Life through my eyes......
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Corretta Scott King
April 27, 1927- January 31, 2006
Bishop Long said she "understood what she was getting into" when she married Martin Luther King.
"She said a statement that burned in the heart of my wife and myself, she said when she married Martin, she did not marry a man, she married a vision," he said.
Monday, January 30, 2006
Friday: Hung out with T and M @ Love in DC. Man those people in there are funny. Guys walking around with furs on and shades. I mean dang pick a season. I'm hot already from the massive crowd of blacks and the liquor that is running through my system then they try to dance with you therefore allowing the hair on their fur to shed onto your back...WOW.......Then there was this guy there who was dancing and I tell ya that man needed to be a stripper cause he was working it and we were acting like we were giving him dollars...too funny. Then as the night progressed we were posted up by the stage and this guy came over and pushed T so he could sit down. She gave him the "ug mug" and he was like ah girl you ain't that cute, I'm trying to sit down. I was like dang what your legs couldn't up that fatty up no more lol..that's what I was thinking but I didn't say that to him. He looked like he ain't have no problem with hitting a chick and I ain't want to have to cut no one LOL. So then he proceeds to talk to me about if he pushed her or not and I was like boo that's between you and her and I went on to dance. Afterwards Green Eyes called and we proceeded to get into an argument (yes at 3am). I tell ya that man has more games that Milton Bradley..and he be saying I'm playing games. Talking about he was on his way home and I wasn't home yet and all that jazz. So it got so irate that we were both yelling then I brough it down to a level one and told him that I wouldn't call him no more cause he was like F you and talking about I would regret hanging up on him, even though he hung up on me. So I was like aight I won't call you no more, bye and mind you I said this in a pleaseant manner and a quiet tone. I guess he wanted me to yell and what not.
Sat: Had driving class because I found out my license was suspended and I had to take a class to get it back. So I was in class from 9-5, yea man as soon as I got my license back I was so happy to jump in my BlueBerry that's what I call my car cause the color reminds me of a blueberry and drive I didn't know what to do with myself. Green Eyes calls me while I'm in Tar'get (Target) and leaves me a message talking about he's sorry that he went off..he was upset and had alcohol in his system, plus he feels that I go out too much. I was like hmm ok wow, so I called him back and left him a message and said I accept your apology but I don't have time for games, and as far as me going out too much. When someone is occupying my time enough I dont' hang out as much, plus I've been out 5 times since he's known me (Sept 05) and 4 of those times was this month which is probably why he thinks I go out too much. I said plus you only come over after you have finished playing pool with your boys so what does that say about you. Plus I can count on one hand how many times we've been out..that's sad. We aint' dating boo cause if we were dating I wouldn't be able to count that anymore it would be too numerous. I think he needs to get a grip.
Sun: Went to my cousins church in Glen Burnie. It was really nice..she and her husband are pastors of a church up there and she wrote a play and yesterday was the first time they showed it. I learned alot and realized a lot at the same time. I've been noticing lil things about Green Eyes that let me know it wasn't going to work but I didn't listen to myself and now I am. I can't deal with someone else's games cause I can do that alone. So after that I went home and went out with this girl who use to babysit me when I was lil (more like 12 lol) she's 30 now and lives in NOVA so we did lunch near Potomac Mills...went home and chilled out.....in the process I've realized that I need to let some guys go that I've dealt with or are dealing with. Either because they annoy me or I know it won't work but I'm clinging to the hope of something coming out of it. So I'm not gonna do that anymore it's not getting me anywhere or giving me anything but a big headache and confusion..which I can do alone lol. I miss my Will, he's in the navy and he's leaving on the 6th for 3 weeks....what can I say I'm use to it now but I can't wait till he gets out
so as you can see my weekend wasn't too much of a fuss, but it was refreshing all the same (smile)
Friday, January 27, 2006
Shake that Laffy Taffy
1. are you content with your life? For the most part I am, of course things could be better if I were married to a millionaire then again more money more problems..so I'm good for now
2. if not, what would make you content? Being debt free...student loans are a bia bia!
3. if so, what makes you content with it?Being loved by all who know me (smile)
4. what do you like most about yourself?My level of compassion and being a great listener
5. what do you wish you could change about yourself? I love a lil too hard and sometimes wear my heart on my sleeve.
6. what irritates you most about other people? The need to feel as if they can lie and it won't matter, boo I am not stupid...just be for real.
7. what state do you live in? if not in the u.s., where in the world are you at? I live in VA
8. what do you look for in the mate who would be most compatible for you? (you'll notice i didn't say perfect mate, cuz there is no such thing as perfection, only perfection in imperfections). I would have to say someone who loves and is seeking a better relationship with God, loves children and is sensative to his needs and those around him, he must also be willing to advance himself beyond where is at in that present moment of his life.
9. do you enjoy giving oral sex? I sure do (emmm emm, dang lol) but of course you can't do it for everyone....wouldn't be right lol..plus some of them just dont' "look" right
10. if so, why?There are those that don't wow.....what can I say I love making a man lose control and knowing that I caused it. The only reason I wouldn't do it would be that their penis just ain't big enough so it wouldn't matter either way lol or the fact that it just don't look too good enough for me to put in my mouth LOL....I think it's the Kryptonite I'm on that's making me so brutal today.
11. if not, why? why not like it, jsut make sure you know who you're doing it too and what they were doing before umm you know lol lol
12. how old were you when you lost your virginity?I was 19 and in college
13. was it a good experience for you?It sure was, much better than all my friends experiences they kinda hated on me for a minute.
14. what motivates you to wake up each morning?Knowing that there are some who don't get that opportunity and that I'm making my parents proud.
15. what do you see yourself doing in five years? Either in law school or being done with law school married or engaged to my future husband and father of my children.
16. what is your 'big plan' for 2006? Do better spiritually, mentally and physically, take more time for me, learn to be more aggressive, and save more.
17. what do you love most about being single/involved/married? At the moment my status is confused LOL...cause I have a sweetie but he's in the navy and we have our moments.....my girls think he is gonna propose within the next year, I don't so I do me and he does him, but we meet up somewhere in the middle. I love having someone who cares for me, but I also love having the privilege of dating and meeting new people.
18. how often do you have sex in a week? Depends on if I'm "with" someone. For the most part it's about once a week, maybe twice if you include weekends...now if this time period includes a weekend then about 6 times LOL....
19. do you masturbate?......silence.......crickets......yea I do, and what?! LOL
20. what are your favorite television shows? Law & Order, Crossing Jordan, Medium, ER
21. who are your favorite actors/actresses? Denzel Washington, Morgan Freeman, Ashley Judd, Sandra Bullock
22. what are you listening to on your ipod/cd player right now? I'm actually listening to WBLS in NY on the internet and it's playing Unpredictable by Jamie Foxx...funny that's how I'm feeling now and how I'm gonna be tonight while I'm out on the town with the girls.
23. give me three adjectives that best describe you. Talkative, Opinionated, Shy
24. what is your zodiac sign? Libra
25. what do you love most about blogging? I get to be nosy without being too nosey LOL
Thursday, January 26, 2006
My growing locs...
This is me about 2 days after I got my hair twisted as you can see they aren't that long
This is me around November ish when I was about to go out...a lil longer not too much longer. i had to cut the color out of them.
This was me during Christmas. You can see they are a lil longer but not too much longer.
This is me about the 2nd week in January. A day at the office. They are longer than before and the ones in the back along with the ones that I continually twist all day have started to lock and tighten.
This one was taken last weekend...when I was having a night out in DC with the roomie. Man we had a blast and I was ohhh so jazzy!!!! See my hair is longer lol
Since tomorrow is Friday I need all the happiness I can get since that means one more day in the work week and the weekend will hopefully be more exciting than last (I can't take no more cops) so today I decided to right about my ja-ja (my nephew whose name is jai).
He will soon be two (June) and he is the cutest thing I have witness grow and change..other than my god daughter. He is one of the reasons why I know that I want children when the time comes. His mother (my lil sister who will be 20 on Tuesday) is of course your standard I love my baby daddy and he ain't cheating on me type girl. I love her dearly cause she's my sister but I promise I forgot how old the girl was gonna be cause she still acts like she is 16. She doesn't have a job....held one down for like 3 months but that's when she found out she was pregnant with a second child....well at least that's what she said. She is still holding on to that lie...hoping that we will believe her (LOL) I mean how long can you go on, really saying that you are pregnant before people are like "Girl, we know you lying". She has been saying she was pregnant since last summer saying that she was due in oct, then it was nov then it was jan and now who the heck knows when it will be. Me, my sis and my best friend have a running joke that the baby is gonna come out and be like 5..talking bout I been waiting to come see ya'll. Let me stop.
When she was pregnant with my nephew I made sure she didn't look like a bum at her baby shower and before that would even buy her clothes that fit. I would talk to her belly telling him that he would come out looking like me and ya know what lo and behold he did lol. There have been many a time when he was with me and her or just me and people would think that he's my son. I think he looks like her though and lord knows he acts like her lol. But that's my sweetie so I let people that he's my nephew but I love him and care for him like he's my own, which is how it should be.
Anyway of course I never thought that I would be an auntie before I got the chance to have my own kids cause I'm the oldest and that's just not how I imagined things lol but hey that's life. I try to talk to my lil sis and help her to understand that she needs to stop focusing on her baby daddy and using my toot(yet another nickname for my nephew) as a way to try to get people to do what she wants. For example if she is mad at my parents she will keep my nephew in her room and not let him come out...she doesnt' realize that it's not hurting my parents (to an extent) but it will have a lasting affect on my nephew who will never really get to interact with the other children who spend the day at my house (my mom has a daycare).....she gets a laugh out of teaching him how to ahhh haaa when someone gets in trouble and what not...she thinks it's cute. Of course it's not but you can't tell her that, cause she proceeds to roll her eyes and then say to herself (but really to anyone who is listening) I'm gonna take you in my room and we can call your other grandma and she can keep you (she has a habit of talking to herself outloud..seeing who will react or act as if they are listening to her, of course we aren't)
I love my nephew as if he were my own son and even told my sister that if she didn't want to live at home when she had him she could come live with me. But she couldn't get over the fact that she wouldn't be close to her baby daddy (who said he would marry her over and over, but we have since found out that he isn't even divorced from his first wife). I even told her that I would take care of him if she couldn't and you know Honey-Libra love the single life but that lil man made me want to turn it all down just to make sure that he got everything that he needed in life. Don't get me wrong she loves him dearly and will cut you if you even act like you are about to harm him, but she doesn't have the drive that many single mothers have to provide for their children. She is going to school to get her GED and I even offered her some incentives (buying her some clothes, getting her hair done) if she finished it like she was suppose to. I have yet to find out how she is going. I talk to her and try to encourage her but you can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped. That's one gene my sisters and I have in common..we are all stubborn to a certain extent.
I would love to say that out of my siblings I don't have a favorite..but I would be lying. Although I love them both equally, I of course gravitate to my middle sister who just turned 22 (yea we are really close in age a year and 2 months apart, plus i have a brother who is 24 will be 25 in feb). When I need her she's there..when she was working more than me and I needed a lil extra money she was the first person to put money in my account. Now that I'm getting back on my feet, I hook her up cause she's never let me down. We have our moments when she acts like I'm her momma probably since I'm the oldest, and I think all that comes from me taking care of her when we were little and were adopted. I was all she knew as a mother so when we got adopted she had to get use to having a real mother.
I still tell her to this day "Girl I ain't your momma go ask Ma". I love her to death though and the fact that she is now growing up and taller than me (yea why is that the oldest tends to be the shortest) and has a boyfriend who treats her great...I can say I'm proud of her. She has dislexia which means she is not retarded but her mind reads things slower and backwards so it takes her longer to process information. But you would never know it because my parents and I have never made her feel anyless of a person because of it. Plus homegirl is better at math than me and even when the HS that she went to tried to give her a certificate my parents fought tooth and nail to make sure she got a real diploma and she did....I think I was screaming the loudest on that day. She is a wonderful young woman and i'm proud to call her my sister.
Her and my younger sister on the other hand have never, ever gotten along. They fight like cats and dogs...my lil sis has even pulled a knife out on her. Yea I know I told ya oh girl was gangsta. The police have even been called to my house cause my lil sis was trying to fight with my dad while she was pregnant no less......yea girl be on some other stuff. She has calmed down a lil..notice I said a lil, cause she is still a bit on the crazy side. Remember how when you use to take your siblings things but it all stopped once you got older..nah not her when I go home I don't take anything that I can't stand to lose cause home girl will confiscate it with what Georgia Peach calls a matrix move and then on top of that if it's a cd she will either destory it or put her name on it and then get mad if you take it back. Screaming about people stealing her stuff LOL, not taking into consideration that she steals from us (my family) every chance she gets. It's bad when you say you ain't got money one day and then the next you have $20 and everyone is checking their wallets to make sure their money isn't missing......
I know everyone is like why dont' your parents kick her out. Well they told her to get out. Even told her that she could leave my JD (yes another nickname) with them till she got herself together. So they ask her you would want your child to live on the street with you and her crazy tail says yea if I'm there he gonna be with me. Now what mother in her right mind would want to sleep on concrete with her child when she knows there is a better way for him or her to live. So being that they are religious, they pray and understand that God knows the outcome to this test and trial. I on the other hand tell them to kick her out everytime I go home..I know I know I'm horrible. But I can't stand how she talks to my parents and I told her if she talks to my mother one more time like she did one time when I was there I told her I would pop her in her mouth so hard she might lose some teeth. And if my momma hadn't gotten so upset I would have done it before (that girl upset me so much that once when I came to visit for the weekend I left early cause she annoyed that s*** out of me) So she knows she better go in her room when she wants to bad mouth my parents if I'm home.
In the meantime I talk to my fam on a weekly basis and I get to talk to my jai and let him know his auntie loves him. I'm always here for him and I want him to know that once he can grasp that. Not only do I provide for him materialistically but when I'm home I play with, talk to and read to him. He's at the point now where he is talking and yesterday I heard him say Auntie for the first time..even though my mom says he says it all the time lol....since I'm up here in NOVA I miss so much. I was there when he was born and I plan to be there when he leaves for his first day of kindergarten....he's made me understand just how the love of a child can change someone and I am so looking forward to having my own children.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Cater to you.....
I then said "Masa say I can get my ers perced and we's gawn have a pata afta" She laughed but then I told her that when I first thought about getting locs I did think about what my bosses would say. I also told her that when I dyed my hair a almost honey blond and cut it all off I couldnt' help but wonder what my bosses would think. I'm glad to say that my bosses didn't say one thing other than oh you changed your hair.
But I told her that when I first interviewed for the positon at the law firm I work at I had microbraids and they were up in a bun and I was dressed the part. I'd also been working my job for almost a year when I decided to cut my hair and dye it..so by then they already knew my work product and knew that I not only knew what I was doing but that I had some form of home training. So while we are conversing on this topic it got me to thinking if I were a boss what kind of person would I want to hire. Of course I would want them to come to the interview dressed for an interview not with pants hanging down, or their hair a mess. Which is why when my lil "baby" locs tend to look a lil bushy I begg my room mate to twist them because I am a professional and I don't have time to be looking like buckwheat's lil sister (lol). Not only do I have an image to uphold...everyone that knows me knows that I like to look nice but I work for a law firm and I know that if I were a client I would not want to see my lawyer with messed up hair or raggedy clothes because then I would begin to think about what else was messy on them (my auntie told me that if a man's wife beater is dirty then his draws might be too).
So an upkept apperance is something that you need to be on top of if you want to make it in this world. Of course there are people who are going to say well I have tattoos and I want to be a judge ok boo do what you do but don't go into your court room with a mohawk and expect people to take you seriously..there is a time and place for everything and you can save the mohawk and 50 million tattoos for when you are out with the bike club.
I'm not saying change who you are..but be real with yourself. Although you may have graduated from Princeton sum cum laude (I think that's right) you can't expect that to speak for it's self. Sad thing is, appearance is probably 80% of the job battle out here. Each day it's getting harder and harder to stay on top....why do something to make you look like you have no clue as to what is going on in the world......
I love my locs and at this point even though they are still "babies" I wouldn't cut them if when I got a new job they requested that I do it..because they are kept neat and are well taken care of...I would weigh my options and go with what I feel is best. Now if they talking 6 figures I'd lean a lil harder toward cuttin em off LOL...hey what can I say a sister got to pay bills
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
TAG YOU"RE IT!!!!!
Four Jobs You've Had
1. Law office- In Hampton worked there the summer of my junior year. That's when I knew I wanted a career in law.
2. Chick-fil-A- Job during junior & senior year of HS....what can I say I know don't eat nuggets as much
3. GMU- Working in Career Services..that's how I know what a great resume to write..let's jsut say I came in handy when all my friends needed resume and cover letter help
4. Client Services Assistant: Law firm
Four Movies You Could Watch Over and Over
1. The Notebook
2. Pay it Forward
3. The Color Purple
4. Double Jeapordy
Four Places You've Lived
1. Hampton, VA
2. Fairfax, VA
4. Annandale, VA
Four TV Shows You Love to Watch
1. Law & Order (SVU & Criminal Intent)
3. Crossing Jordan
Four Favorite Books
1. The Notebook- Nicholas Sparks
2. Flowers in the Attic- V.C. Andrews
3. Your Blues Ain't like Mine- BeBe Moore Campbell
4. Good Dont Like Ugly-Mary Monroe
Four Places You Have Been on Vacation
1. Myrtle Beach
3. Ocean City
Four Websites You Visit Daily
Four Favorite Foods
3. Green Beans
4. Ice Cream
Four Places You'd Rather Be Right Now
3. Hpt, VA visiting my family
4. Virgin Islands
Monday, January 23, 2006
Friday: Me and the roomie decided to head to Love in DC to get some drinks and dance some stress off. We headed to Wendy's first to grab some grub since we didn't want to drink on an empty stomach. As we are pulling back into the street I see a cop and of course since I'm doing nothing wrong..I proceed on my way. I notice him slowing up beside me and then he is getting behind me I still think nothing of it. Then of course his lights come on..I pull over to the side of the road and of course while all of this is occuring I'm telling my room mate I wonder what the heck is going on. He comes to the window after like 10 min of shining that dang on light in my face and I of course give him my license and registration. He says is there anything you would like to tell me. I'm looking at him like no and he says is this your car and I'm like lol yea. So then he says did you know that your license is suspended.......of course the expression on my face is priceless. I was like no do you know what for and he says no i'm not sure and I said the only thing I can think of that it could be suspended for was a ticket I got and I have the receipts to show that I paid that. So he goes back to the car and runs my room mates license cause she will have to drive my car back home. All along I'm heated cause this isn't the first time that DMV has screwed me over. I hate VA's DMV...they mess up and all they say is well you know how the mail is...no boo sorry I don't. Anyway he comes back, gives me my ticket and my room mate has to drive.....and since I dont' have a license (he said it's the VA law that he had to take it) we couldn't go to Love...by this point I'm so angry I begin to cry and rant and rave saying I hate VA and I'm moving ASAP (which is true as soon as I find a job somewhere else I'm out!) and he's laughing I'm thinking you dick head this aint' no laughin matter. And on top of that you had no probable cause to even run my tags...misuage of the government's property. You can't just run tags to be running em..I had to be doing something wrong. So I have to go to court in March and what not cause I'm fighting this thing tooth and nail. Good thing the roomie was with me cause she's my witness and if I had been alone they could have arrested me and impounded my car...wow me in jail...oh no that ain't happening.
Sat: The roomie and I head to DMV to figure out what the heck is going on. The line at the DMV is of course so long and the location that I went to didn't open till 10am so we had about 15 min to wait. When it finally opens and we get near the door this African and this black guy start to argue because the black guy says that the African cut the line...when in actuality he didn't. He got out of line to sit down and then got back in line. I'm guessing he had discussed this with the people behind and in front of him. One of the black guys friends who was the guy actually in the DMV line had called the black guy on the phone and told him what he thought happened and I guess oh boy was gonna rectify the situation. Him and the African get to arguing and the black guy is like "I speak fluent English" and is yelling about the people taking up for him and what not. While he is saying this the African is saying "Who are you, who are you, I'm not scared of you" and the black guy is like don't worry about who I am and all that jazz. I'm tryin to pay attention to getting in the door and making sure the people who come out of Target dont' get in front of me cause you can't block the entrace to Target and they seem to think the line stops at the Target door when it actually goes past it and near the mall entrance..so great. The of course they each get the security cops who are in the DMV to come over and they explain their stories and everyone in line is cracking up and looking to make sure no fight starts. I get in the DMV and get to the window come to find out it wasn't suspended because of what I thought it was. But for the points that I have on my license. The only problem is I didn't get a letter and on top of that the guy tells me that it's been suspended since 11/14 and I said umm that can't be correct cause I got a speeding ticket the day before thanksgiving and the cop never said anything and of course the guy at the DMV was like well mayum I don't know what to tell you. I was like great well give me an ID card cause I can't walk around with no ID on me.......if it's not one thing it's another...I promise
Sat night:After the last hell day and night I'd been through me and the roomie decide to hit up H2O in DC by the waterfront. Apparently Tre Songz was suppose to be there..I actually don't care about him but I've found out that alot of people over 21 do lol cause the room he was suppose to be in was so crowded once we were heading to the other room we had to turn around and go through the hallway cause it was so crowded. Anyway I got some drinks, got a number from this cutie who said he liked my shirt (it was gold and kinda shaped like a fan..if the pic I took looks cute I'll post it a lil later) and this African offered to pay for my shirt cause he said he liked it so much...think i might have to wear that shirt more often. Saw some people that I went to HS with who were up here for the weekend. It's funny how people change and what not but still think they got it going on when they really don't (I laugh in the face of you morons lol) I saw my first (who stills sends chills through my body) and we chatted a while and yep he came over afterwards....ummmm I tell ya that man is Fine with a capital F.
Sun: Slept all day after A left, then watched tv for a lil while and ended up cooking dinner, chatted on the phone for a minute and that's about it.
So you can see......with me there is never a dull moment. Even if that moment does involve the cops LOL.
If it's not one thing it's another.....
Friday, January 20, 2006
My plan of Action
I guess this post will be a way to serve as a way to daily remind myself that I'm focusing more on health this year than I have done in the past. So starting monday I'm hitting the gym. Yea you've read it correct. I love sleeping somewhat later than others get to do during a work week, but i can sacrifice an hour of sleeping in order to be healthier...what do you think? Plus coming to this decision was not an easy one. Cause I could easily stay after work but it's a mind thing with me and I know I'm not gonna want to stay at work late just to go to the gym so I might as well get up earlier. Now I get up at 730, I'm thinkin I can get up at 645 so I can be at the gym by 745 and work out till 845 and be at my desk by 9...giving me time to shower and what not.
I'd rather spend time now getting healthier than be like my "other" as mrs.tj put it (I was just callin her my birth canal donor) who had to get gastric bypass surgery cause she was on the verge of dying because of her weight. And my mommy was diagnosed with diabetes and she has controlled it because of her diet and weight lose...so with that being said I'm not trying to get down to a size 5 or anything but I would like to be a couple of sizes smaller and tone up the boota cause I kinda like the junk in my trunk lol. All the women in my family have a nice coca-cola bottle shape and that makes me feel wonderful to be built like them but I don't want to be battling obesity and other numerous things (high blood pressure, diabetes, etc.) because I couldn't push myself away from the last slice of pizza. Many of these diseases can be eliminated if you maintain the right diet and exercise even if it's a lil bit.
So I'll start off small..working out for an hour and for 3 days a week and then "kick it up a notch" (got this phrase off of an episode of my wife and kids LOL). All I have to say is I don't need to run into no Euro-trainer (meaning a person who overdoes it) have me in the hospital cause I can't walk because I been working out too much LOL..in the words of my friend I dont' need to loose so much weight that I look like a crack head LOL. But once again I would think that's not possible since I'm built to be a lil thick..I'd just like to have the thickness under more control LOL..feel me. So for all you out there in blog world...keep me in your prayers LOL cause I know come Friday morning I'm gonna be like I aint' doing this crap. What's the point. I'll take all the help I can get. I've been blessed to have people offer tips of advice that I will try and see if they work but I know everyone's body is different so I'll stick with works for me.
On to a healthier, more energetic, slimmer, Honey!!!! I'll keep you updated as I see change (smile)
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Are you my mommy?
So I've been fighting with writing this post for the last couple of days...first because I haven't had the time and second because I get emotional when I talk about how this whole issue makes me feel.
I was adopted when I was about 2 and I live with my parents and 2 sisters (one is my whole sister the other half but I don't discriminate) I have a brother who was in foster care so he wasn't able to be adopted when my sisters and I were adopted. Over the years my biological mother has known where we lived but she didn't make it a point to come visit..this could be because she weighs about 400 pounds (which she is now losing due to gastric bypass). She did however call about once or twice a year but most of the time my sisters and I weren't at home or she didn't ask to speak to us. I guess she was just doing a check up.
So anyway I've made it a point to try to establish a relationship with my older brother who has been in and out of jail since he got of the army which was like 4 years ago. I've also had the opportunity to meet some aunts and uncles from my biological mother and fathers side. I've found out where the thickness comes from, my high cheekbones and my height....the last two come from my biological father's side. I've met my fathers mom and she is too funny. Talk about a culture shock. I mean my adoptive parents (who i consider my parents hands down...I have a mom and dad don't need two) are involved in the church and are pretty conservative so to speak and both sides of my biological family are loud, they drink, they curse like sailors and let's just say that visiting someone in jail isn't new to them...it is to me.
However this isn't really the cause of my distress when it comes to this issue. I mean yea when I was little kids could be cruel saying "you mom didn't want you so she gave you away" but my parents quickly told me that being adopted means you are special because you were picked. God knew my mom and dad needed kids and that my mom couldn't have any so he sent her three little angels (I think if she knew what she knows now she wouldn't have called us angels). So I like to think that God had and still has a divine plan for me and my sisters cause he couldn't have picked two better parents to raise us. I can honestly say that if we were left in the environment that we were born into we would probably have a kid or two a piece and who knows what else and I'm not saying that all girls born into that type of life lead it but I know my biological mom and the rest of my family and I know what would have occurred.
And lo and behold what do you know my lil sister who will be turning 20 this year has a lil boy. She of all people I would think would be the most not like my biological mother since she was adopted a day or two after she was born. She doesn't even remember what it was like to go hungry and be found in your own feces (you'd be surprised what lil kids remember). I've even been told that the story of how bad we were neglected was in the paper. We had to be in the hospital because we had been so malnourished. I've always said that because of this I want to become a foster mom and adopt children on top of having my own.
Aight so as stated before my biological mom had gastric bypass surgery and she has been losing weight. Apparently this has given her a new lease on life cause she thinks she is hot s***. So while I was on the road coming back to Northern VA after the Christmas holiday I get a call from my aunt (who is my biological mothers sister) she calls me on the regular to check on me and what and I've even spent a new years with her and her family..she's cool people. I see from her where my loudness at certain times comes from (lol) Anyway she has my birth canal donor(i like how that sounds, I think I'll call her that now) on the other line on three way. So we are chatting it up and what not. I'm thinking she is gonna mention how me and my sis dropped by and left her a gift..nope she didnt'.
But you know what she does talk about how she went to see my brother (who is in jail again) and how the little boys were in there tryin to talk to her. She then proceeded to go on and talk about what she had on and what not. Talking about she looked sexy and all that mess. I'm thinking dang thanks for asking how I am and how my holiday was or for even saying thanks for the gift. Even when we tried to change the convo she went back to what she had on and how the guys in the jail were saying what did her kids think about her new look and she said what can they say their momma got her groove back (I'm thinking boo you aint' got no kids...cause I sure ain't one of em)
I then interrupt and I'm totally iggin her at this point and I say to my aunt I hope this is J's last time in jail cause I miss my brother. I later find out that my birth canal donor said she wanted to curse me out because she thinks I was dissing my brother and what not. I then told my aunt that birth canal could come on with it. I mean you can say what you want cause you've been doing what you want for the past 23 years (that's how old I am) without caring about what I think or how i feel. I mean yea I'm not a lil girl anymore but it still hurts to know that the woman that gave birth to you doesn't want anything to do with you. When I call her all i get it yea, um hm, like I'm interrupting her. That bugs the mess out of me.
So last weekend I told my aunt that by no disrespect to her or the part that she plays in my life but I have no words for my birth canal donor. I could care less if I ever see her again. I'm tired of putting forth the effort to be a part of her life and she wants nothing to do with me. So going forth in this year she probably won't talk to me unless my aunt calls me and she is there or she calls me herself. Which I know she isnt' gonna do. At this point and time all I care about are the people that care about me.....that's all that matters. So she can kick rocks, skip em or even eat em I don't care.
It's funny how I'm 23 but at times when I think about not being wanted I feel 2 again. But my mommy has done a great job in raising my sisters and I. She's one of my best friends and I let her know that I love her as much as I can. I can only hope and pray that I'm half the mother and woman that she is when I reach her age.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Four Day Weekend......
So Friday after work we all decided to go to this spot in Alexandria called Mango Mikes...it's like a bar/club on the right day lol. They have good drinks pretty good fries and aight music. So we're at home in my room talking about what we want to do and one of the roomies says she wants to get drunk that's where mango mike's comes in at. By this time I'm hungry and bout ready to eat since I hadn't eaten since lunch that day (1pm). Finally we are all dressed and ready to go....and to make a very long irritating story short we couldn't get a table or a seat at the bar and when we did sit down we finally decided that we didn't want to stay(I hate when that happens) so we eat at this lil diner down the street...I didn't end up eating till 10:30pm...not good cause when I laid down my stomach was torn the heck up..never again I tell ya.
So after I came back from eating..green eyes decided that he wanted to come over cause he was working late and didn't feel like driving home. So he came over (yea I know I'm setting myself up to be angry again but hey what can I say) we talked about a few things and then I was passed the heck out. So the next morning he gets this vision that he wants to spend the whole day together I was like umm great. He decided that we would do dinner and watch the Redskins game...I thought that was nice cause very rarely will a man ask you to watch the game with him knowing how us females can be about talking in between plays lol. So he left to shower, change and run errands and came back to get me so that we could be seated to watch the kick off. We ended up at Applebees because the Champs at Pentagon City was too croweded and said the wait would probably be about 1 or 2 hours or even the whole game. So great. We stayed at Applebees till half time then went to Fast Eddies to play a lil pool till the game was over. Yes I got my tail whopped..but it is what it is. I had fun and that's all I can say. Next time I'm gonna be on point though so I can spank some tail LOL.
After we left Fast Eddies we went to the house and since he was going to play pool with the boys I was going out with my girl Tasha we decided to go to: Man I was so heated after leaving pearl cause that DJ was too corny I mean he kept saying my name is so and so and I'm from ATL..but he was playing some slow jams I mean come on playing that for about 30 min is aight but not for 2 hours on end and then on top of that he only played the good stuff for about an hour. I was so heated we ended up leaving at like 1:30 and they close at like 330 I think. Plus I was like if they play that kind of music in the A then I ain't tryin to go and trust me I know they don't so I don't know what part of the A he was from. I told my roomie (who was on a date) that the only thing I remembered him playing was Lean with it, rock with it and Kryptonite (that's my jam!!!) that's how bad he was. Then we get outside and the wind is blowing so hard I almost got knocked over along with my jazzy lil hat I had on. I was about to freeze to death. I tell ya them people at coat check thrive on it being cold outside cause 2 weeks ago coat check was $3 now this week it was $5 lol...talk about inflation due to weather change. After we leave Pearl I get a call from Green Eyes asking me if I was at home...and yep you guessed it he comes over again (yea I had to pinch myself to see if I was sleep, not dreaming just sleep lol) we watched the longest yard and proceeded to dose off again.
Sunday comes and the four day weekend is winding down so the roomies and I along with their Dad(who decided to pop down for a visit, he lives in Mass) hung around the house and chilled. Earlier that weekend one of the roomies had taken Dad to Fast Eddies for drinks and pool with her boyfriend who hadn't met him yet and so on Sunday after I came back from a dinner date (another post) we all decided that we would hit the city up for some drinks. We were going to H2O but ended up at the Avenue...man I should have asked someone first cause I didn't know that it was 18 and over on Sun. On top of that you know it was packed with Howard people cause there was no school on Monday...great. Invasion of the underclassmen who are sexually deprived and know every single song on the radio. I found out that I missed the vibe that I get from a 21 and older club. I mean the bathroom attendant is just a minor missing factor..but to see lil boys with their shirts up while some chic is dancing on his lap and he's grinning at all his buddies is might I say soooo lame!!! and I know that sounded white but what can I say lol I got a quick feeling of bouginess (i think I spelled that wrong). On top of that it seemed like all of them had a dance routine..I mean what is that about (wow) and if they didn't have a dance routine made up they did the routine from the video..and yes I mean the whole routine....I was like dang did I watch this much TV when I was suppose to be in class and then the whole song line up was kinda weird cause they didn't play any of the music that was out when I was in HS and what not so I kinda missed that..no New Edition, no Micheal I was like dang....and some of the songs I hadn't even heard of (like this one called I was gettin some head...yea it speaks for itself lol) But they had drink specials...$1 drinks till 11 so I had 3 cause you know they hold the line...I'll remember that next time.
So I'll only be going there for the drinks not the people LOL plus I feel so siddity cause I got a bracelet LOL...I can only remember how it feels to be 18 in the club and not be able to get a drink lol.....and guess what green eyes was in DC so he came and got me and took me home (no I didn't leave the girls they were leaving with me as well, so we followed one another).. ..so yep 3 nights in a row he's been at my house and he says he will have to be ghost for a week cause he saw me too much this weekend, that's it's not like him to spend so much time with one person in a weeks time..yea aight....hmmm sure LOL he said I will get tired of him. I asked him why we be beefin like once a month and he said I'm glad we don't beef once a week and I said we should beef at all but whose perfect so ah well.
On Monday we all decided to go see Hostel. I tell ya man that movie is gruesome..I mean eye balls poppin out with puss following and then toes being cut off....ewww but it was aight once you got past all the tits and what not in the beginning. What is it about breasts that men love lol. We took Dad to the diner(yea.. again, I'm beginning to love that place) And I decided to go finally visit KK(the guy i met through my room mates co-worker) He lives in NW in a part of DC that I hadn't been to before so of course I was getting frustrated with being able to find his house and what not but I finally ended up finding it (after his room mate got on the phone). We watched Ray and the ending of Malcolm X. He is a cool person to chill with and I had fun but I guess time will tell if it goes further cause he gets an A for effort in trying to make things happen but umm nope nothing occured and that's how I like to keep it. On top of that he asked me for a kiss....I mean I don't know maybe it's just me but I don't like for guys to ask me for a kiss..it's all about the moment...us looking into each other's eyes and leaning in or him sneaking one in when I'm talking to him. It makes me self conscience when they ask for one and that's what he did so I laughed not mean like but I just chuckled and he was like what I said you're making me feel weird by asking and then he says what did you want me to do...just dive in and I'm kinda thinking yes...but hey that's just how I think. It's just funny that I have a lip fetish and he doesn't really have juicy kissable lips. I love me some nice juicy kissable soft lips (Will has those....my suga buga lol..I miss him. He's out to sea right now) I mean they are nice but I'm a big kisser and I just wasn't feeling it. I think that's why I was like umm ok time for me to go home LOL. He kept asking me stay and I was like umm nope gotta go to work lol....I think he got the picture after I said it about 5 times but once again he kept asking me to stay and I kept saying nope LOL. I mean what do you do when you can't really see yourself dating a particular person. He kept trying I tell ya that though poor thing and I kept acting like I was sleep and what not then he was like oh I put you to sleep I was like umm probably not lol....he thought he did by giving me a lil massage...talking about you like how I gave you a massage I was like oh you did lol...hmm great.
I think this is like the second time that I've dealt with or someone has wanted to deal with me and I haven't been physically attacted to them..I mean of course you have to be attacted to them in some manner but you know what I mean. He has a nice personality and nice conversation and we vibe well but I just don't know what it is......I'll give it time cause you can't fall in love with everyone you date now can you LOL...he might be one of the greatest friends that I've ever had and I don't want to stomp it before it gets the chance to grow and flourish. Once I told roomie about my lil makeshift date I noticed that skinny guys are attracted to me..I mean what is it...my nice junk in the trunk or my thick thighs LOL I have no clue....I mean some of the dudes that try to talk to me look as if they weigh about 100 pounds LOL...then again I've heard that for a thick girl I'm in shape...am I? That's a question only the mirror can answer LOL....and right now it's saying "Girl run for the gym" LOL
So this four day weekend was pretty cool...I also talked to my biological aunt....I'm adopted so I've just begun to keep up with the biological part of my family. She was talking to me about the woman who gave birth to me..yea that's another post as well....can't say I want to go there right now....hope your weekend was just as enjoyable as mine.....can't wait for this one to come....
p.s. Thanks for the advice everyone about my dating with no focus LOL...I'mma make it do what it do...whatever that means. But seriously I do need to have somewhat of a focus so wish me luck (or rather pray for me lol)
Friday, January 13, 2006
Well the guy from my job has been coming by my desk grinning like a dang on kid at a candy store and I don't know why. I mean one time I was looking in the cabinet and I turn around and he is right there I was like whoooa buddy can you back it up you're in my space. I mean it's kinda cute in a way but on the other hand it's kinda weird. If it gets worse I'm gonna have to tell him to leave me the heck alone which could be kind of weird cause he works with me...hmm anyway I'll cross that bridge if I come to it.
As of lately I've been conversing with (not sleeping with or whatever you want to call it lol) this guy that I met sometime last year through my room mates co-worker. He's cool a lil older and has an 8 year old..what is up with me attracting men with kids...I know I love em and what not but I mean dang I dont know if I want to be an instant mother. So anyway we've been talking and what not and have yet to go one a real one on one date cause everytime we get together it's with my room mate and her coworkers (his friend is my room mates coworker and he introduced us). He says I'm a breath of fresh air which is nice to know I like to think I dont' carry any drama with me..I have enough to worry about lol. He keeps asking me when can he spoil me and what not...cute real cute but it also causes me to wonder what his game plan is. I know it's bad to think like that but if you've been hurt like Honey has you begin to wonder are there any real men out there. I know there are and trust a sister is not bitter but dang sometimes you can get a lil discouraged.
This guy is talking a nice game and I can't help but wonder what's gonna occur if we continue to talk. He has a lot going for himself and we interact well with one another. He keeps telling me that he wants to spoil me and what not but I'm not sure if that's what he's use to and will begin to think that I'm going to take advantage of what he can do. I have no problem being taken care of but I also don't want the other person to think that I can't take care of myself. He's going to see his son this weekend so I guess sometime eventually we will chill.
One of my girls said I date too much...is that possible LOL. I mean I haven't found anyone that can hold my attention (is that a bad thing) and if they do hold my attention then eventually they just end up getting on my nerves becuase of something that I've seen or something that they have done. For example I stopped talking to this one dude cause he told me he was coming over one day and I fell asleep..why did this negro proceed to throw rocks at my window and then on top of that he went to my neighbors house and called my house until I finally answered..when I let him in I was like what the heck was all that about. He was like I told you I was coming over and I said ok I fell asleep. Plus I'm thinking if someone doesn't answer there door when I come over then I go home not throw rocks at their window and ask to call them from their neighbors house..WOW was he pressed..then when he went to sleep he was snoring LOUD!!! I mean so loud that it woke me up and I had to go in the living room and watch TV then go back to bed. I woke him up and told him that he had to leave or lay on his stomach whatever he needed to do to stop snoring I mean dang.
On top of that one time when we left to go to work together one morning I noticed that his shoes were busted!!! Now we females now how important keeping shoes together are..especially dress shoes. It's a difference when you have your bummy shoes that you wear when you are cutting grass, or running to the grocery store but when your dress shoes look like you have glued the soles on your shoes with some bad glue and they have begun to talk to each other. I was like wow and on top of that they were scuffed up so bad that you could see the gray under the black of the paint of the shoe. WOW...I was too done. I mean we had fun together and what not but I couldn't get past that and there were other things..I still talk to him and what not but we haven't chilled in a while.
I guess my dating has no focus. I just live in the moment. If something occurs then it does and if not then that's cool too. I mean of course when you've dealt with someone for a while you feel kinda sad when you dont' talk to them anymore but someone comes along that makes you forget them and the cycle continues lol...soooo what can ya do lol nothing but keep on dating (smile)
posted @ 9:52am
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
You scared him....
Aight so I work at this law firm in DC and have been here for almost 2 years. I started here about 5 days before I graduated from college which was great cause I didnt' think I was going to find a job and would have to move back to the tidewater area till I did....thank God I found a job. So anyway I work at this law firm and just like any other law firm we have people come deliver mail to the secretary's desk for their attorneys. They also deliver travel information and what not..now there have been numerous times that I have spoken to the men that deliver mail but nothing too serious other than hey, what's up and I also happened to see a guy that delievers mail at a local club here in DC. Anyway there is this guy who delivers mail who comes by my desk and makes conversation and at first I was like aight cool....and I would converse with him.
Now this has been going on and on since I've been working here and of course I've come to recognize that he's flirting with me. Making comments about what i've done for the holiday and when I had a man what we did and what not. No it's not sexual harassment at least it hasn't gotten there yet....so after all of this talking and laughing and making comments after walking by my desk it all came down to a couple of days ago when as he calls it I clowned him.
He takes it upon himself while he is with someone else delievering mail to say "Don't even look, dont' even talk this is mine all mine" so I turn around to see what he is referring to and yes he's talking about me. Then he says you know whatever you think your future is this is mine right here all mine. So I'm like aight since he want's to embarass himself in front of this man I'm gonna make it do what it do (lol) So I say what in the world are you talking about I am not yours so stop coming by my desk trying to be funny and playing games like we in HS if you want to talk to me then talk dont' keep saying stuff. So he goes on his way and delivers mail to a lady that I walk to the metro with and asks her to talk to me for him. Now how elementary is this...wow of course she was like aww that's so cute...you scared him that's why he hasn't asked you for your number. So I was like dang am I that mean that I scared him off..then again no...I only got salty with him when he tried to play himself. That was his fault.
So he came by again the next day and said what he said again this time I was like why would you ask someone to talk to me for you. Can't you speak for yourself. How about you ask her for my number as well..then again how about not since she doesn't have it...now while this is going on I know I'm kinda being mean but I'm smiling so that's a good thing lol. The man that is with him (he's in training) is laughing cause he was like dang I thought you had it already and what not. So he was like why you gotta play me like that I said boo you played yourself when you came by here acting like you had things under control when you don't. This has been a sea saw with you for that last year or so either put up or shut up. So he says I'm gonna come by on my own time. I was like yea aight. But low and behold here he comes a bout an hour later and asks for my number. I gave it to him...never really knowing if he would call or not.
So on the way home I tell Ms. D (the lady I work with) what happened and she was like aww that's so cute wouldn't it be funny if the two of you ended up together after all that flirting he's been doing. I've never seen him talk or flirt with anyone as much as he has with you. I was like hmm ok. She said that he's was probably scared of me and how I might reject him and what not. I was like I just blogged about this. It's funny how you know you're aight (meaning I'm cute cause everyone thinks they are lol) but you never really imagine making someone scared that you might reject them. Funny. Anyway this guy is aight I guess I've never really looked at him like dang i'm trying to get with him. I just say hey and converse when he stops by my desk and what not.
Well last night he called and we talked for about 30 min cause he was on his way home from his second job and I was getting ready to watch law and order SVU...one of my favorite shows by the way. We had a nice lil convo...he asked if he could take me out and I thought that was cute and then I found out that he has 2 kids (4 & 1) I love kids but not sure if I'm trying to deal with baby momma drama...plus he's 30 which is not too old cause i'm 23. So he said he liked my style and what not. I asked him about that cause I know sometimes at work I be lookign a lil bit torn up...hair a lil raggedy and clothes a lil in dissaray and he said it's not really about cause I saw you one time when you were leaving work to go somewhere else (leaving for Bike Week in SC and I had on this one piece lil J-Lo suit) and i liked what i saw.
Then he said plus I like how you interact with me and I'm like you mean how I'm mean to you. He said yea and I was like why is that and he said cause I dont' think you're mean at all. I think you are putting up a front so you don't get close too fast. Once I get to know you're I'm sure you'll be fine. I was like thank you mr. knowitall (but he's somewhat correct, although I once again will say that I haven't really been lookin at him like that I guess it comes out even though I dont' notice that I'm doing it). So he's an aight dude talking about when I come by tomorrow you aitn' gonna scream on me are you..since you know what' going on. I was like aight I'll be nice then he was like so you're gonna give me a hug and what not. I said no you can have a smile he said why no hug and I said cause you might try to grop me up at work lol then he said nah it's not like and I informed him that I knew it wasn't and I was just joking. But that he would get a smile and perhaps a handshake and that's it.
Hmmm....funny I think I'm an aight looking girl but dang I can cause someone to be scared to approach me I thought it was only the other way around. I guess I need to boost up that self confidence some.....smile
posted @ 12:21pm
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
You aint' got to lie Craig
For example a guy that I've been dating, conversing with, sexing up whatever you want to call it informed me that he called me this weekend. I said politely oh you did...what day and do you remember around what time. He says Sat and Sun I said oh ok I called you as well both days. Now I'm thinking to myself this negro ain't call but being that I've had a great day I said nothing and let him keep up this facade of acting like he called and I just didn't pick up the phone. So I said oh well you must have called Sat while I was at Tysons...you don't remember what time you called..he said no, I'm thinking yea aight. First of all he's the type of dude who will kirk out if he calls 50 billion times and never talks to you....we ain't bunned up but yes he still feels the need to act like we are...anywho.....so the fact that he didn't kirk although he said that he called me on Sat and Sun lead me to believe that he was lying. But will I bring this to his attention. Nope. Apparently he thinks I'm stupid enough to believe that he called both days and not one call got put through and on top of that he didn't leave a message...yea ok...he always leaves messages when he calls. That's another reason why I think he's lying.
My problem with this is why lie...I mean what is the point? You have to keep remembering what you said the first time in case it comes up again cause unless someone is stupid sooner or later they are going to know that you are lying. I mean come on I assumed that we were both adults and were done with the games. Guess I was wrong..I mean boo if you didn't call then you didn't call why should I care.......it's not like we had things planned..then again we were suppose to go to the movies but I ended up hanging out with two of my favorite people so I was good. I'm quite surprised that even older men..who claim that they are done with games clearly aren't...what's up with that? Oh and don't let me not call within a week span....I'll be left a message talking about I didn't call to see how the person was or I'm playing games or even that I'm messing with billions of men. Ummm.....where are all these men when I need them LOL cause I sure as heck ain't seen em.
I guess by leading to the fact that I'm messing with dozens of men clears him to do what he wants and he won't feel as bad. But you know the funny part...we had a conversation about where we were going and all that jazz and the only thing we established was that we would see where it went and take our time....spend more time together and what not...has that occured nope....through some stroke of weirdness and trust me it's not that weird, he either has to work or something comes up. And believe me Honey aint' stupid he's chilling with someone else and even if he isnt' I find it hard to believe that you can't make 30 min out of your day to call and converse...so it's cool. He can play games alone cause as much as I would love to take part in it....I can't then again perhaps I could. But that would be immature..wouldn't it (smile..evil laugh) what would I gain by playing along and making him believe that I believed he called and was into me....when he's just not that into me (I heard that was a pretty good book). He makes plans for us to chill on the weekend and thank God I always seem to do something else when it falls through...but I mean wow do you think I'm that dense and why must you take my kindness for stupidity. You assume that because I won't argue and get all amped up that I'm a pushover well this lil lady is about to get gangsta and let the other side of the Libra come out...cause we hate confrontation but when when confronted we will bite your head off and then politely walk away..smile
It's not like I've been lying this whole time either....cause if both of us were lying then I could see how things were in disarray, but what the heck would possess you to think that by lying you are buttering me up and allowing me to "think" that you are into me. Apparently you have underestimated me....and trust me I do not and will not chase a man who shows no interest. What's the point.....there is none cause you end up looking like a fool and thinking less of yourself and on top of that he's sitting there laughing cause he played you....not Honey-Libra no buddy......so let's just buddy is about to get a rude awakening when I stop calling...which will occur today (I'm so proud that I'm learning how to move on)
posted @ 9:48am
Monday, January 09, 2006
To be or not to be....REJECTED
Random conversation about do you know what happened to so and so did you hear that so and so is married and all that jazz. Amongst the updating we hit on a very intersting topic...REJECTION. Young & Wise tried to say that I'm not shy and technically I'm not when I've had a few drinks in me but there is a scared little girl inside this bubbly shell who is very much afraid of stepping outside of herself and asking a guy for his number. I see nothing wrong with approaching someone who I find attractive and letting them know it. However, it takes me a while then again it takes some liquor (lol). Then my roommate chimes in talking about I've asked guys for their number I said only after I told them they weren't getting mine or if I had once again been drinking.
So what is driving this fear of rejection? To be honest I have no clue....other than the fact that as little girls we are raised to believe that we should never chase a man or approach him for fear of being seen as too fast. So old habits die hard. I've come to be more apporachable and I've approached more men that I use to but I'm still a lil shy. That's something that perhaps I can work on in the New Year.
Another topic that we discussed was this whole view of women not being sexual creatures. Now I know as far as Honey is concerned.....I'm very sexual and romantic and whatever that entails. However I've found that most men are afraid of admitting what they really want. For example...when dating a man you can tell when things are kinda getting old and they want it to be over..the calls come few and far between....and if you do get together you don't really do anything other than activities that involve the bed. So how come he can't just come out and say " I'm not really feeling this and instead of me wasting your time and mine I'm just gonna end this now" or say "Ya know we have great sex (not in those words) but I don't feel a vibe in other ways what do you think we should do". I would much more appreciate it if he would be honest and let me know if sex is our focus or not instead of wasting my dang on time. I mean I like great sex as much as the next woman but I'll be dang on if I'm thinking it's going somewhere and it's not. I could use that extra energy on spending time with someone else and let you be my sex buddy lol (I know I can be so unshy sometimes)
So let's just say in this new year I will be much more upfront with people about not leading me on and I will do the best not to lead them on as well. I don't have time to waste and I'm sure they don't as well. But I will also understand that I can't just count someone out cause they might not appeal 100% to me for example I might like someone who is 6 feet tall but a guy askes me for my number and he's only 5'10 (lol) i know it's not that serious but some women are like that. I have come to see that some of the qualities and things that occured in one of my best relationships were things that I didn't even come to recognize until afterward. So my eyes and ears are open and my mind is clear.
We'll see how it goes.
posted @ 12:07pm
Friday, January 06, 2006
It's a New Day
So last night I had a chill date.....meaning I hung out with K (someone I met last year sometime...a young one..yea I know that's a whole nother subject). He's cool, surprisingly when we chill I seem to forget how old he is then again sometimes I remember all too well cause eh's still in that midset of I'm gonna hustle till I die. I informed him that there are other things to do than hustle but he enlightened me that all hustle isn't illegal (yea I knew that part that wasn't new). But when he said that he would hustle till he died he meant that he would do what he had to do to make paper and what not. Which is techinically what we all want to do in life, even if we don't admit it. I mean yea we all want to be happy and go to work cause we just love going (please) but we all want our bills paid on time and to have a lil money in the bank so we aren't living pay check to pay check..heck I've even said that I'm so tired of working that when I get married and have my first child I'm taking like a year off. But knowing me and how busy I like to be I know that I won't do that, so it's all in my head lol
K is funny cause when I first met him it was under weird circumstances. I was out with a male friend of mine who is gay and of course he was trying to pick out men for me to talk to and what not and then I saw K. I wasn't going to say anything cause Honey can be a lil shy at times, perhaps it's fear of rejection or the fear of sounding stupid but anyway I said something and things went from there. I knew from jump that some of the things K did weren't always above board but I decided to overlook that. I'm actually glad I did cause he doesn't do that type of stuff anymore at least to my knowlege and is always surprising me on how attentive he is to me when I'm around him. I remember one time he came over my house cause I told him that I hated driving to MD so he should come visit..so he did. We stayed up half the night talking about life and other stuff and he called me the next day just to tell me that he loved our conversation and that talking to me made him think (I'm assuming that's a good thing lol).
So last night we were at his house, watching tv..trying to decide on what to watch..Skeleton Key or Family Guy and we decided on Family Guy. I was dead tired cause I had been at work and haven't really had a chance to sleep like I've wanted to on the past couple of weekends so needlesstosay before the credits rolled I was knocked out. Now normal any other guy would try to arouse you by kissing and what not and I'm not saying my K didn't try this form of attack lol....but once he saw that I was tired beyond words he rubbed my back and watched me fall asleep...I know he watched me cause when I woke up to turn over and watch about 5 min of Family Guy he said "Do you know that you are beautiful when you sleep" I was like huh why you watchin me lol he says "Cause, I mean you're cute when you're awake but you're so beautiful when you're sleep, it's something about you" I was like awwww he always surprises me..talking about he missed me over the holidays I left him for too long. Cute, real cute. Funny how I think he might want more but he hasn't really said anything. To be honest I haven't even thought of being anything more, probably cause I'm still trying to work out what the heck is or was going on in my head over Z (case has now been dismissed).
So now that it's a new year and a new day perhaps I can try to narrow down who I want to continue talking to and let go......I mean what can I say that's what dating is all about. The funny part is I've worn my heart on my sleeve one too many times and I'm checking my feelings at the door from now on so being hurt from the unexpected doesnt' occur. Yea I know that could potentially harm a relationship that is meant to be. And I'm not a total brick wall as of yet, I don't think I will ever be that way..I love love and I love to be in love..if that makes any sense lol. I was telling one of my girls from college (sononchalant) that it can only get better from here on out. I've experienced love so I know it's out there and it's possible so I'll keep my eyes peeled and arms open for it when I'm ready to recieve it, cause apparently there are some things that need to occur before it happens again.
Till then I'll enjoy my time with K and navy guy and who ever else I decide to go on dates with. And when it's clear to me who I want to be with and establish something with....I'll make it happen
posted @ 9:58am
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
So I'm back! For those that have been wondering how Honey's holiday was let's put it into one word: AIGHT! yea I said aight and that's what I mean just aight. I mean it was nice to go out of town see and old friend get some much needed sleep but I'm glad I repeat I'm glad to be back home and in my own environment.
I've had the pleasure of cutting some people off already and allowing some individuals to get to know me better and I plan on doing so much better in 2006 than I did in 2005. So it's time for no drama and time to focus on Honey Libra cause when it comes down to it ain't nobody gonna take advantage of me unless I let them and that ain't happening. I've learned in these last couple of days that just when you least expect it people show you who they really are. Sometimes it ain't pretty but hey life ain't pretty. It can take some ugliness to show you the right way to go....I hope everyone will at least try to keep their new years resolutions....till march lol or at least the summer. I know I am doing my best to keep mine throughout the whole year. We shall see.......
First my flight down to NC was delayed for about 3 hours. It was suppose to leave at 7am tell me why we didn't leave till almost 12 so that put me in a hotitude mode (hot plus attitude). The flight was short not even an hour so that was cool. A lil girl on the plane threw up..yea kinda gross but I felt sorry for her cause her brothers and sisters were looking at her like ahhh haaa we're not sick but you are. Anyway I landed safely and met Z at the baggage claim and we headed back to his house so I could take a nap since I had been up since dang on 5am.
I didn't take a nap cause we decided to head out and go to this liquidation sale that they were having at the fairgrounds. I know everyone knows what those are...where they have DVD's and CD's for like $10 and laptops for like $199. The only thing is you have to get there early or everything will be picked over like a thanksgiving turkey. So anyway we got there and we walked around....I didnt' really see anything that couldn't be classified as anything less than some junk other than some incense and some reggae CD's that had some pretty good music on em. He bought a nice leather jacket and yes I helped him pick it out he tends to be a lil fashioned challenged. We left there and we to his sisters house where we stayed the rest of the evening and watched Roll Bounce (which was the worst movie I have ever seen in 2005) and ate some dinner.
I'm not going to go over every single day cause to be honest I don't really feel like it. I took a sick day yesterday from work which means I'm still feeling the effects of having the opportunity to sleep all day yanked from my fingers. So I'm bumming it pretty much....and at work no less. I'll be aight. I guess what I can say is that no I didn't do the nasty lol and I'm glad I didn't cause I would have had to cut someone.
To make a long story short let's just say I overheard some things that made me look at him in a whole new light. It's so weird to hear someone that you love pretty much play you and then never think that you might be hurt by what they said. I know you're like dang what did he say aight so here goes.....if there is a pause in what I say then you'll know that I'm trying to stop myself from either crying (and not from sadness from madness) or that I'm trying not to call and curse his tail out.
Aight we decided or rather he decided through some ways of not suggesting anything that we were going to watch movies and all that jazz for new years. It was fine with me cause I mean I told him to plan our activities cause I didn't know what the heck was in Durham. So I figure aight we can chill take it easy I came to spend time with him and what not so it's all good. Tell me why after we had watched our lil movies and the ball drop I kind of dose off...but I'm still aware of what's going on around me. I hear him on the phone with his sister and I know this cause he said her name and mind you he is in the same room as me so he knows or rather thinks I'm sleep. You know how you can tell the way a conversation is going even though you only hear one side well that's how this was.
So I'm sleep or he thinks I'm sleep rather. And I'm guessing she asked him what did we do cause I heard him telling her what we did. Then I'm assuming that she asked him why we didn't go to church with her or do something else. He was like cause this was kind of last minute and I didn't know what she wanted to do (which is semi true cause me coming in Jan wasn't last minute but the whole new years thing was) then he said plus some other stuff that you can figure out if you think hard enough. So I'm assuming she was rambling off stuff and he was like yea that but I don't care what they say but yea you know if it went there it would complicate things. Aight so you can imagine me laying there thinking what the F*** (I know I'm trying to stop using foul language..forgive me) I was about to hop up and be like give me my stuff and take me back to the airport that's how hot I was.
But I decided to lay there and see what else he was gonna say. So he was like yea I know but I mean I'm not trying to complicate things and I keep thinking well if you didn't want to complicate things you shouldn't have asked me to come visit. I mean why invite someone to visit and then keep them locked up like they are a prisoner I could have done more crap at home. So that put me in a funk for the rest of the time I was there. I think he knew something was up but he didn't let on and of course I didn't say anything cause I didn't want to say something that would damage our friendship (yea we dated but we're friends first and foremost) so I let it go and in the process I came to the realization that we both have changed over the years. Perhaps some for good and some for bad. But I do know one thing I'm not in a hurry to visit him again. I mean if I see him I see him...If i don't then I don't. Won't hurt me any....but that phase and chapter of my life has been closed.
posted @ 10:20am