Life through my eyes......
Thursday, March 29, 2007
The discussion last night was about us going to my parents house. The original plan was to go Easter weekend (spend sat night and leave sun sometime after dinner) however my parents will be out of town so I suggested we go this weekend (just for a day..saturday or sunday)....nothing was set in stone but it was up in the air. I will admit that I thought it was a done deal, that's just how I am..if someone doesn't say no right away and in the upcoming days there is nothing to discuss..it's going down.
Well he doesn't want to go, ok not that he doesn't want to go he just has other things that he needs to do. First he was like well my boss wants me to work on Saturday and I'm like aight do what you do...you need the money, make it happen. Then he says we could go one Sunday and that's exactly the thought I had..then he said but I don't know if I could sit through church....I kinda figured that. For the most part I'm the one who has spent most of thier life in church so it's second nature to go to me. In fact sometimes I crave it, I feel a certain peace when i go..especially if I haven't been in a while. I can't fault him for not attending church as much as I did when I was younger and even know I'll occassionally go (I tend to be lazy about getting up..no excuse though I know lol) but I have always said that I want my children to attend church to a certain extent. So of course the first thought that pops into my head is, well this church this like a second life to me...my mom is a preacher, my dad is a deacon..I have cousins who started a church..you get where i'm going with this. You can't know me and not go to church at least once with me.
Then he says I'm not going anywhere so I'll meet your parents soon. I'm like aight..end of discussion.....NOT. I laid down and I could not go to sleep. I don't know what it was but I tossed and turned, I even turned on the TV and I could not fall asleep. So he held me and all that and I still couldn't go to sleep. I keep moving and finally he's like what's wrong and I said I really wanted you to go and he says I knew that was on your mind....and I said but I cant make you go and I wouldn't want you to go and be mad that I made you go. Ok he says...asks me if I'm mad again and I'm not really I wasn't and I'm still not mad, but that was bothering the heck of me.
This morning as he's leaving to go home to shower for work, he says you know i'm not going anywhere for a while so we'll go down there so I can meet them. You know the original plan was for Easter weekend and I'm like I know..I'm good and I am. Then me going to the DR comes up and he says that if I was mad he would have been like it seems that when he wants to chill or whatever I get all antsy and when I wanna do something I do it. I thought about htat and asked him what he meant and he was like you know like if you wanna go home for the weekend you go...but if I wanna chill youmake it a big deal...and I was like is that how you feel and he said nah but if you were angry I'd point that out...I was like oh aight.
I'm all for us spending time apart..in fact we're only in the phase of dating and all that so we still have lives lol. If things progress and become permanent we'll be seeing enough of one another on a daily basis so this time is much needed. But that whole convo got me to thinking that I am so selfish. I didn't even stop to think that he might have wanted to spend this weekend doing his own thing whatever that might be. I just assummed that he would go. I was so stuck on me that it kept me up and almost brought me to tears..how lame is that. When I thought about it this morning I was like wow girl, you are too stubborn for your own good. He's gonna be around if he's meant to be, you'll have time for all that. Why are you trying to rush it all...slow it down. Give the man his space and time.
Then of course bad Honey chimes in....well he can call me this weekend and I'm gonna be like I'm busy since he wants his own time. Boo to him...and of course that's not the way to be. I should thank God that he wants to do his own thing and not be all up under me or check and triple check what I'm doing and where I'm going. I'd be complaining if he was. I'm not saying that I'm use to getting my way it's just that when you date random folks you get so use to just doing what you want...coming and going..spending time with those that you want to spend time with. When you call or they call you hang out..that's how it is.
So I'm working on me and praying that I don't lose out on what's for me becuase I'm so stuck on wanting things my way. Sad that I want what I want when I want it...and the funny part is I wasn't raised that way and I don't even come off that way. I just tend to get like that when I date someone and that's sad LOL. I guess it's fear that they will find something else or someone to entertain them more than I can....a lil insecurity if that's what you wanna call it. But Hun has been around since the end of October/beginning of Nov and it's been good since the beginninig. No surprises or anything so why am I trying to make something so small into something so huge that could ruin a wonderful relationship. I'm not going to do it. Personally I think it's the Devil..working on my last nerve trying to ruin my happiness and I worked too hard to get this far and let him take what I got LOL
Glad I stopped all this before it became a downward spin into some serious issues :)
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
for allowing me to wake up this morning
for the moments of solitude that I need so much
for the tears that I almost shed yesterday when I had a tiny breakdown.
for helping me to realize that I'm not where I use to be and that's something to smile about
for giving me the strength to want to be healthier, it's gonna take some time but it will and is worth it
for my new big sis JB....the post that she wrote yesterday was right on time and she didn't even know it...amazing how you put people in just the right spot at just the right time
for my mom, her spirit permiates through the phone each time I talk to her (she makes me strong just by talking to her)
for bring HIM into my life. I know that I'm not perfect and that I still have lots of work to do on me, but I never thought that someone could mean so much to me in such a short period of time as he has become to me.
for today being Wednesday...only two more days and the week is OVER!!!
for the anticipation of HIM meeting the family. I adore him and I'm sure they will too
for my new nephew who is almost ready to come into the world and his momma who is driving everyone insane but you have a reason for all of this :)
for everthing that is in the works...I don't have a clue what it is but I know since you are in charge that you got it all under control
for just being who you are....others may come and go but just when I think I'm alone...you pop up and show me that you'll never leave me
for understanding that leaving well enough alone is sometimes the way to go
for the personal trainer yesterday...yes he felt like he was killing me but if I wanna get to where I need and want to be..I gotta go into this thing fighting lol
As you can tell by now Gratitude Wednesday's aren't just a thing to do anymore :) I get lots of therapy out of writing these..sometimes I smile when I write a line, sometimes I wanna cry..but all in all I'm thankful for everthing in my life that I've been and will be blessed with. I think we should all take the time to be thankful each day even if it's just for a second looking up to the sky or silently closing your eyes and offering HIM thanks for what he is doing and going to do in your life that day. Thank him for the interactions that you will engage in, the folks that will tick you off (you never know what they are going through)..the folks that make you smile and even the things that make you wonder how some folks can even dress the way they do (laughter is the best medicine)...so even if you don't do a gratitude wednesday....I hope that when you come by on wednesday you take the time to offer a THANK YOU (if not wednesday just pick a day lol)!!
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Listening to Superhead on some webshow talking about jumpoff's..umm great
The weather is getting rather nice....I want it to be like this everyday
I'm ready for Friday
I won't get to see the Hun till probably the end of this week...he's gonna work on some music and I gotta give him his space LOL
Last night I cooked well over cooked the broccoli LOL...he said it was like baby food...wonderful.
He's fine, the doctor said it was something minor woohooo I was worried about him. Didn't want to loose him so soon
Funny how you want to blog about stuff but you realize that you sometimes just need to deal with things cause something just can't be said everywhere
I'm fine now...just dealing with the overthinkings that I tend to do
Willing to admit to myself that I do love him was so hard, cause I feel like admitting that I'm opening myself up to pain
I told him....thought he was going to act weird. I think he's just trying to deal with the fact that I tend to be very open about my feelings and I don't play games
He makes me happy...even when I want to be frustrated at him for being a MAN (LOL) I realize that I'd rather be with him and let him be who he is than with him and try to change him into someone that he isn't
Funny how our conversations always seem to float towards what our kids will be like, if I'll burn some dinner like I did last night LOL....talking about Daddy can you cook mommy burnin the food again LOL
I love sleeping curled up with him, I love how he reaches for me, I love how he comes behind me as I'm washing dishes. He just feels right
Am I ready to really let my guard down....even if I'm not it's coming down
I need a new bathing suit...BK I'm there just let me know where!!!!
I'm ready to have next friday off
I have my first consultation appointment for my braces on Friday morning..wooohoooo. I'll be metal mouth by the summer LOL
Why have I been haunted by babies and pregnant women. Everywhere I look, everywhere I turn there they are LOL...they're stalking me
Someone told me today that they needed me.....too bad I don't need them
I miss my bestest...I need to see her. I want her to meet him, I wanna know what she thinks of him
I miss him already and I just saw him this morning..maybe a couple of days away from him will do me good
Me and roomie meet with a personal trainer today after work...it's on and popppiiinnnn LOL
I'm bout to be at my goal by the end of the year :)
Monday, March 26, 2007
Went to get the Hun a gift card from his favorite music store...went to buy a "guy" gift bag LOL, which is so hard to do at the dollar store..eveything looked too girly I guess that's what I get for a dollar.
He came over we got some popeyes since it was too late to have a sit down dinner and watched some tv, went to bed since I had to be up early to go to Richmond.
I got up, I told him he could stay sleep since he didn't have to do anything till a lil later. Made it to Richmond got my birth certificate and was home way before noon. He was moving his car and some other stuff..mind you he's not feeling well so I had to fuss at him to make sure that others were moving it and not him. He assured me that they were...great
He came over somewhat later, I had taken a couple of naps LOL since I had been up since 630. I gave him his gift (shirt, gift card, and a brush since he asked me for the brush LOL dang on near harassed me lol) Since dinner was cancelled due to his illness (he's going to the dr today, lets pray it's nothing major) we opted to do pizza and movies and just chill. Before we headed home we went to the music store so he could use his gift card, I told him he's like a lil kid wanting to use it so it doesn't burn a whole in his pocket lol. After we got the pizza we went home and were bunned up on the couch eating and watching tv until he started snoring LOL
I tell ya the poor thing works so hard and doesn't get too much sleep that I laugh when he is talking one minute and knocked out the next. Of course I took pics of him sleep LOL...I was cracking up matter fact me and roomie were cracking up at him while he was sleep..he looks so cute.
So I woke him up and told him to go upstairs and get in the bed. We go upstairs and he doesn't even go to sleep yet LOL...he hops on the computer and is playing around on some music websites.
We watch a lil saturday night live and are knocked out before I even saw the first commercial break. We were in the bed so much earlier than normal that when I woke at 1am to get some juice I thought I had been sleep forever LOL. It was nice just to sleep and I got some good sleep all cuddled up in his arm LOL. I don't know why but I get some good sleep when he's over. He says I'm exaggerating..maybe I am but don't think so :)
We get up and I fix breakfast...I had waffles and he wanted pizza LOL. We eat our lil food and commence to bumming it. Off and on I think we slept till about 3pm. Man it felt so good. Then of course we had to come back to reality and what not. He had some errands to run and I commenced to doing laundry....and that was the weekend
This weekend we're suppose to go see my fam one day probably saturday, but it all depends on how he feels. So we'll see. Hope you all had a wonderful weekend.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Friday Mumbo Jumbo
I'm so hungry and I'm about to eat this oatmeal but Ill have to eat it like a baby since my mouth is numb I don't wanna be drooling on myself.
Why my other boss called my main boss's line and I told him she wasnt in and he said no she's in she just must not be in her office...umm alrighty..I have nothing to say to that....lol
My baby isn't feeling well...he's calling the doc to go in for a checkup which means that dinner is cancelled for tomorrow. We opted to just eat in he wants seafood so I'm trying to find a carry out spot (you know one of those joints in the hood LOL) and well probably get movies and I'm going to get him an ice cream cake. Keep him in your prayers and thoughts so that he feels better..I don't want him to go anywhere I just got him :)
I'm an official member of Ballys as of yesterday. Now I can really get my workout on, me and the roomie have a meeting with a personal trainer on tuesday after work..WOOHOOO he's kinda cute too, but too big for my liking LOL
I'm glad it's finally Friday, I don't know what it is about it but I get a extra pep.
Some strange man stopped me and said that I was one fine sista, and then asked me why did I look so mean he said ohh you're not a morning person huh and I said no. I wasn't mean, he actually made me smile cause I have a huge pimple on my face (it's that time of month lol) so he made my day lol so thank you Brian that I just met walking down the street
Speaking on that time of the month I just got an email about a woman that died using that new birth control that only gives you a period 3 times a year....WOW. I'm not saying that I love getting it every month but I wouldn't want to change the course of nature that much. I mean making it last 5 days instead of 7 or 8 is one thing but missing months at a time has got to be major. Thats just me so don't go flooding my comments lol cause you'll be preaching to a wall LOL
Don't know what I'm doing tonight, maybe hang with the babe but I have to head to Richmond in the morning to get my birth certificate so I might not see him till I get back in town tomorrow around 930 or so. Which is fine cause you can't be bunned up all the time LOL..i have to miss him sometime
Kinda disappointed about not going to dinner, I wanted my other girls to meet him. But his health is wayyy more important and they can meet him anytime.
My roomies aunt came over yesterday..she telecommutes from norfolk and comes up here sometimes once a month sometimes once every couple of months and stays with us. We had a nice long talk about roomies sister, who is living with a guy that no one likes (and we've all tried to give him a chance). Their grandmother is getting married and this chic sent an email asking them if they could help her and her boo with the wedding and getting a house if they got married. Boo you the one that wanted to move in with him and acting like he did all this so that you all could save money (she says he has two jobs)....I'm sure if you called folks or they liked him they wouldn't mind helping but all her lies are catching up to her and I feel so sorry for her. He's gone most of the time and all she has to keep her company are her pets (dog, 2 turtles and I think she has a lizard). Mind you when we wanted to get a dog she won't really feeling it LOL. He gotta keep her occupied and give her a reason to stay home so she wont' notice that he's alienating her. He's pretty good I'll give him that.
So as you know here in the DC area spring is in the air and it was really nice yesterday I mean nice. But nice enough to have on a spring skirt, with a tank top and some flip flops. Now if you're in an area that gets wear all year round then more power to you...shoot me an email with a job opening and I'm there LOL. But here in this area it's 40 one day and 70 with rain the next. I was about to put on a pair of open toe shoes today and I remembered that it was suppose to rain so opted out LOL. Don't wanna be running in the rain with no shoes on later, cause I tend to just take them bad boys off (if they are open toes), no point in wearing shoes when your feet are getting wet, might as well just take em off.
One of my coworkers that passed away walked down the street with me in the rain one summer evening on our way home from work, we were laughing and jokin with our shoes in our hands. It was so much fun, I miss her however I'm glad she's no longer in pain and she's where she needs to be.
I'm ready to go home already so you know that means it's gonna be a long day.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Sometimes you feel like a nut...sometimes you see one
I got off work yesterday and we (me and roomie) decided to head by Mirrors down the street because that's where one of our other friends wanted to go first since K Street was free for ladies all night. We get down New York Ave and why does the place look like it's closed and I mean closed by the lock was on the door...I was like ummm ain't no happy hour going on here boo LOL. So we wait for her to come up the street and turn around to head to K Street, Raheem DeVaughn was suppose to be there...and no I dont know if he got there we left at 9 (what can I say I had to pee and on top of that be to work today lol) We find K Street Lounge finally, head in and post up at the bar..well not post up stand a ways back until folks cleared cause you know when they say free drinks they have like 2 people working one end of the bar and they gotta go back and forth so umm yea it was a lil wait till we got to the front...but I saw this girl drinking this pretty colored drink and I'm all for pretty colored drinks LOL..so I had my homie ask her what it was she told me what it was so we all ordered that and to say that i've found my new drink is an understatement MAN that was some kind of good LOL. By the end of the night I had two of them and the drunk dialing began. Like Tenacious (HEY GURL) I wonder why I drunk dial and on top of that I've come to know and have heard that I talk ALOT when I'm drunk. Now if you've met me in person you know that I talk alot period so can you imagine that magnified because of liquor? Umm yea so you see my point. I have also heard that I become very sexual LOL....I told Young One this and he said yes I do I said well a drunk mans words are a sober mans heart so maybe deep down inside I wanna be a porn star LOL....and no Freaky I haven't been in one and you can't a copy LOL
Why I saw this dude in there that we see EVERYTIME that me and roomie go out and we don't go out as often as we use to. And everytime we see him he has on almost the same getup. Khaki pants, either a cream, white or black shirt. And it's never different shirts it the same one just one of those colors and the same colored pants and either some wallys (walla bees...who knows how to spell that and who even wears those anymore lol) or some other similar looking shoes. We see him last night and I'm crackin up cause I'm tryin so hard not to talk about folks but his ear piece was HUGE. That junk looked like an out of date hearing aide or the first bluetooth that ever came out. And if he was talking to anyone on that thing I'd be suprised cause he looked like a modern day urkel...sad part is I just thought about it and he might be an aight guy...but if I'm gonna date someone please be attractive to at least ME lol. I was crackin up at his getup I went from one thing to the other on him..I couldn't help it...finally I just looked at something else LOL. The Durty Wine came on and roomie went at it and some guy was tryin to dance with her..umm no on this song boo, on top of that his belly reached her before he did and he had his shirt tucked in LOL AHAHAHAHAH...ok let me stop LOL
After we left K street we were SOOOOOO hungry and they did have food there and I don't mean appetizers I mean real food (collard greens, mac and cheese, chicken, etc) but the line was so long and the plates were so small I would have just had to eat in the line LOL SO we decide to head to Ohhhs and Aaahs (don't know how to spell it) on U street. I'm somewhat done and my feet are beginning to hurt and my bladder has started the slow process of explosion meaning I had to pee. We're in line trying decide what to eat, I want some fries they stop serving them after 430 (what kind of stuff is that) and on the homies only had her card and you couldn't use it there so great. I'mlaughing and jokin with her and her boyfriend about how cute they look together and some other stuff I was saying and this woman who looked like a crackhead is having a laughing fit and me and roomie. Talking about how funny we are (boo you the one on crack) so she asks (the crackhead that is) to use my homegirls phone. Her crazy tail talking about you ain't bout to make no drug deal are you....you better not be using my phone for no illegal activity LOL....why this insane woman once again the crackhead apparently thinks that we are soo confused that we don't know what she is doing and asks some dude that she knows who has already ordered his food what his number is and she calls it from my homegirls phone. Talking about I'm gonna call yall later as we're leaving cause we decided that we didn't want food from there. Boo don't be calling me later I don't even want you breathing on me later looking like you got the monkey on your back..I tell ya
Roomie is fussing some dude out on the phone while we're walking down the street and she falls LOL...I liked to died. I don't know why stuff is extra funny when I've had some drinks but that mess was HILARIOUS. Apparently her heel got stuck in the sidewalk crack and down she went LOL. Man I had to stop walking cause I was laughing so hard. My homies boyfriend was like she said she needs to go to the ER...I was like no she don't she need to pay attention to where she walking LOL. And of course back to fussing she goes while she's trying to revive her baby toe LOL
I'm drunk dialing and leaving messages LOL. I call the hun he asks what I've been drinking and I say that I miss him and told him that it wasn't the alcohol talking LOL. Of course he says LOL but I know that he meant it sarcastically. I told him that we should do drinks tomorrow for his bday since we've never really been out to a lounge together before....so great. Being the already sensative one that I am, I ask if he's missed me and he says he has.....he has to work tonight so he was gonna come over last night but he didn't want to be tired while at work so he opted to stay home and just come over on Friday after I get off of work.
We stop at checkers (also known as Rallys) and get some burger and fries...I seriously doomed by food before we got home and I dont' normally do that.....and when I got in the house I was OUT. 650am came tooo fast so I opted to stay in the bed till about 657 LOL..got on up and got ready for work.
Tomorrow is Friday and it's suppose to be aight this weekend as far as weather goes. I saw a lady on the train bobbin her head and body to Busta Rhymes (she was white and about 300pds) let me find out he's breaking barriers LOL...let me stop. A crackhead decided that he would act like the cars passing him were in the Indy 500 and flag them with a nasty looking towel he had (I tell ya only in DC LOL). The sun is shining and I've already begun to see flip flops.....great just great LOL
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
for the sun that is playing peek a boo through the clouds
for the time that I spend each day with that special someone I care for
for my family, friends and even those who don't like me :)
for those in my life that I haven't met face to face but they have provided me with positivity through the words on their blogs
for allowing me to realize that it's ok to be happy
for blessing me with a mom and a dad who allow me to make my own mistakes and still love me unconditionally
for my growing nieces and nephews..I pray that they remain healthy and strong
for just being you, Lord. Even when I don't do what I'm suppose to do, you still keep me under your wing
for allowing me recognize that things take time and that patience is truely a virtue
for the anticiapation of spending sat with his and my friends....I want them to understand just how special he is to me
for blessing me with a wonderful man who is just what I need him to be, you've got me saying where has he been all my life LOL
for my life, health and strength
for that 70 degree weather they said we are getting tomorrow wooohooooo. I'll hold off on the open toes about 2 more weeks Lord LOL....but I don't think I can promise that
for the job that I'm able to get up and go to each day, there are many people out there that aren't as blessed as I am
for the laugh I got this morning listening to a commercial from a pastor asking folks to come to his Easter service in MD.....the laugh came when I heard BALLIN (instrumental) playing in the background...WOW
for time spent with old friends.....they may come and go but as long as they keep returning I know it's all good
for today and each day that you bless me with :)
for everyone reading this blog...I may not have meet each of them in person but they are just as near and dear to me as some of my face to face friends LOL...
Monday, March 19, 2007
This weekend was rather chill....Friday night I hung out with one of my homies. We went to Tyson's Corner, I got a shirt and some shoes she got a shirt...we grabbed dinner and went back to my house and watched tv. The funny thing about me and her is we talk everyday on the phone and I mean everyday sometimes for 10 min sometimes for an hour...but we only see one another like once a month maybe more depending what's going on in our lives. So we've decided to make it a point to hang out once a month just to catch up face to face. I told her that the next time we go out through remind me that when I'm going back and forth about buying something...DONT GET IT!!! I bought these wedge shoes from Bakers...I walked around the store in them, asked her what I should do....asked her what would she do...finally got them...went home tried them on again, looked at them....and the next day returned them LOL. I hate returning things cause it takes so much time but I just couldnt' sit well with the shoe..and anyone who knows me knows that I love me some shoes LOL so that was hard.
Saturday morning I got up at 430am so that I could be at the babes house by 530 so we could drive down to somewhere near Danville to get his engine for his car. We went with his moms boyfriend and I slept most of the way down there..somewhat uncomfortable because we were in a 2 door coupe and the back seat had so much crap in it I thought the man lived in his car LOL. His moms boyfriend is hilarious...I couldn't understand much of what he was saying cause he reminds me of bernie mac..you know with the mumbling and what not, and if I'm not mistaken he was missing some teeth LOL, but I didn't want to stare or ask so I left it alone. I told babe that if I had thrown up in the back of the car no one would have been able to tell cause it was just that dirty LOL. So we get down there, chill and watch a lil tv with his moms boyfriends family...waiting for them to return with some pizza. Eat a lil watch some more tv and then head back up this way, of course I was sleep most of the way back. We stopped back by his moms boyfriends house cause his mom was there and I got a chance to meet her, she's nice I see where he gets some of his characteristics from LOL, but all in all for a first meet up it was nice. Once we got back to his house we decided to do dinner and a movie, he has some running around to do so I went on home and changed and returned the shoes, then he came over. We were going to Ruby Tuesdays since it's right beside the theater and there was no one in there so I was like cool it shouldn't be that long, why that fool of a lady talking about 25-35 min wait....I was like errrr there is NO ONE in here. The babe was looking at me like calm down, don't turn what is suppose to be a fun night out into something stressful...but I wanted a salad booooo. So I huffed and puffed and vented and we decided to grab some food at the other restaurant that was near by. Turns out the food was pretty good and he made me laugh which in turn eased my tension....talking about I get crazy around that time of the month I need to lay off the pills LOL. We went to see Premontion. I liked it, he didn't...I was kinda upset at the ending and he said I can't pick any more movies out LOL....lies he got another thought coming. We might go see Shooter next weekend, he wants to see that movie and Spiderman 3..I love me some SpiderMan...I told him he should see 300, but who knows....I wanna be a Spartan LOL
Came back home, ate some ice cream and cake well he ate some cake and ice cream I just had ice cream, and then we cuddled up and watched some tv...next thing I know I'm getting knocked in the face...I jumped up and he's having a bad dream I was like Lord man LOL. He was like Ohhh I'm sorry, did I hurt you, I was like no but you scared the black out of me LOL. I don't even think he remembered cause when I told him he was like I did, I was like umm yea, great. I told him what my dream was about, I had a baby and at the beginning of the dream it wasn't his..it was between two guys I was dealing with then half way through the dream it was his baby and on top of that I left the baby alone for like a day...I was crying in my dream..woke up and my face was wet LOL....great. I'm gonna be a horrible mother when I have children...wonderful thing to look forward to. We bumed around, ate some breakfast, watched some tv...took a nap, he had some stuff to do so he went on home.
It's funny cause while he's around me or maybe it was just that whole time of the month thing, I realize just how special he is. Of course being the sensitive person I am we were laying down watching tv and I was laying on his chest (I love that lol..I know I'm corny oh well) and I said you are so cute, then I said I like everything about you and he was like that's impossible and I said no, I don't agree with everything that you say or do but I like that it makes you apart of who you are....you make me laugh and smile, you just make me happy and then he stares at me and we both bust out laughing....great. But seriously it's like I know that what we're creating is so right and so many times this weekend I wanted to bust out and say I love you and I didn't. Not because I wanted him to say it, but becuase I'm making myself take things slowly. If we're meant to be then things will continue to work out like they have and I'm in no rush.
This weekend is his birthday...finally..I know I've been talking about it forever LOL. I love surprises but I don't think he necessarily does LOL. But the plan is to do brunch or breakfast whatever time he wakes up (he doesn't really like breakfast food so I'm fixing breakfast..brunch was too expensive where I wanted to go) and then do a movie and then dinner with the gang (my girls finally get to meet him). One of my girls said I haven't even met him and I like him already..she says we are always doing something LOL. Great. Might take him to get a massage I'm not too sure yet. But I'm getting him a git card to his favorite music store, might go pick that up tonight...so great.
Have a wonderful Monday....it's cold here in DC and I'm wishing I was still under my covers!
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Me and the hun have talked about what it would be like if we got married and how many kids we would have but with that being said I'm not trying to rush marriage or kids...cause that comes with lots of responsibility. Talking about our kids would be short LOL...I mean he's like 5'11 so that should be aight LOL...they might be wearing glasses as babies though cause both of us wear glasses, me more so than him so lets hope they don't have to wear baby bifocals LOL..I can see them now eyes as big as a deer in headlights, always looking surprised cause their frames are so big. I think our kids would be cute though...I know they better not be bad though I will leave them suckas with him LOL...and run away..sike let me stop.
I can only laugh at african americans who work in office positions. I think when they see another black person they get over eager. The dental assistant just randomly started talking to me. I mean I don't have a problem talking to her, but she was like ohhh I like your shoes (zebra print flats) and I was like thank you then she went on to say how its gonna rain tomorrow and she wants to go to the circus (the black one) and how she has to take the medical assistant test. I'm like oh lord this lady ain't even certified..she quickly shut that down when she said I graduated I just have to take the D*^% test.....umm slow your roll Shaniqua I don't know, how do you know that I want you cursing in my presence lol...let me stop. All I could do was laugh. Then when she was helping the dentist she was smacking her gum and saying cool...I was like umm great LOL..I'm not knocking her but there is a time and a place for everything.
I'm ready for Friday....not sure if it's because it's pay day or because next weekend is my babys bday but I'm excited. I'm taking him to breakfast first, then to get a massage and then dinner with some of his and my friends at the cheesecake factory, after dinner he's going out with his boys. His dad wanted to come by that day but he told him that his "shorty" was taking him out LOL....great. I found out that his mom wants to meet me....wonderful, I hope she's nice you know how come moms are about their sons, just like dads are about their daughters LOL...anal, sike let me stop.
I can't wait till my nephew gets here, Toot will always be my number one but I know lil JJ is gonna be sooo cute. On top of that he's due Easter weekend (this is a surprise because we didn't think she was due till june or july) so hopefully he will come fri or sat LOL....but babies make their own schedule, so we'll see. She is going to name him Jeremiah, which I think is a nice name. I don't know her thought process for it but hey it's her baby
I saw the babe last night, he came over and brought some dinner (I forgot to take the chicken out this morning, I took it out last night for tonight instead)...I cooked this time and we ate..hamburger helper to be exact..it was good. We watched a lil tv, he worked on some music then we went to sleep. His room mate is having this how to buy a house seminar and he invited me to come on Friday, so I might try to come in early and get off a lil earlier so I can beat traffic (it starts at 7 and anyone that lives in this area should know how traffic is)
So spring has sprung....new shoes and love are in the air......and the lady in my office who is always annoying me was out for a part of last week and the first part of this week (her father died) she's back in the office today and has already started to blow her nose....great. I think when she found out that he passes she cried for show..cause a lil while after she was laughing..I mean folks deal with grief differently..I'm just saying. I overheard her talking about how much money each of the kids get when he passes...so umm all I have to say is you are only blessed once in life with true parents...play with that if you want to...it's gonna come back to you.
Have a wonderful day and I'm out!!
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
I'm grateful for.....
God allowing me to wake up this morning and for the wonderful weather outside (no more SNOW!)
the overtime that he is allowing me to recieve..he knows that I've been trying to save and pay off things and I won't complain about how the extra money is coming in :)
the moments that I talk with my nephew..I love how he rambles on (sometimes I don't understand him), but he's growing up so fast and I cherish each time I hear him say I wuv you too auntie.
today being hump day...Lord knows I'm ready for the weekend....nothing serious planned other than folding laundry (no LadyNay I haven't done it yet lol..why was I gonna call you the other day lol) and going to the movies with my suga
each of you...leaving comments and helping me see that I'm not buggin, I am allowed to think but I shouldn't overthink. You dont' know how much that meant to me, if I could give each of you a hug I would....so I'll just give you this thank you instead.
recognizing that God has blessed me with someone special and I'm allowed to be happy, I'm allowed to wonder but I shouldn't punish him becuase of what others have done...I prayed for someone attentive and caring and that's what God has given me :)
my little sister having another baby boy...she's due in April and I pray that he comes out healthy as his big brother
my excitment at being an auntie again..not like it stopped but you get my drift lol
my parents who are resilent, weaker people would crush under the everyday pressure that they go through. They dont' know how special they are to me, I pray that I'm just like them when I grow up :)
going to the BEAN in April to see one of my blogger buds MISSY!!!!! WHOOOHOOO I can't wait
my middle sister who wants to be my twin LOL, she is a character, but I love that she loves me so much..lots of folks can't say that about their siblings
my brother and niece who is getting so big, I can't wait to see her and attack her with kisses and a photo shoot
my baby....who makes me smile even when he's not around. Who makes me look forward to waking up with him beside me, who makes me want to come home and cook dinner when I know he's coming over, who makes me realize just how wonderful I've got it. We are growing into something wonderful and as someone commented I just need to enjoy the ride :)
Monday, March 12, 2007
I also want to say that I am having a wonderful time being with and getting to know my sweetie. He is a wonderful man who surprises me each and every time I spend time with him...with that being said I'm trying sooo hard NOT to analyze or over analyze somethings that he says...perhaps me doing so speaks volumes about me being insecure.
He came over this weekend, Sat to be exact (I hung out with the girls on Friday night..he was suppose to come over but I feel asleep and didn't answer my phone when he called..it was on silent)..anywho he came over and we were conversing and what not about some of nothing. When we got on the topic of how he likes dark skin girls..now anyone that has seen me or better yet anyone that knows what Honey looks like (real honey not me lol) knows that it's not dark...I'm light skin...sort of a caramel color I like to call it lol...so I'm like well if that's what you're attracted to why are you talking ot me...he of course was just like well you're cool folks and all that other stuff I'm like oh aight gotcha...moving along we continue to talk and I asked him what he thought of me when he first saw me.....cause we corressponded via email then we met up....he said he thought I looked better in my pics..I was like which one (cause I've heard and I agree that I look diff in each pic i take as I'm sure alot of you do)...he said some random pic and I'm like oh ok.....and of course my lil brain gets to turning and I like well if I looked better in my pics why are you still talking to me, do you think I'm an ug mug or something and then he goes on to say that alot of his friends get caught up in looks and he thinks there should be more and I agree..I DO, but if you don't find the person you're with attractive then why be with them..I mean I dont' wanna look at a man who reminds me of James Brown/Ru Paul..I don't find them attractive. So we kept talking and I'm like well what did your roomies say about me and he was like nothing cause I don't really comment on anyone they bring and they don't either unless you know she's bad (meaning good lol)....like this puerto rican chic I use to date.....and I'm thinking oh lord great LOL.....so he says that this other chic he knows called a former gf of his a slump face..meaning she was ugly and I was like well what did she say about me (I could care less but I was curious) and he was like she hasn't seen you but I don't care what she says cause she ain't too hot herself...great.
So I'm like well dang (thinking to myself) I wonder why he's really with me, clearly he prefers dark skin girls...if I ever got fat he would leave me (I still don't know if he was jokin about that), and I look better is some of pictures that i do in person (sometimes).
Now I could be overthinking..in fact I could be wanting some negative things to happen to ignore the fact for once...I'm happy. I love having him around, I love being around him and I love just who he is. So why am I picking at everything....I mean the truth is if he didn't like me he wouldn't hang around me...almost everyday, spend his weekends with me and ask me to move in with him. WHY am I doing this to myself? Do I just love questioning every thing that comes along. If Im so happy why am I trying to read between the lines when there is nothing to read between. He's always been straightforward with EVERYTHING...that's what I like about him...he doesn't cut cards he just puts it out there. So I know that ok he prefers dark skin girls but clearly he's with me for other reasons......we've even talked about how things would be if we ever got married and had kids....so I know this isn't just some fly by night thing....why can't I stop questioning.
We went to the mall (Tysons Corner) just cause we wanted to get out the house and I was fine after that....he asked me before I left was I mad...of course not but that doesn't mean that my lil brain wasn't working a mile a minute LOL. Before we left we were laughing and joking and playing around and I grabbed him and told him that if he wanted me to let him go he had to say that he missed me.....as we all know men are not too keen on saying how they feel LOL..and me being me I just am..I tell him all the time that I missed him, can't wait to see him, think about him (no I'm not anal about it I just make it known that I more than like but not love him lol) so he doesn't say it, and I mean we are laughing and I'm tickling him and he is just not having it...so I let him go...he senses that I'm mad and I'm like nah I'm good and he says you know I miss you, I just don't like saying it.....this I know but once again my lil brain is working overtime....I wonder how he feels about you, does he see this going further than the summer...blah blah blah and by this time I'm sick of my ownself and telling myself to shut up...just be happy just hug him and just BE. We head to the mall, he buys some dress shoes (I call his other ones deacon shoes LOL) they're stacey adams..I love a man in some nice clothing lol....we walk around and all that jazz....he occassionaly puts his arm around me..walks with me into womens' stores (wet seal, forever 21,etc) tells me to step away from the shoes LOL (I saw some HOT ones in Bakers I will be going to get them on Sat lol) but I just enjoyed chilling and being around him...so why am I looking for stuff to fuss or grip about.
Last night he came over and brought some chicken and rice. He fried the chicken, I cooked the rice and vegetables....we watched tv and went to bed. See he is such a sweetie, bringing over dinner and cooking it. He was on the phone with one of his boys sayin I'm in the kitchen she need to get in here...his boy said we sounded like we were married already....we talked about exs and all that stuff, how each of us would feel if the other hung out with an ex...I occassionally do when I go home...he's on my friends list on myspace...but he's more like a brother to me now, we dated off and on till I was a senior in high school....but when I hang out with him it's usually with other folks like my lil brother and sisters...so it's not like we'll ever be together LOL...the hun knows this but I wanted him to know. We've decided that he's going home with me for Easter..we just don't know if we're going down Sat or sun morning and coming right back. His mom wants to know when she is going to meet me.....
I should know how he feels about me when he hugs me..when he brings dinner over and cooks it, when I catch him staring at me and I ask what (sometimes I'm wondering what does he see when he looks at me, I wonder is something wrong with me)...I should know when he plays in my locs or caresses my back...but I can't help it, I can't punish him for what others have done and I'm trying not to, but I can't help but wonder if I open up my heart again that it will get crushed and worse because I might have been able to stop myself from loving him so soon...but I'm always telling myself and others that you cant punish others and life is about loving....you can't experience true love if you've never been hurt and you can't appreciate love if you've never had anything to compare it to.....you can't really thank God for such a wonderful blessing in the gift of this person who you think completes you if you've never asked God to rid your life of another horrible person LOL..you get what I'm saying...I've been hurt so much and I should be thanking God for what he's sent me and I do, but I still wonder...on top of that I was talking to my mom last night and she was saying that I should check out this church that someone we know goes to cause you never know my husband might be right in there waiting for me....well that's nice but what if I think I've already found him...how do I know..and on top of that I wonder how my parents are going to react to him. I mean my moms a minister and my dads a deacon so you can only imagine what that's been like....I hope he doesn't curse around them LOL...I hope he doesnt' spew rap lyrics and of course they'll ask him if he goes to church and he'll say no LOL and I'll feel like falling into a black hole.....see here I go again...errrrr
I'm trying to just be......happy in the moment, happy at the place I'm at right now...but I can't help over thinking and it's killing me. He's a wonderful man and each time I look at him I remember that and try to ignore the fact that he curses a lil more than I like, or doesn't go to church on the regular (but neither do I so why the heck am I pressed lol)...I have a wonderful man and I need to slap myself occassionally for overthinking EVERYTHING.
Friday, March 09, 2007
The Oneset of the Weekend
Going to some party that a friend of a friend is having at this club called HOME in DC
What should I wear....I have no clue, I won't be buying anything so that means I'll be wearing something from my closet.
I just found out that the top place to work is in NC....does that mean I'll be looking for a job LOL
Why this lady that was crossing the street yesterday held up her hand.....boo that's not gonna stop the car from crushing you lol....like she superman or something
Hun sent me a text yesterday to say that the dinner I fixed the night before was good....awwwww
Why yesterday I was listening (why do I say why before I say something) lol to my MP3 player and one of my favorite slow jams came on and I thought of him (Like A Star, by Corrine Bailey)
Me and the roomie were cracking up this morning at the Steve Harvey show..they were talking about MAKA's (some men who are wanna be AKA's)...I tell ya I know those ladies are TOOO DONE!!! I'd be upset
Steve had me crackin up and so did Eugene callin them MiCASA's LOL.....
I wish I were going home early today..nothing too special to do other than put some laundry away and go to the gym
I wonder what me and the hun will be doing this weekend, perhaps I can get him to take me to the movies LOL....yeaaaa sure
I was listening to the news and there was a drug bust in SC, a drug dealer ran into the back of a state troopers car, he had 43 pds of weed in the trunk...talk about an easy arrest.
My sis finds out what she's having on monday....I think she does...you know how that goes you think they are gonna tell you and they only make a appointment for you to find out next time...the suspense is filling me
I try not to talk about the Hun too much LOL...yesterday one of my girls said that she can tell he makes me happy :) and he does
I'm ready for lunch...then again I'm not really hungry, I try to ask myself that alot now cause you know it's all a mind thing...I just want the taste of something...I guess I'll chew some gum
COME ON SPRING LOL
Have a wonderful weekend...wow this was a short one..don't cha think :)
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
I'm thankful for.......
being able to awake this morning and see the snow that is falling on the ground. I got on the metro and saw a blind man getting off, sometimes we take the little things for granted.
my sister sending me a picture of my toot in the hat (that's too small) that I made for him. I didn't realize his head was so big LOL
today being hump day.....2 small steps toward the end of the week left
being able to talk to Constant the other day and not feel guilty anymore about being happy with someone else. I think he knows that I have someone I haven't told him, it's none of his business, however he has another thought coming if he thinks I'm gonna go out of my way to be his friend...no sir ree bob
talking to my guy best friend yesterday (Mr. Caine)....he knows me so well, said that I have a good man and I need to stop over analyzing things :) I know he loves me in fact he even liked me when we first met but we're better as friends and I'm glad he respects that.
how things are working out for Mr. Caine, he moved to Ohio to open up a massage business, I miss him being so far away but he has to do what he has to do. He just bought a bike and is gonna ride it down here to see me when the weather is nice (I told him yea right lol)
getting some wonderful sleep these last few days, I don't know if it's been me having a cold or what but my tail has been knocked out with no crazy dreams or nothing to stop me from getting some much needed sleep.
even having someone in my life who cares for me and I don't have to second guess that. What I do have to stop doing is looking for things to go wrong....he's a wonderful man and that's that
realizing that it's not just words that show you how others feel but actions.....
the breakfast I had emmm emmm man I needed that lol
the conversations that we have each day and how you mention little things that show me you do think about us being together forever :)
my parents.....I know they are praying for me and just when I think that my life is in shambles I feel their embrace
each and every moment of my life that I have lived and will live...sometimes it does get hard but how can I know true happiness if I've never experienced sadness
each of you, as you read this...I hope and pray you have a blessed week....
Monday, March 05, 2007
I just got some benedryl yesterday, I should have gotten that when I first started feeling like this on Friday but I thought Robutussion would work..it didn't.
Although I was sick on Friday I still proceeded to take my lil self to LOVE lol. I was aight till about 130 when my body started to ache like I had been hit by a mack 10.
It felt weird saying I have a boyfriend when a few guys asked for my number (not weird in the sense that I wanted their number just weird cause I'm so stuck on wondering if his breathe stinks lol..sike let me stop)
I saw B...this guy I use to chill with. I met him at DC live which then turned into VIP which is now a whole different club in a different location...H20. B is cool we've hung out off and on since I was a sophmore..we usually chill then don't talk for a couple of months and then we see one another again and the cycle continues..so I saw him we hugged, exchanged numbers (it's not like that lol) and kept it moving.
I also so Bmore (who strange enough has the same first name as hun) he now lives in GA and asked could we hang out....I had to quickly say no a brotha like that could get me in some trouble LOL. Plus he lives in GA so great.
The hun came over after I got in from LOVE and I felt HORRIBLE..I was burning up and he got me some juice...told me to put some clothes on lol (i sleep in undies) and get under the covers...I was knocked out....woke up feeling somewhat better but still a lil tired, he had some stuff to do so he left and i got up to do some laundry...
Now I've always been honest on my blog cause I mean this is my world and who gives a hoot what anyone thinks....so with that being said I'll make it known that I went to see R after I did some laundry. In case you don't know who R is....take a look back at the post where I explained all of "them"...or rather the guys that I have or used to talk to. Nothing occurred we just grabbed some dinner and movies..we were going to go bowling with some of his friends but I ended up coughing and hacking so much that we figured that wasn't a good idea. I think he knows that I have someone and NO i haven't come out and said it...yes I'm horrible but I mean we've known each other 3 years and I don't know how to tell him that I've found someone. I know we're not together and I should have no problem telling him but we also had a convo where I said I would be happy for him if he found someone and he said he wouldn't cause it's been 3 years and he does care for me and he'd be hurt...but I mean hey I can't do nothing about you not wanting to be with me..I've moved on and in my mind all we are is friends...so I told him that we could only be friends..nothing else....he was like aight. We'll see how long that lasts.
I got home the next morning...showered..took some meds and got back in the bed. Stayed there till hun came over and went to go get me some more meds and tissue (toilet paper hurts my nose) came back cooked and ate dinner (turkey burgers, string beans and rice) I love me some turkey burgers LOL....watched some tv then laid down cause he worked a night shift starting at 12.....so 1130 comes around the alarm goes off and I walk him downstairs, hug him and take my lil butt back to bed.
At my desk haven't taken my meds yet and I don't even feel hungry. I didn't even eat all my oatmeal and I feel like I should have but I mean I didn't even know it was oatmeal cause of the taste that's how bad I feel..I can't taste anything my mouth is dry cause I'm breathing through it...great. I had a weird dream last night that I was pregnant by Constant..what is up with me and babies...perhaps it was the meds.
I wanna go home and get back in my bed. The hun said he has a horrible dream about me the other night....he said that I died I was like wow....at least you find that horrible LOL
I hope no one talks to me today cause when I'm sick I get rather fiesty.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
What's going on in my Honeycomb (Brain)
Last night the Hon got a call from on of his boys and he said I'm at my shorty's house...awww I'm his shorty LOL..I know I'm corny
I told Nurse Dude..who seemed to get it in his head that we were "special friends" (although he couldn't get with the rules) that I had a man now..he asked me if he put it down like he did....what makes you think that you put it down LOL...breathing is a terrible drug when you're stupid LOL
My boss isn't here today, so I guess I can file the stuff that's on my desk away since I'll have nothing much of else to do
I can't wait for this weekend...I don't have anything planned other than hit the gym with my babe but I just love spending time with him....once again I'm corny I know lol
I think we might go look at some condos that he is thinking about moving into not too sure yet...and no I'm not moving in ASAP, can we please be together for more than 6 months first LOL (we've known each other for almost 6 months but haven't been a "we" for even a month)
One of my closest friends who I call my Buddy, cause usually whereever I was she was too or whereever she was so was I, told me that now I get to keep up with the anniversary date...great LOL...you know men usually don't remember the day that you all stated that you all are now a "we", but we women do.....she said she no longer does the month thing she just waits till the year anniversary rolls around then says something LOL....yea if I did that (the month thing) he'd be like listen woman LOL...
He complains about my mattress..says it makes his back hurt...I told him it does me just fine LOL....so I've agreed to let him go with me to pick out my next mattress when I get my new bed.
He keeps sayin he needs a massage (although that should only be if he wins our bet which ends at the end of this month) but I think I'm gonna be nice and get him one for his bday on the 24th. Yep, that means that I'm older than him cause I'll be 25 this year....not that much older and on top of that I'm so much shorter than him that you wouldn't even know it lol
We've decided that we might go to GA sometime this summer...I kinda wanna go to Miami but we'll see
Poor baby he's been sick since last weekend and he looks so sad when he's sick
What is up with folks wearing golashes (?) when there is no snow on the ground
Top Model was hilarious last night why did Ms. Jay have those shorts on...and I'm sorry but that Russian girl would annoy me with her accent (bout those SIGMAS that were on there last night..excuse me)
Tomorrow is Friday, why do I just love that day, next to wednesday that is :)
I love Like A Star by Corrine Bailey, gotta love her voice
On top of that Glenn Lewis has a new song out, Storm and I have that on my mp3 as well...
Funny how I can't wait to cook dinner for him or decide what we're doing on the weekends...like we're married or something LOL...I'm always asking him is he hungry (he says I'm trying to make him fat) NOT TRUE!
In fact he was gonna go to the gym this morning at 4am (I know yea right) I told him he wasn't going and that he should just let me win the bet..I deserve dinner and a massage :)
Why this girl at the gym was hitting on roomie the other day.....I told her we should go in there next time with our arms around one another LOL..I'd do some crazy crap like that LOL
This lady was on the stairmaster (I was on there for 30 min and almost burned 300 calories) looking like it was killin her to be on it...boo just get off..you should not look like you riding a horse on the stairmaster...I tell ya
Why work out in jeans...what does that do?
Why are you making faces while you're working out on the STATIONARY BIKE!!!!!! Boo it's not that hard and it's not even the real stationary bike it's the one that really looks like you're sitting down and you have a TV in front of you...come on!
Ummm the make up that you have on...why is that necessary...boo we are at a gym not Church Anniversary....
I tell ya...........