Life through my eyes......

1. What is the best relationship advice you've ever received? If he was that perfect wouldnt' you still find something to complain about? Love dont come easy so understand that first and you dont have to be with him to love him, if you let him go and opportunity comes again for you two to share time and space then accept it, but do what you gotta do to take care of you and if he's for you...he'll be around (Gotta love moms and the friends)

2. How many people have you dated at once? How many people do you think it is acceptable to date at once? Hmm when I'm dating I tend to date 2 or 3 folks depending on how the dates go and how close I am to the person. I think it all depends on what your defintion of dating is, I mean you can date 10 folks and there be nothing wrong with that, now if you sleeping with all 10 (first I know your private area is tired lol) you might wanna talk to someone about solving your deeper problems lol

3. What made your worst kiss so bad? He didnt have any lips and he was over doing it....I can't stand someone trying to kiss me with no lips ewwwww.....you know I get all caught up in kissing Hun that I sometimes dont wanna do anything else LOL, he got them nice juicy lips especially that bottom one man..umm sorry lol

4. Can a relationship last if the sex is bad? Personally I think that if both folks talk about what making the sex bad then yes but if the party that is causing the bad sex still aint getting with the program hopefully they are bringing something more to the table so that the bad sex doesn't sour the relationship.

5. What one thing would you like your partner to do every time you have sex with them? Well he does it and each time he does it I love him more :)

Bonus (as in optional): What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? Wearing a thong LOL....as soon as Hun notices I have one on...he's like ummmm and I know where it's going from there LOL

Random:

If I'm such a sexy lady why you gotta move on....great

For some odd reason I am sooo feeling this song on Carl Thomas' old cd called Work it Out (man I be jammin)

I think I'm gonna start running, in order to get to my goal by next May I need to step it up

The Step Expo last night was nice, I never do understand why some folks are so extra though..it's not that deep lol

Hearing compliments from folks who haven't seen me, saying that I lost weight and look good was nice but I was like dang was I 500 pds LOL

Nothing much this weekend...date night tonight with Hun, chill with the girls tomorrow and run errands, Sunday hang out with BK DIVAAAA LOL (HEYY CHIC), Monday hang out with the babe then head home to see my Toot off for his first day at school.

WHOOHOOO after today I dont have to show my face in this place till Wed. Get your lean on shawty bring it back...COME ONE!!!!

Cause I'm on Wipe Me Down....why one of my godsisters got me saying Jesus Wipe me Down LOL....before I was saying Jesus take the wheel LOL

Russ Parr said some man got plastic surgery and he looks like a cat...umm WOW

Umm about Paula Zahn getting a divorce cause her husband wont laying that pipe (LOL I always laugh when I hear someone call it that...like I want some steel up in me then again hmmmmm lol)

For some odd reason I wanna go outside and do a fake photo shoot with my digital LOl..hun laughs when i say that..calls me a camera whore LOL....great

Its funny when I think about how Hun has changed when it comes to hugging me and what not...I can remember when he'd be kinda distant when I'd try to hug him..now he reaches for me.

OHHH yes the horoscopes are coming up on Russ Parr...you can listen to it on the internet if you dont get the radio station (939wkys.com) I'm promoting like I work for them LOL

I am tryin to decide what I'm wearing tonight for date night..I think I'm gonna wear this cute lil dress with these canvas shoes that i saw the other day and didn't get (trying to be good in that dept since I already have so many shoes) However I dont have black and white shoes so ummm see I can get em lol

I am liking class so far. For some odd reason I love reading my books and taking notes, writing on the paper and highlighting I can go insane with that. Speaking of that I need to go on Amazon.com to see if they got one of my books.

Have a wonderful holiday...I'll be back on Wed....HOOOLLAAAAAA

posted@9:22am

Alphabet Soup (JACKED from Blog Caffeine LOL):

A- Attached or Single? attached to Hun :) (we have our moments but doesn't every one lol)

B- Best Friend: Yep she's like my twin (I miss her)

C- Cake or Pie: pie perferably apple with vanilla ice cream or rather an apple crisp emmm ok i need to stop

D- Drink of Choice: juice I know I go out so much you would think I got that monkey on my back but I just keep him in my purse pull em out when i need em lol

E- Essential Item: mp3 player and digital camera

F- Favorite Color: blue (all shades I dont discriminate)

G- Gummi Bears or Worms? gummi bears (they just taste better lol)

H- Hometown: Hampton

I- Indulgence: Ice cream (Moose tracks or something with caramel in it)

J- January or February: Feb I love valentines day even when I didnt' have a boyfriend (my dad always gets me candy)

K- Kids: I'd love some one day (I have their names picked out already lol)

L- Life is incomplete without: God and experiencing a form of love

M- Marriage Date: only God knows

N- Number of Siblings:3 (by relation) a billion play play lol

O- Oranges or Apples? hmm depends

P- Phobias/Fears: snails ewww I'm not scared of them i just dont like em

Q- Favorite Quote: I do what I can..cause that's all I can do

R- Reasons to smile: I'm awake and looking rather jazzy

S- Season: hmm fall cause of my bday, summer cause I can wear open toe shoes :) (and not be stared at strange)

T- Tag Three: you, her and umm you too lol (you know ya'll some lazy bums haha)

U- Unknown Fact About Me: My biggest fear is that I wont be able to birth children..weird I know

V – Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals? Umm I eat what I want

W- Worst Habit: saying clearly too much, making faces at stuff folks say and umm scratching my hair and then cleaning my fingernails by flicking it lol..my roomie says this is gross

X – X-rays or Ultrasounds? Xray for teeth

Y- Your Favorite Foods: salads (ruby tuesday), rice, pasta, shrimp and now broccoli (Hun cooks it and its good lol)

Z- Zodiac: LIBRA LADY!!!!

posted@9:59am

Random: Did anyone listen to the Russ Parr morning show this morning...man those horoscopes had me crackin up I was dying when Mai Ling was like she got 72 inch paper heels on LOL WOW

Each week I try to find something that speaks to me about remembering to be thankful and to you guys who stop by...today I found this...ENJOY!!!

Being thankful opens us up to receiving all kinds of wonderful blessings. When in a state of gratefullness, we acknowledge our true selves & radiate this energy to others
What does it mean to be thankful? I'm not talking about being polite after someone's opened the door for you. I'm talking about feeling thankful for the true blessings in your life.

"True Blessings" mean the things in your life that resonate importance in your life - the things that touch your core. You may be wondering why it's important to feel thankful. Oprah talked about this concept a few years ago and she suggested having a thankfulness journal. This is a great idea because it keeps us focussed on the positives in our lives. It helps us see the great things we have and do, and puts our frustrations and worries into perspective. But even if you don't have a journal, you can see the benefits of being conscious of thankfulnesss - again, it keeps us focused on the great and wonderful things in our lives.

How does being thankful affect your life? Let's look at it in terms of someone you may know. Imagine the person who is usually in a bad mood. They are always complaining about something, there is always someone who's done something to them and they're always getting the bum deal. This person is hard to be around and it takes a lot of energy to maintain a relationship with them. By the end of a visit, you're exhausted! Do you think this person is a thankful one? Probably not. In fact, if you asked them what they're thankful for, they may have a hard time telling you.

On the other hand, think of someone else you know. This person is energetic, and has a certain spark to them. They laugh a lot and have a "can-do" attitude. They may be afraid, but they are willing to try new things. If you ask them what they're thankful for, they will be able to list off many. And when you visit with this person, you feel energized, inspired and thankful to know them. It's safe to say that this person is more fulfilled in their life than the unthankful one.
Of course our lives are never perfect but we still strive for perfection. But you know how it is. You reach the top of one mountain and lo and behold! there's another mountain to climb! Don't feel discouraged by this. Be sure to look back at all the mountains you've climbed and acknowledge the growth and progress you've made. Be thankful for the experiences because without them, you wouldn't be where you are today.

And what if where you are today is not where you want to be? Again, be thankful that you are where you are - because now you have a very clear idea of what you don't want. You can now work towards what you do want. If you are wondering how to get started on this, begin with a list. Write down every little thing you're thankful for. Nothing is too small to put on this list. Include the mundane things like the first cup of coffee in the morning or the birds that were singing. Tell yourself that you're going to add to it all day as ideas pop into your head. Keep this idea in your mind all day. You don't have to be totally focussed on it, just be open and know that at the end of the day when you read over your list, you're going to see that there are so many wonderful things in your life that you have to be thankful for.

You can even add things that you don't have, but want. This is important in manifesting our dreams.

By Trish Hoskin

http://self-awareness.suite101.com/article.cfm/being_in_a_state_of_thankfulness


posted@9:22am

So I've been tagged by a new blog homie :) Trenting (Check the spot to the left to the left)

THE RULES: Elaborate on the words below kids!

Accent – I'm from VA so some folks say I sound Kuntry LOL...personally I like being a country gal

I Don't Drink – Pepsi or dark sodas..I just dont like em

Chore I Hate – Cleaning the bathroom..ewwww but when I get in that mood watch out cause I will clean the whole house (I cleaned 2 bathrooms at Huns house this weekend gross I tell ya just gross..why do men leave hair on the counter then say well I'm usually here alone..so you wanna see that everytime you go to the sink..nasty I tell ya)

Pets – I had a dog named Gizmo that I have to give away cause he got too big...hopefully Hun will get me another one for Christmas lol

Essential Electronic – my MP3

Perfume/Cologne- D&G Light Blue and my newest addition Escada

Gold or silver – Silver..hopefully Hun is looking at that platinum ;)

Insomnia – never I love sleep I could go to sleep at work if I could

Job Title – Legal Assistant (Slave)

Most Admired Trait – Folks say I have a insane sense of humor...I say stuff and I dont even try to be funny

Kids – I want lots of em. Hun wants 2 I want 4 LOL...maybe we'll compromise at 3.

Religion – Baptist...I stayssss in church all day lol (when I go, I know I know I'm gonna do better)

Siblings – 3 (2 sisters and one brother)

Time I wake up – 7:10am unless I gotta be to work early then it's 630.

Unusual talent/skill – I can act like I care (when I really dont) LOL

Vegetable I refuse to eat – Okra..it's slimy and reminds me of snails

Worst habit – I tend to overtalk sometimes...like I need to get my point across. It's not that I'm not listening to you I just want you to hear me...great

X-rays – Haven't had to have any other than on my teeth

My favorite meal – String beans, yellow rice and this chicken my mom cooks called grandmas chicken..sometimes I ask for mac and cheese but I hear that you shouldn't have that much startch LOL (If I'm cooking I like chicken, broccoli and shrimp alfredo)



Hmm I'm not tagging anyone cause ya'll some lazy bumms LOL...so if you do it just tell me so I can stopy by and read it or pick a few and post em in the comments...great

posted@9:15am

Got lots of rest this weekend. Can't wait to have Monday off

Today begins my first full week of class and work we'll see how this goes, come Friday I might be passed out.

Ok I understand that whole street preaching thing, but umm why is the homeless lady cosigning and she wasn't speaking in English

Why am I obsessed with notebooks LOL..I mean I can't help it..I bout three subject notebooks for each of my classes (I have 3 classes) and I'mlike hmm do I need a three subject or should I get a 2 subject one...I can't help it.

I don't understand how folks can have an ailment and still be living an unhealthy life...am I AM NOT trying to be funny..I saw this man with one leg on those arm crutches and he was smoking a cigarrette...umm come on man you got one foot in the grave or rather on a banana peel

I'm love I AM NOT MY HAIR!! I do what I want with my head as long as it doesn't look a hot crappy mess and if it does so what cause apparently some folks find hot and crappy SEXXYYY :)

Spent the weekend with HUN, talked, ate dinner, watched movies. It was nice, I've missed him, but I can tell that my thoughts on him have changed..my coworker said that some of the spark died...maybe, maybe not. I just feel like he didn't understand then again maybe he feels the same way about me

Went out Friday with the girls and danced it up at LOVE. Umm why was I dancing to my own hearts content and this big boy came up behind with his leg up in the air trying to grind on me..UMMMM NOT!! Booo what in the blue sams nation are you doing?! Keep your pork fat to yourself trying to give me a back hernia leaning up against me. On top of that when I walk past you dont try to pry my fingernails off by holding my hand thinking that's gonna make me dance with you. AND ANOTHER THING......if you're gonna stare just dance with me..then again good thing you stared and didnt' try to dance with me cause I would have walked away LOL..so stare first to try and gage the situation then move in :)

WHYYYY did those dudes feel the need to cut us in line and it was wayy before 11 and then when my homegirl moved in front of him he says F you darling F you..umm boo you still gonna get in free, you aint all that and boooo you could have waited for 5 min WOW...cause we walked right in behind you. Why was your shirt so small in the back making you look like the hunchback of Notre Dame...man I tell ya

I love wearing flats to the club...I can dance ALLLLL night but then sometimes my feet still hurt..great can't win for losing.

I wish I could find my icon pic as a larger painting I am soo in love with it.

I've been seeing LOTS of pregnant women...what is that alll about. No I dont' have anything to tell you guys, I dont have anything to freakin to tell myself lol

Party this weekend....with some nice naked men..emmm LOL.

So last week I locked my keys in my car and got my car towed cause I forgot to put the tag in the window....last night I locked my keys in my car again LOL great. I have Triple A so I was good but Hun was like where you at (I was at my girls house) and then he says well call me if you need me...great LOL...I dont necessarily need you just wanted to chat..something he does not do, on top of that he was moving his equipment upstairs cause the basement floor had water on it.

My locs are getting LONGER WOOHOOO. I can now wear some what of a ponytail. I was looking at pics the other day of when I first started locing...my face was fat LOL..great.

This cute security guard was talking to me on Friday he was a dark sexxy chocolate thing...asked if I had a man I said I wish you had asked me that a week ago LOL..I told Hun he started laughing...but he got numbers for that one lil week we were apart so great. I said dang at least I waited LOL

I can't wait to sleep late on Monday......


posted@9:17am

Man I was cracking up in my car this morning while heading to the metro. They were doing the horoscopes on the Russ Parr show and a couple of them were TOOOO FUNNY. One Leo why is your butt so hairy that you gotta use a rat tail comb to use the bathroom then they said you gotta use a brush to comb it LOL...then about another horoscope they said you so stupid you thought you had to put the phone up your butt to make a booty call LOL...mANNNNNN i was dying LOL

Then Mai Ling got up there and was talking about tooting somebodies nails up lol they were like that is not what it means then she asked if Alfredas wanted to be her shorty LOL...then she kept saying you blck gurl you lol man toooo funny haha..as you can see someone probably thought I was crying this morning haha.

Nothing much planned for the weekend. Hun and I have been conversing and I think we're going to the movies..taking this slow and easy so we shall see. Haven't hung out with R (which is a good thing lol), hanging out with him had me all confused..he was my safety net for so long that I didn't know how to let him go or keep him at a distance. Probably watch a couple of movies that I rented from Blockbuster so this weekend will be spent doing some reading, cleaning and watching movies.

Class so far is pretty ok I think I'm going to like my Family Law class, my Research class is clearly going to be the hardest then again I haven't had my Into Legal Assisting class yet so catch me on monday and I might have a different story. It's so funny cause I haven't been in school in so long but I guess I kinda feel aight about going back but best believe since I'm paying for it this time around home girl HONEY will be in the them books every chance she gets nothing less than A's coming out the first semester! Hopefully I'm not passed out every night though LOL

In other news my lil sister (my nephews mom) might be getting her own place..she's getting public housing. All I asked is that she take one of my parents with her cause I told my mom I do not want my nephews having a rat dog (meaning a pet rat that is so big they think it's a dog and got a lease on it lol) and I dont want my JJ hanging out on the corner slanging that similac LOL my poor babies...but I'm happy for her maybe this is what she needs...I pray she succeeds. The oldest one starts school in a couple of weeks and I can't believe that he's getting so big, they grow up so fast, I remember the day he was born how I rushed to the hospital to hold him and smell him, call him my cotton cause he was sooo soft. I have no favorties but he is the first and he'll always be my toot even when he's 21 LOL. EKKKK dont wanna think about that cause that means I wont be 25 anymore at least not according to my birth certificate (in my head of course I'll be 25)

I never know what possess folks to look a hot mess..this lady I was sitting behind on the metro had a pony tail but it was like a flat pony tail on the top...so clearly it was a weave but it looked like there were two ponytails up in there..man i dont know I was staring pretty hard though trying to figure out what was going on.

Why did my boss give me something to do and we soon found out that it was going to take longer than we thought and then my other boss gave me something and was like well you told me you would have it done..I was like yea before we knew this was gonna take forever so great..then he goes on to say well you can do overtime..umm thanks how about it will get done....however it gets done..sike let me stop LOL. I dont mind overtime but umm I've been doing it everyday for like 2 months or so I'm tired LOL.

I wanna go out of town...on a plane out of town..dont know where dont know when but it's coming ohhh yea VEGAS for my 25th. I need to get on that plane ticket right about NOW!

Guilty Pleasure: Reba and Still Standing...I love those shows :)

Have a wonderful weekend, enjoy these last few summer weekends cause you know once they come to end there's not getting them back (or any weekend for that matter lol)

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire. If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don't know something,for it gives you the opportunity to learn. Be thankful for the difficult times. During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations,because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge,because it will build your strength and character.Be thankful for your mistakes. They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary,because it means you've made a difference. It's easy to be thankful for the good things. A life of rich fulfillment comes to those whoare also thankful for the setbacks.

Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive. Find a way to be thankful for your troubles, and they can become your blessings.

I'm forever thankful for:

Life, health and strength..there are many people who can't say that today.

the rain that is falling outside, it's been a hot summer but he knows just when to cool us off :)

taking the time out to talk to HUN about what was going on in my mind and not feeling pressured about how I feel

knowing that love takes time and a real relationship takes work..a solid foundation isn't built overnight

the thoughts, prayers and advice from everyone, but in the end I know that's it's about me and what I want or feel I need to do

having folks who love me enough to call, im or email me to make sure I'm good

for school starting today...its the first day hopefully I wont be in there all night LOL. Why did I get sooo excited in Tar'get yesterday (yes I spelled it that way lol) as I was buying school supplies...I love shopping for pens and notebooks, I'm weird I know LOL..I was going to get another bag for my books but I decided against it lol. On top of that I was going to buy my books but umm yea those will wait till next week...I had to buy a parking pass and hopefully I'll only be in school for 3 additional semesters thanks to my credits transferring.

for God and his blessings, he has given me a family that loves me inspite of and friends who take their jobs seriously.

for each of you...you will never know how much I appreciate that you take time to stop by my lil space on the net each day..or whenever you come by :)

posted@11:19am

Is that I miss him. I miss him so much that my heart hurts, but what's done is done..he said what he had to said and that's that.

The reality of it all is that yes I'm partially to blame for how this all went down, but he has yet to own up to anything. I should have stuck to my guns in the beginning when I first felt nervous and perhaps this all wouldn't have occurred like it did. He should have bought something he could afford on his own in case this or something else had occurred.

The reality is..that you live and you learn...you experience joy and pain and you can't fully say that you've lived life I think until you've dealt with it all

I came home everyday last week and got in the bed. Slept till about 10 or 11, got up and talked to R. He listened as he always does. Then he gave it to me straight no chaser. He's been content with how things have been going, not saying that he hasn't thought of being with me, but work and his son take up lots of his time....and he's always been fine with us hanging out when time allows...meaning when he hangs out it's with me..he goes to the movies with me and if he does those things without me its usually alone. I was the one that wasn't content with that...I was the one that felt like just because he wasn't there 24/7 he didn't care....I was the one dating other people when he clearly wasn't. He didn't talk down to me, he made me think. If I really wanted to be with him, how come I wasn't content with just working and chilling (without other guys) when he was at work or with his son. I couldn't answer it at first then I told him that I was afraid that after all this time someone else would come along so in a sense I was trying to protect myself and in the process I fell for Hun, which didn't make this whole process easier. R says that he doesn't want to jump right into something with me after this and I agree. So I'm not dating..I'm evaluating. School starts on Wed and I dont need anything or anyone distracting me from all of that. If I hang out with R then I do, if not then I'm content just chilling with myself. I created this bed and now I have to lie in it.

The harsh reality is that Hun says he couldnt' bear to see me last week, he was in shock, he doesn't understand and that I should do what I want and not wait for him. I was standing out side the metro station about to go home, ready to bawl my eyes out. I held it in of course, thought about what that really meant and swallowed it. If he really loved me like he said, he'd respect it, yes he'd be mad but he'd respect it and hold down the bills till I was ready to move in..which would mean he was ready to marry me. Him making me feel guilty about the situation was a form of manipulation which was working for a second then I thought about it..I'd only be moving in to save his feelings..while all along killing myself on the inside. I'd be living a lie and I couldn't do that...so I talked to my girls (in person and via email) and the many other people whose opinion I value and everyone and I mean EVERYONE told me that I did what I thought was right and he shouldn't make me feel guilty. Of course Mommie had her piece to say...quoting scriptures and the like and that's what I love about her..she listens just when I need her to then gives me the Word of God to back it up. It's who she is and I love her for it. She prayed with me, told me that it's ok to cry and that he would soon realize what a great mistake he was making in letting me go.

I still haven't talked to him...it's been almost a week. I wonder what we would have been doing or talking about if I hadn't talked to him last week. I asked him if him loving me was conditional on me moving in..he tried to say that no it wasn't but he loves himself to..and I guess that meant letting me go.

Friday after work I picked up the roomie we talked about it all, I told her that what if I did move in with Hun and just live a lie..to save his feelings..I already knew the answer (I couldnt' do it) but she asked me if I'd really be happy, how does R make me feel and if I couldn't let go of R before what makes me think I am ready to let him go if I moved in with Hun. Truth is R has made me smile for the last 3 years, he gives it to me straight whether I like it or not. He calls me his sunshine cause we have a no stress policy. We say what we gotta say to one another and then we move on..no hard feelings. I love him to death and I care about him and who goes on his life....because I never really let myself do that without involving others in the picture confusion crept in. So this time around I'm focusing on Honey..which means school and work. During the conversation that I had with R he told me that he's always wanted to make sure that I accomplish everything that Ive told him I want to do..go to and finish school and get another job and he's right. He always asks me how my applications were going and was I ready for it, did I need help with anything. He and I both know that my focus will be on that so if time is left for he and I then that's great, he says he's always in my corner and that makes me love him even more.

Funny thing is this weekend I hung out with him...we went to the gun range (which was an experience in itself) saw Rush Hour 3 (which was aight but not all that) and the Bourne Ultimatum (which was great), while taking in dinner on sat night. Other than the weekend we hung out in Myrtle we've never done that before. We agreed that it will be along time before we can do that again....we need to take things a WHOLE lot slower...so that if we are ever ready to be with one another then we know that we're both ready.

The reality of the situation is roomie asked me what I missed about Hun.....and it made me cry all over again. I had to take his pic down off my comp and my desk. I couldn't look at his smile, his eyes without thinking about he would fake moke me, hold me as we slept or reach out for me while he was on the phone. I can't help but think that it was all a lie, I mean how can you spend all this time with someone and then let them go. But sometimes the reality of life is that perhaps it just wasnt' meant to be. This weekend yes I hung out with R, but I wanted Hun to call me, text me, ask where I was....I missed him. We've talked and agreed to meet up after work...we'll see.

So if I'm here one day and not here for a few..dont worry. I'm fine, just trying to get a handle on somethings....cause the reality of it all is that it hurts like hell when your heart is broken.


p.s. clearly someone got out of hand on the comments last time so I was going to turn on the comment moderator but we'll let em slide this time lol (cause clearly I dont know them)

posted@11:46am

DISCLAIMER: This might or might not be long..then again it probably will be long, I have lots on my mind...so keep coming back if you like to finish reading.

This morning I awoke after a two hour conversation with R feeling somewhat relieved and somewhat depressed...so I did what I always do when I feel a state of confusion about what I'm about to do..I called my mommie.

Now if you've been "reading" me for a while or know me then you know my mommie is a minister and my daddy is a deacon so church is something that I've known all my life. I'm of course not where I want to be in that area but that doesn't mean that I dont love the Lord and take into consideration what my parents have taught me in my life decisions....that also doesn't mean that I do what they say..I as do they understand that I have to live my own life, making my own mistakes and doing things so that my life can turn out how it's gonna turn out.

So anyway I called my mommie cause I've been feeling for the last couple of weeks I've been living a double life. On the outside I act one way and others see one thing but if you really know me like I know me..you know that I'm crying and fighting all the while the smile is on my face. Hun and I have been at each others necks since this house thing..I've never sugar coated anything that goes on with us on this blog or to anyone that who knows that I'm with him. But that doesn't mean I've always been honest...now please understand as you read what I'm typing that what's going on inside of me is wayyyy worse than what you can say and trust me I've probably already said it to myself....so dont then again you can do what you want....but I rarely get too personal on this blog but today I need to write and get it out cause that's how I know I am going to act on what I'm saying..if I see it in writing.

Back to the story: We've been going back and forth about living together. About a month ago he said either I'm moving in with him or we're over (not those words exactly but that's how it went down) Now mind you when he asked me to move in with him, I was still a lil indifferent to it, but I reminded myself that I always said I would never live with a man before I got married...I compromise on something my parents taught me but I've said that's something I wouldn't do and here I was about to do it. So anyway I went on ahead with planning to move in with him, while all along having this battle within myself, pointing out the good that would come from it, not noticing the bad or pretending that there would be no bad. Little things that he would say I'd keep it moving of course after I'd said something but never making it a big deal.

Fast forward to this past weekend. Roomie and I headed to this All White Affair in Crystal City with R (who I have been dating all this time...I know I'm a horrible person). Hun knows of him as my friend not that we've gone to the movies the other weekend and that R took me to the park to walk and talk. So we go to the affair hang out with R, to make a long story short I go home with R. Stay there the next morning and went to his moms house to eat dinner. Last night I talked to R about all this and I told him about Hun giving me an ultimatum and me not knowing what to do and how I am damaging him (Hun) for the next woman who comes along because I'm unsure of wanting to live with him. I mean the man has told me he loves me...how do you go from that to saying I dont wanna be with you..the man is gonna kill me. So in talking to my mom this morning she (being the Christian woman she is) said that this internal battle I'm going through is the devil. God is about peace and if I feel like I'm fighting against myself (the flesh) then I dont need to do whatever it is that I'm doing. However she also said do what you think you need to do, not what me and your dad want you to do, but I think you should continue living with Roomie.

I told R that I feel like Hun is a place holder for when he's not around he said maybe some people are suppose to be that until you find who you're suppose to be with. He's not advocating me being with him or Hun, he's just saying. I told him but I would hate that I'm doing this to him and he hates me in the morning (to which my mom replied well life is life and he will eventually have to get over the hurt as will you). I know this but I would hate someone soooo much after that, I dont know what I would do. I dont want to ever be that way to someone but do I continue to fake like I'm ok with moving in with him, then do it and my heart not be in it...or continue to hang out with R (that would have to stop all together, but truthfully I dont want it to). The reality of it is, that if R said he wanted to be with me I'd drop Hun in a heartbeat...when I said that out loud yesterday I busted out crying. I cried this morning when I woke up, because I love Hun soooo much but I'm hurting him sooo much.

The later part of last week I told Hun that our leasing office wanted us to give them 30days notice we thought it was rolling meaning if we told them Aug 15th we could move out Set 15th. They dont do it that way, they only take notices on the first which means that we give notice Sept 1st and if I moved in with Hun I wouldn't move in till Oct or the end of Sept when he thougth I was moving in at the beginning of Sept. He had a fit...at first he didnt' say anything then Sat morning after he got home from work we talked and he said that he thought I was insulting his intelligence cause the story sounded that made up. He said I was being nonchalant about it, like I didnt care about moving in with him..I put roomie on the phone so she could tell him what I said, cause I guess if he heard it from someone else he would think it was real. He talked to her, said he was confused when he got back on the phone with me abotu everything..I took that as he didnt know whether he wanted to be with me. He asks to call me back later and he does going on to say that if he lived there he would do this this and this...and I'm like well we aren't you the reality is either we stay here or we leave that's it. But he feels like I'm just telling him what to do...he's gonna have to work two of his jobs to pay the mortgage by himself....I get that...but if everything I say is gonna turn into you wondering if I'm being truthful with you...why would you wanna be with me. He said he just thought the story sounded weird and he wasnt gonna be naive and believe that just cause I'm his girl I wouldn't lie to him. To be honest I dont lie to him...even when it comes to R...I dont say everything he knows of R as my friend but when it comes to me living with him I am 100% honest not that it makes it any better. I've told him from the beginning that I was scared but as the roomie says we all have to grow up and move on..that's what I was going to do. But I thought about it....he gave me an ultimatum...he doesn't understand that I'm scared.....to which my mom replied well if he says he loves you and you need time and he wont give you that he's not for you baby. A real man would understand how you feel and either go with it or move on.

Truth is Roomie is the only one other than me who knows both sides..she knows when I'm hanging out with R she knows when I'm hanging out with Hun. She sees it all and I value her opinion so sometimes I talk to her about what's going on...she says that she thinks that I want to be with R and Hun is just there to distract me cause if I really wanted to let go of R then I would have as soon ast I started dating Hun. Sad part is I know what she's saying is right...when I had a BF in college I didn't take numbers and we had a long distance relationship. If I wasn't with him, I was content in being alone, but I told R that if I'm not chilling with him, I feel like I need something to distract me so I hang out with Hun....sad and I'm horrible..you telling me that isn't gonna make me feel better.....so great.

Last night R and I had one of the deepest conversations about what we're doing. We both agreed that before it was different going to the beach changed all that. After we came back from the beach took what we were doing to a WHOLE NOTHER level. It got weird, we both agreed that we deal with other folks to draw our attention from each other because we are scared of what could be. As I was talking to him on the phone I realized that Hun was suppose to call me back...and I didnt even worry about it. That's so unlike me.....a good friend of mine broke up with his gf this past weekend and I asked him did he feel like he wasted time (they were together 7 years) he said no they just felt like they become better friends than lovers...and I dont want to do that to Hun..I dont wanna live with him and not give him 100%. That's not fair to him or me or whoever.

I need some time to not make rush decision...I need to talk to Hun....tell him how I feel really and whatever goes down goes down. I cant worry about him and him getting over me...if that's what is suppose to happen. I have to be comfortable with me and my decision. As I stood on the metro this morning I was so down until Coko came on my Mp3 player and her song Endow me came on and then some man stepped on my foot..all I could do was smile and feel a sense of peace. My mother said she talked to my uncle who has been living with a woman for a minute..he keeps telling her to move out..she does then comes back..while this is going on he's been trying to get this house...they kept denying him...when he finally got her to leave and not take her back into his house...he got the house. So in other words my mom said God always has something awaiting for us after we finish battling....we just have to be strong. She went on to say I know who I am, I know whose I am....I'm a strong woman and any man that wants to be with me should never make me feel guilty about wanting to do things a certain way. So as my mommie talked with me and then prayed with me for peace and understanding I became a little calmer, only because I know what I have to do and a little apprehensive cause I know Hun might blow up. She said why not just stay there with roomie and just go to school and move out without feeling guilty the way you wanna move out..when your getting married. Dont compromise baby cause if you do it now it's only gonna get worse. Gotta love moms I tell ya.

I might be MIA for a couple days, might not....at this moment my stomach hurts and my eyes are red. At work wanting to be curled up in my bed is an understatement I wish I could crawl into a hole (like bears do in the winter) until this is all over and come out when the sun is shining. I know I cant do that, I'm gonna have to face this head on...tears and all.....so I'm off to handle my business.

Keep me in your prayers (you're always in mine)

posted@9:54am

I'm ready to go home...better yet I'm ready for Friday

I have to go look at Carla's Hotties..cause these men sound fine on the radio..great

Somethings are just beyond my control I mean dang dont get mad at me....then again get mad cause that just shows how much you trust what I say

I mean WOW why must we discuss all of this it is what it is and that's that....

I was so ready to hang up on him on Saturday and I haven't felt like that in a while

Can't help it that I made plans when you acted like you didnt want to do anything...that's what you get for taking so long.

I had to take that mess out of my head....I can breathe!!!! My head feels so much lighter woooooosaahhhhh

Man those horoscopes this morning were too funny....one of them was like why your 2 year old got a fingerwaved wig LOL then of course they kept cracking jokes talking about the little girl be wearing her grandmothers wigs LOL

Which lead me to think about how fingerwaves are coming back (I saw two or three girls with those WOW...just dont keep them in too long so that they look like finger prints)

I was in CVS the other day and I saw this stuff called Astroglide why did I bust out laughing. It sounds like a vehicle from like the Jetsons or something but it's nothing like it LOL..in fact the name fits what its for now that I think about it LOL

Me and roomie had a blast at the all white affair..I will admit I have to get use to go-go but it's something about black folks and not fighting that I get excited about LOL

On the other hand....I mean ok we all dont have all white...but come on man dont come in fatigue capri pants there is nothing white about that.

And another thing...ok the jacket without a bra is cute sometimes but not when your stomach looks like you're 6 months pregnant and your belly is pierced and it's sticking so far out that you could cut me with your belly ring WOW

What is the point of a boot sandal...AHAHAHAHHA. Me and roomie were like does she have boots on and she turns around and BAMN it's a sandal....umm great. And the point of her pigtails was.........yea I dont know either LOL

Me and the roomie were crackin up at R cause he was so glad he didnt wear his Prada shoes..cause it seemed like every dude in there had some variation of them on...I mean what were they on sale or something. I never understand how someone could spend that much money on some shoes..not I said Honey..not I

This time next week I'll be getting ready for class..WOOHOOO. I'm such a geek I can't wait to go get some notebooks and new pens LOL. Great Plus I get to leave work 3 days a week and when I have no work to do at work I can always bring my homework in

I have nothing to hide from Hun, I told him about me and roomie going with R to the All White Affair...he doesnt like to go to stuff like that..I mean what can I do..nothing..he works on music I do what I do..that's all to it

My best male friend told me that he still had feelings for me and they have gotten stronger. Ummm supposedly he had a dream where he kissed me and told me he loved me and I said it's about time...in this dream also were fish and some other animals LOL. I told him when you dream about fish your or someone you know is pregnant..so you know he asked me did I have something to tell him...UMM NO LOL...at least I dont think I do no sign of that LOL. He asked me what I thought the dream meant I said its a dream it's just that he goes on to say he thought it meant something..I guess once he figured I wasn't gonna go into it (I've told him a long time ago we're friends I think of him as my best friend) he said well I respect that and I always have, I think of you as my best friend so lets leave it at that...great. I dont want to loose my friend because of a dream.

I haven't told Hun, he laughs whenever he thinks of me having a guy best friend...my Rod has always been there for me and we dont even see one another all the time...maybe once a year...that man I tell ya he is too funny

I got my drink and my two step is in my head LOL..great

I saw a pic of R all dressed up...man me and roomie were like he cleans up pretty nice, then again he looked rather nice at the affair

Come on FRIDAY!!!!!!


posted@9:10am

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity.... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow."

I was out sick yesterday so I do apologize for the lateness of this post.

I'm forever thankful for...

being allowed to wake up this morning...I could have still been sick

recognizing that my body just can't accept some foods like it use to

being able to go to an event this weekend that I get to be jazzy at. Hun has plans so once again I'm entertaining myself :)

today being Thursday

seeing Constant and not feeling the least bit guilty as he wished that things were diff between us.

being able to surprise Hun yesterday by being at the house when he got off work...he didnt' jump up and down but I know he was surprised

the chance to sleep in this weekend..WOOHOOO

the experience of having a weave in my hair...umm this aint for Honey and this mess will probably come out this weekend. My head is itching and I can't stand not being able to get to the spot that's itching LOL

just being able to live life.....no matter what comes my way :)


posted@9:56am

"Throw out an alarming alarm clock. If the ring is loud and strident, you're waking up to instant stress. You shouldn't be bullied out of bed, just reminded that it's time to start your day." (Sharon Gold)

Interesting quote...very true I think cause Hun seems to turn into a mad man when his alarm goes off...one time we were sleeping peacefully and BAMN it goes off and I get popped across the face as he jumps out the bed as if someone just touched his butt hole LOL. I dont know why he jumps up each time his alarm rings as if ATF is banging on the door..he can't help it, I've learned this and I crack up everytime he does it. Sometimes it scares me cause he wakes me up and I think something is wrong. I'm gonna film him one day then again that might be hard cause I'm usually knocked out till he jumps up LOL

I've been to the bathroom like 5 times already..great in fact but umm sometimes I wish I had a toilet at my desk so I wouldnt have to walk so far to the bathroom.

I watched a clip from the interview that Nicole Richie did on 20/20. I can honestly say that I pray she is fine now....pregnancy does that to some folks..makes em turn their lives around..others I can't say that same for. She looks good and happy..seriously...hopefully she and the father know how blessed she is to be able to have stopped this cycle of drug usage and insanity that has plagued her...even if it's just because of the child....

Ok boo so your not my man how about you stop trying to figure out why I didn't answer your text messages this weekend...ya I know how to charge my phone but I wasn't home from sat to sun so I didn't have it with me..what do you care anyway.

Clearly you find me attractive and I'm flattered but dont keep asking when am I coming to visit you...never. I'm gonna keep making up reasons that I'm not coming cause clearly you could care less that I have a man....and stop sayin I respect that cause CLEARLY you dont. WOW

Umm why stay with your girl when she breaks up with you whenever she feels like it and then you take her back cause she wants to be with you..what does that say about your corny tail.

I tried to be as nice as possible when I told you that you had put on weight short of calling you the pillsbury dough boy. I mean dang man if you gonna be big make it look nice, your clothes falling off of you and you eating like a fat boy lickin your fingers and food all around your mouth is not sexxy.

I know that a surprise is coming..it's killin me that I dont know what it is. I sooo wanna tell roomie that I know about the email. But she's only gonna play it off..which means that I'll have to forget about it...but you know I cant do that

I talked to my nephew on the phone yesterday and he said you silly auntie I said you dont even know how to spell silly so prompted by my mom he spelled it then said see LOL. I said grandma helped you LOL...I love that little boy I cant believe he is gonna be in Head Start soon...I know I'm gonna cry LOL

I cracked up at Hun yesterday cause he was being a fat boy trying to eat another bowl of ice cream and I started talking to his tummy (as if it were my kid) I think he started to get mad LOL..I was like Ahmari said stop trying to make him fat..then I was like hi Ahmari it's mommie how you doing in there LOL..he was like aight man stop

I cut myself on a nail that was sticking out of my headboard while umm involving myself in some adult behavior...needlesstosay my writst now looks like I tried to commit suicide cause I have a bandaid on it LOL...this lady at work looked at me and said are you ok....LOL hell yeah I'm ok hahaha...mad that it cut my activity short cause I didnt want to bleed all over the bed

I'm on a hunt on craigslist for a new dresser and a desk...and a dining room table for the new house...great. I think I've found some I've been emailing them to Hun to see what he thinks..we shall see

Hmm what am I gonna do for Labor Day...probably not much since I'll probably be moving furniture and unpacking..great. I've moved every year since I graduated from college and this time will be the last time until I move out of the state hopefully in about 3-5 years.

I'm excited that school starts in a couple of weeks...I'm looking forward to doing homework again..I know I'm a nerd LOL

What makes you think that blowing your nose at your desk allll LOUD is ok....shouldnt you have commen sense enough to know how nasty that sounds to everyone. You dont know if folks are on the phone and your just doing that all loud..nasty tail. On top of that I saw those white socks you had on yesterday with the those black loafers that flop off your feet like flip flops...WOW is all I could say LOL.

Stop staring in my mouth when I'm not talking to you. You interjecting yourself into the convo is not gonna make me talk to you, I'm just gonna ignore you like my mom use to do me and my sisters....I tell ya

I wanna go to Kings Dominon..I think the fam is going in Sept with my dads job...I'll have to check into that.

Please Friday hurry up!!!

TMI TUESDAY!!!!!

1. What is the worst/corniest pick up line someone has used on you and/or you used?
I wanna see how that feels backed up on me (in reference to my butt LOL..great) I dont use pick up lines other than telling someone that I find them attactive

2. Have you ever gone out on a date with someone and went home with someone else? Explain.
LOL. Now that I think about it yes. Me and roomie headed down to Adams Morgan about a year or so ago on Halloween to hang out wth this guy from her job and his cousin..a double date of sorts if you will. So we hit the lounge up, grab some food and what not. Homie was getting on my nerves and he didnt have any lips (I love lips) so I was really attracted to him although he was nice...he kept leaving and coming back and I was trying to dance and he didnt' dance with me..so I saw this cutie..we started talking and dances most of the night. When it came time to go home the guys we came with where like so what we doing afterwards..me and roomie were like oh we're gonna hang out with them...see you later LOL..too funny. Guess he figured he could ignore me and still go home with me...NOT.

3. What is the worst thing (spread a rumor, hook up with their SO, etc...) that you did to a friend? Did they do anything to deserve it?
I've never done anything like that to a friend...now an enemy LOL

4. What is your favorite sex scene in a regular movie (not porn)? Why?
I love the scene in Their Eyes were watching God when they are making love after running away together but I love the line where he says since you said that I'm with ya in your nighttime thoughts I want to be with you in your daytime thoughts too (meaning that he just didnt want her to think that he was after he for sex..you know bootycall status)

5. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? What would you change on your SO?
Hmm I'd just loose weight but I'm working on that now....funny cause he's losing weight too but I wouldnt change anything since we've been together we've evolved together and I kind alike that

Bonus (as in optional): What countries, other than your own, have you had sex in? Was it someone on the trip with you? Someone from that country?
Umm no other countries that's on my TO DO list (literally LOL) hopefully before I have children)


posted@11:20am

...but what if you count the eggs does that count, cause that's where they come from...hmmm interesting thought on a Friday afternoon (I mean morning see I need to go home I'm delirious lol).....and you know how I'm feeling right now :) Rather wonderful might I add LOL...that sounded so corny...but yes it's Friday, payday, and as soon as I put the down payment on my tuition plan (hey a sister does what she has to do can't afford to pay that all at one time i know you know what I mean) I will officially be enrolled in my paralegal courses which start Aug 22nd WOOOHOOOO.

For the record I didn't know it was gonna be this long..it didn't look this long when I was typing it LOL....so you might wanna read it during lunch..unless your like me and dont do work on a Friday till after lunch LOL (what can I say I'm long winded at time...I love to talk lol)

I'm hitting this weight loss thing running I just bought a weight watches magazine and it's not a game no more...I've been missing the gym and my body is kickin my tail for it. I feel like an old lady now when I go up and down the escalator not a good look. On top of that I see it in my face and since I lost weight last year I've always told myself I never wanna see that on me again...once again not a good look. So off I go back to the gym, back to writing down what I eat, back to paying more attention to what I'm putting in my body....on top of that I read some where that if you start early getting in shape once you have children it's not that hard to lose the baby weight..and you know I love the kids...dont wanna look like I'm pregnant when AJ and Jus are in elementary school LOL

Umm about this lady I saw on the metro whose toenails were longer than her fingernails WOW...and her polish wasn't even done..it was faded great. I'm sorry I shouldn't talk about folks but I couldn't help it....it's like my eyes immediately notice things like this follywaggery. You know like the puzzles what's wrong or what's missing in this pic...that's how I am all day everyday and dont think that means that I'm jazzy 24/7 NOPE I have my days too and if your a close friend or family member you better tell me I look a hot mess LOL...or I will fuss at you later for letting friends dress drunk.

Remind me not to drink during the week....saving it for Friday night when I dont have to get up for work the next morning or do anything that requires me to get up before noon LOL. Last night me and roomie headed to Bar Nun in DC (on U street) to hang out with my favorite DJ. We get there and no one is there..we ask him if it's always like that he says it's sometimey which is fine tonight cause we didn't pay (I told him I never pay he was like what's that mean I said that means that if they say free b4 11..I'm there at 930 LOL..dont play I will hold the door open for the workers HAHAHAHA) So we partying he got us a few drinks and all me and roomie could do was crack up at the atrocitys that we saw through out the night. One guy kept throwing up the diamond like he was a Kappa and this is VERY stereotypical but I have only seen a handful of ugly Kappas....and if he was a Kappa then he would have fit into that group (I can be stereotypical at times..I will admit this...I've been to meeting so save the commentary LOL, but my stereotypes stop at men being in frats) Which brings me to another point why was I watching the slowly dying show that is House of Payne and there was a scene in there where they had some guys who were members of a frat called OAK...and they were supposedly stepping...now as someone who has family and friends in organizations of the like I was disappointed that Tyler didn't put more thought into the madeup routine that he had these fellas do..needlesstosay them yelling we are the mighty OAKS as they proceed to do some cheer routine that I learned when I was 5 had me cracking up what others where thinking as they watched this train wreck (the show has it's funny moments but Tyler could do better...I thought) So back to what I was saying about Bar Nun...which by the way only has one bathroom that men and women are to use...great LOL. So fat boy (his belly stuck out more than his man boobs did) kept doing that...some man had on a tight short sleeve Brasil (and that's how it was spelled) shirt tucked into his pants with some slip on sandals that were too big for him...and some chic had on a cut lil baby doll dress with a belt on...that was backwards and didn't go with the dress. Great. I had on some jeans a black blazer and black pumps..roomie had on a white shirt with black and red writing on it with red pumps....so we werent' lookin a mess just in case you were wondering....man all we could do was crack up everytime oh boy threw up the diamond LOL and he even went so far as to dance on the floor..poppin his booty on some girl he was grinding on .....me, the roomie and DJ were DYING LAUGHING. We're going to hang out with him again tonight at Fusion which is the old Juste Lounge...gotta love hanging out with folks who always make ya laugh.

Hun called the other day said he was gonna come over so we could go to the gym but I wanted to go to the track and walk/run/light jog LOL and I know he would leave me so I told him to go to the gym and just come over after..he opts to go to the gym near his house which is fine with me...but tell me this when you decide it..not after I get home and wondering what the heck your doing....so he called yesterday and was like what's up..I'm like nothing...what you do all day...umm I was at work..after that...nothing walked around the neighborhood....oh aight...how was work..same ole same ole....silence...silence....ummm are we gonna sit and listen to each other breathe....you want me to call you tomorrow....yea that sounds like a plan cool beans (you know that was me lol)..aight bye..bye.....great. So I haven't seen him since Sunday and I'm ok with that....at first I wasn't but hey we'll be living together one day and I wont be able to get away from him LOL. I know he will probably wanna hang out tonight....and me assuming that he is working on music (since that's what he said is gonna be occuring the next couple of weeks, they are working on a mixtape) I've opted to do me for that time frame :) and I am being a good girl so dont worry....however I did see a yummy piece of man hunk on the metro he smiled I smiled and kept it moving...I can look and touch (no more than once though lol...to shake hands that is) I just can't take it home LOL

We were conversing about what we're gonna do for our one year in Feb..I wanna go somewhere Hawaii preferably he partially agrees I dont think he cares..I just like to book stuff like that in advance so it will be cheaper so I'm letting it marinate and then come Oct I'm gonna attack again LOL...that's how I do with him....I mentioned that I wanted a new mattress he immediately said no why my mattress is fine (I have a full he has a queen of course we're using his bed in the bedroom) about 3 or more weeks ago I say babe dont you think we need a new mattress....he says hmmm yea your right we do..we'll look at one when it's closer time for you to move in LOL Great. See attack..chill....marinate....pounch..that's how I gotta be.

Dont know what I'm wearing tonight.....however my hair is about to embark on a while new journey I'm not telling..I'll just post pics on Monday...I'm excited....feeling like I just need to do something different.....

Hmmm what else..I think that's it. Back to work or whatever I call what I'm doing at my desk today...cause it's Friday and you know how I do on Fridays LOL

posted@9:26am

“Try as much as possible to be wholly alive, with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell and when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough.”