Life through my eyes......
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
I know I don't usually talk like this but I mean dang. I was chilling and conversing with a friend who I have yet to name. We're eating pizza, watching a movie and what not. He is of course progressively moving himself towards me and I'm like umm boo I'm trying to eat how about you leave me alone. It's not that I don't find him attractive, he is a cutie I was just trying to eat and watch the dang on movie...so he leaves me alone and not 5 min later he is rubbing my back. DAMN! Once again umm what are you doing, leave me alone. He is explaining that he knows I'm tired so he wants to give me a massage...any one that knows me knows I'm a sucker for a massage...so I oblige him. First it was innocent....a lil rub here a lil kiss there followed by a trail of his tongue down my back....emmm aight stop I'm tryin to focus LOL so anywho my pants come off and I'm in my tank top and some matching boy shorts.....he admires the booty...yes it's nice, yes it's soft lol (why do homeless men think it's cute to point out that I have a huge butt..eww)....anyway one thing leads to another and he it comes..as stilt calls it the crotchal action.
He is going downtown......WOW! When I say this man's skills are on point I mean ON POINT! I forgot where the heck I was, who I was and I just wanted to glue him between my legs and them BAMN...he stops I was like ummm LOL....ok. I'm out of breath, blown that he would stop and speechless which doesn't happen often. He was like well you said earlier that you didn't want me to intrude on your space....umm ok yea aight...how you just gonna do that and then stop. Now I know how dudes feel LOL..I was ready to yank his head back down there hahaha. So I regain composure and watch the movie.
It begins again and this time I got to get mine!!! WOOO HOOO and when I say I got mine I was dang on crawling off the bed almost on a headstand and I can't even do that. Whatever he got he needs to pantent it so I can use it when he's not around cause I was mumbling and just plain out of breath.
Enter disappointment...he can't stroke. It was like go, go, go....stooooopppp. Go, go, go...slow down. I mean I was trying to catch the rhythm but I just couldn't (he said he was doing that to prolonge it) I mean am I that into sex that I want it bang, bang bang...no LOL...I like being sensual I like being caressed but I mean dang boo make me feel like you want it or something, make me not fall asleep. Usually once the downtown action occurs I'm good and can go all night....riding that junk like I'm being paid to do it and the rent was due yesterday LOL. But ummm I just couldn't get with it...was his package too small.....hmm average size.....his head game was sick!! so what was it.
I had No Drama on the brain! ERRR why!!! All I could think about was No Drama and what he was doing and even before the crotchal action went down he called and yes I stopped chillin with said friend and talked to him....right on the floor right in front of him....how rude.....
If his motion was good would I have forgotten about No Drama?
I don't know LOL....so my question to you is...have you ever had a sexual experience when you weren't into it cause you were thinking of someone else (and I dont' mean celebrity) what did you, do you think that the motion matters (stroke) or the length.....
Off to relieve some stress LOL...sike not for real
Monday, August 28, 2006
My neck, My Back, my neck and my back
Friday after we both got off early we went to the leasing office to sign the paperwork and look over the stuff that we wanted to be fixed within the next week..like paint the door, replace some tile fix the shelving all lil stuff nothing major. So after that was done we packed up the cars and moved the kitchen...after that which seemed like it took forever we got back in and said that we would watch the rest of this movie that was on BET called Played and then finish the rest...ummm no that didn't happen..we both dosed off and woke up to it being after 11 LOL. So we hopped in the bed and proceeded to be knocked out..after only moving one room haha.
Saturday the roomie had a baby shower to go to so I figured I'd move my shoes and some of my clothes. Man I walk outside to walk the dog and I have a flat. I called Triple A. Hey, I got the service it's free so instead of me bending down in the heat trying to change the tire in front of my house (I've only had to do it once and I still dont' know how to do it lol) I called them. I had a nail in my tire so the guy suggested I take it to get plugged..which I did, good as new till I can buy a new one. My daddy said it should be good just keep an eye on it. So by the time all that was taken care of it was 11 or so. I moved my shoes and I was pooped after that and it was a lil after 12. The roomie came back, we packed up the car, went to go get a UHAUL (on a sidenote it was sooo hot outside that we both had on beaters why do they call them that LOL and shorts, why this dude at the UHAUL talkin about you both are breath taking..ok boo my thighs hangin all out here LOL...talking about I want to take a pic of you both..umm no lol, give me a hook up on a truck..which he didn't) and packed that up. Mind you we were suppose to have help at 12 then 2 and finally they came around 4 LOL. My parents came but of course I wasn't tryin to have them do too much, but my daddy and the guys did most of the furniture. My mom who is having problems with her heart (pray for her) unpacked the kitchen and wiped down stuff. They brought my Toot (my nephew) and my mom says I have him spoiled LOL...one of the guys thought he was my son, I was like boo if he was mine he would be living with me LOL..I know some people have their kids live with their grandparents even if I was a single mom, unless I had to I wouldn't do it, but anyway so in between moving I played with him. He is soo hilarious, chasing me around and wanting to pull the dolly all by himself. I carried him on my back while I was carrying bags in he thought that was the greatest. It's funny cause he's getting so big and I'm gonna miss when me being able to give him a hug and a kiss on his bobos calms him down. Because of him I can't wait to have kids...I mean I can and will but you get my drift lol
Me and the roomie were like we're gonna be done so we can pop some bottles at H2O..yea right we didn't finish the furniture (we have 2 living room sets) until almost 12 (if we had went we would have still been moving today lol) and then we took the guys to get some food since they helped us and we set back out to put our beds together and all that jazz. So we didn't get to bed till a lil after 2. On another sidenote..I love when people help that didn't have to help, my roomies sis sent a text asking if we needed help boo you found out we were moving cause you talked to your mother and on top of that you live down the street why text when you can call or come by..she is a loser in my book...that's a whole nother post then again why waste my time when I'm just gonna get annoyed. She is payin more in rent than we are and she said they moved in so they could save money for a house....ummm who is saving money him, cause he got her thinking he is working at night as a contractor for a cable company..now what cable company you knows works past 8pm.......NONE that's what I thought LOL...I'll pray for her.
Sunday I was going to go to church with the fam in maryland since my mom had to preach but she said she wouldn't be mad if I stayed. So we waited for the phone guy to come..wooo hoo we have a house phone and we got a new cable box. So we now have DVR and Cinemax...I am too excited LOL..sad I know but I have wanted DVR for a min and now that we finally got it I won't miss none of my favorite shows. We DVR'd the Skeleton Key but it messed up so we didn't watch it. We looked like two slave workers out there in the sun yesterday cause we put our clothes in sheets to cut down on travel time and carried them on our back lol..she had one side and I had one side. Man it was too funny, the nice part is that this lady was like if I see you guys out here when I come back out I'm helping you lol...the other day when the guys were moving furniture this lady brought us soda...so nice. So we moved the rest of our stuff and we took a long break after we brought the dog over and chilled out with some pizza.
Last night was spent trying to put some clothes away and cleaning the bathroom. I have a HUGE room and I'm excited. My couch, chair, bed and dresser fit in my room with a entertainment center and I still have MADDD room to walk around in it. Plus I have a bathroom in my room, wooo hoo for me. I have 3 closets..yes! haha I guess you can tell I've been the deprived on when it comes to room size but this time I hit the jackpot...roomie wasn't mad thought she said I needed the bigger room cause we couldn't put my living room furniture down stairs so it would have to go in my room and I have more stuff than her....I love how we don't even have to argue..we just come to a decision.
In between all that I had a discussion with R also known as No Drama. I met No Drama when I had just started working in DC after graduation. I was out to lunch with the roomie and a friend in the Reagen building in DC and we all saw him. I was like ohh he is cute and went on about my way. So we eat and I leave he sees roomie and goes to ask her to give me his number. I call him (that day) he comes to my job lol yea it was quick..we chat it up and that night we went on our first day and we've been chilling since then. We aren't together but we hang out, sleep together and all that jazz. He knows about Constant and Nurse Dude and I know who he deals with, but recently we've been spending more time together and that's something I'm not use to. So we both agreed to just chill like normal and if something occurs then it does and if not then ok, but we both ackowledged that we've been chillin for 2 years and that we do care for one another. SOOO no I'm not with anyone LOL no I'm not about to be with anyone but when I had that horrible date with 19 dollars LOL..that's what I'm calling him...I called No Drama and he made me feel better..he always does...probably cause he is filled with No Drama lol...he use to get hung up on the fact that he is 10 years older than me but of course you can't tell that. When I was in Myrtle Beach at Bike week and I saw him his friends couldn't believe that I was younger than them and he said that they were laughing at how well I knew him and how he acts.
Off to rub some bengay on my body....then again can't do that I'm at work that might be kind of weird...pray that I don't pass out from aching joints...hopefully I lost about 2 pds LOL.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
There is no need for me to explain myself…you already know,
what I think before I think it, what I need before I need it, because you are the wind, that I breathe,
There is no reason to question,the depth of my love for you…because I am always here,
through the good times,and the bad, when all is quiet,or when storms rage outside,I am here, and you know it.
There is no need for time to stop, no second-guessing to leave me wondering…what if, there is
no need for self-doubt,or self-hatred, nor is there a need for pity,because of you, self has
become a we, each moment with you fills me with longing, for the next breath, the next
taste,the final thrust of lovemaking, there is no need to want anymore for happiness, because
I have finally realized that, I have it in you and there is no need, to ever change that
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
...... you to give me my space even when you think I don't need it
...... you to love me inspite of
....... you to realize that how I feel about you just won't fit into words
........you to promise that we'll always be there for one another
........you to promise that when times get hard we'll rely more on love than doubt
......to admit to myself that I love you........to realize that love takes time
.........to understand that maybe I'm just not ready..........thank God each day for you being in my life
.........to understand that patience is a virute
.........to love like there's no tomorrow and dance like no one is watching
.........to understand that you aren't perfect but I love you just the same
.........to understand that this moment in time was bound to happen
.........to not question God's divine reasoning
........to stop playing around with how I feel
..............to hug you, feel you, kiss you
.....to admit that I know what to do I'm just not doing it.........to own it, face it and deal with it
..........to continue to ask God for patience and strength as I face my own self each day
.........to pray that he keeps you safe and that you know know just how much he loves you
.........to realize that I can't let others opinions determine my path
.........to admit that I care, that I miss you that I love you
.........to understand that life ain't no crystal stair
.............for life to stop kicking my tail
...........for the sun to shine on me just once
.............a hug from my mommie
....................a good cry.................to be me cause that's all I know how to do
.............to get away from all this thinking
.........so much that it pains me sometimes to think that i'm being so needy
Monday, August 21, 2006
After work I had a "date" and I use that term loosely after it was all said and done cause I was sooo blown by how it went down. I met M about 2 weeks ago at H2O and he's been trying to hang out since then but of course I only partially remembered what he looked like other than he had locs and was tryin to get me to dance with this white guy..but anyway he sent me a pic a day or so after we met up and me and the roomie were like ummmm hmmm we're still tryin to determine what we find not cute about him LOL..we just can't put our fingers on it.
So anyway we go out..he gets off work a lil later than usual and we decide to meet up at the Hoffman to do dinner and then movies. I get there before him, get a table and I wait....and wait...and wait....he gets there like 30 min after I've sat down. By this time I was annoyed I'm not use to waiting that long I could have left the house a lil later I could have grabbed something to eat and not eaten lol..anyway we order....he is somewhat ghetto which might also mean that I'm a tad bit bougie LOL...but hey it is what it is...as you know I've had enough drama and I ain't tryin to add no one new in that mix. The first blower of the night was when the check came...SILENCE. I'm just a talking and what not and looking around..kinda ready to go cause dinner convo wasn't too stimulating and we all know how that goes. So he's like I should have told her to seperate them.....ERRRRRR (are you freakin kiddin me). I grabbed the receipt looked at it and was like they are....he says oh my bad I was reading it wrong. So then I'm just chillin drinking the rest of my water, glad that my daddy taught me to be prepared for moments like this and pulled out the card, while I'm doing this he hasn't even put his card in the lil receipt book. So after I put mine in he finally puts his card in. While he's doing this I'm thinking....I can't believe this negro invited me to dinner and I'm payin for my own food. STRIKE ONE!!!! Now trust and believe a sista ain't got no problem paying I've done it and No Drama can tell you that. I've even treated No Drama when we've gone out a couple of times....I'm a nice person, you work hard and so do I, but dang on it don't go Dutch and I don't know DAMN!
SO that's done and yep, I'm ready to go but he's like what movie do you want to see (he wanted to see Idlewild but that doesn't come out till this weekend, please stay up with the times boo, WOW) So we decide to see Talledega Nights, with Will Ferrell. We get in line and the lady tells him how much it is....he says $19 are you serious, $19 (I was sooo embarassed). I was like oh my word I was like well I'm going to stand over here he walks over with the tickets and is still saying $19, I can't believe that..I ain't been to the movies in a while...I'm like to myself are you kiddin me did you still think movies are $5.....man. The movie was funny not as funny as I thought it was but I laughed especially when the lil boy said I will come at you like a spider monkey. I've been sayin that all weekend. During the movie of course he puts his arm around me but not at the top like in the middle of my back so I can't even sit back so I have to lean on him....ERRR darn you Man. The arm rest go up in that movie theater and normally I put them up but I didn't this time cause I won't tryin to be all up on him. Plus his breathe smelled like he smoked even though he says he doesn't anymore...STRIKE 2...and believe me a three wasn't needed. The movie was over, he walked me to my car, gave me a kiss on the cheek (which of course I moved away cause I think he was aimin for my lips eewwww) and that was it. I hopped in the car, called up No Drama and proceeded to tell him what happened. I told him I'm glad we have no drama (hence his name) when we hang out..sometimes he pays sometimes I pay. He laughs when I call him and tell him some of the stuff guys do (he tells me about some stuff the girls say and do)...that's my no drama and I love him dearly LOL
Saturday: I don't know if I've mentioned this but I went to a Jazzercise class in Laurel on Sat morning at 8am. Yep it was early but I got to meet http://chcltthoughtz.blogspot.com/ and http://bklyndiva.blogspot.com. I went to pick up No_1 from her house and we headed out to the class. Home girl had me crackin up talkin about driving on the side of the road trying to get around folks...yep, she's a speed demon and with my track record we don't need to be following one another LOL...we get to the class I sign in and get ready to get my work out on. BK is hilarious, this chic had me working out (she says she needs to lose some pds but I wish I could be down to her size LOL) and I won't even thinkin that this was exercise she was singing along with the songs and she wasnt' even out of breathe (of course I would have been weezing lol). I felt weird at first cause I wasn't hype to the routine but BK said that some of those women come all the time so they know them..I stopped and looked then went back to the routine. I'm sure BK or No_1 has pics on their page. I will def be goin to her class again and anyone who lives in MD or va that wants to come on Sat..your first class is free and I'll even give ya a ride LOL....so we working out, I'm feeling the burn and having a blast while me and No1 are laughing at his older gentlement getting his work out on. First he was in there with us then he went off on his own...why this man on Hammer pants LOL...ahahah I was cracking up. After our workout we went to Starbucks and I had a Tangerine Fruit blend..man BK put me on to something good cause it was sooo refreshing. Why No_1 got something that won't even on the menu LOL..too hilarious. We took pics, laughed at people who were coming in and out and then I dropped my new homie off at home, after she helped me in my quest to find some water shoes to wear to Kings Dominion which I didn't find....great LOL...I went home, did some laundry had a friend come over who I haven't seen in a minute (I was somehwat curious back then to see if he was a nasty Q lol). I use to deal with him when I was in college and I recently found out he lives down the street....so he came over on his way to go to a function and we chatted and all that and he left...later on he called to see if he could come through again...so I was like aight I'm bored sure why not. He came over we watched the Fantasia movie on Lifetime (it was pretty aight) and then Inside Man...drank some Coranos and then he proceeded to make his move LOL...I stopped him told him I didn't want what occured in college to happen again and all that jazz...so we chilled out and once again it got hot and heavy...not so hot and heavy that I didn't stop him again, remind him of what was goin on and that he supposedly had someone..so he left.....and I went to sleep LOL
Sunday: Woke up to get dressed. Rod calles to make sure I'm up and to tell me what time he was leaving Newport News. Rod is my best friend and he's been my guy best friend for about 3 years now. I met him on BP and we hit if off..he's told me in the past that he liked me and insists that I give him a real chance but I told him that I like it better when we are friends and he's never brought it up again. He's probably just waiting for me to come around but despite the fact that I love him and think the world of him I just don't feel that attracted to him. He's about 6'3 or so and over 2oo pds...which is a lil of why I dont' feel attracted to him..his belly is somewhat big..I'm not sayin I don't have a pouch but you get my drift and I've told him he needs to work on it but ah well...So we get on Outerlimits...he can't on cause he's too tall...we get on Hypersonic, he can't get on cause his belly is too big....I get on both rides alone cause i'm a G!!! Yea LOL...he laughs it off but I know he was kinda put off by it, I tried to laugh it off but he told me that he would work on it so I left it alone. Why we got on the Hypersonic and the lady that was gettin off the car in front of us lost her ponytail that's how fast the ride was going LOL LOL I was crackin up..Man I tell ya...she should have sewn that stuff in.....she laughed about it though so that was good. We got ice cream he won me a winnie the pooh and we left. Said our good byes and went home. Got to the house after sitting in some traffic and walked the dog and was down for the count.
Woke up this morning talked to the Que come to find out his girl saw a text message that he sent to me and she was mad...he said she didn't believe him when he said this was our first time meeting. He asked me had she called me and I was like no but tell her she can if she likes. LOL I ain't got time for no drama man...I ain't tryin to break up no happy home. So I told him if it's gonna be like that when we chill then perhaps we shouldn't and he was like nah I just wanted you to know what happened and find out if she had called you. Of course Constant has been emailing me and I've responded a couple of times. Just general stuff..how are you, how's life all that jazz. Saying he misses me and he loves me...wants to make things better and that I know he's not a playa and that it only happened when he went out to sea and she pursued him..yadda, yadda. I'm past that hurt and the confusion right now I'm just dealing with the fact that he will come back soon and what am I gonna do then....it's easy to ignore the fact that I love him and always will since he's not here....so great. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it....
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
It's almost Friday.
I'm not angry surprisingly...I'm quite calm.
He's apologized and I'm bigger than holding a grudge so it's over.
If you haven't heard anything by them you might want to check out Q. Amey (Favorite Girl) and Usher's group One chance (Issues)...I love the new music section on concreteloop
How come I'm not dragging it out...I want to drag it out....no I don't.
I am feeling Kelly Rowlands I'm addicted song....her CD needs to hurry up and come out.
Who the heck is this paging me 5:46 in the morning.....LOL...not really paging me more like calling me.
I'm ashamed to admit that I have listened to some of Danity Kane's album and I do like some of the songs LOL. (Why you all in my BIZ, you gonna make me get my vaseline..back up I need 50feet )
I can't help my self when they place my shhh....I like to wild out damn right shake it all night,ehh that's my jam....everytime the beat drop......
I move next week and I haven't even started packing I'll start this weekend...then again I have to start this weekend.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can;and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful worldas it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things rightif I surrender to His Will;That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with HimForever in the next. Amen.
CSI is the bomb if I loved science then I would be a foresic specialist.
Beyonce's new video is better than the last one but why is she playin this whole I'm going insane character in her videos
I really need to study for the GRE.
Me and my best male friend are going to KD on sunday..I can't wait I haven't seen him since last summer
My dog is INSANE...he ripped up his bed pillow therefore he will sleeping on a towel..he is destructive....
I miss him...shoot me LOL
God allows every thing to happen for a reason...what's the reason for all of this?
Ok, so he's corny but this new P. Diddy song got me chanting do it do it do it LOL
What's love got to do with it...........
My name is Tina Turner and I don't have any money LOL...man I love when she beat Ike's tail
Looking forward to BK's class on Sat...work some of this stress off
What am I going to wear tomorrow?
I can't believe I ate two bags of Smoothie flavored skittles LOL
Why would someone be trying to get to someone's monkey LOL
Why oh why must men drive us women crazy?
Yet we seem to not be able to get rid of them.
I miss my ja-ja..he loves his antie LOL
Chris Brown was right..there's never a right time to say Good bye
posted @ 8:44PM
Friday, August 11, 2006
So you've noticed that I haven't written here in a week and between all that let's just say that if I were a weaker person I would either have been in some serious depression or somewhere at someone's bar drinking myself into a stupor.
I've always made it a point to be honest on my blog because what I write or say might in some weird way help someone else so with that being said...people make sure you pay your bills!!!! I was at work late on Thursday night and called my roomie to let her know that I might be home in an hour or so and that she could come pick me up at the metro....why this chic was like where is your car. I was like huh, it's in the front of the house, what you mean where is it at. So I'm in shock and of course the first person I call aint' the police it's mommie LOL...she was like well call the cops and find out what's going on. So I'm at work in DC, I call the cops and my boss decides that she is going to give me a ride home. Now all of this is taking place at almost 11pm, I was tired and sooo ready to go to sleep that I didn't know what to do. I get home, call the police again and find out that........I have been REPOED!!!! LOL LOL Now I'm laughing. Man I was soo embarassed. I was behind in my car note and them fools came and got my car while I was at work. I told my friend if I had known that I would have driven to work LOL. Dodged them for a while. So of course that would have been the first part of me breaking down, throwing myself into the traffic on 395. But I listened to Moms who told me to pray about it and there were only two things that could be done. I get it back or I don't get it back. I of course was praying for the first of the two. So I'm wondering how I'm gonna pay rent and get money to get my car out of the claws of repossession hahaha. Needlesstosay after trying to sell the laptop (my mom told me not to and plus the people were only gonna give me $200 for it) and cleaning out my bank account. I got the money with help from the parents, my sister and my boss (yep, I've been blessed to have a wonderful one). Friends offered even though they knew that I would never take money from them (my friend says I'm too prideful). The fact that they even offered meant the world to me. My roomie let me use her car when I had errands to run and she even took me 1 hour and 1/2 away to pick my car up. Don't ask me why they took it that far away to some woodstock, va. I didn't even know there was a such place, but now I know. So I have the blueberry back and I will never, ever let her face that type of embarassment again. R was like you could be cryin about your car being gone and you up here making jokes. I was like who gets their car reposssed....who does that...I guess I do LOL. Had to keep makin jokes so that I wouldn't begin to cry.
Amongst all of that I still wasn't shaken. I was just husting trying to get money to my car back. I was on facebook one day and noticed someone who I thought I knew. So I sent her a note and was like where do I know you from you look familiar. Come to find out we went to the same elementary school. So we add each other as friends and catch up...she looks through my pic album up there and in it is a pic of Constant. She asks me who he is, I tell her. She says the email back and forth. I'm like ok, cool he has female friends I don't mind. But OH NO that ain't the killa....come to find out that this nigga and yes I said that word and I mean it in every negative form, has been emailing her on some I love you type stuff. Now when she first told me this I was like yea aight not my Constant. I've known him for almost 4 years he would never do anything like that..this chic is trippin so I asked her for the emails. When she didn't send them I was like see...there's always on lil hater. In between all this I'm tellin the girls what's going on and they like yea she probably jealous and what not, cause Constant is one the realest dudes you have ever talked to he would never do that.
Ya'll I read the emails. She sent me almost 60 of them. I'm sure there were more but she started with the most recent ones from June of this year when he first went out to sea. Some of them were innocent like lil updates of where he was and what not. Others were telling her how he loved her and wanted to be with her and make love to her. SILENCE!!!! STARING AT THE SCREEN WITH MOUTH WIDE OPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! To say that I was shocked couldn't even amount to half of what I felt. I was too stunned to even cry. I told my old roomie I know now why chics key cars and flatten tires cause if his ASS was in the states that's just what I would have done. I'm at work, reading email after email (it's like a train wreck that's so horrible but you can't pull yourself to look away) wanting to scream my brains out and charter a jet just so I can beat his ass down. Here I've been thinking that he's being chill, working and what not and come to find out he got some chic down in Hpt. I mean what the HELL!! This shit came out of nowhere and he played me oh so good, that I'll give him credit for. I mean how you claim to be oh so real, say that I've never played games and here you are playing the biggest game of all. Now that still aint' the cake topper. I'm reading and comparing emails...that story that I sent him...why he sent it to her no less than 24 hours after I sent it to him....who the fuck does that. Not only did he send her my story he also sent her the story that he sent me.....I mean dang can you be more creative, change the font or wording...nope he did none of that. Only in my story he deleted the introduction. I mean he had me cursing up a storm, yelling a mile a minute. I still haven't cried and what the hell for. He's in the middle of the ocean living the good life, probably got a listserve of women that he send emails to. He just sits and forwards and copies and pastes the emails to each of us. I mean ya'll some of the emails were the exact same. I was in SHOCK!! Total and utter shock I mean for one of the few times in my life I was speechless.
My good friend Sunshine (her nickname) said I told you I didn't like him. He wasn't good for you. Ok, so he wasn't but I had to find out on my own (I don't need to hear I told you so) I'm cutting dudes off trying to be good and do what I gotta do to hold you down and you do this shit. 4 years in the making, well you could have kept this lame ass love or whatever the fuck he was calling it. He tried to catch himself before I found out everything this is what he said about how things went down with her:
Hey. I have been on some chill stuff. I a have been standing long watches so I have been doing that and going straight to sleep. I have been just doing my thing. I have something to tell you though. I know that you went to school with a girl named Stefanie. I use to talk to her before me and you made anything officail. We still email each other and we are cool folks. I wanted to tell ou that because she told me yall was together talking and she saw a pic of me but I don’t know if she said anything to you
This is the second email that he sent after I told him to tell me what happened between the two of them.
I am sory for what has happen. Honey has been cool folk for a long time now and it was just about to be what it is between us. I am sorry that you had to her it the way that you heard it but I really didn’t mean to hurt you. I mealt everyhting that I said and it wasn’t a game. I do love you and would love to have a future with you but I know that before I get things together with you anybody else I have to get my stuff together so I am sorry that I put you through this ands I hope that we can be friends.
So yea, that's my drama, or should I say was my drama. Cause I'm done with it all now. Me and home girl cool. We ain't got no beef cause she didn't know, in face we haven't even spoken to one another since elementary school. All I know is I wish I could beat him down like Madea beats people down...I'm gonna be waiting for him at three o'clock. LOL One of my home girls was like when I beat him down she wants to tape it and we can put it on Cheaters or You Tube LOL..now that would be funny. Oh boy am I plotting it might be vindictive but I gotta do what I wanna do LOL....hook a sista up with some tips LOL....sometimes childish times call for even more childish measures. Constant is a lame ass nigga and I'm done!!!!!!!!! That's my word. This goes beyond anything I could ever imagine him doing....so I have a right to cut him off without even allowing him to explain himself. Apparently 4 years of being friends meant nothing to him so why should I care if he even has a reasonable excuse as to why the hell he did what he did...and for the record there is no excuse.....so FUCK HIM!!! I'm doing me and that's what it's gonna be like.....from now on I'm gonna have to revert back to the old Honey who didn't take crap and who called you on your shit the first time you dared put it in my face to make me smell it and in the words of my roomies momma "Cancel my subscription, cause I'm over your issues, I don't subscribe to you anymore"
Can't nobody take my pride can't nobody hold me down...I gotta keep on moving......Going to get a drink............
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Although we have all night, I grab your hand because we can come back to balcony later right now I have something else planned for you. Making sure that all the candles are still lit I begin to help you undress…I notice you are aroused and laugh because I have something else in mind and all of that loving will come later. You ask me why I still have my clothes on….I inform you that ok my robe is considered clothing but perhaps I have nothing underneath. I see you shake your head wondering how come I have to be so difficult. I take your hand and lead you to the bathroom. I open the door and I hear you sigh. The lights in the bathroom are out and the Jacuzzi tub is surrounded by candles. Bubbles are filled to the top. I push you in further, turn on the CD player, as the music plays you hear Jodeci singing…..what must I say, what can I do…to show how much I think about..... Your thoughts are interrupted as I tell you to step in the water. After you are seated I take off my robe and I hear you gasp as the candle light hits me. You notice that my hair is getting longer, you tell me you like it this way. It’s slightly cold and you notice that my nipples seem to have minds of their own, as if they are reaching out for your touch, they sense you near me. I step into the tub, and sit down across from you. Finally, we’re back in each others presence after being apart. My foot begins to trail up your chest and I laugh because I know how you don’t like feet too much. Knowing how much I want and need to be near you, I begin to move and as if you’ve read my mind you tell me stop acting shy and come sit between your legs. I glide through the water and sit between your legs. I sigh because it feels so good to finally be with you again, to be in your arms again, to finally be with my baby.
You massage my shoulders and I begin to relax, my baby knows just how to touch me. But this moment right now is about you and making you realize just how much I’ve missed you. So I turn around you and stand up, allowing the water to drip down my body. I place myself right in front of you and sit down on your lap. I feel our bodies touch and it causes me to moan. Oh how I’ve missed you. I stare in your eyes. I love you and I missed you, I’m so glad that you’re here I say and you squeeze me tighter. I kiss you slowly and as I feel you bite and suck on my bottom lip I close my eyes and move my body as close to your body as I can. If we were any closer we would be Siamese twins. As we kiss, our bodies grind against one another and I feel your arousal on my thigh. As if our bodies have a mind of their own without us having to aid in their merging you enter me and I gasp. Funny how you seem to fit in just the right way. I moan because just as I’ve missed you, my body has missed you. Moving ever so slowly at first, we take our time getting to know one each others bodies all over again, but it's like we were meant to live in this moment because everything feels just right. I hear I’ll give you the red light special all through the night playing in the background and I smile cause that's what I have in store for you. You know just how I like it and although we’ve been apart it seems as if we’ve never left one another. We pick up right where we left off. Moving ever so slowly I lean forward and whisper in your ear that you feel so good. This must have aroused you because I hear you moan and you begin to move faster….I like the fact that you move ever so slowly at first and then move fast as if to stake claim to what you know is yours. I hear you say my name and it makes me smile because I love when you say my name. As if on cue we begin to ride out this tide of emotion, and I feel your legs begin to shake. I don’t want you to be alone in this moment so I focus on the moment and think about my baby. As we hold one another and ride out this wave we climax together.
By the time we’re done the water has gotten cold and our skin had wrinkled. The CD has started to play again and you tell me to wait. You step out first grab the towels that are beside the tub and open one up for me and motion for me to get out. I step out into the towel and into your arms. We walk into the next room and I ask you if your hungry and you tell me that it can wait…right now you just want to feast on me. I laugh; smile and once again I realize just how much I’ve missed you. I reach in my bag and take out some oil…motion for you to lay on your stomach on the bed and begin to rub you down. I feel you relax as I start at the back of you neck and massage your shoulders. After the bath I know you are more relaxed that you were when you first walked in the door but I love the way you feel in my hands. I rub you down your back and as I reach the small of your back I feel you sigh. I ask what’s the matter and you moan so I know I'm doing a good job you then say you love the way my hands feel on your body. I smile and bend down to kiss your back. I tell you to turn over and as I straddle you, you make a move to massage my breasts. I close my eyes sigh and almost forget that it’s about you now not me. I move your hands bend over the side of the bed and take out something. I tell you to close your eyes. You feel your arms being lifted to the side of the bed and realize that you arms are being tied to the bed post. I don’t want you to touch me until I’m sure that you can’t take it anymore. After that’s taken care of I finish massaging you taking extra care to kiss each spot after I rub oil into it. I finally reach the treasure chest. He’s already ready and making his presence known so it’s my duty to show him attention. I take him in my hands and slowly bend down and take him in my mouth. Before I begin my assault I stop and you see me put something in my mouth. I lean back down and take you in my mouth. You feel a cold sensation and then a hot sensation. As you become aroused I lick each and every crevice of your treasure. Taking extra care to massage the area around it. I lick and kiss, kiss and lick until I feel you begin to move. I laugh because you can’t move as much as you would like to move because your hands are tied. I know what you like and in anticipation of your arrival, I made sure I learned some new tricks. I move it up and down while caressing it and showing you just how much your baby missed you and by now it’s glistening in the almost burnt out candlelight by my juices. I stop when I think you are on the brink of climax and move myself around so that we are in the 69 position. I know that’s one of your favorite positions and since my mission is to please you it’s only right that you get everything that you want. Knowing it might be hard for you to maneuver I untie your hands and as if waiting for me to do that you push me down so that your treasure is one again in my hands. As I begin my descent you take me in your mouth and I moan. You always know just the way I like it and that makes me love you even more. You begin to caress it at first then as if tasting fruit for the first time you begin to suck and nibble, and kiss and lick and at this point….I’m distracted for a second because I feel it coming again. The onset of another climax and it’s not far because I wanted to please you tonight but I realize that pleasing you means that I allow you to please me and I love you for that.
As we once again embark on this climactic ride I realize that I can’t stop saying your name or telling you that I love you. I’ve missed you so much during this time that you were away. I waited for the day that we could be together, even played with myself at night with thoughts of what you do to me and how you make me feel. Just when I think it’s over you tell me to turn over and I know what’s coming, see how you anticipate my cravings. You enter me from behind and again we are heading over that cliff. The sweat from your brow drips onto my back and as you reach forward to carees me it amazes me how you feel just right, so perfect inside of me. As I push against you and you push against me I feel a tear roll down my face. I never knew we could connect so well with one another. Over and over and over and over again, it comes and just when I think I’m done another orgasm causes me to clinch and moan. I’ve stopped counting and to be honest I do each time we are together.
As the feeling of the orgasm passes over me, I sigh. I don’t want you to leave me, don’t even want to think about it right now. Just want to live in this moment. It’s as if time is standing still and this moment will never come to an end. I know it wont’ because it’s no longer a moment…it’s love and true love lasts forever.
You lay back on the pillow and I lay my head on your chest and I realize that not only am I feeling the after effects of you between my thighs but I feel the warmth of your release within me. Perhaps our first child was just created and if it was I know that it was created by love. I kiss you, squeeze you tight, tell you how much I love you for just being you and loving me. You rub my back, play in my hair and soon I hear the heavy sounds of your breathing. I hold my head up peek at you and take a glance at the clock. Get all the sleep you need because I plan to wake you up in about an hour to start all over again.
You’re anxious to get home because it’s been six long months since you’ve last seen me. You wonder if I look the same, smell the same or even feel the same. In our last correspondence I told you that I missed you and couldn’t wait to see you. You look at the piece of paper in your hand, take note of the address and make your way to your car. Pulling into to traffic you fight the urge to speed because this curiosity is killing you.
You pull up to the designated place with about a minute to spare, you know how she is about you being on time. You park, grab your luggage and hop out the car. You stop at the desk, give your name and as you are heading to the elevator you realize just how much you missed her and want to have her in your arms. As the elevator stops you step out, walk down the hall and stop in front of the door raise your hand to knock and realize that you have the key in your pocket. Placing the key in the slot, the light turns from red to green and you open the door.
Your eyes adjust from the bright light in the hallway to the dimly light room that you’ve just entered. You drop your bags by the door. The smell of incense drifts to your nose, you remember that her favorite scent is sex on the beach. You smile, remembering the last time you all were together, the things that you did, how you held her afterwards and wiped the tears from her eyes when she cried about you leaving. You notice that she has her things in the corner and you are temped to look in her bag of tricks to see what she has in store…but you stop because you want to see just what she has planned. You notice dinner in the corner; she must have known that you would be hungry. But what she doesn’t know is that what you’re hungry for can’t be feed by food. Where is she? You notice that there is a slight chill in the air and you walk over to the balcony door realizing that it’s been open all this time. It’s such an unseasonably warm night in December that you step out and take in the view.
I’ve been watching you all this time from a chair in the corner. Wondering if you noticed that I was sitting there and of course you didn’t. You’re looking around the room and I know that you have seen my bags and are wondering what I have planned for the night. Guess you’ll have to wait and see. You walk over to the table and see the food. I know that you’re probably starving and I wanted to make sure that you were fed because I love taking care of my baby. I begin to speak then stop myself when I see you walk over to the balcony door and walk out.
Hi Baby, I miss you. You smile and begin to turn around to hug me but I wrap my arms around your waist. Ummm you smell so good and I am just realizing just how much I’ve missed you these last six months. I let you turn around, you smile at me and we finally embrace. You notice that I have on a light blue short silk robe….touching it makes you aroused and you wonder what I have on underneath. Knowing that you have a thing for heels I wonder if you notice my shoes. I see you look down and smile knowing just what you’re thinking.
I never knew that hugging you could feel so good. How much being in your arms brings me so much joy. You open your mouth and speak. Hi Baby, I couldn’t wait to get here, I would have been hear earlier…I stop you by kissing you. Your lips have always made me warm inside, I sense myself becoming aroused and I stop….I’ve waited 6 months to be with you I think I can wait a lil longer. You kiss me on my forehead, touch my face and as you stare in my eyes I know….that I love you.
posted @ 8:45p.m.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
He got a blast out of riding on the metro and I took pics of him. He is very photogenic and it cracks me up. This man on the metro heard him callin me auntie and was like that's not your son I was like No, LOL. He said ya'll must have some strong genes..I kinda looked him. Thank you for assuming that I'm young with a kid, but that's my suga so I won't mad LOL. There were so many Alpha's in town this weekend I thought I was in Alpha Land LOL....all variations too, it was funny cause of course there are stereotypes and I saw some that defied them which is nice. I got some looks and I was dang I got a kid with me (they think he mine) how am I gonna holla LOL
Nurse dude called me and tried to explain why he was mad...I ain't got time for it. I told him he could come get his stuff when I got back in town (he left some stuff at my house) and after wards he calls back being nice talkin about i need to talk to you about somethin Ma, call me hope you're doing well...yea yea...whatever he's probably callin to complain about how he aint' got no money...i aint' tryin to hear it.
I was at home yesterday for a ticket I got, I ended up getting a fine. I was soo pressed about going to jail LOL...the judge put this lady in lockup till 3pm. My mom who went with me was like why he do that all she gonna do is go to sleep...which is what I would have done...but ah well at least I ain't in jail and talk about being a more cautious driver. My tail be looking all over the place for cops now it was too funny when I was driving home. Truckers were flashing lights at me and what not..boo I'm doing 70 and that's it (the speed limit was 65) I did that all the way down 95 and 64...i dont' care I am not tryin to get another ticket.....
I didn't leave home yesterday till around 10pm cause I met up with a friend who I haven't seen since last year and we got to talking and what not...and I got caught up LOL..you know how that is. It's funny how people change, he was like dang you have gotten smaller and he's a physical fitness so of course he was telling me how to tighten stuff and all that stuff. I was like aight, thanks I'll see what I can do LOL. I have about 20 more pds to go and I'm giving myself till December to loose that just so I don't feel like I'm in a rush to do it cause I'm not. I wonder what Constant will say when he seems me cause when he met me I was at the weight I want to get to and he's always like the extra cushion LOL...
If you read the last post you can see that Constant sent me a lil love note...and since I try to keep him entertained LOL...I wrote him one. I'll post the first few parts tomorrow since I probably wont' be updating due to me working some hours of OT.
I saw this on a shirt and thought it was funny:
If I talked smart to you..how would you know?