Life through my eyes......
Thursday, June 29, 2006
First let me say that i'm sensative...sometimes to a fault. I can cry at the drop of a hat and when I see a sad movie or hear a sad situation I tend to cry. I even cry when I get angry not cause I'm sad but because I'd mad (it's those angry hot tears). So anywho today I got some news that took me by surprise. This lady from my last job who is a little older than me passed away yesterday morning. She had been going in and out of conscieness and finally "gave up the ghost". I knew she had been sick in fact she hadn't been to work for like 3 months before I left there. The reason it took me by surprise was that I didn't really expect it, she had been doing well. I was trying to make plans to see her (she was my at work mommy), but she and her family felt it was better that some people not come to visit. She shyed away from those at her job, her friends. At one point we (at work) figured it was because she didn't want our sympathy and tears...which is understandable. But I felt hurt, I know it's selfish becuase she's the one suffering but how could she turn her back on those that cared about her and wanted to see her get better. She was ok with letting go and it was us who needed to prepare for her not being here.
So as I write this tears are running down my face because I'm going to miss her spirit, her kindness and just knowing that someone in this big old world cared and thought about me. If I forgot my lunch at home or said I wasn't hungry she made sure I ate. When I had a question about at work procedure she helped me and if she didn't know she went out of her way to find someone that could help me. She always made sure she had candy on her desk (sour altoids I love those things and skittles) for me and that we did lunch every week just to get away. When she left and took a turn for the worst her desk was still there and I would walk past and pray that God would bring her through. He knew what was best, her time here on earth was well served. She taught me resilence and strength. When her granddaughter who was 5 years old died of cancer she cried but only because she would miss her, she knew she wasn't suffering anymore. She said God let her be with us for as long as she needed to be and he wanted her home. I don't feel angry at him, he knows what's best.
While I think about her spirit, her laughter and her many stories about her trips to Atlantic City (homegirl was a gambler LOL) I think about just how much she meant to me in the short time frame that I knew her. My mom always says that to be absent from the body is to be present with Christ....so I know Ms. Tanya is looking down on me and smiling and telling me not to cry...cause she knows what a mess I look when I do lol. She's ok, she's with her mother and her granddaughter and the others that shes loved and lost. She'll be watching over me, being that little voice in the back of my head giving me advice.
You never know how much you love or care about someone till they are gone. You never realize all the little things that make them ever so special....for my grandmother it was the simple way she would play gotcha with us.....it was our lil game of tag....the simple way she told me she was proud of me and she has other grandchildren but she took the time out to tell me she was proud of me. The way my other grandmother from church would sing her lil heart out and sometimes she forgot the words and then after service she would ask me how she did....and I always told her she did a wonderful job because she was singing from her heart. The way my lil cousin would give me hugs, the way my freshmen year roommate would make me dance everytime a trina song came on (called me fatty girl lol). The way Ms. Tanya would call me her little girl (even though she has 2 daughters), the way we would walk up to the lunch room together and heat up our oodles and noodles and even the way she showed me a way to spice them up lol (turkey chunks and hot sauce). All those memories and moments that they've brought to my life have added to me and I can't regret that. I relish in the fact that I was and am still blessed by having them in my life even if it was for a season.
I cry because I'll miss her and all of those that I've loved and lost yes, but I'm so happy that God placed her and them in my life for these last two years. Because what she taught me will impact me for the rest of my life.
So if you love someone or even care about them....tell them, let them know everyday.
I will miss you Ms. Tanya and thank you. You've helped me to appreciate life and all that comes with it. From now on I'll be dancing like nobody's watching, singing in and out of the shower and loving so hard that it hurts......I love you
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
The weekend was real chill...no extreme drama. D was in GA so I didn't get to see him and I must admit I missed him and I told him (will I regret it later is the question lol). He came back late last night and will be coming over for dinner tonight at least that's what the plan is. This man went out and got a dog....a pit bill to be exact. He says Gizmo has a lil brother/playmate now. Yea till that thing get big then Giz gonna be staying away from him LOL.
On a Giz note..he got neutered on Monday and I go to pick him up after I get off work. Poor lil thing when I dropped him off he didn't know he was being lead to get his manhood taken away. But it's the law here in VA that if you adopt a dog from a shelter or a mission, etc., that you have to get it spayed or neutered if it hasn't already been done. It cuts back on the procreation of the animals since so many of them end up in shelters and there are numerous health reasons....yea I had to convince myself to get it done cause me and Giz was about to go awall and head to Canada or something to get away from the dog feds. haha Why this dog is a human..I promise he is. When he does something wrong and I go to pop him..he falls out on his back and puts his paws up at me....I was like boo what are you doing. Then I put him outside on the porch..he will stand at the door look in the glass and bark at me as if to fuss me out. I said boo say that when i open the door...I open the door and he doesn't I was like that's what I thought LOL...he cracks me up.
But back to the weekend...so I chilled out on Friday watched some movies and had some drinks with a friend who shall be called No Name....I call him this cause he likes me, I dont' like him and that's that. So he's just there. Sad I know, horrible even but that's the way it is. I mean we have nice convo but he's still in that I'm in college immature phase. Which is aight everyone goes through it but when you show no signs of coming out of that phase then we have a problem. For example I was on the phone with him one time (he's home on break) he was like I gotta go clean my room, my mom is yellin at me cause she told me to do it before. I was like WOW!!!!! Ok I sometimes keep my room junky but if your momma has to tell you to clean it then you need to get a life...and on top of that he was like she don't like for me to go out when it gets to late...now granted my parents use to be that way when I went home on break but by the time I got a job...had a car and was payin my own rent they didnt' say too much other than you have your cell phone with you and get this oh boy was just goin down the street.....another sign that he is a no name...so no worries....he ain't a sleepin buddy, a dating buddy or nothin like that just some random no name that I converse with lol. D is slowly but surely winning his way to number one right now. He or should I say we still have some things to discuss but other than that it's all gravy.
Saturday I chilled around the house and took Gizmo to get his nails clipped cause them janks was cutting up my arm. Looked like I had been cuttin myself LOL. He cried and whimpered and like the "mommie" I am I was bout to bust that lady in her head for makin him cry but he had to get it done so I left the room lol. Was on the phone with the Army dude for most of the day...notice I don't talk too much about him, cause there is nothing to say. LOL...he about to go to Iraq for a year so nothing can be done about that and we just converse. I like our conversations it's like we're spending the day together (since we're usually on the phone for a couple of hours) even though we aren't. He was in D's place before I met D, but hey things happen and he got demoted LOL. While talkin to him I was in the mall purchasing some shoes (bought some Kswiss and some baby phat sneakers they are sooo cute) a couple of summer tops and what not. I might not go out to the bar alone but I sure will tear up the mall LOL.
That night I chilled out with one of the girls, we went to Dave and Busters which for all of you that don't know (and if you don't then you've been under a rock) is like a grownup Chuck E Cheese. This chic is too funny I've never really hung out with her on my own since I met her through the roomie who knows her from work but I've known her for about a year and everytime we go out it's with some of the other girls so I've never interacted with her on a one on one basis. Home girl is too funny. First she loves white pants and when I say that I mean it in every sense of the word. We went out one day last week (to see some male dancers) and she had on some white pants..when I saw her on sat night she had on the same white pants and the same shoes just a diff tshirt. I was like come on girl. I know you use to be a lil chunky and now you're down to a size 9/10 and you want to show the world but all your pants can't be tight (unless your me and having your pants loose would mean that they are 3 sizes too big, us small waisted extra junk in the trunk girls have it hard lol). So I was like aight so she got on the same pants she could have done laundry and put them on again..I've done it. But I can't remember when she hasn't worn white pants..even in the winter time...ok maybe like 3 times, but you get my drift. She loves the baby tees with the saying on em like your boyfriends hot and all that stuff and she ties them in the back to show off her now flat tummy..that's nice and in fact sometimes I do that cause that's one thing I have is a semi-flat tummy LOL...but I don't do it too often and I like to dress grown and sexy and not like a tween stuck on britney spears and what not.
We eating at the bar and there is this cute bartender. She was overly flirting with him...like oh I know we're gonna have a problem with you, you don't like lightskin people....why you being mean to us. Mind you it didn't look like he was payin her the least bit of attention, I mean he smiled and what not but he was lookin like boo just eat and give me my tip (or move so someone else can sit down lol)..the occassional smile and that was it. I'm thinkin boo everyone ain't tryin to holla at you especially with that do ya got goin on..two braids in the back and one hangin on the side...not a good look. But I digress I'm not perfect I have my off days but dang on it please tell me when I look a hot mess or if I wear a certain outfit too much...I'd rather you tell me than I do it and everyone laugh at me. Great.
Sunday I was goin to church..woke up and it was pouring. I know it's no excuse but I decided to clean. I did all the laundry, folded and put away all the clothes, which was a feat in itself cause I have a private living room and since I don't use it as a living room I use it as a I don't feel like folding my clothes throw them on the couch room LOL. So, yes it looked like walmart, tar'get and the mall had thrown up in my living room. It got so bad that when I did laundry I would just dump the clothes on the couch and dig through them when I got dressed, and if I went to clean it up I just looked at it and turned around LOL...so I tackled it, sucked up my laziness and jumped right in and to be honest I felt good after it was done. So good that in between all that I changed my room around. I mean I'm moving in about a month so no real point, but I needed a change so I figured why not. I moved my bed, my dresser, and my tv all by MYSELF! Bam! How ya like me now. I can be a handy woman when I wanna be lol. Got my exercise in for the day so I was feelin good. So good that I went out and bought a new shower curtain for the bathroom the old one was looking kinda sad (the holes at the top had broken and two were being held together by tape LOL LOL LOL I know horrible) bought new rugs to match the shower curtains and stocked up on toiletries...Kmart had my favorite bodywash on sale 3 for $5...I was lovin it. Got some dinner and then chilled out with Gizmo who of course was going the next day to be neutered.
Talked to D a couple of times he told me about my new "son" (his pit bull). He's about 8 wks old and is the cutest thing..his name is Dollar. I'll probably call him Dolla....D says he picked that name cause that's what he's about makin them dollas lol I was like umm ok and what else then he said me (Honey) I was like aww cute but cut the crap LOL....but nah I laughed when he said that..I was like oh really glad you could fit me in...he was like oh you been fit in a long time ago....great.
I'm suppose to go home this weekend, I was gonna leave early on Fri but I just found out that the bday party was moved from Fri to Sun afternoon, so I'll leave sometime sun. My nephew is turning 2 on thurs and my sis is having a party for him. My dad doesn't know how to work his camera that we bought him for Fathers Day so he wants me to show him how to work it. Should be loads of fun especially since I have mon off and tues of course which is the 4th...so yep i have a 5 day weekend...and boy am I gonna love it.....me and D are suppose to hang out maybe go to six flags finally who knows he says it doensn't matter as long as he's with me....hmm we'll see LOL
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Nothing too exciting going on...as you can see I got a new pic on the profile....took it one night when I was going to Love with the roomie and a friend. I'm loving how my hair looks...is that conceited...it's ok, I got a reason (sike let me stop) I look extra light in that pic too.....perhaps I would pass the paper bad test. I say that cause I was tellin one of the girls the other day that my boss treats me like a house negro....nicer than a field slave but not too nice haha and I said I wouldn't even pass the paper bag test but after looking at that pic perhaps I just might.......why would someone compare themselves to a paper bag anyway.
How come when we women are on our monthly (lol, I sound like a old woman) we get the munchies, I just sat up here and ate cereal and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and yes I had a glass of milk and milk in my cereal.....feelin a lil full.
I put Giz outside cause he was trying to tear up the carpet why this fool startin at me through the glass like he bout to come through it, now he is jumpin on the door tryin to "open" it. He is too crazy. Guess he got tired cause he drinking his water now. I tell ya that dog has a mind of his own.
What the heck am I gonna do this weekend....gotta take one of the girls and her boo to the airport then back to sleep but other than that what am I going to do to entertain myself...I don't even want to think about it cause if I think about it I'll start to entertain folks that don't deserve my time (i.e. green eyes) who has been emailing me and what not.
Of course D has been calling and we've been chatting....says he wants to see me before he goes to GA to pick his car up. That would be nice, I do miss his company and that cute lil southern drawl he got goin on...man it's something about a man and his accent. And the way he half way closes his eyes em em em...aight I digress. But I could get use to him..in fact I already have haha. I told him that although I wonder should I have told him that....then again you have to open up sometimes if you want things to even take off.
Oh yea on to some new drama...remember how i said in one of those me-me quizzes, that I dated a guy for almost 2 years and he lived in TX..why this fool called me and was sayin baby this and baby that. I was like umm what, boo we ain't together I've said that over and over he was like what?! I dont' get it is this about someone else, who you sleepin with. I was like boo that ain't none of your business..he was like you never said nothing about us not being together...umm boo I haven't talked to you in a serious convo since like 4 months ago and you think we're still together. You think we're together just cause you're callin me baby and what not. Umm sorry babe, I've moved on and you missed the train on this one. Needlesstosay I called him an idiot he got mad and sent me a nasty email...like I care....I don't so good riddance to bad rubbish.
After reading Tenacious' blog I think I might have to find me a fine white man..you know test out the other grass on the other side of the bridge...would it really be greener haha.....then again where the heck would I meet a fine white man. Ok I work in DC and there are millions of white men there running around especially during lunch time but I ain't gonna walk up to them and be like so would you like some chocolate in that milk LOL.....but I do that some of them be killing them on the metro in the suits with the pinstrips and colored ties....dang on it. I love a man in a nice suit and smellin all good.....make me wanna have his kids right then and there....not really but you get what I'm saying.
Perhaps I need to start going to happy hour more. It's not like DC doesn't have enough of them goin on. I could network and meet a few good men. Sounds like an interesting concept think I'll work on that this weekend....I was talkin to Wise and Young and he said I should try going out on my own. Ok that's all well and good but I'm not use to that...then again I need to do something with myself when the roomie is gone and the other girls are busy......so pass on the suggestions and I'll promise to take them into consideration...
Newsflash: Ok when I typed this last night I forgot to mention one thing and it was brought to my attention while I was walking to work this morning. The first day of summer was yesterday and some people seem to have forgotten that this now means you can not, I repeat CAN NOT.......forget to use deodorant. Whether it be Suave, Degree, Dove (my personal favorite) or Teen Spirit for you young ones out there.....please, please, PLEASE use it. I walked past this lady this morning and the stench of what was going on underneath those things at the side of her body nearly did me in and it was only 8:30 a.m. Ok I know you're sayin maybe she was in a rush....well she shouldn't have been in that quite of a rush that early and tried to kill everyone that walked by...smellin like dang on onion water and spam.....WTH????!!!!! Carry a travel size one in your purse or man bag or work bag whatever you want to call it...leave one at your desk or in your office. It's hot your gonna sweat please don't kill those around you.
Hmm what else....see this is why I blog on mondays or fridays cause it seems like I have so much to talk about.....then again perhaps that's when all the drama occurs..hopefully this weekend will be drama free.
Aight my brain is on E
Monday, June 19, 2006
This past weekend was of course spent with the family in Hampton. My nephew wasn't there because he was in Richmond with his Dad (loosely used). So no new pics and no new phrases to share. I never realize how much I miss all of them till I'm around them and have to leave and drive the dreaded 3 hours back home with the music blasting haha. My mom got in my car the other day to take my sis to work and was like girl that loud music almost scared me to death (I have to have it loud or I will go to sleep, plus I was listening to Mary, Mary..I love their latest CD).
So anywhoooo...thurs night we went out for one of my girls bday (she turned 24 on fri but we were all going out of town so we partied a night early). We had dinner at Cafe Asia in Arlington and then drinks at this club called Home in DC, which is 18 and over on Thurs night but open bar till 11 sooo needlesstosay we were a lil nice....the thing is there were only 2 bartenders at the VIP room upstairs which is where the 21 and over crowd is and you can only get one drink at a time so no ordering your drink and your friends drink...man as he was making drinks he was running them on the screen too I saw about $500 worth of drinks before I left to sit down. While partying and dancing or should I say shoulder leaning I get a call that some dude beat my lil sis up. To make a long story short of course I was hysterical...I mean that's my lil sis and no matter how lunaticy (is that a word) she is I love her all the same. I was ready to go down to Hpt and woop his tail Madea style. Don't nobody lay hands on the fam....he was about to see a side of me that he would never wanna see again. My other sister's boyfriend was there and my girls grandparents went to go and check and make sure things were cool and this guy that I call a lil brother went down there and handled it so things were cool.
However that Sat night she was right back over at his house talking about his sister in law took her to the movies...I was like girl what if he was over there, you could have gotten beat up again I know she was lyin I could tell but hey you can't help someone that don't want to be helped so I said forget it do what you want but buy some dang on Mace or learn some kickboxing or something cause the way you going it might be worse next time. I tell ya she is a glutton for punishment but as stated she's my sister and I love her regardless of the drama that she is forever causing.
Went to my lil godsisters graduation party/dinner. She is going to VCU in the fall I can't believe she is all grown up..I remember when she was just a lil thing..then again I remember when I was just a lil thing ahah....time passes by so fast I told someone this weekend that I think I will fee offficially old when I have my first child haha cause even when Ja-Ja goes to school I won't feel too old cause he's not mine haha, although my mom has told me more than once that he could be my son I said that must come from the old wives tale that if you pester someone while they are pregnant the child will come out lookin like you. I was always in my sisters face or tellin her to put the phone up to her belly so I could "talk" to him. That's my baby though can't wait to see him next time I go home.
Another phrase this weekend was oh my goodness you look so different. You've slimmed down....which is a good thing, I'm using that as my motivation. I've changed my goal and decided that I want to lose 40 more pds which will put me at a healthy BMI and will bring my total lost to 65 pds which is pretty darn good if I make it happen. So I have till the end of this year and the way things are progressing I should be able to do it if not by the end of the year by new years. I'm going to start walking and jogging more beginning this week so that should help along this whole weight lost thing. However when I heard that I looked diff I was like wow was I obese before haha I told my mom and she said no it's just that you look diff plus your hair is diff...so I take it all in stride and as motivation that I am in fact losing weight which is a good thing cause I do get a lil let down at times.
Me and the roomie found a townhouse we're hoping to find out if we got it sometime next week. It's right down the street from where we are now so moving shouldn't take too long, but you know how that goes..moving is always horrible no matter how you slice it. The other roomie supposedly found a place with her boo also down the street...great. I'm still a lil salty about that but it's her life she can do what she wants I've stopped caring. Just tired of hearing her talk wish I could tell her to shut the hell up.....only 2 more months of this and no more!!! WOOOOO HOOOOO!!! I'm not a bad friend it's just that a friendship isn't one sided and that's how it's been since she's met dude....it's so bad that I don't even want her to go to Boston with me for my birthday and she's from there...me and her sis are going to see their dad in a play and he has a whole weekend of activities planned. I'm excited cause I've been tryin to go there since I met this freshmen year of college..I've been to Boston before but it was in the 8th grade on a field trip (we also went to Gettysburgh I'd love to go there again...yes I'm a history/tour buff haha). So we're flying out thurs night and coming back mon...I love my birthday and my friends always make it sooo enjoyable. Last year was the year of suprise parties...each of us got one, this year it's "tell me what you want and I'll make it happen" The twins wanted a cookout, the buddy wanted dinner don't know what the other members of the crew want (sept and nov) and I'm goin to Boston so it should be fun....we're also tryin to go to Miami for Labor day so we'll see how that pops off. I love my girls they are truly my sisters from other mothers...we have our moments but when I need them they are always there.
Me and D are suppose to go to Six Flags this weekend...he brought it up then again he has a habit of "forgetting". Yea uh huh sure. I saw him before I left..he used my car for the day and brought it back to me. Told me that I should think about being with him while I as away this weekend and that he didn't want to do half steppin if we decided to pursue a relationship. So I've been thinking and thinking and a little more thinking....we'll talk later on this week. He says I over analyze too much which is true if he says he wants to be with me I say why, if he says I'm cute I ask what is cute about me, perhaps that's me tryin to figure out if he's playin me...been there done that don't want to take that trip no more. But of course you can't tell if someone is playin you at least not all the time....so I'll have to trust him and what he says. He hasn't given me a reason not to believe him. He says he knows he more than likes me and I feel the same but of course I have to watch myself cause I tend to open up sooner than I think I should so I'm taking this one a lil slower...hopefully not too slow LOL.......
UPDATE: We will not be going to Six Flags, he has to go to GA to pick his car up....great just great LOL..and next week I'm goin to TX for the 4th but that's yet to be determined as well...we shall see
Green Eyes called me yet again and I answered only cause I wasn't paying attention to the number (I was with eating) said he wanted to take me on a bike ride...I declined of course since I was out of town....called me boo and what not...why I don't know....have to tell him that there is no chance that we can start over unless he is a totally diff person who has totally diff looks lol which would mean that he is no longer him hahaha...anywho that's what's been going on with me..let me go find out what's been going on in your neck of the woods.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Blast From the Past
I've been at this blogging thing for almost a year and at the beginning of blogging I was dealing with this guy named Green Eyes. Let's just say that things were good in the beginning and then they took a turn toward Weirdville. We hung out and chilled and were in fact becoming a regular "couple" or at least that's what I thought. Things feel apart when he brought it to my attention that I went out too much and he now viewed me as a party girl. He said that I must like the attention that I recieved when I was out there "grindin" on the dance floor. Umm, NO first of all what woman wants someone to be rubbin their penis all over them especially when they have a hard on and you know all they do is rub they don't even attempt to dance. That is not sexy, I repeat not sexy! So anyway I clarified for him even though I know I shouldn't have (perhaps deep down I love drama) when I went out and that he knew each occassion and that he would even come over after I was out with the girls...coincedentially he was out with his boys so I didn't view it as a problem....all of this came to my attention when I told him now I would not take a loan out for him (he needed it to pay his attorney, he's gettin back on the police force and was takin them to court) I told him I didn't get down like that and what not so he would have to find some other way to get that done.....he gets mad, I was like boo we ain't even had a clear discussion of what we are to one another.
After that I was the party girl he even went so far as to say "If you and your girls out and me and my friends roll up (cop friends) don't be askin me for help" I was like boo what type of partyin do you think I be doing. It ain't even that serious. So I started dealing with him in about Sept (05) and by Feb of this year I hadn't talked to him in I don't know how long and could care less. However being me and wanting to clear the air I sent him a long email back in March and we met up for lunch. He asked me what I had been up to and what not I told him..he had gotten a new car and I guess he figured that would sway my view of him..of course it didn't cause I'm not into what kind of car you drive and how much money you got and what you can do for me. That's nice and all but I need to find out if I can do all that myself..so great. So anyway to make a long story short our only source of communication as of late has been via email...because I would call him and he wouldn't return my calls...I got the point I ain't stupid so I sucked up my "hurt" feelings and got over it....chucked it up to a lesson learned. He went to Myrtle Beach and he knew I was there as well...umbeknownst to me he called me but I didn't get the message cause of course down there during that time "all circuits are busy".
Fast Forward to Last night:
It's 2am I had been in the bed since about 945 so I was wayy past R.E.M and gettin my sleep on something serious when I wake to It's going down....that's my ringtone. First thought, what the heck?! Who is callin me this late, I knew it wasn't D cause his ring is "Me and You" by Cassie (cute huh LOL....sickening I know) so I was like maybe it's Army Dude..he's been in the hospital and what not so I figured he was callin to chat although there is a one hour difference over there he still doesn't sometimes understand that just cause he can go to sleep at 4am and be aight I can't LOL. Sooo I pick up the phone and now I regret even picking it up...I have a hard time ignoring calls..unless it's someone I absolutely don't want to talk to. I see this 202 number since I've gotten a new phone I don't have all my numbers it...I ain't payin $10 for them to do it when I can let people call me and save them as they call...that shows who calls me and who shouldn't even be in phone book anymore so anyway I pick up the phone and I hear it.
"What you doing, were you sleep"
(What the hell you think) "Yea kinda I just woke up to pee"...why did I say that LOL
"Who the heck is this"
"Umm, hey..what's up"..why did we just do this part of the convo and I'm tryin to start it all over lol
"Why you calling me at 2am..are you ok" Yea I'm a considerate person
"yea I just got off work sitting in my car, something was wrong with the servers and I had to stay to fix them"
There is more meaningless conversation
"You want me to come over"
"Umm, I don't know where are you"
"Just in my car, I wanna see you"
"Aight" (damn, damn, damn) what the f*&^%& did I just do
He comes over and I regret every minute of it. He informed me that he tried callin me during memorial day weekend I told him I didn't get it. He thought I was ignoring him, I asked him is that why he came over....."yea kinda" was his answer. He said he thought about me, wanted to see how I was..still has my pic in his phone. A pic that I didn't know he had taken.....I was goin out with the girls and he was at my house....took it while I was talking. Wanted to know what happened with us and if I had a boyfriend now.
Thinking: Is D my "man". I hate trying to determine is he or isn't he. Have I come out and asked him are we together..No, should I? I don't know. It sounds so elementary to me. Truth be told D is cool, I love spending time with him...look forward to his phone calls and would love to be his "pookie" LOL, but does he feel the same. If he says that does he really mean it or is he tryin to run game. I've spent every weekend with him except for one or two since the beginning of April....and a couple of days during the week. We really need to talk about this whole "together" thing when I see him. I just don't like being unclear, then again maybe it's been made clear, he calls me boo at work and what not..that has nothin to do with it but he seems to be more available now than before. I hate overanalyzing things..then again I'd rather know than not know.
"So do you....have a man that is"
"I date, I chill that's what I do" (Is that vague or what)
He's leaving this morning and gives me a kiss on the forehead and all the while I'm thinking what the F%^%$ did you do Honey. Why the hell couldn't you just tell him to move the F^&%% on home? Why are you tryin to get caught up in him again, don't let the Green Eyes fool ya? You've proven that you can find someone way better and wayyy finer why not just tell him to not call you? Why potentially lead him on?
He saw my car was gone and asked where it was...I told him a friend had it (D used it yesterday is bringing it back tonight since his car got stolen) I didn't feel the need to clairfy even though he was like ohh you let some dude use it...I didn't say nothing. He went on to say I was carrying him...boo you carried yourself along time ago. Told me him and his boys were having a lil gatherin in DC tonight to celebrate him goin back to work and me and the girls were welcome to come....will I go? I don't know...do I want to....kinda. I want him to feel just as bad as I did....I'm not salty anymore about what went down. But apparently I haven't learned my lesson or he wouldn't have been able to talk to me that easily. I HATE this. I hate knowing what I should have done or what I should do and not doing it. I hate the fact that he's probably thinking he can be a regular now......that part I'm sure he is NOT going to be. This was a once in a lifetime break down.....it will not happen again.....NOT!!!!
I am not puttin myself through the whole aspect of seeing him, being with him knowing that he said all those things before and even went as far as to tell me that I didn't know who I was dealin with one night when we were arguing. We were arguing cause he was done chillin with his boys...I was eatin with the girls well in the drive through at Wendy's and he was on his way to my house...I told him ok, he could wait for me...he proceeded to tell me that I hung out too much and he was tired of it so I said ok and hung up he called back.....then told me not to worry about callin him back I said ok, he calls back. This went on for about a good 30 min. Finally I was like ok, dont' call me I won't call you it's over....once again a call back talkin about I like showing off and I'm gonna learn not to mess with him. Yea aight that was it I turned my phone off and went back to chillin. He called the next day apologizing but sayin that he realized that if I was gonna be his girl I couldn't go out as much as I did...once again everytime I went out with my girls he was out with his boys.....and to be honest I didn't even go out that much and if I did so what you dont' my man and if you wanted to be my man you should have made it known.
So right now I'm feeling regretful, but I do know that I could care less if he calls. He said that he bets now he will call me more than I call him...perhaps. I'll probably ignore his calls now just cause I'm being vindictive...yes I know it's childish but I don't care. He should know that he isn't my number one draft pick anymore.
D, makes me feel secure. When I'm with him he tells me how beautiful and smart I am how sweet I am to him. He hugs me, kisses me and we have a wonderful time together whether it be in or out of the bedroom (wink). Green Eyes.....I can count on one hand how many times we went out on a date.....sad but true....I'm fighting to keep my head clear. Glad I'll be away this weekend....glad I'll see D before I leave......but honestly I'm afraid of this never ending cycle of opening up to the aspect of love and getting my heart stomped on.
Monday, June 12, 2006
Rain Go Away!
All I could think of this morning when I went outside was Good Morning Vietnam LOL
I had a wonderful weekend. I smile just thinking about it, isn't that funny.
I'm going to see the fam this weekend I'm sooo EXCITED!!!
Friday: Got off work and went home to get ready to hit up LOVE with the roomie and Wise and Young (http://wiseandyoung.blogspot.com). Man we were too cute. I had on this lil one piece black gaucho thing..yea it sounds funny but it was cute LOL..I'll have to show you a pic when wise and young sends them to me. The roomie had on all white and wise and young was killin em in the slacks and button up. So we hit the streets, there weren't alot of people in line so we got inside in a timely fashion after the people at the door got to notice that they might need more than once person on the left side of the stairs to "search" the ladies. I mean does it take 10 min to see if I have a gun between my boobs. NO! So we get inside head straight to the bar and find out that VODKA is $1. Yes you read correct. So I got a Vodka and pineapple...actually by the time the special was over (10:30) I had 3 of them LOL. So I was nice, not drunk but nice. Headed upstairs and got another drink (Tom Collins) and sipped on some of the roomies drink while she was occupied LOL..she had a B-52 I think that's what it's called. It had Grand Marier, Khaloa, and Baileys...so it tasted like spiked chocolate milk LOL. So we sippin and drinking and who the heck do I see out the corner of my eye, well actually roomie saw him first...Ray..the dude from College Hill (the mascot dude), so I didn't care too much about that, plus he had on a hoodie and some shorts...lookin real I don't really want to be hereish. So I moved it on along after I made sure it was him. Kelis was performing that night and yes I'm gonna say it, she is not good live...her voice is deep. She has a voice live that I would prefer to hear after the "studio" fixes it LOL....Wise and Young picked me and roomie up so we could each see her....yea we a lil thick but he struggled so we could get a 5 sec view of her LOL....so now out of the corner of my eye who do I see....Rodney from College Hill. The sexy Sigma with the sexy, juicy lips. Man I ain't no groupie but I was like I'm bout to be a bad girl tonight. Proceeded to walk my self on over there and let him know that his lips was doing something to me...he gave me a kiss and yea like a lil 5 year old girl and her first crush I almost passed the heck out. Them things was just as juicy as I thought they would be.....EM, EM, EM. He was killin em in the all white and I was tryin to test them lips back out. But I let it be and went back to my dancing, shoulder leaning and snappin my fingers all over the back of the dance floor. Saw B, who I haven't seen in like a year..we always loose touch and run into one another at the club...weird LOL. Since we got there early we left like around 2ish and stopped at the diner down the street from home cause I was famished..I mean I felt like I had been locked up for 6 months without food cause I laid into that omelett and them grits and that biscuit. Tore it up so fast my stomach was hurting LOL.....I was knocked out.
Saturday: Got up at 6:15am (yea I went to bed at 315am) to head to the DMV that opens at 8am. Yes it's that serious, I got there at like quarter to 7 and was the fourth person in when they opened.....was out of there by 820. Got home and took a nap after walking and feeding Giz, who is so insane LOL. The roomie (the one with the boyfriend whose name is I don't pay for anything) was upstairs came down around 9pm trying to talk...boo you been upstairs all day don't say nothin to me now and you only sayin that now cause you probably smellin yourself...freakin losers. We have the option to move out a month early and if me and the other roomie get this place that we lookin at then we will be movin in Aug instead of Sept....will we tell her...after we find out if we have the place or not....she brought this all on herself...don't write a check that life can't cash....talk is good but living with someone who doesn't pay for crap now aint' a good sign. She looks like a homeless lady and acts like one too, but anyway enough on that.
Nurse Dude who now will be known as D (one of my girls was like aww ain't that cute D & D..um yea LOL), came over after he went to a bar-b-que. It was like 1am....his car was stolen this week and his cell phone is messed up. Poor lil thing he's been having it rough. So I picked him up from the metro....and got home and we had an argument cause my phone rang. He was like ain't you gonna answer it, I was like no. He said go ahead and I said no. So then he's like who is callin you at 2am (it was really a text), why they callin you if you told them to leave you alone (which I did, some men don't get it) he was like that's bullish and all this nonsense....he rode that thing out till like 4am when he was like man tell them niggas to stop callin you all late and blah blah blah. It was Army Dude for the record who is suppose to be coming here for the 4th of July...but he's starting to annoy me so I didn't really talk to him when he called and he had been drinkin at a fight party which is why he texted me at 2am.
Sunday: We got up to get some breakfast or some of you might now it as "grown up fun" don't you just love the morning....I cooked brunch (lol) we had grits, eggs, bacon and biscuits..yea see I can be domestic. Chilled around the house...he had to go home and pick something up so he took my car brought it back safe and sound (I trust him or I wouldn't have let him take it) we just had a as my friend would call it husband and wife day LOL. He played with Giz, who he calls his son and of course Giz being who he is ignores me most of the day and plays with him. He loves his "daddy" lol. Had dinner...I cooked yet again, we had pork chops, peas and stuffing. My D said I did a good job, so I was happy that he was nice and full...hung around some more and he left. So if you've noticed I no longer call him Nurse dude he's D......what's that tell ya LOL....Constant is a thing of the past.....he called (D) this morning to say good morning and have a nice day he would call me when he went on lunch. Talked about goin to Six Flags weekend after next, I love the amusement park and it's been so nice. I'm glad he brought it up. We also dicussed or should I say that I did what we're going to do for his bday..he's goin out with his boys on his bday so i get him the next day which happens to be a Sat....I've decided we're gonna go to Bmore and spend the day...do the whole sight seeing thing (visit the aquarium and all that) do dinner and then come back home....sounds pretty good to me. So we eat dinner, watch some of the game and he leaves cause traffic ove rthe bridge is better but you never know. He called me this morning to say Good Morning and to have a good day he would call me during lunch.
So as you can see my weekend was chill, nice and mostly spent with D. We'll be spending a lot more time together (wink)
Friday, June 09, 2006
Me and the roomie are headed to LOVE tonight to get into some much needed drunk induced dancing LOL
This lady at my job talks too much..I mean how long can you talk about how you use to go to McDonalds cause it was behind your elementary school? That leads me to believe that your momma should have curbed your eating habits.
I'm soo ready to go home and it's only 3:38pm
What is blogger actin up in front of company LOL...(remember you momma use to say that to you)
I got a new phone (The V, from Verizon) I'm loving it, trying to stop playing with it at work haha..I'll be downloading songs in no time flat
This lady on the metro today had a weave in here hair that was straight but her hair was just as nappy as buckwheat and she had the nerve to have a hair pin in it....I feel sorry for that hair pin
My lil sis is going through a I don't know if I want to be with him phase (They've been together for 3 years on yesterday...he's 20 and she is 22...so yea tough to call it, he still has a nother year or so before he even thinks of marriage so yea) I told her that at least he wants to have himself established before he marries her..his words not his moms LOL
My other lil sis got a job....and she is still acting crazy didn't come home till midnight at least she left my nephew with my parents
She (youngest sis) was visiting me a couple of weeks ago and tried to holla at someone on my buddy list..man I was crackin up when he told me
Why must she be the problem child..I mean you're almost 21 get over it.
I can't wait to see my daddy's face when he gets his digital camera for Fathers Day...he is gonna be psyched (yea I said it) but I'm sure I'll be spending the afternoon showing him how it works LOL..gotta love em
Nurse dude got his car stolen and dropped his phone in water...I called him at work and he sounded soo excited...kinda sad that I hadn't returned his calls how can I return your calls when I dont know where to call LOL....
My nephew is the cutest thing....my mom told him to ask me where Gizmo was he said Aunti...Gimo LOL and then blabs about goin outside LOL and his toe..then starts crying cause my mom was tellin him to come inside
I hope my youngest sis isn't gettin caught up with some guy....
Constant sent me an email saying he loved me (1st time he's done that)...am I being taken in LOL...NO, I have learned my lesson. Saying he's gonna try and show me how knowing me has changed him....umm it takes you going away to Cuba to know that
Cable is back on.....no more DVD's for a while
Why did my BC go up when I changed insurances....from $15 to $40 I might just go back to abstinence LOL..having sex is expensive LOL
I have to learn to be more open when I blog....can't suga coat the truth to myself...what's the point in blogging if I'm gonna do that
I love reading comments on my blog, is that weird LOL I think I need a new hobby haha
I don't care what these people think of me
I got Giz a shirt...he didn't like it..maybe cause it was too small LOL..but it was a M/L..my roomie said they come in sizes and busted out laughing....
He's teething and I have saved 3 of his teeth I think it's so cute..I have to hurry and pick them up before he trys to eat them..his lil gums were bleeding as he was trying to rip his new shirt off of his body LOL.....
I am soo not looking forward to moving...we have a couple of townhouses to look at so we'll see how that goes
Did I mention I am sooo stoked (yep there it is again) about my new phone
Rod says I'm the only black person he knows who peels (I got a sunburn from Bike week and my shoulders are peeling) it doesn't hurt well when I am scratching it to get the skin off it does LOL...I hate to have scabs or dead skin on me I will pick and pick..aight enough of that
I wonder if I'll see nurse dude this weekend....
Why this dude who is 25 said myspace is the s***...umm boo get a life....he called me just to tell me to check out the 2 new videos he put up..can you say crack head LOL and don't freakin call me at work on my cell talkin about can you talk...yea but I prefer not to...who you think I am some ghetto unprofessional
I wish I could have one big blog meeting in person cause some of you crack me the heck up LOL..did I just say heck what is with me and these words today
How come Friday comes and I seem to get a burst of energy
Will I run into some cuties tonight...then again I might not since I mentioned it...I wont' think about it again
How come payday is also bill day I have no money......errrrrr
I need to hit the gym to lose these last pds.......I wonder if I'll look weird haha
Time is going by so slow.
My bosses are tryin to hire 2 more people....great. I have to succumb to the needs of two more people that I know nothin about.
Grad school is lookin more and more like the right decision now.
I can't believe I'll be 25 next year ekkkk almost 30....stop!! I don't even want to think about that
I have to get Giz spayed....he's losing his man hood or should I say puppy hood LOL...nurse dude says I should let him get some one time.....he gets enough humpin my friends leg LOL
I can't wait till Donnell Jones CD comes out
I'm feeling Anthony Hamilton's Change your world song on his latest album why do I fall in love with love when I hear that song
I'm goin to cop that CD tomorrow R put me to that
Have a great weekend....
Monday, June 05, 2006
What it is Jive Turkey (LOL)
Friday: Got off work, chilled out with my Gizo (he a lil gangsta LOL) then heard from Nurse Dude who was gonna come through....also noticed that the freakin cable was off which meant that I was going to be subjected to watching DVD's all weekend....I never realized how much I missed Lifetime till I couldn't watch it. Army dude called (haven't talked about him too much he's a newbie LOL) we talked for an hour or so he's leaving for Iraq at the end of the summer wants me to come out to TX to visit for 4th of July...we shall see. Nurse dude finally calls, says he's not coming and proceeds to talk about how his sis is sick..she is 23 and has lupus which is why he be on the phone all the time....(I felt kinda guilty) but I mean dang I ain't no mind reader let me know what's up. So he says she's back in the hospital, his mom is hysterical cause she is a nurse and she knows that her daughter is taking a turn for the worst. So we're talking about that and he comes out and says..I need you Honey, not someone like you I need you. You're beautiful, kind, intelligent, I want to spoil you be your baby and make you happy. I was like (huh) ummm, ummm (lol) why you sayin all this...he was like why keep it in I know I've been not spending time with you too much I just been real worried about my sis and I have to go home and see her...it's bad this time. So I asked him about why he was on the phone (text messaging) when we were at the movies and he was like you have nothing to worry about no one can take my attention away from you (do you think I believe that LOL....nope). Then he says I want to be with you, you just let me know when....ummm alrighty buddy. LOL I noticed I hadn't heard anything from Constant.....does it bother me yes, am I worried like I was before NOPE..when I said I was done this time I meant it...it doesn't take that long to return a phone call, send an email or text message or send up a smoke signal..aight that make take longer but you get my drift. So he can deal with himself for the next 6 months I dont' care.
Saturday: Woke up and remembered that I couldn't watch my cartoons..so I was HEATED!! Popped in the shower and ran some errands and then let the Giz out and we sat around the house till Nurse Dude came over (he calls Giz his son, it's too funny). He got mad cause I got a phone call while we were waiting for the pizza to come ok, I know being on the phone when you have company is rude but I wasn't on there long and he was mad cause I didn't say I had company I just said I'm watchin a movie and bout to eat (it was a guy but for the record I didn't want to be like yea I'm with a boo LOL and nurse dude be like umm what I ain't your boo..not those words exactly but you get what I mean, plus when he's on the phone he doesn't say he's with me...I ain't got time for the name game) so we ordered pizza watched Glory Road and Ray.....I was going to an all white party later so I showed him what I was going to wear and he was going to a comedy show he showed me what he was wearing I had to help him decide between green shirt or a peach one I went with the green one he went with the peach then my girl came over and agreed with me so he went with the green one (that boy can dress I tell ya that). It's so funny cause when my girl came over she was like aww look at the lil family I was like umm please it's not that serious LOL. He left about 10 min before we did and called to tell me he had a nice time with me and all that jazz.
Sunday: Once again no freakin cable....great. Started off with Double Jeopardy, watched Ray again and Saw I and II. I've gone through most of my DVD collection and know now the next time I got to Target I need to get some more movies LOL. Lounged around, talked to my daddy who was checkin up on me and Giz....nurse dude said he might come over after the gym...of course I wasn't countin on it too much, so I went to the beauty supply store to get some more loc gel so I could do my hair..then decided I didn't want to do it I'd wait for the roomie to get back from Jamica (she's been there since thurs, I pick her up tonight)....was on the phone most of the day with Army dude...who surprisingly keeps my attention when we're on the phone for over an hour...on time we were on the phone till 2 am and we started our convo at like 9.....we took like one break cause I had to eat LO(good thing it was the weekend, or I would have been hurt that night).....
1. If you could be doing what you really want to be doing for a living, what would it be? I would have to say in the military...not too late but I dont' want to go to war LOL
2. If you could slap the shit out of any famous person, alive or dead, who would it be? Rick James for that whole I'm Rick James, B***** LOL....we know who you are
3. What's the dumbest decision you've made in the past 5 years? Staying with someone who I had only seen once and we were dating for 2 years (he lived in TX)
4. Give up one for a year: (good) sex or (good) music. I can go with out sex but music nope.
5. Dudes, would you rather have a big dick or a great sense of humor?Ladies, nice tits & azz or common sense? Common sense cause it would tell me to get a wonder bra and some butt pads LOL
6. So you've been invited to an all expense paid Blogger Prom in The Bahamas. You're sitting at the bar on the beach. Which blogger do you want to join you for hours of good convo? To be honest I don't know....most of the ones on my list seem pretty interesting...
7. Which blogger would you most like to cuddle with on the beach? (and don't defer to your current signif other either. Infidelity won't count against you. Duh.)Cuddle? LOL no one
8. You're going on a 5 hour road trip...which 5 CDs do you bring? I love Boys II Men, some TI, some Jon B, some Ying Yang, and a compliation CD of singles that I love, Marc Dorsey's (I crave, Sam Salter, etc) I love to sing in the car LOL
9. Would you rather bury your children young or have your children bury you young?No something I want to even think about....plus I have no kids right now
10. What's your biggest insecurity?Which one? Being alone with 500 cats LOL..nah being taking advantage of
11.What's the first blog you read every day...or however often you read them? I started out with Wise and Young then moved on to the various ones you see on the side of the screen
12. When's the last time you peed your pants? I was in line waiting to use the bathroom (at an amusement park) and my sis made me laugh needlesstosay I didn't have to go anymore but I had to go to the car to get a change of clothes
13. Which was better, your first kiss or your first pay check? My first paycheck, the first kiss was nice but man that check me want to kiss myself LOL
14. Do you have kids? Want kids? Don't have kids but would love to be blessed with them
15. You get dropped off at home after the office holiday party by your bitch azz boss that you can't effing stand...you exit the car and he peels out, runs a red light at your corner and rolls over an unsuspecting midget. The next day the midget watch groups are on TV outraged at the heartless hit and run, and are calling for any witnesses to please come fwd...that half dead midget has a family at home waiting on C-mas presents. Would you take $1000 hush money? $500? $100? A six pack? They wouldn't be able to get that off the news before i was calling in LOL
16. Live the rest of your life without your eyebrows or your fingernails? Well the finger nail thing might look kind of nasty so I'd just have to draw my eyebrows on or get some permanent make up...on the other hand I could get some hair transplanted to my eyebrows...I've heard it being done.
17. What makes you angry? When people say they have to tell me something but make me wait forever, fake people, extra people (over exaggeration is not necessary)
18. What makes you horny? Liquor, kissing, colgone
19. What makes you nervous? Tests, love, the future
20. What makes you smile? My family, life, love
That wasn't so bad.....
Friday, June 02, 2006
and let's throw in http://thetenaciousone.blogspot.com and http://nsaneleesane.blogspot.com for good measure LOL (I added some questions to make it an even 100)
Rules of this Meme:
1. You can only say YES or NO.
2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone sends you messages/comments and asks!
1. Taken a picture naked? yes
2. Painted your room? No
3. Made out with a member of the same sex? No
4. Drove a car? yes
5. Danced in front of your mirror? yes
6. Have a crush? Yes
7. Been dumped? no
8. Stole money from friend? no
9. Gotten in a car with people you just met? yes
10. Been in a fist fight?no
11. Snuck out of your house? no
12. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? yes
13. Been arrested? no
14. Made out with a stranger? no
15. Met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? yes
16. Left your house with out telling your parents? no
17. Had a crush on your neighbor? no
18. Ditched work to do something more fun? yes
19. Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? yes
20. Seen someone die? yes
21. Been on a plane? yes
22. Kissed a picture? yes
23. Slept in until 3PM? yes
24. Love someone or miss someone right now? yes
25. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? yes
26. Made a snow angel? yes
27. Played dress up? yes
28. Cheated while playing a game? yes
29. Been lonely? yes
30. Fallen asleep at work/school? yes
31. Been to a club? yes
32. Felt an earthquake? no
33. Touched a snake? yes
34. Ran a red light? yes
35. Been suspended from school? no
36. Been late to work everyday for a month? no
37. Been in a car accident? yes
38. Hated the way you look? yes
39. Witnessed a crime? yes
40. Pole danced? no
41. Been lost? yes
42. Been to the opposite side of the country? no
43. Felt like dying? yes
44. Cried yourself to sleep? yes
45. Ever peed on yourself? Yes
46. Sang karaoke? yes
47. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? yes
48. Laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose? yes
49. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? yes
50. Kissed in the rain? yes
51. Sing in the shower? Yes
52. Made love in a park? no
53. Had a dream that you married someone? yes
54. Glued your hand to something? yes
55. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? no
56. Ever gone to school partially naked? no
57. Been a cheerleader? no
58. Sat on a roof top? no
59. Didn't take a shower for a week? no
60. Ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? yes
61. Played chicken? yes
62. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Yes
63. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? yes
64. Broken a bone? no
65. Been easily amused? yes
66. Laugh so hard you cried? yes
67. Mooned/flashed someone? yes
68. Cheated on a test? yes
69. Forgotten someone's name? yes
70. Slept naked? yes
71. Gone skinny dipping in a pool? no
72. Have you ever snuck into a movie? Yes
73. Blacked out from drinking? no
74. Played a prank on someone? yes
75. Gone to a late night movie? yes
76. Made love to anything not human? no
77. Failed a class? Yes
78. Choked on something you're not supposed to eat? yes
79. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours? no
80. Cheated on a girl/boyfriend? yes
81. Do you celebrate the 4th of July? yes
82. Thrown strange objects? yes
83. Felt like killing someone? no
84. Thought about running away? no
85. Ran away? no
86. Did drugs? no
87. Had detention and not attend it? no
88. Been a bully? No
89. Made a parent cry? yes
90. Cried over someone? yes
91. Owned more than 5 sharpies? yes
92. Dated someone more than once? yes
93. Have a dog? yes
94. Own an instrument? no
95. Been in a rap or singing group? no
96. Drank 10 sodas in a day? no
97. Broken a cd? yes
98. Shot a gun? no
99. Had sex with more than one person in a weeks time? yes
100. Laughed so hard you farted? yes
posted at 10:00am