Life through my eyes......

Aight so it's Friday and as you know other than pay day this is my favorite time of the week unless it's Pay Day Friday then I'm amped LOL...but bills have to be paid on PayDay Friday so I prefer the other LOL...

I missed greatful Wednesday so here goes.....


I'm greatful for....

the holiday that was spent with my family and friends

my nephew who loves taking pictures with his auntie

for meeting some of my bilogical family members..now I see where it all comes from LOL

for good food and sleep

for coming back home safely people get dangerous around the holiday season

for being able to spend time more than money with those I love

for those pop up guys..I'm flattered that you still have my number although I no longer have yours LOL



Ok so this wasn't too long but hey it's Friday and tomorrow evening I'll be on the train going to NY for New Years. Me and the roomie haven't decided what we're gonna do we'll probably decide that tonight. However the people we are going with don't really wanna do anything which is freaking annoying. One guy was like I went last year and just got drunk in the room...umm OK. I'm not getting drunk in the room cause I'm not gonna be all horny and not be able to release my bent up energy LOL....hey I'm just being real. On top of that why do pussies fart LOL....ok yea I know TMI but I've always wondered that....

Music came over as he tends to do throughout the week....one day he came over after work..he brought his clothes with him for work the next day and I fixed him some leftovers I brought from home. His tail is hilarious talking about I am too loud...please man I'm biologically created to be loud and I mean that for real. My aunts and biological mother are loud and I mean LOUD...so it's only right that I inherit it as well. I try not to be so loud when he's around LOL...he be laughing and saying I'm right here in front of you, you don't have to scream....great. I downloaded some music to my mp3 player while he watched a lil tv and then we were knocked out. I slept so good that I drooled on him and my pillow LOL...gotta love that

R is in Atlanta for New Years..talking about he misses me..yea right if you did I'd be right there with you...loser LOL. But I'll be in NY hopefully toasted by 10am, dancing with some NY cutie or any cutie for that matter. Looking jazzy in my black dress, sipping on some wine or a tom collins LOL.

Young one is home for the holiday and I have yet to see him. He's been working and spending time with the fam which is understandable cause I know how that goes when you come home for break...everyone wants to see you and hang out and on top of that you gotta get money so you can have money for the next semester...so great. He talking he wants to go to a sex class and wants me to go with him..I siad where is it at LOL..talking about find out. I said if you gonna mention it you should already know where one is so all I have to do is show up HAHAH. He cracks me up

Me and the girls are going out tonight...one of my old roomies (who I consider a sister) sister turns 21 at midnight so we're taking her to a 18 and over club and then we're gonna get her toasted at midnight LOL..that's always fun I was like dang girl couldn't you have been born a lil earlier so we can hit up Love cause they talking about depending on whose at the door they might not let her in till midnight..that's nonsense....I mean she's gonna be 21 eventually you might as well let her in LOL....they be fakin...I need some connects another one of my goals for 2007..get out more LOL...not a resolution a goal..cause I break resolutions

I'll be wearing a blazer (with a bra of course), jeans and heels. I think we're all gonna wear blazers....professional yet deadly LOL..sike let me stop..I'm rambling cause I dont' wanna do no work and on top of that I know there isn't gonna be crap to do today cause no one is here and I wanna go home! NOW

Save me from boring myself to death...yesterday I was sooo bored after I did the little bit of work I had to do, that I watched Youtube and read emails alllll day. Man if I could have left at 1pm right after lunch I would have....anywho I'm bored so I might come back and write some more if not

Have a wonderful, safe, joyous NEW YEAR!!!! And party like it's 2099 LOL

See ya next year!!!!!!!!!!!!!

posted@8:38am

When I say that I'm tired and want to go back to sleep it's not because I didn't get any sleep while in Hpt, it's because I just wanna go back to sleep and don't want to be at work right now LOL. I wanna curl up under my covers in my cold room (Music says it's either hot or cold in my room no in between lol) and go on back to sleep and wake up on Friday afternoon LOL.

So the Christmas holiday is over and now it's almost time for New Years. Yea I'll be in NY we leave on Sat afternoon..don't ask me what we're doing cause I have no clue and I haven't ordered my dress yet which means I will be wearing a dress that is already in my possession LOL...ain't no thing to me I think I've worn it about 2 times and no one in NY knows me anyway so great. Plus it's black and silver and I already got the silver shoes, so everything works out. I had a blast at home, didn't go to see Happy Feet though first becuase we wantes to go see it at the IMAX theater and tell me why the tickets were $10. I said we might as well go to the matinee and pay 6..freaking people. So we X'd that idea quickly, plus I still hadn't done any shopping and decided to brave the crowd and go.

Friday I got up around 530 cause Music was over and had to be to work so he took me to my car and I drove on down to Hampton...got there around 830 and proceeded to lounge around for the rest of the day. My mom has a day care so I was playing with the kids and watching cartoons most of the day. The best friend came over to pick up her daughter (who is my god daughter) she needed a break from her cause she works full time and goes to school full time and my lil Livy is a handful so I can dig needed some time alone LOL..so we chatted for awhile and then that I put the pajamas on and lounged till I was knocked out on the couch.

Saturday got up and met up with the best friend and took my nephew to see my egg donor (biological mother) she hasn't seen him since he was a baby and my sister his mother wouldn't let her see him if she was the last person on earth LOL....so since I had him (my sister was in Suffolk for the holiday) I took him over there and what not. She looks a lot better than before she's had that gastic bypass surgery and lost lots of weight and goes back next month I think to get the excess skin taken off...I wish her the best (cause lord knows she is living with some demons...not literally but I mean within herself LOL) we hit the stores, I get my god daughter some clothes, toys and diapers along with socks and some other stuff she needed..get my nephew some toys, and undershirts and socks. My sister had already brought him some clothes and my god daughter some shoes (some timbs with leopard print on em LOL too cute) so I got the other stuff. Went back home took a quick nap...waited for my sis to get off work and shower....the best friend had to go get the kid from her daddy's house...so she drove over to our house and we hit the mall. Man it was so much traffic down there, so many people were in line to see Santa that it was ridiculous. They shut the line down to give the poor man a break LOL...of course when you're home for the holiday you see any and everyone you know...so after we were dogg tired and I'm sure the kids were tired too cause they were starting to ask for food LOL...we got some food and headed back to my house to watch the sound of music....ended up watching some of it and then my phone rings........

It's 757 (just made that nickname up). He is someone that I use to deal with when I was in college and would go home for breaks and I worked at Sams Club...he worked there too and has since graduated and works there and at Northrop Grumman. We parted ways because he just wasn't around. I mean we would make plans and he would fall asleep after work or just not show or if he did call it was days after we had made plans with excuses about why whatever had happened. So I just told him to stop with all that and I moved on. I call him when I'm in the area just to say hello...earlier this year I found out he had a son...yea surprise surprise...he's 1 now. He's not with the childs mother and so he calls me and was like are you at home I say yea and he says he's coming over....I don't think two cents of it and keep playing with my nephew. He calls back and says he's outside. I invite him in, he speaks to the fam...of course my mom is like wow long time no see LOL..she is hiliarous. We go in living room and talk for a minute...2 hours to be exact and even when he left he called and we talked for another hour. He regrets how we ended and thinks about me often...but I'm up here and he's down there...I told him that I'm tired of guys using this short distance as an excuse or crutch but hey oh well..I'm not gonna spend my time worried about where I live cause I'm not moving no time soon. So we chatted about that, life now, me going back to school, him working, he showed me pics of his son...he is soo cute LOL....and then I walked him out...he hugged me and gave me a kiss..I go on back inside and go to bed...he calls when he gets home just to say some other stuff that's on his mind and I tell him let's just see where things go I like where I'm at right now and whatever happens happens...in other words I'm feelin Music but I'm not too sure yet.

So I go to bed after we talk for a lil bit and again my phone rings.....it's Constant. WOW...boo it's 2am what the heck do you want. Of course he had been drinking talking about I wanna see you so we can talk. I was like you had that chance last week and you missed it why should i get out my bed and put on some clothes and drive to see you....he was like aight I'll come to your house..I said aight, hung up and went back to sleep LOL...I could care less if he came over...phone rings again....he proceeds to tell me that his phone is about to die he can't remember when I live and can I meet him at the Alley (this club that's like 10-15 min from my house) so I compromise since I do need closure...I get up put a shirt over my pajama pants and head out. I get there first and start the count down cause if he's not here in 5 I'm leaving....he pulls up and I get in his car. Let the games begin is what i'm saying. First he's like you know I gotta be to work at 5..I'm like yea aight whatever and he asks me to look at him and goes on and on about how sorry he is all of this is a drunken stupor. Talking about he's only seen one of the girls once and had sex with her once and she was in love after that..he just told her what she wanted to hear...well it's not problem..you are not the president therefore you should not just be saying what you think people wanna hear. He did admit that he was wrong, I cheated is how he put it. I did you wrong, I hurt you and I'm sorry. I love you and I've never had someone love me as much as you do and I sometimes forget that I have a girlfriend as wonderful as you....had you mean LOL. Talks about how his dad not telling him that he had cancer hurt him and how he shut down and didn't want to talk to no one....so of course I'm rollin my eyes partially cause I'm trying to be annoyed and I am annoyed and the other half becuase I'm trying not to think about how stupid I felt when all this started which will make me cry.

So he asks me to look at him and I can't LOL..I mean I look everywhere else but his eyes...and when I finally did...I cried...couldn't stop. I mean I was just crying....hitting him, tellin him that he made me feel stupid...that I didn't matter to him....that I loved him and he took advantage of that...and at first he was just looking at me like dang and he hugged me and I kept crying...I felt so much better after that...all I needed was to cry I mean cry and tell him how much I hated his guts, how much he hurt me how much pain I was in at the moment that I found all that out. I told him that I just want to chill right now..I know he's not ready to be with someone and to be honest I'm fine right where I am. I've forgiven him and he asked me would I keep bringing it back up if we decided to get back together and I told him no and I honestly wouldn't cause I have closure now so I'm good....no more feeling sad over what occurred, what's done is done.

Sunday went to church...came home, ate some great food went to sleep then took my sis to do some last minute shopping. I'm glad we left when we did cause everyone was closing at 6. Got home, wrapped some gifts played with my nephew and went on to sleep LOL...yea I slept alot!

Monday got up opened gifts, ate, slept off and on took my sis and nephew to see the egg donor and some other folks that we are biologically related to. All I heard that whole time was oh my god you look just like her you could be her twin...great. I see where I get my loudness from, my hips and my fat cheeks...it was nice to see them I guess didn't really know them to begin with. I think she was all excited boo please don't be LOL..it's the holiday season so I wanted to be nice..great. I made a mistake and told my two lil cousins that we have free mobile to mobile and what not since we have verizon them fools been textin me all weekend..I be like dang man leave me be..I turned my phone off now cause I don't want to be too bothered...I'll turn it back on when I get home but dang...

Tuesday...got up, went to breakfast with some of the girls from High school and then went home to pick up my food and packed up the car. Made it back up here around 3pm, watched the green mile...went and did a lil more shopping and then Music came over. He came over right after work since he got off late. Gave me lots of hugs LOL..I said I missed my Music he was like oh you claiming me now I was like umm no LOL...great...hopefully I'll see him before I leave on Sat...we'll see

and now I'm here at work ready to go home and get back in the bed....or at least for Friday to come.

posted@9:12am

It's Thursday and today is my Friday...I came in early got my work down and now I'm chillin...as much chillin that's possible when it's not even 5pm yet LOL

I can't wait to go home tomorrow morning and see my family I miss them when I can't see them like I'm normally use to. It only takes me about 2.5 hours to get down there but I don't get to go there too often sooo whooo hooo..on top of that I'm taking my nephew to the movies (to see Happy Feet) so that should be fun (that last movie I took him to see was Curious George and he threw his juice cup down lol)

The ladies that I talk to at my job are so GREAT! I love watching movies and I love the Color Purple (Ms. Sophia home now ya'll, Ms. Sophia home now) one of them got me a blockbuster gift card and the other one bought me the Color Purple on DVD!!! So you know I'm stoked and yes I said stoked LOL....

I'm bringing their gifts back to the office on Wednesday since I've done no shopping whatsoever LOL

When I saw what they bought me I started laughing and then crying....funny cause I try to be such the non cry baby and I end up being ultra sensative lol

Why I saw this lady walking down the street today with gray tights on and snow boots with her dress..it's not that cold outside

I'm getting my hair done today..I can't wait my locs so need to be retwisted

While coming into work I saw this dude with a camaflogue bookbage on and matching jacket I mean dang did I not get the memo that the war was no longer in Iraq (which by the way is pronounced differently by whites and blacks have you noticed that) and that the war is now in DC LOL...ok let me stop

Getting everyone but my nephew and god daughter gift cards LOL...so I'll be done shopping in about an hour or so...gotta love that

Have to get an oil change before I hit the road so I'll be up bright and early like I'm going to work LOL

This older cute guy said hey baby to me this morning I kept walking but I was cheesin on the inside LOL

I should be able to get my furniture out by Jan...yea I can't wait to get it I need it like NOW!

I am seriously gonna be hyper today LOL

My boss brought me this cute lil tote bag...she said she had metro in mind...I love it it matches this pink blazer I have and I have a green one that it also matches :) It's a funky lil bag and I LOVE IT!!!!

I'm feel SUPER HYPER and I don't know why LOL

My mommie is making me seafood salad emmm emm I love that too haha

Can't wait to eat it, can't wait to taste test it..can't wait to take it all back home with me hahahahhaha (evil laugh)

This totally makes up for how I was feeling the other day when I found out that UDC doesnt' have my program of study and that I'll be applying to Howard.

I'm gonna do it big or not do it at all!

I'm gonna miss Music when I'm gone...I haven't seen him since Tuesday morning maybe he'll come over tonight while I'm packing :)

I wonder what he would think if I told him he could leave some clothes over LOL...hmm we'll wait till after the new year to bring that up haha

It's funny cause out of the guys I've dated or hung out with this year he's the one that I've known the shortest but spent more time with hmmm what does that tell ya LOL

Ok enough typing..man I wish I could watch my DVD now....too bad I'm at work LOL

Have a wonderful safe holiday whether it be Kwanzaa (that starts the 26th), Hanukkah, Christmas...it's all about giving, sharing and loving so it doesn't matter what you celebrate..so be safe and I wish you all a joyous holiday season!!!!

See ya (well you know what I mean lol) on Wednesday!!!!


posted @ 9:38am

I'm greatful.....

for talking to my mom last night...I have to just let go and let God

for everyone believing in me when I don't believe in myself

for realizing that what I speak out of my mouth will cause things to occur..from now on only positivity

for understanding that I'm a good applicant and if they don't accept me I'll just keep applying till they get sick of seeing my name LOL

for R acting like he didn't want me to leave and for having the ability to help him get an interview :)

for creating attainable goals in 2007...I'm doing it REAL BIG!!!

for today being Wednesday, tomorrow being my Friday and for not having to come back to work till Wednesday!!!!!

for R who made me feel like I'm the best thing in his life right now...of course after his son lol

for his honesty and how he communicates with me

for my mom who always knows what to say even when I know I sound like I have a bunch of nothing to say

for my daddy who always yells out to me when he knows I'm on the phone...I know God is gonna bless me with someone somewhat like him lol

for God...just being who he is and helping me realize just how much he looks out for me when I don't even think I deserve to be looked out for.

for almost crying yesterday and then realizing that applying to HU might actually be a good thing

for understanding that he never gives us more than he thinks we can bear

for knowing that sometimes my heart really does listen to my head

for instant oatmeal....emm I love mixing cinnamon bread with maple brown suger it takes soooo GOOD!

for listening to the radio in the morning with roomie on the way to work...man they have us crackin up

for the tourists we saw coming in to work who were in a convertible with the top down in the back seat on their knees taking pictures of the sites as they came into DC...man they all had scarves on around their faces looking like they were so cold but they had the top down LOL

for just having the opportunity to take time and be thankful




posted@842

I DID NOT see Constant this weekend and at first I was a lil ticked off, but I realized that his claim to have changed was probably just a ploy to try and get back in my good graces.

He was suppose to come over Friday after I got work, but when we had a meeting of the minds (a phone coversation) he said that he had to take care of some stuff and would call me when he was done. But he said that if he didn't see me on Friday night he would see me on Sat (I should have smelled it then).

He can kick rocks or go stand at the edge of a cliff and seriously think about jumping (got that from Music lol). I mean don't lie and say that you've changed and the same thing that drove me wild and not in a good way when we were dating is still driving me wild not in a good way. I mean dang...you've been here since Thursday night and just because I didn't see you when you called and asked means that I don't see you at all..who does that.

I mean ok you just found out your dad had cancer but I mean what can you do, he doesnt' live in the US so you can't go see him, you can call him but no one wants to feel your sadness over the phone, especially since people go into remission from cancer everyday. On top of that how were you suppose to see me on Friday and the nothing..meaning you weren't gonna see me on Friday anyway..freakin liar...man I am detesting him more and more each day. I think he knows it cause when I told him that he couldn't come over he sounded taken back...I said what I said, got off the phone and proceeded to chill with Music..I mean it is what it is. I'm a dang on good woman and you lost out on it when you decided to send I love you emails to half the women in the nation.

No call, no text, he could have been in the ditch somewhere, but I get nothing till Sunday night around 745. By then my Friday/Sat morning had been spent with Music and he was at my house again on Sun afternoon/night. So Constant calls and I'm like are you home ok..meaning back in Norfolk. He says I'm leaving now, I said ok well drive safe...he's like well I figured I'd stop by on my way..now mind you it's sunday he has to be to work on monday morning and it's already almost 8pm. It takes about 3 hours to get back to Norfolk. So I was like why don't you just go on home, you gotta be to work and it's already late, so i'll catch up with you when I get home this weekend. He then says well I have to work this weekend and I said well you don't work 24 hrs do you ....he was like no and I said ok then I'll call ya when I get down there and we can meet up for dinner or something...I don't plan on being too alone with you...I might forget my common sense LOL

On top of that he was like well I had to finish up some family stuff and I said that's fine I'm not your family so it doesn't really matter anyway. My thing is dont' make it seem like you trying to see me and talk to me and you're no where to be found...not only that you don't even call or send up smoke signals..I mean dang how inconsiderate is that...but it did help me to be a lil stronger to tell him to keep on going down the highway...cause any other time the other me would have been like well how about I meet you somewhere or make up something else other than just tellin him not to come over...you dont' have the privilege to just think you can pop over...you lost that when you said you loved oh girl (but in a diff spirit..how insane is that)

I just don't see how you could not call, just to say hey I was more busy than I thought can I stop by on Sunday (that would be too much like right)..don't just assume that you can stop by...cause I'm gonna sniff that out like a hound dog sniffs out deer. Your BS is not needed here...I've already eaten and I don't eat S$%@. I'd prefer to hear the truth as lame as that might sound..but hey I'm not even worried cause Music kept me occupied...he is sooo cute when he smiles LOL....I call him my homeless man cause when he doesn't shave he looks like a cute homeless man LOL or like common with all that hair on his face.

Roomie was like he was probably about to get off the exit to come here and I was like well being that we moved and he doesn't know where we live at now..he had to call and on top of that he better not pop up..he'd get his feelings hurt..cause Music sure was sitting there LOL.

After I said bye..I informed roomie of what the call was all about so we get to talking about what a jack butt he is and of course Music chimes in and I give him a watered down version of what occurred. Mainly because I don't like talking about it and besides who wants to hear about drama between an ex and someone you're trying to get to know..not me. He adds his opinion calling constant a homo LOL...meaning his behavior was homo LOL...i was like umm ok moving along. We ate dinner, or rather he ate (some baked ziti that I made on Friday when he came over for dinner), watched a lil tv. He worked on some music and I added my lil 1 cents in, played around and went on to sleep.

Funny thing is Green Eyes, the cop that I use to date last year called talking about he wanted to watch the game with me. Man this fool was sleep and I wasn't tryin to see his psycho tail anyway..sad but sometimes when I'm bored I could care less who I'm talking to as long as I'm talking..I know I have a problem LOL..and I'm quickly fixing it. Fools be thinking that just cause I answer the phone or whatever when they call that I want to chill...ummm NO, I'm just bored at the moment.

I took the GRE's let's just say that I'm glad I can take them again in January and prayerfully I will do wayyy better. But I'm not mad, it was my first time taking them and I got to see what I should expect and that's always a plus. And on top of that my application as a whole will be good so they won't just be looking at my GRE scores.

So as you can see I hung out with Music for most of the weekend...last night he was going to leave to meet one of his boys to work on his mixtape cover and asked me would I be mad..I told him no, cause he came over and if didn't spend the night I wouldn't be mad...he decided to stay cause he has today off and will work on it today...we've been trying to figure out what this weird smell is in my bathroom LOL..we think it's the water but I can't do nothing about that but buy a freshner and keep it in there LOL...his toothbrush looks so cute beside mine haha

I have yet to see Young One..he was with his son all weekend which is nice..I did talk to him on the phone though and R wanted me to come over the other night but I told him no that I was coming over. Cause he had his son and first he was gonna ask him mom to keep him but the time he spends with his son is few and far between because of his sons mother so I told him we could do drinks some other time.

I'm ready to go home for the holidays..get some much needed sleep and do a lil shopping...I'm getting the pics developed this weekend LOL..I didn't go anywhere to take pics and you might not have wanted to see me and Music LOL..so great

Off to see how your weekends were..hit up aol.music.com (Nas's cd is up there among others)


posted@8:48am

THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG ONE!!!

It's Friday and if you've read my blog on any given Friday you know that's my favorite day of the week

If you didn't know...then now you know :)

I want to thank you guys so much for all you've said in regards to what I wrote yesterday...so many times I forget that it's my blog and I can say what the piss I want which means that I deal with things a lil longer than need be....but I got it all out and I'm glad I did....

He'll probably never know that I wrote that and maybe I'll share it later but it was just a way for me to vent and admit to myself how I was really feeling....no lies just feelings..and it felt good

He came home last night instead of tonight and wanted to come over.....however Music was suppose to come over and since me and Music have recently gotten a lil closer I decided to make him stick to spending some talking time with me on Friday as we had already planned.

I think he was taken a bit back by that because usually I'm like sure come over and this time I was like well you should just go home, I have to finish studying so I'll see you tomorrow after I get off work.

I could tell by the sound of his voice that he didn't expect me to do that..but hey it is what it is and I'm not gonna put others on the back burner because you decide to come home earlier..plus I really like Music..which also means that I won't be attempting to have Constant back in my life as my BOO anytime soo....

We can be friends but what he did is still mind boggling and it wouldn't be fair to him or me to just jump back in to where I'm not comfortable...I would forever be thinking about what he did and if he's doing it again

He told me that the other night he went out and he saw one of the girls that he was emailing..asked me if I had talked to her..I told him no and that I wasn't trying to make a support group out of the chics he emailed..I could care less..I mean she cool folks, we know some of the same people from growing up in the same neighborhood but I don't know her like that LOL

And if I had talked to her what business of his would it be...on top of that he told me that there are some emails I didn't get from other chic where he told her that they weren't together and all that jazz...oh well what's done is done and what you said is what you said...I don't believe that someone who you let check your email wrote emails for you..and even when you saw what they wrote you choose to say nothing..that doesn't make sense...if I saw someone doing that, when I just told them to read my emails and let me know if there were emergencies or what not...I would have been like hey i have someone checkin my emails if you get anything funny it ain't from me...and on top of that..why have someone check your emails..if you can't respond personally....

Music smiled when he saw I got him a toothbrush said where should i put it..I said in the toothbrush holder beside mine LOL..he's funny...man his tail popped up this morning so fast when the alarm went off that he hit me in the lip LOL..he was like I hope it doesn't swell (it didn't) he kissed it and rubbed my face LOL

So I'm gonna meet him (constant) after I get home from work...I'm gonna get him to get me dinner so great LOL...hmm I'm thinking Macaroni Grill or Maggianos..I love me some pasta....plus if we're in public I'll remember that my momma taught me manners

I got a raise!!! Man when my boss and office manager told me they wanted to talk to me I felt like I was going to the principals office...but I was happy and I've been praying for God to help me learn to budget better...my goal for 2007 is to save more and spend less...I hate spending money and later be like what the heck did I get..plus I wanna buy a house after school and not be struggling while I'm in school to pay bills...God always knows just what I need when I need it....

So all in all I'm good. It's friday and next week I'm going home to visit the fam, my nephew has called me this morning to tell me he loves Unte lol....and that he was watching Barney.....

Have a great weekend....stay safe :) Dont' do nothing I wouldn't do..which of course leaves you with lots of room to play hahahaha


One of my favorite poems (It can be heard on the movie ATL):


pleasure turns to the pain
lessons learned from the strain
questions burned in my brain..
about whether love is humane
in its touch.
these thoughts are like salmon swimming upstream
in the tears of your deceit.
fighting the current hurt that kills more than is created by the chaos
of our intertwined emotions.
chaotic because the anchor of Erros' arrow has been plucked
from the vessel of my undying infatuation
separation not as simple as the distance between us
my mind no longer possessed by demons
that have been the overseers of my enslavement to your lies
the seeds of these lies rooted so deeply
they have cracked the foundation of what we once shared
allowing the faith in us i had sealed inside
to gush out like a river
ripping the image of our future together from my thoughts
as violently and as brutally as if it were a child
being taken from its mothers arms
im left surrounded in darkness
but i refuse to be swallowed by it
my lonliness like the night air
invisible to the eye
obvious to the touch
it is cold uncomfortableness
yet if i could do it all over again
id do it in the same skin im in
to lay down and let love die
just stay down and let love lie?
no, no..not i
id stay around and let love fly
even though i have seen its darkest form
deceit
nothing else could taste this warm
or feel this sweet...



posted@11:54am

I’ve got so much to say but I don’t know where to begin. You know I’m hurt and that’s evident because I can’t seem to understand how things got to be this way. You of all people should have known that I have been in your corner since day one..even before I said I love you. How could you take that so lightly, how could you act as if those were just words coming out of my mouth and that they had no meaning.

Your voice last night brought it all back. I can’t even begin to tell you how I felt at that moment. Confusion was the first thing I felt, because I’m not angry anymore. Why should I be happy that you called, why should I even care. But I do and that’s the hard part. I really don’t know what to do or think and I’m so tired of people telling me what I should do. I’m really tired of folks thinking they know what’s going on inside my head. But at the same time I’m tired of realizing that they could be right about everything and I could be wrong. I don’t want to be that stupid girl who believes in fairy tales, but I’m a woman that does. I believe in love at first sight, I believe in butterflies. Because when I was with you that’s what I got, I knew that I loved you and I still do. But being in love with someone is a element all it’s own and I’m not ready to admit that I want to be with you again. I’m not ready to admit that I can forgive and whip the slate clean, we can be friends yes, but if I really forgive and forget there is a chance that you will hurt me again. Perhaps not in the same manner but you will hurt me again. I know it’s negative to think that way but that’s reality. Reality is that yes we could move on, yes this could have just been a indiscretion on your part and that you wont’ do it again. Yes you really could have changed, but the other side of reality shows me that you could just say what I want to hear and continue to do what you want to do.

Your voice pulled on my strings last night. The I’m sorry’s over and over and over again did something to me. Made me mad, made me want to cry, made me want to hug you and slap you at the same time. I felt myself getting agitated at your answers I mean how stupid do you think I am...apparently very if you think I’m gonna believe all that nonsense that you call conversation. Yea you admitting you were wrong, you admitted you cheated and you were in the wrong. Stating that you know I’m your future doesn’t make things right.

What kills me the most is that you don’t know that I was talking and dealing with other guys behind your back. The only difference is that I never got caught, I never told any of them that I loved them or wanted to marry them. So why should I be hurt, why should I want to slap you when you might want to not deal with me after I tell you this? I guess because I thought I was number one to you and those other guys never figured they were number one. Maybe because when I think of who I wanted to marry I thought of you, when I see my future children I see your eyes and your smile on their faces. Maybe because we both need sometime to really clear our heads and decide what we’re doing with ourselves and our lives. Maybe because I realize that being with you means that I have to stop dealing with and dating other guys and I’m not ready to do that just yet. Or maybe just maybe....I realize that being with you means that I’ve finally found someone for me and that’s scary.

You asked could you come over and talk to me face to face. Look in my eyes as you apologized for the pain, hurt and confusion that you’ve brought to my heart. I want you to come over, but I know that seeing your face, looking into your eyes is going to make me question everyone and everything around me. I want you to hold me, I want you to see the pain in my eyes as I yell and scream about what an idiot you are. When you tell me once again that you’re sorry and that you didn’t send all those emails I want you to see that I don’t believe you look in my eyes. I want to see your body language, your eye movement. But even then what will I do, cause people can lie to your face and you not even know it. I want to inflict as much pain on you as you inflicted on me. But of course that wouldn’t be right and it would be fair. I’ve heard people say that the best revenge is living well and right now that’s what I’m doing. But I’ve admitted to myself that I love you, always will but I need time.

Time to get over the confusion, time to believe in you again. Time to focus on what I want to do, time to stop listening to everyone else cause they always seem to have so much to say....and if I do take the time to decide that I want to be with you....what do I do? Will I tell everyone that I’m with you and worry about what they are going to say, how they are going to call me stupid for taking you back, how I’m a fool and you’ll do it again. Will I cut the other guys off, telling them the truth or making up some lie to appease them and me for the moment. Will I really focus on you and me or will I continue to rehash the past, making you feel as if I’ve never forgiven you for what you did....

Talking to you on the phone last night...has got me back where I was when this all began..confused...wondering what the heck am I doing, what am I going to say...feelings that I had when I first met you. How a guy like you could ever talk to a girl like me and make me feel as if Im number one when we haven't even exchanged numbers....feeling as though we're meant to be when I don't even know you're name. Feeling as though, time has stopped and will only begin again when you speak my name....feeling as if I were made to love you.....

What to do, what to do......



posted @ 10:11am

the insanity of one person to "fake" their own death LOL...or whatever she or he did....there is no denying that we should all take time out to be greatful for everything around us. So I'm still gonna do it :)

I'm greatful.....

....for your company on the phone last night...I was seriously depressed about taking the GRE and you quickly whipped me out of it

....for my daddy calling me the other day when he was passing through to go to B-more. Wish I could have seen him. We haven't always been this close and I'm glad that I'm mature enough now to see just how wonderful he is.

....for my lil sis calling me all the time, to tell me stuff that she can tell me later LOL....that girl knows she could have waited until I got off work :)

.....for 5:30 yesterday, Lord knows I was tired and wanted to go home, it was just one of those days where you don't want anyone to look at you or say something to you

.....that I'm realizing that I can only study as much as I can and leave it up to God, he already knows the outcome

......that Young One is coming home tomorrow!!! He'll be here till after New Years....wooohoooo

......that you want to keep a toothbrush at my house...that makes me smile LOL...although very simple it speaks volumes

.....that I'm going home to see the fam next weekend....which means sleep, sleep, more sleep and fun time with my toot (my nephew)

......that today is wednesday which means that there are two more days left in the week

.....that I haven't let someone ignorance move me to stop being greatful

.....for the rain outside because it's needed

......for time spent catching up since it's been forever :)

Ok pics will be up sometime monday maybe LOL...I have to use the rest of my camera on something and this weekend I'm suppose to be celebrating me taking the GRE's (pray for me) so I should be posting them.....Missy stop harrassing me. I'm trying to come to the Bean again maybe within the next 3 months..I'll let ya know LOL

Ok so some people can't comment and you know I love comments LOL...but anywho feel free to comment anonymously and just sign your name or shoot me an email..I need all the positive energy I can get :)


posted@9:23am

I'm ready to go home

Why am I so tired

I mean are you really that stupid to think that I'm gonna answer my phone when it clearly says Don't answer on the caller ID LOL...

You must have called everyday cause my phone has been off for almost 2 weeks...get a life...delete my number

Why must you think more highly of yourself than what you really are...I mean I haven't talked to you, I no longer have your number, and you talking about you gotta get back to being number one...boo you ain't even on the list (if there was a list lol)....hope you didnt feel bad when I told you that I had to get off the phone and if you did oh well

You're gay and that's that.....be who you are, I really wish I could come out and say that I know....but how would that go LOL

The nice side of me wants to see you a bday card...the other side of me says to hell with it..especially since i deleted your email, im and phone number. Guess I need to leave well enough alone..I deleted it all for a reason and I'm gonna stick with it

Music came over again last night...I'm not assuming anything..he just said he wasn't focusing on his music so he wanted to come through....I studied and he worked on music....

I enjoy his company...so much in fact that I haven't seen R since before I left for Boston...he might be feeling a lil left out

R is sick and called me last night..I told him I had to study and that I noticed he called and was just returning it....great

I'm helping him look for a job...gave him 3 places to go to cause they were hiring immediately and this man ain't been to a one....I mean if you want a job you gotta get out there and hit the streets....so I sent off a couple of emails for him and I'm done...I'm not the one that needs job buddy

It's funny how I'm noticing Music change a lil.....at first he wasn't all touchy feely now he sorta is....when he leaves in the morning to go to work he gives me kisses (at first I'd be like gimme kiss LOL)...this morning it was funny cause he gave me like 4 lol....

He calls me Apple Face haha...kinda cute

I have yet to talk to Constant..which isn't a bad thing but I must admit I want to slap him in person lol, that might make me feel better.

I only like about 4 songs off Fanny's album (Fantasia) and I'm feeling disc one of Tyrese's double CD and Mary's album is great!

Being someone's assistant isn't where it's at..I need to seriously submit my apps for grad school after I get my score.

Sometimes I feel like a gopher.

I'm ready to go home...and get in the bed....no company needed LOL

I seriously have to get back in the groove with loosing weight I am not trying to buy any new clothes because I've "let" myself go

Ok so why instead of 2 weeks from now..the money for my NY trip is due on Friday. I hate when black people change things up...freakin kids....so I'm still going, just might not go to that party...what am I made of money....not I said Honey

Poor lil Music as soon as he put his laptop up and laid down he was done LOL..snoring and all...he is so cute when he sleeps

DC wants to come over on Sunday to watch the game....he said for peace and quiet...yea cause I'll be in my room watching lifetime or knocked out.

I need to get my locs retwisted before I go home for the holiday....I don't like them to look too rough

Im' sure Music will be over another day this week LOL....I just dont' want us to get in the habit of doing that then we annoy one another....

I sleep so sound when Music comes over...I wonder why LOL...then again I sleep sound all the time but I guess I like the cuddling part of it all

Is it Friday yet?

posted @ 11:29am

I was saying that all weekend..sounding like Jim Jones LOL

We were suppose to leave at 930...we didn't leave till 1am (guess we were more tired than we thought)

Traffic was great, then again I was knocked out so I wouldn't know either way.

Those tolls are something serious!!! Why was one of them like almost 7 dollars (yes i know i sounded like a white girl oh well lol)

It's extremly too cold for me up there...I need some balance when it comes to weather lol

Her dad stays in a cute lil one bedroom apt why this puerto rican lady was like staring out the window when we were leavin to go to the mall..we waved at her..she just stared I mean at least wave back.

She didn't even try to hide that she was staring just hiked the blinds up some more.

Missy is officially my favorite blogger LOL..sike let me stop....but for real home girl is INSANE!!!

We met her at this place called progressions after we saw Dad's play which by the way was WONDERFUL

I realized this weekend that I love wearing blazers with a matching bra underneath LOL...perhaps cause I have nice boobs I don't know LOL..but it's sooo sexy looking haha

Besides the fact that I almost had to curse this gay man out (who I later found out to be the director) cause he said I couldn't take pics ...umm boo you should have said that at the beginning....I still took a pic later...just made sure the flash was off and that the lights were on LOL...I think his "partner" saw me but he looked a tad bit scared..boo don't do it to yourself..I will scream on you

So it took us like 10 min to park LOL...roomies wheel was cold and wouldn't turn..missy was laughin at us.

Lil spot is cute..opens at 4pm and closes at 2am.

Missy hipped me to all that extra drama about oh girl...all I have to say is she must have been pretty desperate...and I could care less anymore...thanks but no thanks I don't need no more information to come to the conclusion that either way you put it plymouth rock landed on us LOL..she's in my prayers cause either way she's dead

I swear Jamaicans and lesbiens are everywhere in Boston!!

I must admit that accent had my panties wet though (not from the lesbien LOL)

I had some shots of something called a red death (had three over the whole weekend).....man I tell ya....nice that's all I got to say and i have a new drink...hypnotic and pineapple juice..umm yummy

We danced, laughed at people..took pics in the bathroom.

I was trying to talk like I was from Boston haha...not too good might I add

Missy fell down the ramp (she was walking up it LOL but you get what I'm saying) LOL..I was dying LOL....cause it was in slow motion....

Too bad I didn't get to meet Dynasty...next time it's on and poppin LOL

Sat we did the mall...bought some cute red pumps...and finally found some silver shoes.

I really didn't want to pay $50 for my dress and shoes for new years..found some at burlington

Had the best sandwich this side of the east coast....at D'angelos'. We ate there for lunch everyday this weekend LOL

Saw some Nike boots I want....and babyphat ones...they are def on my christmas list.

Went to this place called the blue wave on sat....man at first we were like what the piss...but it got a lil packed

Might I add they have something called Soulful Saturdays where people from the area can perform...these two guys were there that SANNNG their tales off...I have been pumpin homeboys sampler since then LOL....

Met some cuties...i have found the secret to getting free drinks.

Sit at the bar...and have guys breathe over you to order drinks...I was done at the end of the night LOL

I think I had about 6....and I got a number from a cutie....his name is Alex (same name of Red also known as Texas) but that didn't deter me...he was tall and em em yummy lookin lol

Let me find out I'm bout to be in Boston again.

Why dudes so persistant though...this one dude exchanged numbers with roomie..talkin about we should come to his house he tryin to get it on and poppin (he went to VSU) we were like we goin to meet her godbrother (who lives in CA and was home visiting) he was like well call me after...needlesstosay we ate at IHOP and we didn't get home till 5am.

Her godbrother by the way is a cutie...too bad he lives in CA..and he has locs ummm I love a man with hair LOL

Got back a lil before 9....Music came over...told me that he did in fact miss me (what he never says that lol) calls me Apple face...great

I must admit that he is beginning to grow on me.....he was watching the game on the floor of my room and I went to watch it with him..it was cute both of us all curled up watchin the game...I could get use to that

R called..my phone was off....says he's sure he'll hear from me after work sometime today....ummm will you....maybe, maybe not.

My phone is back on and when I say I'm happy I mean I'm HAPPY!!! Man I have missed that thing and it's only been off for what a lil over a week LOL

Music says I have the softest butt he's ever felt LOL...great....

I take the GRE's on Saturday...am I ready...a lil I'll be studying this week and then partying after I'm done on Sat LOL

Pics will be uploaded later this week...have to use the rest of my film :)

Off to see how your weekends were while listening to Fantasia, Tyrese and Mary J's albums on AOL music.....

Before I get into the reason for my title LOL..let's just say that I am off tomorrow so today is my friday and I am heck a happy. I can't be more ready to freaking get off work and head to the Bean. Me and the Roomie are leaving around 8 tonight I think.....she's driving probably most of the way (if not all) lol since i have no clue where we're going. We are scheduled to see a play, hang out wiht some of her fam and do drinks....hopefully Missy won't be avoiding my calls when I hit town or you will see me in the paper cause I was riding up and down her street, screaming obsenitites and throwing rocks at a house that I thought was hers LOL.

Yesterday afternoon I got an email from a blogger that I've met in person....she's hilarious by the way and we keep seeming to miss one another although we work only a couple of metro stops away..anywho I digress. So she sends me an email titled...I hate to tell you this...and I thought it was some kind of joke or whatever so I open it and it says....Trish didn't die. It's all a lie. And I was like what?! (caught me off guard cause it rhymed lol) First I was like now she know that ain't nice to be lying like that, I'm bout to post a comment about her being horribly mean, it ain't even April and if it was that's nothing to joke about. So I reply to her email with a what?! I don't get a response and I move on with my day.....I later go home to check my email and still no response so I hit her on the phone....I was like what is this nonsense email you sent me LOL....I was like girl I was gonna bop you in the head for being mean ..you know God dont like ugly.

Then she hits me with..... I talked to Nikki (a fellow blogger) and she told me some stuff...she then proceeds to go on (for about 15 min probably less my mouth was open the whole time so time seemed to stand still) about how Trish isn't dead and it's all been a lie...I was like what are you serious..so I see Nikki is online..I hit her up (meanwhile the other blogger tells me that they tried to hit me up earlier but I wasn't online) and I was like what the piss is this about.....she informs me that she is posting something about it and I was like aight I'm off to read it....needlesstosay I ain't hurt, in fact I feel sorry for the individual. The outpour of love and support that went out to her shows that there are in fact good folks in the world and because of the tangled web she wove (when she practiced to decieve) I now take the time to be greatful for everything around me and that is never bad. HOWEVER, you do not and I repeat DO NOT need to lie about being sick, how you are so strong and all that other jazzy so that others will feel sorry for you. On top of that.....I'm not saying I mind praying for folks but dang, I shed a tear or two for this chic. Why in the sam nation would you do what you did, just so someone could leave you alone....sad. I'm so glad that I don't believe everything that I read or hear but dang on it, I felt a pang of sadness for someone is "fighting" for their life (turns out they should be fighting for their sanity)

I mean I'm human I have emotions and I never expected someone to carry on the way they did....I was too done last night....ranting and raving about it all LOL....don't worry I ain't mad....I'm laughing in fact cause Karma is a motha (and I dont' mean someone with kids). I pray that others who had a deeper relationship with her....will continue to pray for her cause this sista clearly needs some mental help. I mean come on it's blogger, of course we all might not tell the whole truth about things we do and some of us tend to tell everything but if you feel like you gotta lie to yourself and those around you...you got issues and I ain't subscribing none of em right now..... besides that I was like you don't mess with people's emotions especially those who you really dont know cause if i was crazy (which I'm not really lol) I would find out where she lived and do a ride by her house and when she came out just stare her down LOL..not that it would do anything but make me laugh at her hahahah

I'm not gonna type too much more about it...in fact I think Nikki did a great job of explaining it...so head over there......I'll wait...............

http://iniquitous1.blogspot.com/



WAIT.......................


WAITING.........................


HUMMING......................


Don't ask me any questions cause what's done is done and I ain't worried about it....I mean it's blogger not my everyday life..this don't pay the bills LOL

Yea so you see there is more to the story I'm sure, however if this is a hoax I pray that this person or whoever seeks help......CASE CLOSED

Have a great weekend...I plan to :)


posted@8:51am

...it's time to get live it's time to represent..remember that cheer from HS....no I wasn't a cheerleader. First it takes me too long to learn a routine..ask BK whose jazzercise class was easy but I didn't learn the routine till the music was almost done LOL....Second a sista got hips and a butt..so my skirt would have had to be altered LOL..dont' want the goods showing....

Anywho......today, my favorite day of the week...I take time to smell the roses and thank God for everything around me..the good, the bad and even the ugly LOL......(Shoutouts to my personal angel...thanks for your advice the other day....I could hear you loud and clear lol)

I'm greatful for....

you and how you call me a blessing....knowing that I have that affect on you makes me blush each time you tell me

the cold outside, cause I have heat to go home to when I leave it...so much heat the my glasses fogged up when I walked in the house last night

my best friend....she's not here with my physically but when I talk on the phone to her it's like we're right down the street like we use to be when we were in school

my mom, her advice and love reaches me even when I don't talk to her.....I pray that I'm half the woman and mother that she is when I "grow up"

for realizing last night that I don't have to chase you.....from now on it's me and only me...if you call you do and if you dont' then I'm fine with that

the Steve Harvey morning show....I tell ya he gets my morning started off right

for having Friday off...I'm bout to do some damage to the BEANNNNN LOL

hearing your voice the other day and realizing that I'm fine and will be fine if we never enter into a relationship

for completing my grad school essay....and it only took 3 drafts.....

for studying yesterday.....although it was only a short time....I am confident that I will be fine

realizing that God has it already planned out...he knows what's gonna happen and it's up to me to just chill and let him do his thing

for being your sunshine....it's nice to know that when you think of someone and something that makes you happy you think of me

understanding that change takes movement and I'm all about the business right now

for realizing that people come and go.....and sometimes it's best that you let them

DVR......I know I know LOL...but I tell ya I love that thing haha

you all thinking I lead an exciting life...trust me...it ain't LOL.....in the words of mary if you looked through my eyes and see what I see :)

being able to have things to be thankful for..no matter how small

.........


taking time to smell the roses :)

posted@9:14am

Ok so today I have nothing to talk about. I was going to do a meme...decided not to cause I want to do the mp3 one and I don't feel like getting it out of the closet..well actually it's right beside me..but that's too much typing so since Freaky requested (and TSG) a list of characters LOL (in other words my male friends) here goes. They are listed in no particular order.


R: I met him about 2 years ago when I graduated from college and started working at a law firm in DC. He saw me at lunch with some of my girls and I saw him. I thought he was cute, but I'm shy when it comes to confronting guys so I glanced, smiled and kept it moving. I left after we ate and he went up to my girl and asked her to give me his number. She called me at work, gave the number to me, I called him that day. He came over to my job (he worked across the street), we talked outside for about 30 min to an hour..yes I left my desk lol...and went on our first date that night....and we've been kicking it ever since. R has a son who is 4, a baby momma who is keeping his son from seeing his father alot, she's a smart woman (from what he tells me, he doen'st bad mouth her), however he's disappointed that she is angry at him and therefore attacking what she knows he wants...time with his son. Now how do I feel about R? Hmmm at first I wanted to be with him, now we've grown into a sort of weird relationship..some could say we're together, but we don't...we hang out, we kiss, we've even slept together...but we don't have a title and perhaps we never will have one..I kinda like it that way, I kinda don't. He recently lost his job (not his fault) and is looking for another one and wants to secure that before he takes on a relationship..which is understandable..he's older and I like the conversation we have....but now that I've met others who I spend more time with I think he's feeling me distancing myself.

Constant: I met him when I was a junior in college....the night of my bday. He had a massive pony tail and those juicy lips that scream LL (lol). We danced for what seemed like forever, exchanged numbers and I didn't hear from him for a week. I had gotten out of a serious relationship a year before and wasn't really feeling talking to anyone...my girls say I was depressed. However we hooked up, he would come over to the campus before work. I always liked him from the beginning but I think the first time I realized I love him would have been when I was at VIP in DC and I saw this chic all over him..and before this wouldn't have bothered me..I mean he's from DC so he knows half the people in that capital LOL....but chic was ALL over him....I was crushed...he came over, danced with me, was all hugged up on me and all I could think abotu was this chic on him....he asked me to go to breakfast with him (Georgetown Cafe I think) and I told him what was on my mind...and he said....I don't want to be with her, I want to be with you...who was I hugged up on, who did I kiss goodbye...you not her, and yea you know the rest. He joins the military...gets caught up in being in the middle of a war..and takes it upon himself to crush the hell out of my heart. Talking about he didn't know what to do or who was gonna be down for him. I mean we talked about marriage, kids and all that other nonsense and then BAMN I find out that he told some chic he was engaged to her (she has no ring and she's only seen him once, yes I know I'm not hating on her but I mean dang would you do that to yourself), on top of that he is now saying that he wanted to be with me, I was the special one, I was the one that he never meant to hurt, I was the one that he thinks of when he thinks of the future and he didn't know what he had till I left him alone....and that he wants to prove to me that he can be better than what he's shown me. Problem is...he doesn't realize that once you do me wrong like that, it takes a while for me to even own you as a friend again...more less my man. So he can do what he want, say what he wants, but I ain't backing down from leaving him alone....at least I'm praying LOL....now I can't promise that if he shows up with a ring that I won't take it and run (not run with him lol, run with the ring) I could sell that bad boy hahaha. I love him, I care aboout him, but the buck stops there

Music: I've just recently met him..we've known each other for about a month. He lives about 20 min from me. We chill during the week, cause we both have to work and on the weekends we hang out, dinner movies all that jazz. He's my age, I think maybe a couple of months older than me. I like him, cause he makes me laugh and he doesn't annoy me. He's nonchalant like Constant but not so nonchalant that I dont' know what he thinks. We play around, we laugh, we joke and we leave it at that. I won't speak on being with him right now cause we're still in the get to know one another phase and I'm good with that. Although he has a passion for music (he be in the studio lol) he has a "real" job and does the music thing when he has time....so I can dig it...he does however say that I talk loud LOL

Young One: What can be said about Young one? I met him I think last year sometime via internet. We chatted a few times on IM then it fell off. Fast forward to end of Aug this year, we started talking again cause he thought I was his cousin (we have similar screen names) and it went from there. I went to see him, and have seen him once a month since then. We talk on the phone all the time, or send IM messages or text messages. He's from DC, is in college in SC, has a son (what's with me and kids LOL..I love the kids haha), takes care of his son and has no baby momma drama, which I can respect. I love how we converse, how we can stay on the phone for hours and not say anything...how we fall asleep on the phone together...how we can just be silly together, yet serious. He'll be home for Christmas break soon..so we'll be spending more time together....hmm wonder how that's gonna be cause I'm use to only seeing him a couple of days out the month.

DC: I met DC back in April when I met Nurse Dude (remember him). We chatted on the phone, made plans to hang out and what not...then he disappeared. I get a phone call about a month and a half ago and it's him. Turns out he lost his phone while he was moving and had to get a new one. He found it when he was unpacking and decided to give me a call. So far we've done lunch, movies (twice) and breakfast. He's nice...has offered to pay my cell bill (i said no..yea I know lol) and offered to get my car cleaned (now that I can do lol). I don't want him to think I'm chillin with him cause he's offered to do things for me..cause he's really cool people. The only thing about him is, he's never home...and perhaps that's cause he's still getting stuff done to his house and it's hella cold in there LOL....but he's always at his "boys" house. And yes I've met this boy lol.....but I can remember someone telling me that when you ask someone what they are doing and they be like I'm with a friend it usually means the opposite sex. Like if I'm with my girls I'm gonna be like oh I'm with my girls...which I do, but I don't do it all the time so of course that's just a general statement..but anyway....he's cool...we chill...nothing more nothing less.

Confused: Ok, I am NOT with confused and never have been. I am only mentioning him cause he was mentioned yesterday in my random post. I met him almost 2 years ago. Come to find out he use to be roomies with Young One. They went to the same HS and the college. In the beginning me and Confused talked all the time..something similar to me and young one, however I knew he was chillin with other girls and I was kickin it with Constant at the time. So we both were doing our own thing and weren't tryin to get together. But I was going through some stuff with constant and confused was always there...listening, offering advice and what not. Enter Young One....who finds out I know Confused and informs me that confused is gay or has been rumored to be such. I say well people talk...he then provides me with proven information and I mean PROVEN that he is indeed of the opposite lifestyle. Which isn't bad but I'm not gonna be the one to turn you straight again especially when you won't even admit that you are gay (or interested in the bi life). I mean do what you do, that's not gonna stop me from being your friend...just wanting to be that type of friend LOL....I don't like to share sorry. So he IM's me the other night, telling me that he did indeed have a girl when me and him kicked it..while me and constant were not together for a period of time (and me and confused were kickin it)...although he told me that he didn't. So he lied, and he wants to be with me now cause he's ready for a relationship and he need a friend more than a relationship right now..cause he's hurting...and I'm like (I was thinking) you're confused about your sexuality am I correct...but he doesn't know that Young one has told me about all that...so I can't be like well so and so said...cause that ain't cool....but it's weird cause I know that he is and I want to be like I'm flattered but no, but I can't...so I just gotta be like well it won't work out cause your immature (which he is, no car, depends on his mom for everything, and still thinks that I'm gonna come pick him up and drop him off all the time) and you still have some things you need to deal with (which he does)



Ok so that's the recent line up LOL....or my group of friends (mens) should I say. That's not including those who I no longer mention (Nurse dude and Green Eyes) they don't deserve mentioning so great LOL...any questions?


posted @ 10:35am

Listening to the Dream girls soundtrack on music.aol.com

This weekend was nice....opened the GRE book ONCE LOL..I know horrible and I have to take it next weekend....so this week will be filled with more studying than normal.

HE called me last night.....hearing his voice after 6 months caught me off guard....made me think of how much I use to think of him....how much I missed him...being here....then I remembered that he MESSED up (when I first typed this I typed the F word LOL..so you know how I was heated)

We chatted......he will be back in VA on wed but won't be back in DC till next weekend...good thing I already have plans for this weekend or I would be trying to get down there knowing me (I ain't got to lie I know how I am)

I'm gonna be in the BEAN this weekend....Missy my favorite Rican...you betta answer your dang on phone..or I will ride up and down the street screaming obsenitites LOL

Go to http://crunktastical.blogspot.com/ and watch the youtube clip of the day...I was cracking up (it's from 12/1, it's the one from waiting to exhale)

Hung out with DC on friday after work...we went to see DEJA VU....great movie, you can't talk through it, you can't sleep through it (he swears I closed my eyes LOL), you have to pay attention...I love Denzel so I loved it :)

He also treated me to breakfast the next morning..aint' he sweet.....he likes to hold my hand while we're walking, put his arm around me, put his hand in my back pocket LOL...ain't that cute (hmm LOL) and we haven't even had a real kiss yet...yea lil pecks hello and good bye but no tongue LOL...should I be worried.....not to say that I expect him to want to stick his tongue down my throat hahaha

Wanna go see Dream Girls, Blood Diamonds and the Pursuit of Happiness....so yea me and Young one have lots of movies to see when he comes home for christmas break.

Apparently I have the ability to turn a gay man straight......backstory: I met this dude last year...we kicked it....stopped kickin it...turns out he use to be Young One's roomie at school (yea weird)....I heard he was a lil confused....well last night he sent me an IM talking about he wanted to be with me....which is why he stopped talkin to me....but he doesn't know that I know that he is confused (in that way)....so I couldn't be like well how can you want to be with me when you don't even play on that team....LOL

So umm yea Tenacious I'm tryin to figure out how I can bottle that mess up and sell it or use it on someone else LOL

Ripped some music to my mp3 player yesterday....I will officially be jammin...as if I'm not already singing like no one be lookin at me lol

Music came over yesterday and I had a blast....he did a lil music on his comp and i was jammin on the mp3 player.....the night before he was over and I cooked (nothin special) and we watched Amityville Horror.....drank a lil and of course I was knocked out lol

He's not a very emotion person or should I say touchy feely person but he was like I enjoy your company and all that (which for him is as close as I'm gonna get to an I missed you lol)

Talking about he is gonna leave me alone so I can study for the GRE's I told him I can study with him there....or can I (lol)

R had his son this weekend so we didn't hang out....but he wanted to go to the shooting range this weekend..too bad I'm gonna be out of town

Of course he says that I'm leaving him again...I told him well I have to spend time with people who want to spend time with me....since you don't love me LOL....he was like you know you my sunshine (that's his nickname for me).....so he called me last night before HE called and we chatted for all of 5 min he was on the phone

He's been acting a lil weird.....maybe he thinks I'm about to be like I don't wanna talk to you no more....I wouldn't say that but he knows that he's not number one anymore

I'm off on Friday...can you say that I'm excited....actually excited isn't even the word....what's higher than excited LOL

I am officially feeling Jay-Z..he is a man who is about the business (watch this video)http://abcnews.go.com/search?searchtext=jay-z&from=0&to=9&type=video more entertainers need to be like this..it's the first one on the page. He's officially on his grind...he's articulate, intelligent...get em Jay LOL

Ciara and Brian Mcknights cd is also on AOL music...I checked her's out already...I liked some of the songs might cop it....I love B. Mcknight so we'll check his out after I listen to dreamgirls....

I'm so not feeling fantasia's new video...especially her in that gold dress...it makes her boobs look nonexistent.....not that I care but dang dress to flatter yourself..not make people notice that you've put on some weight....

I popped both rubber bands in my head this morning...dang on it.....my locs aren't that long but I can wear the front in two tiny pony tails...i look sorta sophisticated...lil girlish hahah....

I have to be seriously on my grind in losing 5 pds by the end of this month...that dress requires it LOL

Off to see how your weekends were......

.....lata

posted@9;44am

The fact that it's Friday always makes me feel rejuvenated (who cares if I spelled that wrong it's friday my brain has been on weekend mode since wed lol). I mean I come in to work on Monday wishing it were Friday. I saw R last night (yea that's what I said..wow) and he was like wow the other day you weren't smiling what's up with tonight, your cheesin and everything...I said tomorrow is Friday LOL..that's what's up. He is another subject all together...too funny. Acting like he needed some Ritalin last night cause he called him self so happy to see me. I was like umm what's gotten into you LOL..he wanted to hug and joke and watch me walk outside when I went to get my granoloa bar that I left in the car. Gave me a kiss bye this morning when he's usually knocked out...which means I kiss him on the forehead LOL...but he was awake and what not..probably cause he has to go to his sons school...that's never fun..but hey you do what you gotta do.

I know what dress I'm wearing for new years.....I'm going to NY and I have to be on my grown and sexxy :) (http://www2.victoriassecret.com/commerce/application/prodDisplay/?namespace=productDisplay&origin=onlineProductDisplay.jsp&event=display&prnbr=XG-203374&page=1&cgname=OSCLODRSVIL&rfnbr=2667) let me know what you think

Here are the shoes I'm gonna get to wear with it (http://www.ninewest.com/n/browse/product.s?productId=12050&source=category&index=1&prodIndex=25&listSize=59&categoryId=7006)

Me and DC are suppose to go see Deja Vu either tonight or tomorrow night..depending on what time we both get off from work.

He's sweet or perhaps testing me LOL...he said he would give me money to pay my cell phone bill..I told him it wasn't a priority right now and it would get paid when I paid it...a sista trying to get her christmas furniture..plus I got a house phone.

Kinda funny cause I've never been the one to take money from ANYONE I hate to even take money from my parents..I'm that stubborn..I mean I will cry and cry until someone pretty much puts a gun to my head and makes me take it...so of course I was like hmm I could use it..then I was like nah...I ain't tryin to be indebted to him or even feel obligated to chill if we don't vibe like that anymore just cause he paid my cell bill..ah well...

Says he doesn't feel safe knowing that I'm in the streets without a phone..I told him I keep change in the car lol....

Music is aight...he was gonna come over yesterday but of course I don't have my cell (and he was out with his boys) so I don't know what occurred with that LOL...I wasn't at home.

I so have to study this weekend....after or before the movie of course lol...I take the GRE's in less than 2 weeks.

I want a good score first time around so I don't have to take it again....

I'll work on my essay and send it to my prof next week so she can look at it before christmas...you know how that goes...gotta get it to em or they become busy with other things lol like life

For some odd reason I'm on this Tank (the singer kick) he has a song out now called Please don't go and I'm soooo feeling it...my sis was like umm do you wanna be in the video LOL

...he also has a song called I'm the reason (from a previous album) that I've recently been putting on repeat on the mp3 player

which by the way is a DREAM!! Man it makes me want to go walking LOL...

why my crazy tail be walking with a lil extra strut when I'm listening to it LOL

I'm loving that new track from b-jay (beyonce lol)...Listen....I'md one believing you..you don't know what i'm feeling..i'm more than what youmake of me I found the voice you think you gave to me!! Sing it girl!!

some girl was staring at me on the train yesterday (tell her tenacious I ain't apart of that club LOL)...I guess I was lip singing too hard AHAHAHAH

I'm getting my nephew a trampolin (with a tent) for christmas...he loves jumping so I'm going to give him something to jump on

might get my mom an Ipod to use while she is on her walks....she said she would use it :)

not getting too many other gifts...maybe some gift cards..that's easy

So my Christmas gift to myself is my furniture and some curtains for my room....see I can be sensible

I'm so thankful for everything right now...life could be worse but it's not and God knows just what I can handle right now...I'm a soulja :)

Have a great weekend

posted @ 854am