like you're right I'm sorry. The day before I had found out that we weren't going to Six Flags cause he was going to B-more to help one of his boys do something and he wouldn't be back till sat afternoon...so I was disappointed cause we've been saying we're going for like 3 weeks now. He's the one that brought it up so then I was like aight we'll since we can't do that how about we go to DC and do the tourist thing....museums, georgetown, etc., he was like cool. I get up sat morning and he sends me a text talking about he won't be back till sat night.....WTF?!!! I am so tired of negros making plans and not following through that I feel like just sayin you know what since you can't make plans and be consistent how about you date yourself..see how that works out for ya. I told him I was upset he kept apologizing I was like it's fine I'm over it now....am I over it..yes but I will def keep all that in mind next time.
Which leads me into what happened on Saturday. So after D (nurse dude or whatever I feel like calling him) informed me that he was still in Bmore me and the roomie decided that we would be hitting up H2O that night. So of course we had to find something to wear, grab some food and get dressed and all that jazz. So we head out....get there in time enough to get in early and get some free wine and food. Why did we stand in line till after 10, to say my heels were burning would have been an understatment. I was like oh my goodness why didn't I wear flats but my dress was too jazzy to wear some flats so I had to tough it out. So we're in line and a fight breaks out come to find out the fight broke out cause some dude said this other dude smelled like bacon grease. I was like ummm, boo ya'll are grown why you worried about someone telling you that you smell like bacon grease, now if he had said onion or hotdog water I would be concerned lol. So we get inside and find out it's $10...now normally Honey would have turned the heck around..but I was dressed too jazzy and my feet were killing me so I dished out the $10 and proceeded to head to the bar where one of old college roomies is a bartendar. She made me and the roomie a drink while we chatted with her and then we proceeded to head to the 2nd room in the club which is the pretty much the main room.
We walk around the club in and out of the reggae room which still scares me cause they grab you so hard in there that you're afraid you won't get your arm back. I mean I had to give one dude a mean mug in order for him to let go and he still didn't want to give it back I had to yank it out of his hand. I hate sweaty hands ewww, makes me want to hurle. Anyway so we walking around and we decide to head outside to the patio and get a burger and catch some nice ocean water breeze. I'm waiting on the roomie to get the burgers while I hold the drinks and what do I see out the corner of my eye, but a cutie walking in my direction. Now my first thought was that he was coming to sit down just cause and I noticed that some ugmug was motioning me to sit down and talk to him so I kept looking in the opposite direction. So the cutie is walking my way and I move over so he can sit down and he stops.......right beside me. I pause, smile, he says hello, I said hi. And so it begins.
Introducing Mr. Security (which is what he will be known as until I decide further lol). Light complexion (me and roomie were trying to decide if he was chinese and black or something), tall I think he's about 6'3, bald head, smelled like he had been created just for me. I'm thinking I know I'm not ugly but what the heck is he doing over here talking to me....he asks my name I tell him, he tells me s. I find out what he does, he doesn't have any kids, he attends church, works and is currently in the process of applying to UDC. Ok, ok.....what's the catch....so far I can't see one.....will it come later, I guess we'll have to see haha. We shoot the breeze, he speaks to roomie. We decide to walk back inside he asks us to wait for him while he buys a drink...comes back and walks with us back in the club. I'm thinkin ok he walked in with us but he's just gonna leave I'll see him later, since we did exchange numbers.....that's how it goes, talk...exchange...move on lol. Roomie was joking that he was following us....well we lost him after we went into the ugly room (the first room in the club).....he was a cutie but dang boo I ain't tryin to be bunned up with you the first night I see you..it aint' even 1am lol....so we in the ugly room and I see a one nighter from about 2 years ago (I slept with him and never talked to him again). He was like hey don't I know you...I was like yea, he was like from where...I said I slept with you and we never talked again..why did the roomie bust out laughin..she said I sounded so serious haha. I was like well that's what happened he was like oh yea I remember now...so I go back to dancing..this fool is standing behind me I guess he was waiting to talk, exchange numbers I dont know....I mean if you do then ok, but if you don't move...you blocking my macing space lol...cause you know dudes don't be hollering if they see another dude in the area around you who even looks like they hollerin at you. So finally he was like well aight then I'll talk to you later, you look real nice...i was like ok, bye. LOL.....moving on along. So we move it on back to the main room.
We dancing, drinking, shoulder leaning and two stepping when all of a sudden we notice it's getting maddd crowded so we stand on the couch......ahhh relief for the feet. Man why when Young Joc came on (his cd is aight by the way) it looked like a straight up music video in there...there were so many people in there....then it got extra crowded and security guards were telling the dudes to stay off the stage...why this dude who knew the security guards was trying to tell this other dude to get off the stage...he ain't listen....this man just pounced on him...man I was cracking up while I was moving out the way. Two fights in one night and at H2O that never happens...let me find out they losing the grown and sexiness haha. Before he pounced on oh boy he smushed some lil mexican man in the head who was tryin to get on the stage hahaha. He didn't get kicked out..I guess cause he knew the bouncers. So after that (it was about 230 by this time) we went one more round in the reggae room and then headed to the patio to sit outside..we stayed outside till they said it was closed and to move to other rooms. While we were out there this big dude tried to holla at roomie. I mean he was huge, you look at him and he was just sweating, buttons screaming and fighting with one another it was insane. He was like you wanna dance, she was no thanks, her hand was all limp LOL...he was like aww come on (breathing that fat nasty breathing like he got half a lung and asthma). So finally he gets the picture and we decide to leave. We head to the ugly room and cop a sit down on the couches...I see a dude I use to talk to wearing the same shirt that he always wears...I mean dang do you really think people aren't going to notice...the shirt is white....we notice LOL. He thought I was gonna stand and make conversation..NOT.
Who do I see out the corner of my eye....at least I think it's him, I had to ask roomie for confirmation. First (yep, my first....caramel complexion, 5'11, baby soft hair with a smile that makes my panties wet) the one who made this all possible, the one that made Honey love it so much haha sike let me stop. Many females have horrible first experiences..not I. He made it ohhhh sooo enjoyable and everytime I see him, I know it's goin down. He's the only man to this day that I can not talk to for like 4 months see and be like I'm tryin to go home with you lol...or he will ask me to go home with him. He said if he was ever with me, I'd probably end up pregnant..which is why we aren't together lol....plus we've been in relationships and all that stuff. Man oh man, I love seeing him. He always hugs me just right, kisses just right and squeezes me ever so gently. We get a dance or two in and then he says that he rode here with a buddy but wants to go home with me.....what do I say (hmm, if D was doing what he was suppose to he could be gettin this...oh well) heck yea lol, not in those words but I said yea. So he sits on the couch..I sit on his lap we chat with roomie then my jam comes on Candy Rain..I love that song!!! So I'm dancing, and this dude trys to dance with me and I begin to dance in circles LOL...roomie was laughing and so was first...after I dance I sit back down on his lap and oh boy was like ohhh it's like that...umm pretty much lol....so after laughing and talking we decide to leave.....needlesstosay I was suppose to be up and out on Sunday by 1030...I wasn't out till 1130.
Me and the roomie headed to my parents house in Hpt to for my nephews 2nd bday party. He got so much stuff and I promise he cracks me up. I brought him a lil pool and some finding nemo stuff. I was going to get him this Cars tv with an attached DVD player why that thing was $165..I aint paying that much for no novelty tv...he ain't even gonna watch it now and wouldn't know the difference now if he was 5 I might have done it...so oh well...he was happy just with the elmo card he got lol. While we were there we watched Madea goes to Jail (too funny), and Why did I get married (another funny one). My nephew was dancing to my ringtone it's going down....why does he know a line from it...too funny. I love spending time with the fam, I'm glad I live within distance to go home and come back in one day if need be. Drove back home and was knocked out. I should mention that I did hear from Mr. Security. He is very consistent about calling and I like that. But hey as I told roomie it always starts out like that.
Monday....got up and just hung around. Thought I was gonna see D. We talked that morning while he was walkin his dog and I had just finished feeding Giz. He was like I'll talk to you later which meant I thought we were gonna chill....not a chance cause this fool ended up in New York. I was like ok I call you back 15 min after you call me and you don't call me all day. Umm great so he was def on my crap list. I finally talk to him the next morning and he was like I had to help my boy do something (I don't ask questions that I dont' want the answers to that when way when someone asks me later I can honestly say I dont' know).....I was like aight thought we were gonna chill..he was like I'm sorry baby we have other weekends (that might be true but why would I plan stuff knowing that you cancel at the last minute) he was like we have my bday, your bday, labor day (I dont know about you dog but I'm going to MIA with the girls), new years blah blah blah. I mean it's nice that he's thinking ahead but whatever. I wanted this weekend and you left me hanging dry.
Tuesday went to a cookout and left right before it down poured...ended up chilling with some guys the roomie knows at this place called Copelands. The service was horrible but ah well. I got my eat and drink on all day so I was good. Mr. Security came over after he got off work and we watched tv..ended up falling asleep bunned up on the couch, I got a foot massage (emm) and a hand massage.....he wants to go on a picnic this weekend.....Honey thinks she likes him already hahha
Random: Why this dude I haven't talked to in a minute (like 4 months) sent out an email sayin he had a new work address..then that his bday was or is sunday. I said happy belated bday he was like it's sunday what you gonna get me...I said the same thing I got you last year (dumb ass what makes you think I'm gonna get you something, I don't even have your number in my phone anymore) He's one of those dudes that be like I want this to work and then don't call and keeps apologizing cause things come up...yea yea save that for someone who is blind, deaf and deranged they might not be able to see through that.
I tried posting pics but blogger is on the rag..I'm about to Star Jones it LOL..sike let me stop (courtesy of one of the many bloggers I read)