Life through my eyes......

that's what I was doing this morning. I set my alarm for 650 and rolled over and when I turned towards it again it was 748...umm yea great....hopefully that isn't what the rest of my day is going to be like. But so far so good..I'm feeling rather jazzy in my brown and orange...and my hair is all done (in bantu knots), plus I dyed it last night so it's a nice red color. I have to go to a wedding tomorrow and I wanted the head fresh

I was going to leave to go to the 757 after work but I'm tired (no wonder I overslept this morning) so I'm go to the new townhouse (since I'm not moving in till later I'm not going over there everyday) I'm gonna probably cook if he hasn't already and go on to sleep and leave in the morning to head down to the wedding.

I'm not really tired just yet but I'm much rather be sleeping.

Thanks lady for mentioning that my hair is cute..but why do "they" always ask if it took a long time..I mean how long does it take to twist hair LOL..great

On top of that everything with her turns from a 2 second convo to an hour long convo and I ain't got the time right now..great.

I can't wait to take pics of my nephews with my new camera..I'm bout to be deadly with that thang lol

Umm only R. Kelly can make songs like I wish, I believe I can fly and then sing a song about tossing someones salad or doing her and her girl (sometimes doubling up aint all that nice lol)

Huns homeboy is thinking about asking his girl to marry him...I was laughing at what Hun told him (they got together in May and hun and I met in Oct) all I got to say is I'm not dating you for 45 years....you know after about the first year or so if you can deal with me..great

He's calling it our house LOL..cute

Going over there during the week after work and falling asleep only to have to get up and drive back home and go back to sleep (in order to beat traffic) is killin my sleep cycle..so I'm only gonna go over there on the weekends unless I have the day off (so yea next week i'll be over there from tues to probably sat)

Sometimes I get smart and I dont mean to....I'm sorry

I like Tanks cd but perhaps background singing is for some folks

I wonder if Al is really gay..would Star settle with that just to put up a front...if she does I'm keeping her in my prayers

I have a lot to learn

We got into a lil tiff earlier this week about buying pots and pans with no tops LOL...I think I was just irritated cause I had been at work all day....cause it wasn't that serious

Next weekend I'll probably handle decorating the bathrooms since we have yet to do that....great

Personally I think Kim Porter needs to leave Diddy but who am I lol...it's cheaper to keep her I guess.

Eddie you ARE THE FATHER!!!! AHHHH LOL. Why was I cracking up at that I can see Maury now....if he wasn't we would help you find the father no matter how long it takes....I'll be catching up on that show next week on my days off :)

WHYYYY is this couple taking my second mommie (my roommates mommie) to court...Judge Joe Brown no less...trying to say that when she catered their wedding there wasn't any leftovers left...umm BOO-BOO it's not her fault that you didn't regulate that mess.....I told roomie to tell her we can be witnesses so we can get a trip to LA LOL

Sometime around then we'll probably move the living room furniture in....but I have to get covers for the couch...I got the furniture from my parents and it's a nice set but I dont like the pattern so I'm getting black covers for it...and i'm gonna get some throw pillows and all that for it

MAN why was I cracking up at Wendy Williams the other day....she is too funny. Telling folks to shut up and hanging up on them LOL...too funny

I pray that my lil girl looks just like me lol well maybe not just like she can have Huns smile...I love his smile lol

He cares more than he lets on but hurt keeps him from speaking on it....

Hmmm a wedding tomorrow...so that means my mind is gonna be on love all weekend LOL...me and my sis are going I'll post pics on monday now that I have a digital :)

Man if you ever listen to Steve Harvey in the morning you should also go to his website and read the strawberry letter...the one on the website today is INSANE!!!

I know this is all over the place but I'm writing...listening to the radio and reading

Have a great weekend....enjoy it....cause I know I wil :)

posted@10:36

“Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation.” ~ Brian Tracey

Thought you might like this so I decided to share if you dont...tough cookies..you knew what today was gonna focus on, before you even came here lol.....if you can't get with it..you can feel free to go kick rocks in your bare feet in some traffic..maybe rush hour :)

Gratitude is under-rated. Most of us focus on the things we want to achieve in life – the things we have not yet achieved – the things we do not yet have. We hanker after it, gripe about it, wish we had it, wonder when we will get it and scheme to achieve it. It is all well and good to have goals and to visual them and work towards them, but it is critically important to your happiness to take time to appreciate the things you do have and have already accomplished.

The benefits of gratitude

Being grateful immediately increases your satisfaction with your life and allows you to feel happier, which in turn allows you to accomplish more.

Gratitude refocuses your priorities

Focusing on what you are grateful for also reminds you of your priorities and of what is fundamentally important to you. Often we get caught up worrying or focusing on little things that really are not important to us. Thinking about what we are grateful for allows us to refocus and re-centre ourselves on what is important to us.

Gratitude lets you enjoy the simple good

Gratitude allows you enjoy the good in your life. Often times we feel that only achieving the big goals – getting the big promotion, winning the lottery, having the best party – are what will make us happy. But focusing on being appreciative allows you to focus on the many small good things that occur in your day that you are grateful for – such as being on time for the bus, getting your favorite drink in the vending machine, seeing a beautiful sky, sharing a laugh with your partner, seeing your kids healthy and happy and playing. These things make life very enjoyable and satisfying but often we take them for granted in our search for the big and flashy successes. Practicing gratitude allows us to appreciate our success and our happiness more.

Gratitude reduces envy and negative emotion

When you are busy appreciating and savouring all the good things already in your life, there is little time for hankering about what others have. Take a simple common materialistic example. Let’s you say you have a regular 20 inch TV, but you want one of those new fandangled, flat screen, plasma items to watch the big game on. Imagine that you keep thinking of how great it would be see the game on that big screen and how you wish you had it – you will feel very dissatisfied with the TV you do have and envy all those who have the TV you wish you had.
Now imagine instead that you focus on appreciating the fact that you have a TV to watch the game on – your own TV, in the comfort of your home where you can sit in your favourite chair and relax and enjoy your game viewing experience. You will feel more satisfied and appreciate the TV you have rather than being unhappy wishing you had another TV. Being grateful help reduce envy and resentment and promote satisfaction and happiness.

Gratitude improves your physical well-being
Studies have shown that people who take a few minutes each day (for a week) to write down the things that they are thankful for sleep better, exercise more and feel less stressed than the control group who did not engage in a daily gratitude exercise.

Gratitude improves your emotional well-being

Further experiments have shown that people who practice feeling grateful recover from traumatic events more quickly. They are less bothered by negative memories of the event and when those memories do surface they are less intense. Gratitude helps to makes sense of negative events – even the most negative events serves the purpose of making you stronger.

Grateful people achieve closure and recover faster from negative events.

As you go through you day today, practice being aware of the many good things in life. Never mind if it feels corny, just do it. Simple things such as your good health, your family, your friends. Try to focus on those things and acknowledge to yourself how grateful you are to have them in your life.

posted@9:14am

So this is the second post of the day....if you want take a look at the first they aren't related to one another though.

If I never see Kmart again I promise it will be too soon

Why did this chic stomp on my foot while someone in front of her was doing the durty wind why did I have to go sit in the car after that cause my big toe was hurting.

I hate picking out curtains with hun..he's trying to make it look like fort knox lol..black does not work in every single room

He seriously cracks me up

I put together his desk chair!! WOOOhooo just call me Ms. Villa

I have to clean out the refrigerator that mess was left nasty..great

I think we're doing a good job so far with decorating or should I say I am....

I'm thinking of painting my office (woohoo) a blueish color I think it's called mermaid something and chocolate he doesnt' see it but I do lol

He's trying to act like he's not excited but he is

My sister and her BF are too funny...Hun says they are so opposite in how they look but I told him that he loves her to death and that's all I care about :)

I think they had fun....they just wanted to get away and I like when she comes to visit so it's cool

Why do men rush us when we're shopping, we can't help it if we can't go in a store and get the one thing we need but get 2 other things..I mean you should know that...I told Hun yesterday in these words "In the words of my mother, I should have left you at home if you gonna rush me".

We were at the counter at Kmart and some girl said are you guys married or do you live together....I said we will be living together soon..she said I can tell...great LOL (Is it written on my face lol)

Some dude tried to holler at me talking about he's pursuing a rap career..umm boo you are 23 you need to be doing more than pursuing lol

Ok how come I had a dental appt and I was in traffic I called to come in another day and I told her I would call her back and let her know when..this fool butt calls me talking about i'm being charged $50 because I didn't come. She said you have to give a 24 hour notice...umm boo i didn't know yesterday that there would be traffic today..great. I said I wont be coming back thanks. So now I have to find a new dentist...wonderful just wonderful

That's not cute it's really not on top of that you dont work and you live with your momma...umm what could we talk about....other than music and share a dance LOL

Boo just cause I have dreads and you have dreads does not me that we should converse..although I think I'm partial to men with locs lol

Ok you wanna dance that's fine but if you see me talking dont keep standing near by and walking over and then walkin away..I mean go dance with someone else then come back..great

You are old enough to be my great great great granddaddy why are you trying to dance with me..your belly is bigger than mine..great (then again that means that I wont be able to feel your you know what on my back lol)

And why do I feel that anyway if you get hard off of a dance then I'm doing a good job or you dont get any lol

I know I need to sleep this weekend..hun is talking about doing more stuff to the house...

I love that man but dang on it if he calls me at 930 am again on a sun after i've gone to sleep at 5am he's gonna get hurt

My toot (nephew) turns 3 on friday!! WOOhoo i'm going home to take him to Chuck E. Cheese...he's growing up so fast

I bought a new toy...I got a Sony Cybershot digital camera..lets just say that I'm in LOVE!! And it's blue YES!!

Hun keeps talking about kids..and why his "stepdad" (his moms bf) talking about he just wants to be the god father umm great NOT

I'm ready to go home and hit the sack, but i gotta go to the townhouse and clean up the kitchen so Hun can get groceries..and we're getting cable today!!

I've noticed that I say Cool beans alot now..I wonder why that is

I'm beginning to wonder if we really will have short kids haha...he measured me yesterday while we were playing this old house LOl and I'm almost 5'3 LOL notice I said almost ...great

So the kitchen is black and white, the den is gonna be dark blue and light blue and I think i'm gonna do the bed room in diff shades of brown..not sure..any suggestions :)

So I was all ready to do a post about the weekend but I got this email and I wanted to share it with you guys. Make sure you click on the link and watch it..it does take a second to watch so watch it when you have about 10 min to spare. It's extremly wonderful....I pray that you enjoy it as much as I did :)

This is BEYOND WORDS. If this was just the engagment, I can only imagine what the wedding will be like.
Listen to the words of the song playing in the background!! AWESOME!!


Please take a minute to watch the entire thing. Read below and then click on the link.

Subject: The proposal

You gotta see how this brotha proposed to his girl. Read the paragraph below and then click on the link preceding the paragraph to view theslideshow. The site has received so many hits that it may take a momentfor the slide presentation to display but it is well worth the wait.This guy Rob said God was unfolding a vision in his life over the spanof about a year and then he put faith to feet and made it happen. Rob and Keisha dated for about 4 years. And he knew that she was theone...but he had to save up for all that God had prompted him to do forher. So in short what you are about to see happen on April 28th....he rented out 10 rooms in the Ritz Carlton in buckhead and invited about 50-60 people to be there for this special night...Keisha had to go fromroom to room and in each room were people who were special tothem....his boy s...her girls...her Bible Study group....his parents...her parents..etc. and everybody in each room had questionsthat she had to answer to be able to move to the next room and beforeshe left each room the people there would pray over her....so you have to watch each room to see how that goes...he chose roses because Keisha's aunt who passed suddenly loved roses and he bought some of the dipped in gold because of the stories in the Bible about Solomon and how everything was dipped in gold and the song that you hear playing in the background was the same song that was played at Keisha aunts funeral, she was like a second mom to Keisha.

When Rob was asked what he was thinking and how it felt...he said that he was kicking and screaming all the way. not because he did not love Keisha and want to marry her....but because of the time, money,and stress that was spent doing this. Rob, put his house up for rent and saved for her ring and this night and he did it out of obedience...I have spent the past year of my life piecing together a vision givento me by God. On April 28th, 2007 that vision was fulfilled.My labor of love for the woman I love.

'God Is Love...The Proposal'Robert Gray, Jr.

http://www.spelhouse.com/gray/

As you know I commute to DC from Northern VA every morning and if I move out to Woodbridge lets just say my commute will be worse than it is now. As I stand at the bus stop, sit on the bus, walk to metro, ride the metro, walk down the street and come in to work I see a boat of things that I can only shake my head at or wonder what in the blue piss was that person thinking when they got up this morning.

To the lady on the blue line to Largo....if you DO NOT know how to operate that Jeep stroller please leave it at home. You should have practiced with it, ran all up and through your neighborhood before you proceeded to try it out on the train this morning. You know you were in the way there is no need to smile and act as if you're sorry..on top of that where was the kid that belonged in the stroller I didn't see him or her. If you were going to pick them up you should have left the stroller in the box till you got there or better yet got a stroller once you got them.

Mr. Frank (yea I read your name tag) I didn't look at you funny when you accidently hit me with your Express paper so why look at me funny when the train bobs and weaves and I accidently hit you in the leg with my hand...I mean I didn't hit you that hard to begin with..great

Mayum having a frog in your throat is one thing but to have hairball in it is another..please stay away from your cat

I have my MP3 player on for a reason....I'll smile but that does not mean I want to start a conversation with you

Ok so my music might be a tad loud but I'm not talking about killin so let me listen to Katherine McPhee in peace please....I did turn it down a little

The next time Billy feels the need to jump and down and scream you need to slap his tail in the face..I bet that will shut him up. Better yet try punchin him in the throat lol...sike nah but for real dont speak to him a voice that even I would laugh at.....make him believe it...on top of that stop lookin around like you dont hear him....cause we all do

It's early in the morning folks....we know you are tourists and this is your vacation but for some of us it's a regular work day....WALK ON THE LEFT STAND ON THE RIGHT

When I say excuse me, dont take your time moving over, apparently I'm in a hurry so move you and your family over NOW

Ms. Lady on the bus....why are you screaming in the phone...have you never talked on a cell phone before did you know that you can turn the volume up or turn your voice down. When everyone on the bus turns around and looks at you as you yell in the phone about your parking that means that you need to lower it. Once again its early and we DO NOT want to hear you and your conversation

So you might be new to this whole riding the train thing or you might be a tourist BUT why are you wrapped around the pole like the train is about to crash and that will save your life....IT AINT

Everyone knows that the train does hold the doors open just cause you are standing in front of you and screaming F*&^. I mean if your that late boo boo you need to get to the train station a little earlier.

If I chuckle to myself or bop my head to whatever I'm listening to...that doesn't mean I want you to stare at me.

Why is Sarah Jane and Billy Ray staring at me like they have never seen someone of the darker persuasion......please educate your children so they will stop lookin at me like I got a arm growing out of my head. THANKS

I know your midsection is numb cause your skirt is TOOOOO TIGHT!! Why would you want to go to work like that

Ummm WHYYYY oh WHYYY do your feet look like you been crushing bolders with em and you got the nerve to have on some flip flops that dont even fit your feet.

Boo it is 845 in the dang on morning...WHY in the BLUE DEVILS WATER are you MUSTY......WOW!!!!

I mean we're all trying to get to work and we might use the escalator that is suppose to be used for going down to go up (since it's not moving apparently) but why not be nice and move over so in case someone wants to come down they can...freakin losers!!!

Why are you flying past me to go up the same escalator I'm going up like they just said they giving free metro rides for the rest of the year to the first person in work clothes that gets out the station.

If you are 7 feet tall and I bump your knee as I'm standing...I can't help ya...stand up (then again maybe not a good idea) or sit in the seats beside those....

What would possess you to think that you look jazzy in that......hopefully you got some shoes in that big ole tote bag

That booger or whatever you wanna say your digging for is not coming out no time soon..get a tissue please..and keep your hands away from the handle

If you dont cover your dang on mouth when you sneeze that snot juice into the atmosphere I will personally slap you with my Express newspaper

It's official if I see one more tummy or should I say side roll of a Valley Girl that doesn't have the body of a Valley Girl it's gonna be a mess....Boo your shirt is too small I know you have to lay down to put it on

I am going to work, I have my MP3 player on...I am not going to stop to talk to you as you unload the water....maybe when I get off LOL

How can you walk in those shoes I know your baby toes is hurting

Cute that you wanna be all up in the koolaid and you think you know the flavor but unless I am leading myself into a war situation stay out of my converstaion..THANKS


Hun says I talk about folks..I say I'm just pointing out the obvious...GREAT

posted @ 9:21am

how the air can be cleared and life can seem fine after a conversation. And when I say conversation I mean actually talking and listening. Letting it all hang out there, the good the bad and the ugly.

Let's just say that I can be a brat (I know what you're saying Jus whatever LOL). I dont know how Hun puts up with me cause I'd slap me if I were him and he were a girl LOL then again we wouldn't be together cause I don't do girls lol. Anywho...we got into sort of a discussion and things could have been immediately cleared up if I had calmed down and just come out and told him what was going on. Instead I'm already planning our demise..sad I know how horrible is that.

So anyway I'm not really going to go into it (I tend not to in my blog) but if you've talked to me you know what went down. So he calls me to apologize and instead of me accepting his apology and keeping it moving I'm like whatever I'll just talk to you later. I know he was distrubed, I could tell in his voice....and I didnt' care one bit. I wanted a way out and this was it. I didn't care if I love him and how he's caused me to grow, whenever things get good something bad happens and nothing has so I wanted to create something. Admitting that right now horrifies me. The fact that I was willing to end my own happiness out of thinking that this would be like the other relationships I'd been in is a horrible thing.

We hang up and I go on about my business, telling myself that I'd probably break up with him over the weekend and be done with it. Cry a little and get over it. While I'm sitting there I get an IM from who else but one of my big sisters Jus. We chat a little, I tell her what occurred and she tells me that I'm a brat. Broke it down for me and everything ya'll. I was sooo horrified that I would do that to him. He called to apologize and I shut him down because I thought his apologiy wasn't said the right way. How dare I do that? I had taken the time to talk at him and not to him. I didn't listen to what he had to say, I just said what I needed or thought I needed to say. After Jus gave me a lashing lol..I called him back and apologized. I was wrong. He had taken the time to admit that what I had said was right..he was scared, but I hadn't listened to that I just shut him out and shut him down.

So after work I go home and chill out, he comes over and we talk. I mean really talk. Like how we will deal with things when we live together. Where we will go for private time, having folks over..all that. Bills, decorating, cleaning...and all that. It was nice to see that we aren't that different and that when you talk about something..alot of confusion tend to be cleared up.

He had to work on Saturday so he did that while me and the roomie took one of our homies out for her 25th bday. Her and the roomie got tattos, they actually went to the place that I got my first one done at. It's in DC on Penn Ave and I'll be going back there this weekend to get my second. She got a star and the roomie got a tiger on her leg....it's HOTTT but her leg was killing her it was too hilarious, cause the bday girl had a cookout in her honor at 3pm why we didnt' get there till like 4 something LOL...all because of the roomie and her dang on tiger.

We go by the house, change our clothes, Hun is already there waiting (yep he met more of the friends this weekend) and head to the cookout. Now after the cookout we all were going to LOVE to party it up for her bday. Hun found out that they were having a cookout at his moms house for his grandmother so he was going to go there but he didn't find out till the last minute. So instead of him going to LOVE he decided to go to the cookout. Cool with me that's your fam, he thought I was mad but I wasn't LOL. I mean that's his grandmother, family is important to me and I would hope it's important to him. He was kinda nervous about going to LOVE cause he's not a club dude and he didn't know any of the guys that would be going. I told him that they were cool folks and would make him feel comfortable and not in a fake way, but he still didnt' know. Some how between us walking to the car once it was time to go and us getting to the house to change clothes he decided to go to LOVE. He had a blast LOL....at first none of the guys were there so he felt kind of homosexual (his words not mine) since he was around a rack of girls. Once they guys got there he was fine...he would leave me for a second then come back..I didn't care as long as he was comfortable. We danced a lil and drank some..it was nice to be in a different environment with him. He was a little tired so we left a lil after 2 and headed home.

Sunday some of homies girls that came for her bday that had come up from the 757 headed on back home and we got up and decided to go to the movies and to grab some food. So off we go to see Hostel 2. MANNNN that movie is GROSS...there is a part in there where home girl rips out the mans whole reproduction section. I mean there was a hole left when she was done! Crazy!! I like the first Hostels ending better but I liked certain parts of 2 better. We're heading out of the theater and roomie sees a mouse...ITS OVER. She gets her money back and a free pass to a movie LOL...I tell ya girl is funny. We head to Chilis and then head to the homies apt that she just moved into with her Hun. It's sooo cute, funny how he has his stuff there and she has her stuff there and it works so well together :)

Got home, watched the 4400 while eating some cake. Hun called and told me that he had some stuff to take care of but he would come over if he finished early enough cause it was already after 9. So I'm going upstairs a lil after 10 and I heard his knock at the door...yes he has a knock that he does LOL. I didn't expect him but it was soo nice to open the door and see him. We chat while he eats some bday cake, watch a lil TV and go to sleep. We talk about me buying stuff for the bathroom this weekend and what I want it to look like..he doesn't care as long as the house isn't cluttered but of course it wont be cause my room isn't like that LOL. It's just funny how I wont be there when he moves in but I'm sure it will look like I've been there haha.

Hope your weekend went as well as mine did..lets just say I'm looking forward to the weekend yet again. Hun moves into the townhouse so I'll be back and forth between there (not moving in just yet..we're moving slowly with that) but I get to decorate and I'm excited. I know that relationships take work but dang on it you gotta work for what you want and he's what I want..so I'm gonna do what I gotta do..which probably means stop being a brat huh Jus lol. My middle sister and her hunny are coming up on Thurs night to spend the weekend at the house...so I'll have an action packed weekend once again.

Example of the words coming out my mouth: So while on the way to eat dinner after the movie the girls and I were laughing at the mouse and how he might have wanted some popcorn and what not..so I was like we should have been like there is a mouse in there and I dont mean MICKEY. Why these chics have been dyin laughin off of that since yesterday....they keep telling me that I'm crazy..I dont know where it all comes from I just say it LOL

Have a great day!!!


posted@9:28am

I'm so tired of all this

I love him dearly but this is killing me

What if I have to walk away...am I ready for this alll over again

What the hell did I do wrong

Perhaps it wasn't me...maybe it was him...maybe it was US

I could say something but is it really that serious

Somone else might think that it's not

Maybe if I stop thinking about it....it wont seem that serious

I could let it go, but I know it will eat at me

Why do things do that eat at you till you either recognize them or kill yourself mentally

How come things are going in the opposite direction with him and the other person seems to be coming out the wood works

I need to do something......SOON

I can't go on with all this confusion. It's getting to me, consuming me. It shouldn't be this hard.

I dont' really want to ask others opinions of the situation but I mean I dont' think I'm over reacting.

Then again I did ask and it seems that I'm not overreacting. So why the hell can't he see that what he says does sound stupid.

Listening to to Chrisette Michele's cd isn't helping LOL although it's rather good.

This is probably a sign. We'll see after this weekend

I can't go like this much longer, it seems that I'm living a lie. Perhaps it was all wrong from the beginning and I only noticed the good stuff, then again there was no bad stuff.

I can pray and pray about this but I'm still at the point where I'm trying to decipher between me and God's voice..sad I know. Then again when you just know..you know.

I really can see myself with him, maybe this is a test. A test that we are made for one another or that I'm made for someone else.

ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

I wanna go home, I can't work and think about this at the same time...guess I just need to stop thinking about it.

I just dont know what to do. You love someone and you have to walk away from them and live your life without them when you thought you were creating a life together. Why does it always seem that what you think is love (and what in fact just might be) seems to be all confusion.

One day I love him and how he affects me and the next day I am confused about what's coming out of his mouth and I'm ready to let it all go. What does that say about me...is that bad or good. Perhaps that says that I'm a bit finicky and need help lol..great just great

I can't think about this anymore I just might bust out crying, or slap him when I see him.

I'm going to have to sit and talk to God about this....and I mean really listen to him this time, cause he's the only one that can clear my confusion.

Why is I'm Emotional playin on the radio..great just great LOL

EDIT: Ok so I'm not gonna go into detail about what has gone down if you've talked to me offline then you know. All I can say is that I've been thinking it over thoroughout the day and this whole issue makes me think that he doesn't trust me and I can't be with someone that doesn't trust me and what I do. I keep him aware of everything I do. I dont like when folks play games with me...either your with me or not...that's how it's gonna be. So I'm gonna give this about a week or so to work itself out (meaning me thinking and then talking to him and thinking some more) and then I'm making a decision after I take into account everything. And this other person believe you me isn't making what he's doing bigger than what he's doing. What he's doing is what he's doing. His words are saying that he isn't sure about me and I can't live with someone who think that this early on when we're suppose be about to live together.

P.S. If I dont post for a few days..dont worry I'm fine. Shoot me an email I might respond to that...I just need time to get it together...love you guys (and thanks in advance)!

posted@10:07am

So today is the day where I take time out to say thank you..to God for all he's done to those around me for what they've done for me and to me for just being me :). This morning I came across this and I wanted to share it with you, it's a tad long but hopefully you will get something out of it just as I did. Have a wonderful day!!!



Why God Commands us to Give Thanks in every circumstance:

First, God wants us to give thanks in the good times because thanksgiving promotes God's glory and develops humility in us. We all have a tendency to usurp the credit for the good things that God does. We must give thanks in the good times because it reminds us that every good and perfect gift is from above. We call a child that takes without giving thanks, a spoiled child.
We are to give thanks in the good times because giving thanks makes us appreciate what we have been given. A person who is always complaining and never grateful is a person who does not know the richness of life. When we take the time to count our blessings, when we make it a point to focus on the wonderful things we have been given, we appreciate life more.
Second, God wants us to give thanks in the difficult times because it is an act of faith. When things are tough it takes faith to thank God for our circumstances. We must really believe that God has a plan we do not see. We must really believe that His wisdom is beyond our own. Giving thanks in difficult times requires something more than superficial faith.

God wants us to give thanks in the difficult times because He wants us to learn to walk by faith and not by sight. We can't always understand what happens in life. If we depend on our senses, life will be like a roller coaster. If we learn to depend on God, life will be steady. We can know peace even in the confusing times.

What Can We Thank God for in Tragic Times?
Let's be honest. When tragic times hit, there doesn't seem to be much to be thankful for. Are we to give thanks for the heartache? Are we to give thanks for the devastation? Are we supposed to be glad that our world is caving in? No. It's o.k. to hurt. It's o.k. to confess our pain and even our anger. God is not asking us to pretend. He's not asking us to say that painful things are good. What He wants is for us to confess that HE is good. There are many things to give thanks for in the midst of heartache.

We give thanks for a God who is working beyond the circumstances. This is certainly a declaration of faith. In the midst of devastating times we usually don't see anything God could possibly be doing in our circumstances. It seems shallow to quote verses about God working for the good. All the evidence tells us that the situation is NOT good. At least not from our perspective.

Does a football player feel grateful for hard workouts. No, it seems like cruel and unusual punishment. But is it good . . . yes, it is. Do we feel grateful when it comes time to exercise in the morning? Not usually. It seems like a dumb thing to do when we would rather sleep. But it is good. Do we feel grateful when money is taken out of our paycheck for retirement. No. We grumble. But is it good . . . when it comes time to retire we will be glad for the circumstances we grumbled about. Life is full of these situations.

What good could God be bringing out of a tragic accident? I don't know. What good can God bring from cancer? I don't know. What possible work can God be doing that would make a tragedy like Columbine seem to make sense? I don't know. All I know is what He tells us. He has not abandoned His throne. He is still in control. He knows what He is doing. Someday, we will see His plan and we will rejoice and give thanks. For now, we can only give thanks for the promise.

We give thanks because we affirm, trust, and yes, even celebrate, the character of God . . . even when the circumstances make no sense. We give thanks that God is good. He is not evil. He is not arbitrary. God has a reason for everything He does. . . whether we understand it, or not. We give thanks that the world is not as chaotic as it often seems. David said we should give thanks because, "the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations." (Psalm 100:5) The Lord is good. What an important statement this is. The world is often evil. But God is good. His love never wavers. We may waver in our love for Him but He never wavers in His love for us. Max Lucado has written, How wide is God's love? Wide enough for the whole world. Are you included in the world? Then you are included in God's love.
It's nice to be included. You aren't always. Universities exclude you if you aren't smart enough. Businesses exclude you if you aren't qualified enough, and sadly, some churches exclude you if you aren't good enough.

But though they may exclude you, Christ includes you. When asked to describe the width of his love, he stretched one hand to the right and one to the left and had them nailed in that position so you would know he died loving you. But isn't there a limit? Surely there has to be an end to this love. You'd think so, wouldn't you? But David the adulterer never found it. Paul the murderer never found it. Peter the liar never found it. When it came to life, they hit bottom. But when it came to God's love, they never did. They, like you, found their names on God's list of love. David tells us that God's faithfulness extends to all generations. When others fail us, He does not. When others desert us, He stands with us. When we declare our anger, He continues to declare His love. God is consistent. He is good. He is loving. Even when we don't understand the circumstances of life we should give thanks for the God who's character is without question. This character is what we rely on.

We give thanks for a sure Hope beyond the grave. How do people survive who see this life as all that there is? The Bible tells us that when we die, we go to be with the Lord. We are given a home prepared by God's loving hands. We are given bodies that will never decay, malfunction or embarrass us. We are reunited with loved ones who have died before us. And we will be with Jesus. Heaven is described by taking the most precious things of this life: gold, silver, precious stones . . . and making them the common things of Heaven. It is a reminder that this life is nothing in comparison to the splendor of the world to come. Heaven is depicted as a place of joy, singing, celebration. It is a place where wrongs are made right, where good is rewarded.
In the midst of many tragic times death is lurking somewhere in the picture. The pain is either caused by a death of someone we know or by the threat of death. Knowing that there is life beyond the grave softens the heartache. Knowing that this life is not all there is a blessing we should thank God for.

We give thanks for the Savior who made this hope possible. We should give thanks for God's plan to save us. We should give thanks for the baby in the manger, the teacher on the hillside, the Savior on the cross, the resurrected Lord, and the coming King. We give thanks for Jesus in every circumstance because He is our reason for hope. It is faith in Him that has made us new. It is faith in His provision that brings us eternal life.

We give thanks for a supernatural strength to get through devastation. We give thanks for a God who really does understand our pain. We are told that Jesus was "acquainted with all our grief". He lived this life. He knew what it was like to be rejected. He knew what it was like to face temptation of every kind. He knew what it was like to lose people He loved. Most people believe that Jesus'father died while he was young. Jesus knew what it was like to be misunderstood. He knew what it was like to hurt. And Jesus knows us. There is no one who understands us like He does.

We give thanks for the Spirit who prays for us with groans too deep for words. We give thanks for the God who sticks closer than a brother. He listens when we need to vent. He understands when words are absent. He gives strength when we have none of our own. He is the one who carries us when we have no strength of our own.

Why We Often Neglect to Give Thanks in the Good Times
We've looked plenty at the hard times. But some of you don't feel that sense of devastation in your life. For some of you life is going really well. Everything seems to be falling into place. Sometimes these are some of the most dangerous times of life.
When times go well it is easy to take things for granted. The simple pleasures are overlooked. Blessing is expected rather than received with gratitude. Have you ever thought about how many things we take for granted every single day?

Why do we do this? Here's some ideas, Sometimes we neglect to give thanks because we feel we have earned what we have. We have worked hard and things have worked out. We seem to feel that our blessings are the result of our goodness. We don't need to give thanks because we have "earned everything we have." I don't think I need to point out what a dangerous situation this is. Sometimes we neglect to give thanks because we are too greedy yearning for more. We are too busy looking at what we would like to have rather than thanking God for what we do have. As a child I remember always feeling somewhat impoverished at Christmas. I'd look at the Sears Christmas Catalog and see all the stuff I didn't have. In the process I neglected to be grateful for the many things I did have: the material stuff, two parents who loved me, a warm home, great sisters, good food at [almost] every meal, the opportunity for a good education, a Christian upbringing, a large extended family . . . and so very much more.

Sometimes we neglect to give thanks because we have taken what we have for granted. When was the last time you gave thanks for the simple things, like those mentioned above. When was the last time you really said "thank-you" for God's grace, His forgiveness, His Spirit who guides, directs and empowers you? When was the last time you thanked God for the Bible and it's ability to get to the heart of any problem? When was the last time you gave thanks for the many teachers, authors and influential people God has brought into your lives? When was the last time you thanked God for His church and the people who stand at your side? R.C. Sproul sings it, "We've Grown Accustomed to His Grace". Giving thanks keeps us from taking the blessings of life for granted.

When we don't thank God for the good times, we lose our ability to recognize that they ARE good times. We shouldn't need a tragedy to wake us up to the things that should be cherished. James tells us that "every good and perfect gift is from above." We need to work to give more than superficial thanks to God in the good times just like we have to in the bad.

CONCLUSIONS
Yes, we are to give thanks in ALL circumstances. And to help you do that, may I suggest some simple ideas? Sometime when you are alone slowly look around your home and NOTICE the things you have to be thankful for. Look at the pictures and thank Him for the memories that the pictures represent. Notice the possessions and thank Him for the ways He has provided for you. Notice the things others have given as gifts, and thank Him for the blessing of friendship. Notice the things that remind us of those who have already gone on to their eternal reward . . . and thank God for the way you were enriched by those lives. See the television, the computer, the stereo and thank God for the joy those machines have brought you. Thank Him that you are living in such a time as this. Look at the stains on the carpet or the furniture and remember the things that caused them. Notice the wall where you marked the height of your children and give thanks for them. Notice the things left lying around and give thanks that signs of life surround you.

In some quiet night sit in the dark and list as many things as you can in God's character that you can be thankful for. Remember where you were when He changed your life. Remember the times of crisis you thought you could not survive but did, by His strength. Recall some of the life changing lessons you have learned or some of the Bible passages that have become your foundation for living. Dare to think about the place that He is preparing for you and thank Him in advance for the riches He gives. Make it a point to say thanks to those you cherish. Be specific. Maybe you'll need to write it down. Maybe you'll need to make a phone call. Maybe you'll need to go out to a gravesite . . . but do make it a point to be grateful. It will mean a great deal to you . . . and it may mean even more to those who receive your words.

Before you sit down to dinner, look around the table. Really see the faces that are there. Don't focus on the food . . . focus on those you share the meal with. Be old fashioned, go around the table and express your gratitude [Maybe you'll want to do this before the food is put out]. Go ahead and say a prayer. Thank God for the food and for your family.

And if its been a hard day. Take the time to talk about the Lord. Remind yourself and those around you that He is good, his love endures forever, and His faithfulness will never cease. Remind yourself of when days were better. Tell stories of the past. Remind with fondness and maybe with tears. . . . . and then look forward to the future day when the tears will be dried, the pain will be gone, and the smile of Jesus will bring a joy this world has never known.




I'm forever grateful:

for the love that God shows me each and every day inspite of who I tend to be when I wake up on the wrong side of the bed LOL

for my parents for always calling just when I need to hear their voices the most...I'm sure they will never know just how much that alone soothes my spirit

for Hun, we are a wonderful work in progress and I love how he makes me recognize who I really am

my sisters...I pray that I am someone they can look up to

my job, it's not my career at the moment but it's getting me closer and closer to it.

the ability to see friends who impact my life in a positive manner

for friends who are doing big things...I'm sooo proud of them :)

for those who have come in and out of my life..thank you for your season and the growth that I experienced because of you

for constant..yes him lol man he made me laugh yesterday with the following rant or should I say email LOL [Do you have a man or something because your convo with me has been real short a lot lately. I tell you somethings and you just blow me off. You can just go do you and forget all about me because I am trying to make the effort to stay in touch keep things cool and work on things but if you are going to just g me then I don’t need that stuff I have been working everyday since april with no days off I don’t even remember the last time that I came home.I will be in Va over the weekend then I am gone until the 30 of june]

for realizing that things will never be perfect but learning to speak can save lots of sanity :)

for onset of what is occuring with me and Hun.....the other night was the second time in about 2months that he has faked proposed to me LOL...I told him dont do it again or he is liable to get his knees cut off LOL...cause I'll be jumpin up and down yellin where is my ring lol

how he mentions how I'll be when I have AJ (our first son LOL) I tell ya that man makes me laugh even when I try to be mad at him

for realizing that life is about making moves...and it's time for me to make some serious ones

for each of you, stopping by my page....taking a peek into my thoughts and providing insight when I'm leading myself into some darkness...thank you, I appreaciate you and I love ya like play cousins (and no not the ones you couldn't really hang out with lol)




posted@9:16am

That's kinda how I feel this morning. I care but I dont care at the same time. You ever feel that way about something or someone. You feel so bad cause you think you should care either way but you just dont.

That's where I'm at with Huns moodiness. I didn't see him all weekend and he called me but I've long stopped trying to hunt him down or try to spend time with him when clearly his mind is on other things, like working as if he's a Jamaican. I totally feel him cause once we move in together he wants to be at a place where the mortgage can be paid and all that jazz...so I understand his reasoning but the downside to that is I no longer see him everyother day it's more like maybe once a week and when I did bring it up he was like well you saw me tuesday you act like it's been a while. So I left it alone, didn't say another word about it. Dont hunt me down just cause you have nothing to do that day. On top of that he never really comes out and says that he wants to hang out it's always what are you doing, are you at home..oh aight well call me later or I'll say I'll call you when I get home.

This weekend I hung out in MD. Friday night I went to DC to a place called Jin on U Street. Apparently I should have learned about this spot a while ago. It's free all night and they have pretty good drinks. It was nice seeing some folks that we went to college with that we haven't seen in a while. I also so saw one of my other friends who got engaged a couple of months ago. Me and the roomie we discussing afterwards how extra she is. I said how come we never noticed that and she brought it to my attention that we never really hung around with her like that in college so tonight was like BAMN LOL in your face. She went on and on about how she was losing weight (which she has done a good job, I pray she doesn't go overboard), then on to how she has money in the bank now and can afford to get her hair done regularly (this is what she said when someone complemented her hair) and then on to how her fiancee has changed so much since she started dating him (he's younger than her), I tend to ignore folks alot when I could care less what they are talking about so you can only imagine how bored I was while roomie acted like she cared LOL. Sometimes I just wonder about folks, I mean dang you have a comment about everything....leave it be please. Went home and passed out.

Got up the next day since it was sooo pretty and rode out to MD to hang out. Went to the gun range but it was closed, then went to grab some food at Jaspers. I've never been there so it was a nice lil change of the eating experience. After that I was going to ride a motorcycle but it was getting dark and I was getting tired so after talking to Hun for all of 10 min. I went to watch the fight. Not much excitement there LOL...poor Zab. Couldn't go to sleep so I burned a couple cd's and went to sleep.

Bummed around on Sunday and since I had nothing to do I decided to take my time on heading back to VA. Hun calls askes where I am I inform him that I'm about to eat some Boston Market and watch Training Day. He asks what time I'm going to be home, I say I dont' know since I have nothing to do when I get home, I'm in no rush to stare at my four walls....great. I tell him that I'll call him when I get home...great. Needlesstosay he calls around 1030 or so and my phone was on vibrate and I didn't hear it, saw he called this morning as I'm driving back to VA lol..yea I didn't get home till this morning. I would have come home if he had acted like there was a reason for me to come home...talking about you took forever in coming home...boo it's not that serious....I mean if you had something in mind for me to do when I got home then say so..i cant read your mind.

So I'm talking to him as I'm walking down the street from the metro and I was like I didn't get in till this morning which is why I didn't call you. I ask him if he got alot done this weekend and he says he kinda did but the internet at his house wasn't working so he couldnt' email stuff that he needed to email....I didnt' feel bad cause he made it seem like on Sat that he had a rack of stuff to do with is why I made it a point to entertain myself...I mean does he really think I sit around and do nothing when he clearly has stuff to do. Grant it sometimes I have nothing to do and I want to do nothing with him, but at some point and time you have to have your own life without your sificant other....So I'm like I guess I'll see you later this week since he has to work tonight at midnight and he's like I dont' know.....ummm great I say....just call me later. Once again I'm not gonna chase you down...do what you want. Dont be mad when I'm not there when you call.....you're in my life but you're not my life. So I can either roll with it or get rolled on and as you can clearly see I'm rolling with it. It doesn't phase me...if you want to spend time with me now you're gonna have to say something, I hate to be that way but clearly this relationship is different from what I thought it was. I am not going to whine about him working all the time I'll just do my own thing.

Hopefully I'm not at work too late tonight I have lots to do, hope your weekends went well....have a great day!

posted@8:31am

So I'm here at work early jammin to Rihanna's new CD (no I didn't buy it lol) it's on BET.com under the music section. I know home girl can't sing too much but I'm tapping my foot at the beats on the CD..homegirl is smart..most of the time folks dont care how well you sing if you can get em with the beat you got em (maybe that's just me LOL)

Going to a birthday/engagement party tonight in DC...a homie from college recently moved to Chicago...well not recently she moved last summer wow it's been a year...and her and the fiancee are coming back here to celebrate her 25th bday and their engagement. Fun times!

Probably go see another homie off as she travels to Africa for a month. I'm gonna miss her but she'll be in my thoughts of course, as long as she brings me something back from the motherland LOL

The Hun has been acting weird since we had that whole dicussion about the house..it got kind of heated. The reality is dont waste my time. If you dont wanna be with me, I'm not gonna convince you otherwise...I am not chasing you. Relationships take work, we're not perfect we can recognize this and move on or dwell on it. I no longer dwell....I think he does. I dont have time for it. He's going to MD after work to hang at his cousins house and I probably wont see him till Sunday only cause I'm going to MD to a fight party on Sat night (I think)

Sad when your broke cause you paid all your bills LOL

I registered for 3 classes yesterday. So come Aug 22 I will be in class Monday, Wed and Friday nights. Should be interesting since I havent had to really think about school stuff since about 2004 LOL. But I've always loved school and the work that comes with it (I know call me crazy) sooo yep I'm looking forward to it. Hopefully it wont take me the full years cause I'll be going in the summer too so I should be done after a year or so. Depending of course on the class schedule.

In other news I think it's time for me to move on job wise..not sure yet. But I've been with the same folks for 4 years and I need more space to use my degree, but I think I might wait till I start school..not sure. If I find something I will of course apply LOL..so if you know of anything hit me up (I have a degree in Criminology..yea I know lol)

I feel kinda jazzy in my black and hot pink. Even got the pink shades :)

I've loved pretzels for as long I can remember..any type of pretzel..hard, soft, flavor or just salt..why did I notice the other day that once I start eating them I get terrible gas LOL..so bad that if I passed it near someone I better be for dang on sure that there are billions of folks around so they wont know it's me.

Hmm what am I going to wear tonight, I have an outfit in mind but I know when I get home it's gonna not be the cleverist LOL..yes I made that up

What am I going to wear to the fight party..maybe a blazer and jeans, I think we're going for drinks before I'm not sure....

I decided to go ahead and submit to have thurs and fri after the 4th off. I mean why not..why come to work right after the holiday when I can stay in bed LOL...on top of that hopefully I will in some sun somewhere so I'm just planning accordingly LOL

I have to pee...why does it always come up at the wrong times..I mean dang sometimes I wish I had a toilet by my desk LOL

You know I'm into music...well if you dont know now you do :) So in case you haven't checked the following cd's out you might want to do so....if you live near me I might be nice and burn you a copy LOL...let me stop...So Joe's cd was good and surprisingly so was Bobby V's I'm not saying I liked every jam but I could deal with listening to it all the way through. I have yet to listen to Carl Thomas' new cd someone told me it wasnt' that good but I'm gonna check it out on BET.com..I liked his other cd's so we'll see. Some songs on Tanks album might be worth checkin out if you can find the cd for 9.99. I'm just being for real LOL..he is a talented singer but he only has certain songs where your like dang...sad but he does better on other folks stuff..but I love me some please dont go and if he sang it to me I would glue myself to him LOL..MUSIQ's cd was off the HOOOKKKK. I can't wait for Raheem's new cd and T.I.'s yes I am among the millions that love his swagger..notice I said not him LOL...I'm gonna check out Fabolous' new cd on bet.com as well...yea they got the new S*&^ LOL...why am I soo hyper..maybe cause it's Friday and I'm gonna shake my tambourine tonight lol...yes I like that song too ohhh and why I heard some tracks from Ms. Kelly's new cd and I must say that I will be purchasing that...great. She has a song called Comeback and it's already on the mp3 player in rotation.

I might come back and add some stuff I'm not sure. I'm suppose to be getting a tattoo next weekend, I'm getting sunshine on my back. That's what some folks tend to call me :) Unless I see something else it's gonna be that. I already have one, I have Libra with a lil star thing at the top of my butt lol.

Have a great weekend!! Hopefully I will even if it only includes sleeping and folding laudry (which LadyNay is sitting on my floor in a HUGE pile LOL..you'd think that I have no clean clothes with that huge pile)

posted@9:13

I could be in a sucky mood right now but I'm not and I'm surprised...me and Hun got into it and on top of all that I didnt get into the Grad program that I applied for. The only thing that's making me not throw myself into rush hour traffic is that it's a competitive program and I did have a plan B, which is start going for my paralegal certificate..and what's for me is for me. Apparently I'm not ready for Grad School just yet :)

So I always wondered how to post videos and I figured it out..I know it was simple but I mean I thought it was hard LOL. Anywho...anyone that knows me that I like lots of music..I can listen to TI, James Brown, Celine Deion and move it on to Martina McBride.....so in the spirit of me listening to my MP3 player this morning as I came in early and got some work done I figured I'd post some of my favorites of the day :) Maybe this will be come a regular post you know my video of the day post...hmm let me meditate on that LOL

ENJOY

The word "thankful" is often thought of in the most basic sense: being grateful for something you have. But all too often, when our turn comes to list the things we are thankful for, we merely rattle off lists we have memorized by heart and that we repeat every year without even thinking about it. Examples of items on such a list are family, friends, having a home, pets, and food. However, the term "thankful" has come to mean so much more to me. No more does it simply mean being grateful for the bigger things--it also means being grateful for those moments where you want to lift up your hands and praise God for giving you something. The 'something' doesn't have to be a material possession--it can be the love of a friend, a beautiful sunset, the sound of rain upon a window, or the feeling you get when you accomplish a major goal. Still, this does not mean that you should not be truly thankful for the bigger things, as well. Think of all the people who have suffered because of Hurricane Katrina and no longer have homes. Think of the millions of orphans in Kenya who are alone in the world. So today, I challenge you to take time to think about everything, even the smallest things, that you are thankful for.


posted@8:15am

That's what I did this morning. I just stayed in bed past the time that I normally get up cause I wanted to...oh well. I was about 5 min late for work but my boss's dont come in till about 10 so I was good. On top of that I got madd work to do so I might stay late tomorrow so it all pans out. I went to see Spiderman 3 last night with R (yea, yea go ahead and say leave him alone...I'm not messing with him LOL..we're just friends) and it was SOOOO GOOD!! I wish it were in 3d though that would have made it even better. So we saw the movie and were up talking and chatting about life and what not...I told him about Hun.

Told him I couldn't spend too much time with him cause it would mess my head up and I dont' need that right now LOL...great. Enough of that

I'm ready to go back to sleep...

Hun sent me some pics he took yesterday why his tail look like a wanna be cop LOL

I realized that I do sometimes just assume that he will want to hang out....that's so selfish...

I told him that I need to feel more comfortable about moving in with him....I dont want any doubt

He understands but I don't think he fully does then again what man is going to admit that he doesn't understand LOL

I feel rather jazzy in my pink, gray and white today and it is somewhat drizzling off and on so that makes today feel a lil better

My car seems to work fine now..I'm taking it back to him on Sat just so the guy can look under the hood to make sure things are cool....dont want to be on the side of the road.

Hopefully I will know about grad school by the end of the week...the Dean is on maternity leave...great

It's hard realizing that a relationship really is about compromise....cause I've come to realize that I'm a stubborn lil thing LOL

I cant wait to sleep this weekend..since I didn't get to do that this weekend.....

Maybe I'll rent some movies I haven't done that in a while.....

Hopefully today goes by fast......

I dont want mess up a good thing just because I think the grass is greener when it's really not....

Sorry I've been MIA just a lot going on...if I ever go too long...just send me an email or IM I love getting those LOL


posted @ 10:23am