Life through my eyes......

I miss you and you know that writing this is hard. In the time that I've known you....I can honestly say that talking to you has made me a better person. So I can't be sad now...because you're in a better place...you're watching over all of us...and laughing and smiling waiting our arrival. Thank you for your advice....your laughs....your well wishes....your confidence..... your spirit......so in honor of you and what you stand for here goes.......

I'm greatful.....

...for love, life, health and strength

...for being able to call you friend

...for my phone being off right now...I really don't need the distraction (I need to study)

...for having a house phone..those who need me, know the number

.....for R, he said so much last night without even having to say too much at all

....for waking up to a hug and a smile

....for having a job to go to each day......

......for time spent with family last weekend, I needed it

......for being able to talk to your sister the other night....she made me laugh when we talked about you

.....for understanding that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord....

.....for finally understanding that I deserve so much more

....for the will to change the things I need to change

.....for the strength to walk away and be fine with it

...for my nephew...who amazes me with his touchdown dance and his reciting the books of the bible..he learns so fast.

......for each and every wednesday.....because of you I take this time to stop, think and be greatful

....for you.....

T...I miss you and that's all that can be said cause if I write more I'll tear up again. I pray for your family each night and those that were touched by your life. I pray that fat baby understands just what a great woman you were and are. I pray that God allows me to touch someone's life as you have touched mine. I heart you girl LOL and each wednesday from here on out is for you (and me of course LOL)...


So from here on out I'm taking time to stop and smell the roses!!!!


posted@11:28am

...and I can't let go. I am trying to hold on to you...though it hurts me so I gotta let you know that the love we once shared now is through....

ok so that's one of my favorite songs....I love Carl Thomas and that song just explains how I feel at a given moment cause I'm a very emotional person. Recently I had a distrubing dream..well not really disturbing just kinda weird. Perhaps it was the food on thanksgiving and then napping afterward..but I tried to party before I laid down LOL...anywho....

I watched this movie called Stay Alive (feel free to goggle it so I don't have to explain the whole thing lol)....I'll wait.....and wait....and wait...........

OK..got it....

So in my dream I'm somehow in this game or have just finished playing it I can't tell. I'm in the city and although I don't know that I'm in DC it feels like I am (you know what I mean)...I get lost trying to get to the highway even though the highway is right beside me...I end up on this college campus

Some guy trys to show me how to get to where I'm going..some other guy shows up and I mention that I don't have any money (dont' know why I said this and dont' even know why I remember all this)...well anyway the second guy trys to take me to some room underneath some stairs and attack me

I get away or at least that's the next scene I remember and I'm calling R to come get me...he shows up. I'm crying, hugging him. Thanking him for always being there when I call then I say that I've realized that I love him...WHAT?!

Yea that's what I said. This dream was so real that I woke up my pillow was soaked from me crying and my eyes were hurting. I called him later on that morning to tell him about it....left him a message and went on about my business. But that dream has caused me to think about what exactly we are doing. I mean we've known each other for 2 years...he's older than me (32..I think lol) so we vibe on a whole different level. I love that he challenges me, he makes me think of things on a different mind level....we can talk for hours about our lives, stuff we find interesting and all that. Before we hung out as much as we do now...it was just chill. If I talked to him...then I did...if I didn't then I didn't. I mean we had sex but it wasn't like I expected anything and I was fine with that......but this damn dream has got me wanting to spend more time with him but not wanting to spend more time with him. I mean he knows I care about him....I know he cares about me. We've had that convo before. But he just lost his job so of course he's going through that....I just got over Constant (who will be back in VA next weekend) and we all know how that is. So last night he asks me to come over...I tell him I can't although I was going to come over earlier after work...he didn't answer his phone when I called earlier. He did explain why though but by the time he called me back it was almost 11 and I didn't want to get out of my bed. Truth be told and I told him this as well...all of that was BS. I've gotten up at 1am gone over there and then come back home to go to work.....so I just couldnt' deal with being around him last night.

On top of that I dont' want us to have a title.....or do I?! But I mean dang it's not like I'm cheating on you when I chill with Young one, Musiq or DC.....I mean we aren't together. So last night he was like well I treat you like my girl we just don't have that title....so I'm thinking well why should I jump when you ask me to come over....not really jump but you get my drift. So last night I was so confused and frustrated about me not knowing what I'm thinking or why I'm thinking it and on top of that the dream..that I told him I couldn't come over and I was really working on some tears..which made me more mad. I'm mad that I'm so emotional when it comes to someone that I could potentially care about. I mean we've both admitted that we are afraid of getting hurt, and that we want to spend more time together..but nothing comes of it...I mean we do spend more time together now than we did before but still...it urks me.

Of course R asks me if this is one of the reasons that I haven't been chillin with like usual and I kinda stare into space and reply slowly that yes..I have been somewhat distancing myself from him. I haven't been doing it on purpose but it's been happening. He wanted to see me before I left for the holiday and I could have asked roomie to us her car (my cuz had my car) but I didn't want to do that...although I know that she would have let me use it. So of course after I tell him some of whats on my mind he trys to convince me that he misses me, needs me and I'm like ok. Not saying I dont believe him but I mean I question it cause he doesn't really say how he feels so it catches me off guard. Says that me thinking or rather over thinking the dream and how I feel about him isn't helping especially since he's not in my face and we can't talk about it and he can't hold me. That's just it....if he holds me I might realize that I do love him....or that I don't. Then of course I'd have to tell all the team that I can't chill with them no more....and I hate to hurt feelings LOL..sike I digress but seriously I mean I have fun with Musiq and the rest of them...how do I just say listen it's been real but umm I've decided to pass on whatever we got going here. On top of that if I had been there I know I would have cried and he's never seen me cry..not like it's a problem but I'm not trying to go there and get all emotional but the fact remains is that I'm already emotional and being around him would have made it bigger than what it probably should have been.

So I'm suppose to go over there after I get home and change and what not. I guess we'll talk about it...agree to just keep things the way they are and I'll just convince myself that I don't really wanna be with him....but why should I have to convince myself. I just want to really talk about it and get it out in the open so we dont' have to talk about it again. I mean ok you dont' want to be with anyone...not just me..you're not ready but I need to look into your eyes as you say that so I can move on....to whatever that is....we discussed us not being ready one time before so it's no biggie which is why I'm bothered that now it's somewhat of a biggie to me....errr. At one point in the convo I pulled back the covers to get out of bed, shower and go over there just so I could see his face...hold him...fall asleep with him...and I said no...crawled back under the covers and whiped a tear the fell...I can't..I need space...to think..to decide what is going on...even if it's for one night. He asked me if I thought one night was gonna make a difference and right now as I type this I don't know. Maybe...maybe not. I might know when I see him....I told him that sometimes I wish he could see what I see....when I look at him...how great he is, how wonderful I think he is...how blessed I am to even have him around me....but will I tell him that....he said that he wants to say it's love what he feels for me..but he's scared...of messing up....of not being what I want him to be...that's just it...I want him to be him...cause that's who i've come to care about.

I'm a woman....I get emotional....tell me how you feel...I know you're scared...so am I....but why can't we deal with it together. I told him about Z and how we ended (I had a case of deja vu)...Z lost his job...but that was after we were together sometime and we ended among other reasons because he didn't feel like he was treating me like I should be treated as far as dating and all that other stuff goes...but I tried to explain to him....boo we're in this together...I love you and we will hit the pavement together to find you another job (what I said to Z not R)....so I told R that I can't do that again...I can't feel like I'm caring more about someone than they care about me..that I'm fighting for us when they don't even want to suit up.....so the dream confused me....and I hate being confused.....


posted @10:12am

I have been jammin all weekend on my new toy. I LOVE IT!!! I'm not at all exaggerating. I'm bout to go online now and find the closest high school so I can hit the track and sweat to some music.

Thanksgiving was great

Food was wonderful...time spent with the fam is always a blessing

Talked to everyone that mattered....and a few people hit me up that I didn't even know still had my number (I dont have theirs)

Can't wait for my next mini vacation next weekend....I'll be in the bean....WOOHOOO

I erased all reference to Red (Texas) from my life...phone number, email address, IM name..he gets no love although he never really got any LOL

Not so constant is coming home...ekkkk! I can do it!! LOL

R called me....I'm beginning to slowly but surely not focus on him as much as I use to and I think he knows that...what can I say we've known each other 2 years and if you don't know how you feel about me now..you never will....no need to lie to kick it

Music came over when I got back in town...he's funny....kinda cute that he put his arm around me while we were in wally world LOL....

I almost fell in the toilet cause he forgot to put it down.....come on!!! Then he said I should look before I sit...ok and.... it's my house LOL....

I spoke to DC as well.....just getting to know him so we'll keep our ears to the ground on that one LOL...

Why I asked Music did he miss me and he was like I'll say it if you say it LOL....ummm no how about you say it LOL...we went on like that for all of 5 min hhaha.

I hate when people said they've told me something when I know for a fact that they haven't do you think I'm boboo the dummy....I can hear and see dont' try to play me

My nephew is the cutest lil boy I know...everyone else is second to him LOL...he has a touchdown dance

We sang and danced and chased each other around for over an hour...needlesstosay I was TIRED!

He will keep sayin Hi, or good morning until you say it back LOL...and everytime he sits down to eat even if he just got up..he has to say his grace and he makes sure that you say it too LOL

I take the GRE's on Dec 16th...in other words no partying (other than next weekend in the BEAN) after work it's right to studying I need a bangin score first time around.

Speaking of that I didn't work on my essay...I'm a bum LOL...I'll work on it this weekend....I have to!

If constant comes back next weekend...I wont' be here...woohoo good way to prolong that slap in the face that I've wanted to give him since all that crap went down.

Why did Green Eyes (a cop I use to talk to) call me....talkin about I missed you...boo no you didn't...stop the LIES! And why everytime you call you ask if I got company...is that your business....NO

Dang

It's monday and I'm trying to decide if I want to listen to my new toy or the radio LOL

All my fam said I'm doing a great job losing weight...WOOOOHOOO that makes me feel so much better and makes me want to stay focused so next summer I can be tight as spandex on a fat lady in my two piece LOL....and I don't mean tight nasty HAHAHHA

I'm gettin new bedroom furniture FINALLY for christmas some of it should be in on the 18th.

What am I gonna do for New Years?

I gotta pee LOL

I just found out that one of my favorite bloggers has gone on to a bigger better place...she will be missed. Thinking about what she has taught me is causing me to tear up...I thank God for her strength, her words and that precious baby who will carry on her spirit. I love you GIRL!! Thank you for being you and teaching me more than I could ever dream.

MY NEW TOY!!!!

I cant' wait to use it!!

It plays music, video, syncs with my outlook calendar and saves pics!!

Ok so anywho......It's a creative Labs Mp3 Player...I'm in love with blue so I got it in blue...I can listen to it now at the gym..I'm totally geekin right now (and yes I said geekin LOL..couldn't remember how to spell stoked LOL)

Since I won't be here for greatful wednesday I will be doing it today...and calling it thankful tuesday! I'm so happy that I get to go home and chill with the fam I don't know what to do with myself.

I'm thankful for....

being able to chill with the fam for almost a week

talking to my mommy today..I told her that I gave Giz away...she said I was a big girl LOL

my roomie....she is truly a blessing.....I couldn't have asked for a better extra sister :)

my boss (yes both of them well all of them LOL)...they treat me well and it could be worse

the homeless man I saw that was singing....he made me smile

the man who called me cutie and liked my hair..made me feel jazzy

for DC who calls me his baby girl LOL....and for how he held my hand as we walked across the street (sometimes I like that)

being able to wish all of you a Happy Thanksgiving. I pray that you and your families or the individuals that you will spend your holiday with will be blessed by your presence.

for the Steve Harvey Show in the morning...he and that pussy cat swallow tail crack me UP

for the men that I have encountered throughout my life...they taught me how to deal with the good and bad parts of thinking you love someone (notice I said think).

for today being the last day in my work week......

for Z...he taught me what it's like to be loved by a real man and for that he'll always have a special place in my heart

for lunch time......cause it means that half the day is over!

for new found friends and the old ones that haven't gone anywhere....you keep me on my toes :)

posted 12:47pm

Friday: Got home, changed clothes and headed up to Bmore for GTL's bday happy hour celebration. First me and the roomie didn't really get lost we just got turned around due to the numerous amounts of one way streets LOL. So we realized that we had driven by the place one before and I thought that wasn't it cause I saw some old ladies go in there.....later on that night I saw those old ladies again LOL. Anyway I called TTD and she lead me right to the place and then there was the joy of finding parking on the street. After driving around for like what seemed an eternity we found one....walked up the street and into the lounge. Let me say that Edens Lounge is one sexxy lil spot. Nice location, nice lil venue....all in all I loved it and if it wasn't so far away I'd probably go every weekend LOL. So me and roomie are the first ones there....and we go to where Tiff says we should go and there is some old fogie there I guess packing up his photography stuff. There were some big girls there with him who I guess taking pictures for what I found out later was a vuluptuous womens' clothing line (or something like that)...so we post up and wait for Tiff to get there. She gets there and finds someone in charge to kinda put some fire under the old man to get him to hurry up and pack his mess. He actin like he all professional, taking forever and a day while these two big girls are taking up space. First let me say that I'm not a size 10 and personally I don't want to be one...but I mean dang why wear a pleather, plastic corset...along with a jean skirt that is so tight around your stomach it looks like you're pregnant. If I can see your belly cause your pants are too tight then you need to change them...or wear a longer shirt. Homeskillet thought she was working it too...but she won't working nothing but the sockets in my eyes cause my eyes were about to pop out from that nonsense she was showing. Then her friend had on a jean skirt too...with some gold sandals on. Why roomie said her skirt looked like she had cut the back out and then sewed some material on it...she had a train..I was like wow I've never seen a jean skirt with a train. Anywho...the waitress came over and asked for our drink orders....a tom collins for me and a gin and ginger ale for the roomie. Why it took this chic bout an hour to come back with the drinks....on top of that they didn't have segrams so roomie didn't want it..I didn't drink all mine. So I asked her to bring me my change back and what not...she said she'd be right back with it.....UMMM why she really didn't come back...I had to hunt oh girl down by speaking to someone who I think was a manager.....Needlesstosay she ain't get no tip from me. So I'm dancing going to say hey to Tiff who has now found her way into the DJ booth when Low and BEHOLD who do I see MISSYYYYY!!!!! I was like that chic looks familiar...where have I seen her at....then she waved at me and I was like ohhh my GAWD!!!!! HEY GIRL!! LOL...she is just as funny in person as she is on her blog. I introduced her to roomie they kicked it off cause her dad lives like down the street from missy and so we made plans to hang out when we go to the Bean the first weekend in December to see Dad in Dreamgirls. She bought me a drink (gotta love her LOL)...Grand Marier and Pineapple....then who else shows up but Kween and No1. No1 bought me a drink too so a sista was NICEEE!! I was knocked out in the car on the way back. I danced, laughed at this old man doing the hump (humpin his private part back and forth), this old man who I think was a pimp and some of the clothes these chics had on. I had a blast and I'm def gonna be participating in future tnjproduction events :) (ya'll like that lil shout out huh)

Saturday: Slept late, found out my godsisters/cousins(we use that term interchangably) we coming into town for a stripper show..but since I'm going out of town for thanksgiving I needed to save funds for gas..so I didn't go. Ended up chillin most of the day then met up with DC (nickname of new friend) and we did a movie in Chinatown (didn't get to see it all) cause parking garage closed at 12 but it was cool. He's very attentive and I like that...he held my hand, rubbed my leg and all that jazz. Nice to know that there are guys who aren't afraid of a lil PDA...and I dont' mean tonguin me down LOL.....went back to his new house and I passed out a lil LOL...got up, said goodbye and went to pick up my lil god sister who was at the hotel by herself....she just turned 12 and wanted to come over....says she can't sleep if she's in the house alone...so I went to get her and we get pulled over cause I busted a U-Turn at the pentagon going the wrong way...told him I was lost...and he sent me on my way :).....NO TICKET!!! WHOOO HOO

Sunday: Slept late again....did laundry through out the day....the cousins car broke down and since I"m going home tomorrow I let them drive my car back to Hampton. That's what fam is for. So Musiq came over (nickname of other new friend cause he does music lol) and we watched some of the game, desperate housewives and went on to sleep.

Tonight I'll get the hair did, pack the clothes and clean my room. So that I don't come home to a mess when I get back on Sunday. I'm ready to go home, haven't really seen my fam in a min so I'm looking forward to seeing them. Can't wait to eat and chill...work on my paper (maybe LOL) and just relax...I need it.

Off to find out how your weekends were.

BLOWN: Why I just found out that Red is going to have a lil boy....I told him good luck on that and that I've moved on...he's asking me all these questions about who is he and what not...boo leave me alone and tend to the baby momma! GREAT (man I'm shocked as piss LOL...speechless as a matter of fact)


posted@9:41am

I'm grateful.............................


.....for not being in the DMV too long this morning

.....for being able to finally drive my own car...I missed her (couldn't drive her cause I had to get new stickers for my license plates in other words renew my registration)

.....for someone reminding me that I'm a blessing to them

.......for my sister who calls me over every little thing (some people don't get along with their siblings)

......for being able to wake up

......for the MP3 player that I got..can't wait till I get it....

.......for a roomie who followed me all the way to the DMV to insure that the cops didn't get behind me LOL

......for DVR (this weekend will be filled with Law & Order, Medium and ER)

......for a new friend (he's a cutie LOL)

......for the strength to still talk to Constant and not feel as if I want him back in my life....I'm fine without him

......for the nerve to tell Red that we have nothing more to talk about and we can't even be friends

......for being able to find the words to explain why things are the way they are right now

.......for the parking space that I found at the back of the metro lot...a sista was about to go home LOL

.......for getting paid early next week because of Thanksgiving

.....for my auntie who is recovery from surgery

......for having friends like you who donate organs (you're one in a million)

.....for even being able to have things to be greatful for

........for each and everyone of you who reads my blog



posted@10:05am

Got off work early to head to dinner and get some stuff done. Left work at 430 didn't get home till 630...yea traffic was that bad.

Flew in the house....changed...got to Copelands and almost passed out from hunger. Kim is giving up a kidney to her nephew so we had dinner in her honor. The cake was BOMB...emm I love strawberries....the crab/shrimp alfredo was good too.

Hung out with some of her friends.....had some drinks..not me LOL...just didn't feel like drinking.

After that we went to a titty bar..yep a womens' strip club. I thought it was gonna be raunchy but it wasn't that bad..I didn't pay to get in so I was good LOL. Kim didn't want to look at the women I was trying to look at them so I could get some tips....let's just say I'll be practing on the lamp pole in my room. Let's hope I don't hurt myself. Be done swung around the pole so fast that I fly out my bed room window and end up in traction LOL.

The strippers were coming over and giving us hugs Kim was looking at them like they were crazy LOL...tell me why roomie was like their clits are hanging down...I was like what?! So umm yea I peaked when Tina was working it on the table and sure enough why that junk looked like it was worn the HELL OUT!!! It was hanging down and what not looking like some one had put a chain on it..cause it was hanging low..does your clit hang low, does it wobble to the floor can you throw it over your shoulder..ok you get it LOL...needlesstosay I was crackin up. One of them even showed us how to make our boobies move LOL...oh the joy..hey ma look what I learned at the strip club last week haha.

Some of them chics in there were gettin it. I was like dang I need to become a hostess (too shy to strip lol) in here cause even they look like they may make some money. I promise one stripper had enough money it looked like she could pay my rent LOL...I was about to wife her up. She started talkin about how she has a boyfriend and how they have sex and if he wants to talk then ok but she don't make him talk..I was laughing at her. Talking about she just treat him like dudes treat her...great. LOL she seemed kinda ditzy though...and why they had these men there holding their hand while they were taking off their panties so they didn't fall off the table...umm yea. One of the guys that was with us was like I want that job....umm great LOL. Their toes were hanging all over those stripper shoes I don't see how they do it. One chic had on white patent leather shoes why she had black scruff marks on the bottom part of them..how you get them all the way under there LOL...must have slid against the pole too hard. I know their feet be hurting HAHAHA

On top of that I thought that when you were a stipper you're suppose to be seductive when you're taking your clothes off. Why these chics took their time in taking their clothes off (near the corner) and then hung them on a lil hanger on the side of the stage and when their time was up they didn't leave the stage before the other girl came...they went over to the corner and got dressed while oh girl was on the stage. Why the mirror was all smudgy it was too funny. The man was wipping the mirror while the girls were dancing. There was this stripper there called Lola. I called her Lola falana...LOL....she had on some plaid skirt and won't no one really paying attention to her she looked like someones mexican mami and i don't mean that in a good way I mean that in a momma LOL. All in all it was an experience. I'd probably go back with a boo or something to add a lil spice to the life. Poor lil things some of them were trying to make it clap and trust me there won't even a ripple LOL.

While I was out doing that Young one was at a party for his brothers bday. After I left he came over and we chilled out and watched a movie. Woke up and got breakfast...he ran some errands and I ran some errands. We met up and I cooked dinner..he walked the dog...we just had a chill night and that's what I love about being around him. We then went to the movies found out they were sold out, rented Litle Man and was knocked out. Got up on Sunday and drove to take him home...I miss him....can't wait to see him again :)

So as you can see my weekend was cool. I don't have my doggie anymore...he needed more space to run and play....a family that could give him more time and energy. So he has a new home now and yes I'm sad I even cried but I know it's best for him. I'll probably get a smaller dog later...but right now I think I'm gonna treat myself to that mp3 player. I need something to get my mind off of missing my Gizmo.

posted@8:57pm

WHOOOHOOOO it's FRIDAY!!!! To say that I'm happy is an understatement. The only thing that would make this better would be if I had today off like the rest of the gov't LOL.

He's here for the weekend and I'm soooo excited.

Brought me to work and everything told me to have a wonderful day and he'd see me later :)

Why is Red talking about when am I coming to visit again...NEVER

I'm done with that whole thing...he is crazy and on top of that his fingers look like sausages.

His forehead kisses are sooo cute lol

Why the heck do you keep calling me...you sound like a girl...umm I think you are a girl LOL

Don't try to figure out where I'm at...I mean if you wanna know just ask...no need to keep asking stupid questions.

I think someone is getting in their feelings. How come when I'm not paying you attention you want to act like you care?

When you talk too much it makes me think you have something to hide.

He said I looked cute this morning in my lil black and white.

Was upset that I didn't pay him any attention when I got up...sorry I'm not a morning person.

Can't wait to go home and chill the heck out

Ohhh yea Copelands tonight...I'm ready for a drink...it's been a long week

I'm not taking a lunch so I can leave early

Its pay day another reason why today is soooo great LOL

Ok so we met cause of him and your a cool chic but umm what else do we have to talk about LOL...that's nice you want to get to know me

But ummm are you trying to figure out if I'm gonna take him back or not.....

Did I mention that I'm glad it's Friday...I get to sleep late and wake up to HIM :)

EDIT: Ummm why did I just hear that Gerald Levert is dead....WOW....I hope that's a rumor then again what an ugly rumor

....and you know what that means. A gratitude post. Let me just start by saying Red is corny yes, I thought by going down there that perhaps he wouldn't be so corny LOL and we could move on as friends...ah well it was a bust and a lesson learned...listen to your first instinct. With that being said I love grateful wednesday's, they allow me the opportunity to stop and just thank God for everything he's done.

NO PIC!! Needlesstosay I was ready to go home..Red annoyed the SHIT out of me...so here's a rundown of the weekend.

Friday: I left work quarter to 12 so that I could hop on the metro and make it to the airport. My flight left at 2 and I wanted to make sure I was sure I was there and at the gate and not flying through the airport like I'm on Home Alone or some nonsense. So anyway I get to the airport..get through checking my bag (which was overpacked LOL..what can I say I wanted to be prepared) and get through security (put all my liquids in a plastic bag and I was good). I call everyone who is on a need to know basis that I'm at the airport and will call them when I get to Chitown and then will call then when I get to Dallas..which was at 7:11pm. So I call Red and tell him the night before and about 2 times today what terminal and all that stuff I was gonna be at. Of course I didnt know what baggage claim but hey I figure if he's in the right terminal how hard can it be....apparently too damn hard. I told this fool about 12 times I was at E31..he says E3..I said no fool...E31. By this time I'm yelling and what not...agitated cause I have been two diff plans since 2pm. So finally after he goes in the wrong door I go outside and he's there. I told him he could call me when he got outside cause I wasn't standing out there. All the while I'm on the phone with Young One ranting and raving that I heated and of course my suga is the voice of reason and tells me to calm down, have fun and dont try to stay too mad...errr how can I stay mad lol when he's so calm. So I tell red that I'm on the phone with mom and all that stuff. He talking about she can wait, I'm trying to find you. I said it ain't my dang on fault that you dont' know where the hell you going...bye. So I'm pissed at that. But before that I was pissed cause I thought we were staying in Dallas and this fool talkin about we going to Killeen which is about 2.5 hours away. His folks stay there and he had to get his car looked at..I was like you couldnt' do this before hand and we get into an argument about that. So we're in the car...he's trying to hold my hand..I tell him that's dangerous...I go to sleep....wake up ask him to get me some food..eat then go back to sleep all while listening to my cd player cause I didn't want to listen to him talk. We get to the house and I go to bed..he tries to make moves and I place a chain lock down on the good...DANG can I sleep....

Sidenote: The flight down was good...there was this cute lil baby on it and he was a gem the whole way down..no loud crying no stinky diaper..made me want to have a baby. No weird flight attendants..so I was good.

Saturday: I slept till about 12..got up and we all went to a chinese buffet for lunch. Ok so here is where I might appear mean. I have this thing..if you annoy me I start to get annoyed at EVERYTHING you do. The way you talk, how you eat, how you dress, how you walk...it's sad cause I know I'm not perfect but I can't help it. So since he annoyed me it seemed like everything that he did appeared gross. The way he ate, how he spilled food on the table...how he got two plates to start off with...how his sleeve kept dippin in his plate. How his sweater sleeves were too big. Man I was like errr all on the inside. So we decide to go to walmart (then best buy) so I can show him the mpg player that I want..but first we make a pitstop at this african art store and I fall in love with some oil burners. This guy bought the ones I wanted so red said he would get them and mail them to me....umm great..another reason why he has to stick around. On to the movies we go after he introduces me to half the town. I didn't get my mp3 playa he talking about I'm gonna get it when I go back to Dallas and ship it to you..I said boo whatever I can get it myself in the time that it takes you to do all that...freaking kids ain't no dang on good. We go see Catch a Fire..with Derek Luke. I love him and the movie was even better. So we're watching the movie and there is a part in the movie where his wife is concerened about what she is going to do because he got arressted....this fool talking about get a damn job...ok it was how he said it cause before that she had asked her husband for some furniture and he said they couldn't afford it and she was liek well baby you're a foreman now and some other stuff...and this fool again says get a job. So then there is one part where she is smelling her husbands clothes (he cheated on her before) he talking about just like a damn black woman..I sensed some issues so I was liek could you shut up and let me watch the movie..I'm saying how sexy Derek Luke looks and he goes and says so do you find me sexy...cricket....crickets....pin drop...umm I think you're cute now back to the movie LOL. After that is over...I was like so what are we going to do...meaning later on that night...he says well what do you want to do..I say I dont' wanna stay in the house...this fool goes off....Honey, I'm tired of you saying that I know you don't wanna stay in the house but ain't nothin open right now....you should have seen the look on my face. I said first of all I'm not talkin about right now....i'm talkin about later....and you can chill the heck out (i didn't say heck..he causes me to use foul language) I was HOT!!! I got soo tired of him talkin to me like I'm a lil kid and what not...he talkin about he don't do clubs I said boo I do clubs but I prefer a lounge he talkin about well they fight here at clubs and lounges and I said well I'm gonna need for yall grown folks to know how to act. That ain't my concern...so I got some E & J with coke and was knockin em back. He popped an porno and thought he was gonna get some LOL..LIES cause I was crackin up at the girls and the dudes on there..I think he was gettin mad so I told him...I don't want you, and watchin this aint' gonna make me want you so I'm good watchin it..it doesn't bother me in the least bit to watch it with you in the room LOL..now if I was with someone who I wanted to dick me down then I'd probably be tryin to get some..but not from you buddy. He gets mad and gets on the phone. So I was drinking and what not...and since he's in the same room I can hear what he's saying...and I was like why you beggin a grown ass man to talk to you (come to find out he was talkin to some chic)..cause he kept sayin are you gonna say anything...and some other stuff...he got mad when he got off the phone....talking about I don't need to be in his convo..I told him to leave then...then i said it won't my fault it sounded like he was beggin someone to talk to him....so yea we argued like I was Ike and he was Tina LOL...well I was Ike and Tina and he was just there....I felt like having his face run into my fist.


Sunday: Wake up and shower. Pack my bag...get some breakfast. We get on the road and he is trying to show me some sights...while I'm sleep. He wakes me up to show me stuff....I hate when people do that...let me sleep please errrr. I was also annoyed that the whole weekend whenever he got off the phone he'd be like that was my homeboy or that was my homegirl and then go into a description of the convo or how he knew that person...boo I don't care. He was probably upset that I was texting and talking to Young one. I mean I wasn't doing it too much while he was around but I talked to him a few times and I was texting him the whole time...I see him on Thurs..he'll be here till Sun...WOOOHOOOO. I told him that I was agitated and he calmed me down from kicked red in the face LOL. We're going to play Laser Tag on Sat and do dinner....he mentioned a trip to Vicki's..emmmm I likes that idea LOL. Got back in town and called everyone that needed to know that I was good and at home...played with the dog, plopped in the bed..talked on the phone. Got a phone call from someone that I met around the time that I met nurse dude....who I talked to phone wise for about a month then according to him during his move he lost my number and just found it. He wants to dinner sometimes this week. So great. Talked to Young One till we both fell asleep on the phone then woke up and started to talk again and was passed out again.....soo umm yea we talk all day pretty much LOL

Hope you had a better weekend than I had. I mean it wasn't totally horrible...the flight attendant on the way from TX to the CHI had us crackin up. You could tell she loved her job..she was about 60 askin folks were they sure they didn't want to keep their cups cause they wash them and reuse them. The whole flight demonstration was a lil too theatrical...I was crackin up. She gave people the wrong snacks..I was crackin up LOL...now it's back to the grind only to count down till thursday when I can see my Young One......


posted@11:27am

So last night I stayed at work a lil later than normal. Partially due to me having to leave work tomorrow on a flight to DFW at 2pm. So I've been coming in and staying a lil late to make up the difference so I won't have to dig into my PTO which I'll need when I take my vacation next year (we can carry over time). Hopefully I'll be in Jamaica somewhere come July..staring into the eys of a man whose complexion reminds me of warmed butter and whose breathe reminds me of a mint patty LOL..ok enough of that

Roomie calls and informs me that we must go see Lil Weezy at H2O..so being the spontaneous person that I am I say cool. As long as she goes home to get me some clothes I'm down. She goes home, get's me some clothes and I change here at the office. Ok so what she brough was correct I just didn't count on my shirt being short LOL and I had to pull my pants up all night cause I didn't want my butt crack to show...being that I've lost a lil weight I can't go without a belt now and last night I wore a big belt over my shirt (you ladies know what I'm talking about). So I had on a belt but the belt wasn't in my belt loops...great. We get there around 8ish and we're in line...and we're in line...and we're in line. Man it's so funny to watch people park while freezing..actually it wasn't freezing it was just night time and here in DC it's warmer than va but it's still winter. So we're watching people park, giving each other the eye at females who seem to forget that just because they make it in your size doesn't mean you have to wear it. I mean ok it's cute but umm I can't get past the boobs about to hit me in the face. Last night was one of the few times that I felt like a small girl and I am by no means a size 7 LOL matter fact I don't think I've ever been a size 7..maybe when I was 7..anywho I digress.

So finally we get inside and me and roomie call the back room of H2O the ugly room. Last night that room explained itself. I mean there were NO real cuties there and when I say none I mean none. Me and roomie standing there and drinking two steppin and what not. Laughin at people and I feel a bump on my arm..a bump that causes some of my drink to spill down the front of my white shirt and the drink I had in my hand was red (created by the bartendar cause I wanted something a lil different..it was called a Watch Yo Mouth)..anywho I turn around ready to slap that dookie mess out of someone or at least look like I was about to and who do I see...19 dollars. In case you don't remember who he is..he's this one guy I met..he has locs..which he has since cut off...we went on one date...he embarassed me by saying 19 dollars about 5 times when he heard how much the movies were that he was buying tickets for. Plus I paid for my own dinner anywho to make a long story short he was not someone that I wanted to continue conversing with so I pretty much stopped calling and returning his phone calls. Young one says that was mean but oh well. So I saw him...he nearly knocked me over and that was that. Roomie said he was looking at me throughout the night but umm what do I care?

On top of that Lil Weezy the Boss didn't even show up. Well I take that back he might have but I had to be at work in the morning and on top of that I hadn't packed anything yet and I hate to pack right before I leave to go out of town cause I always forget something. So we left at midnight..sorry some might say we getting old but I wasn't trying to come to work lookin like I had just given birth in the middle of the jungle LOL. Me and Killa (Roomie) were cracking up allll night at the following:

This older man who was dancing like he in Soul Train...twirling around people and then he did the rope dance where he looks like was pulling on a rope and some nonsense LOL

A skinny chic who was dancing like her butt was bigger than shanana's LOL. Man she was pookin it out you would have thought that she had to dookie. The guys were eating it up though for some odd reason..apparently skin and bones meaning no cushion is in.

This dude who was buff but he had on tight clothes I mean can you breathe buddy

People wearing dark, dark sunglasses. I mean ok you can wear tan ones or even clear ones...sunglasses in the winter are still not a good look but please you are not the state troopers LOL

Almost 7 out of every 10 females we saw had on those red shoes with the wood lookin bottom...I was so glad I didn't get them..but I do want a pair of red pumps LOL..my roomie calls them FMP..meaning F*&( Me Pumps LOL

A guy wearing a belt with words going across it..to make matters worse he couldn't dance and I didn't know what the heck his belt said..if it said anything LOL

There was a fight near the bathroom...WOW

This girl who had a glow in the dark necklace on...matter of fact it wasn't glow in the dark it was the light necklaces that look like stobe lights..then her homegirl had on this cute sweater dress with those dang on red shoes with wood bottoms and she kept pulling it down..i mean wear pants or something if you gonna keep doing that...I'm not saying I haven't done that but I mean WOW...plus she kept walking around like she was the bomb dot com and wanted everyone to see her tail

These two dudes dancing cause one sat down and the other one grabbed him by the wrist and was like come on....umm is that your boo LOL

This dude who looked like a baby ostrich..his head was huge or should I say the back of his head he had like a major dent in that junk like when his mom was having him they had his face out but had to do a lil extra work to get the rest of that thing out..WOW

The fact that we got in free and people were rolling up paying $50 when we left...he wont' even there yet!!!

Older women in the club...please don't let me be like that LOL...there are no words that could even explain cause ya'll know what they look like haha

The fact that my homegirl Ray almost bit my head off cause I said Lil Weezy the Boss ain't all that..I mean ok if I put a bag over his head cause his mouth bothers me...his body is aight but his mouth bothers me..sorry LOL...we can't all be in love with him haha

We didn't even have to parallel park we just drove up to the curb LOL...anyone that has been to H2O knows how serious that parking is down by the water front

Do we look like that when we dance....

Why are guys so persistant when it's clear that a girl dont' wanna dance with them

Groupies..enough said

Over dressed people...umm yea about that






All in all it was a fun night out in the middle of the week....

I'm on a plane at 2pm tomorrow to go see Red and yes I'll have pics and one heck of an update on Monday....let's hope I do. I land at 7:11 and I told him I want drinks LOL..we'll see if he can follow directions

I'm trying to convince him to buy me this Mp3 player that I want...by Creative Labs..I told him that I want it so I can work out more...he said we can go look for one when I get there....I'm gonna be sooo sweet to him LOL..I want that thing!

Let's hope I don't have to pull out my Susie homemaker gear to get it LOL

I probably won't update the blog again till monday so till then have a great weekend....be safe...and take care :)

I'm grateful for......

...your love and how you love me inspite of

....hearing your voice first thing in the morning you make waking up special

.....being able to be me and not be afraid of how you will see me

......my mommy always knowing what to say even though she never really knows that I need to hear it when I hear it

.....finishing my rough draft of my grad school statement....closer and closer

.....for the music I can listen to at work cause oh girl would drive me crazy if I had to listen to her all day

.....for my nephews innocence and how he inspires me to be someone he can look up to

.....for my sisters phone calls although she calls me to tell me little things I love that she still looks up to me :)

......for the little things

.......for the extra hour that I get to sleep..I feel so refreshed now!

......for each and every moment that we share

.....for being able to just be